(no subject)
Hooo god
Found my long lost poetry journal from when I was a budding 15 year old nihilist..
man...I was pretty fucked
Though were the tables turned I suppose I'd call myself an "ignorant sheep content to plod through life".
I didn't know girls gone wild did tv specials. I find it embarassing to admit but the show and the commercials make me really sick. Didn't help hearing they were in cancun either ;0). Ok, I admit, freud was a cokehead but he did have a point regarding superego and id, and the poor little ego in the middle. I know what it is to be a flesh based man, to look for a good shape and a nice face and the activities therein, and little more. I don't think a single guy on earth doesn't have the capacity to be like that, except maybe the eunichs but come on. What I do notice however, is there are many people who are only that, who have absolutely no self control or respect beyond the tight space between two bedsheets (or thighs, as it were). Society places a lot of pressure on both men and women to perform up to a certain standard, to focus on having certain things to offer and expecting certain things in return. With the size of things these days, all we can even see are the extremes, and the most televisable extreme at that. Shows like that undermine women as a gender, though one must concede it is the girls themselves that do that. How is it any different than porn though? I don't know but I don't find porn unsettling for the reasons that generally the people are doing things consensually, soberly, and professionally. When I look at spring break, I can't help but think that half those girls flashing their tits and rubbing up on umpteen strangers have some pussy boyfriend thinking all is well, but the genders can be switched in this case also, its just that the female end of it is emphasized. Ultimately I guess its just up to people who want more than that to be sure they aren't dating or seeing someone that isn't, oh if only it were so cut and dry though. Everyone has the capacity under the right circumstances, with the right people, and right narcotics, to do just about anything they wouldn't normally do. I wonder how many of those girls didn't have a clue what they did in the morning, that had to sobbingly apologize to their significant other if they got wind of or saw the tape themselves. I wonder how many relationships were destroyed, how many survived. I wonder if some of the girls in the first videos haven't moved on and married by now, maybe even to people they were seeing while doing such a video. Its all or nothing though, either you are always paranoid or putting your heart to the wayside in search of flesh. Its times like these I remind myself how fortunate I am to be dating who I am, in a society that is moving more and more towards all or nothing morality. I wasn't going to rant on this, but there were old notes to christina in that notebook. Yeah I was young and naive but in reality I wasn't all THAT much dumber than I am today, I can't say straight-faced that I've learned anything concerete that could keep me from that again. It is a wicked thing, this collective humanity, but I suppose I just have to keep my head up and striving for the ideal. Because as weak as the ideals are, without them there really isn't much here.
Found my long lost poetry journal from when I was a budding 15 year old nihilist..
man...I was pretty fucked
Though were the tables turned I suppose I'd call myself an "ignorant sheep content to plod through life".
I didn't know girls gone wild did tv specials. I find it embarassing to admit but the show and the commercials make me really sick. Didn't help hearing they were in cancun either ;0). Ok, I admit, freud was a cokehead but he did have a point regarding superego and id, and the poor little ego in the middle. I know what it is to be a flesh based man, to look for a good shape and a nice face and the activities therein, and little more. I don't think a single guy on earth doesn't have the capacity to be like that, except maybe the eunichs but come on. What I do notice however, is there are many people who are only that, who have absolutely no self control or respect beyond the tight space between two bedsheets (or thighs, as it were). Society places a lot of pressure on both men and women to perform up to a certain standard, to focus on having certain things to offer and expecting certain things in return. With the size of things these days, all we can even see are the extremes, and the most televisable extreme at that. Shows like that undermine women as a gender, though one must concede it is the girls themselves that do that. How is it any different than porn though? I don't know but I don't find porn unsettling for the reasons that generally the people are doing things consensually, soberly, and professionally. When I look at spring break, I can't help but think that half those girls flashing their tits and rubbing up on umpteen strangers have some pussy boyfriend thinking all is well, but the genders can be switched in this case also, its just that the female end of it is emphasized. Ultimately I guess its just up to people who want more than that to be sure they aren't dating or seeing someone that isn't, oh if only it were so cut and dry though. Everyone has the capacity under the right circumstances, with the right people, and right narcotics, to do just about anything they wouldn't normally do. I wonder how many of those girls didn't have a clue what they did in the morning, that had to sobbingly apologize to their significant other if they got wind of or saw the tape themselves. I wonder how many relationships were destroyed, how many survived. I wonder if some of the girls in the first videos haven't moved on and married by now, maybe even to people they were seeing while doing such a video. Its all or nothing though, either you are always paranoid or putting your heart to the wayside in search of flesh. Its times like these I remind myself how fortunate I am to be dating who I am, in a society that is moving more and more towards all or nothing morality. I wasn't going to rant on this, but there were old notes to christina in that notebook. Yeah I was young and naive but in reality I wasn't all THAT much dumber than I am today, I can't say straight-faced that I've learned anything concerete that could keep me from that again. It is a wicked thing, this collective humanity, but I suppose I just have to keep my head up and striving for the ideal. Because as weak as the ideals are, without them there really isn't much here.