Scared yet?
Ahh what a glorious feeling
I feel that my life is clicking right now
Each element making sense in its own right, each related to others in an ultimately clear way. Things that are static, things that change in predictable phases, things that are in the grey area but that I am so comfortable with by now it still feels like they fit despite their nebulousness. The future seems to be a thing that will be good no matter what, barring the effects of chance or the spirit that is the only thing necessary to maintain to make one of the many good possibilities a reality. The present is tough, but wonderful in its own right. Few good things in ones life can be obtained easily, and in my case I still feel that I have gotten more than I deserve. Work without guilt towards ends that you love, and to take those tiny joys from the process, is but all I need to keep going. The ecstacy of battling ones barriers, battling the preconcieved notions and the self-sympathy that reassures us it is ok to sit in our self imposed cube of capability. I don't feel regret for my mistakes along the way, for they were necessary to have the certainty I do now, to learn the lessons I needed to move forward. I don't regret the time I've wasted in the cube, because they have familiarized me with the alternatives and the cost of failure on the path I walk. Each thing has its place in the resolve I hold now, each giving me a different strength to carry me through the road ahead. There is nothing to cry about, nothing to long for, in the tattered sepia-tone of the past. Merely a clarity beyond comprehension in infinity beyond, a time stretching through my life and well beyond my death. Wherever it might end, a life without optimism is not one I want to live. So wherever these ultimately miniscule ventures I undertake bring me, getting there is enjoyable enough. There is so much more I want to do in my life, but so little more that I really feel I HAVE to do. Time from now is just enriching, expanding, and diversifying these joys into their sources. I have felt love, and am loved now. I have achieved significant things, and hope to achieve many more in my life.
A lot of this stems from the fact that I've been re-examining a lot of our culture's more proliferant and timeless sayings and quotes. In them I find a wisdom I couldn't see in my youth, I believe this is why they are valued. We cannot mull over more than a few short sentences over such a long period of time, its too hard to remember. But if you can pack eternal wisdom into a few short sentences then most people will be guaranteed to get it eventually, to really see where that wisdom tells the story of their life a different way. I have recently more or less reasserted the value of being a good person to myself. In being a good person, I mean doing what I can in a reasonable fashion to improve the lives of those around me and those not around me. Karma is a lazy mans way of justifying it, but a little kindness means a lot to most people. You can live your entire life in a shell, thinking you will develop this awesome skill or wealth and use that to gain love and appreciation and acclaim. That whatever this thing you gather is, you will use it as the venue for your kindness as well as acheivement and appreciation and possibly even love. Ultimately this is selfish though, and it really is not true kindness though. It is still possible for it to go this way, but it is the most selfish way to get these staples of happiness, love and achievment. In helping out a homeless person, do you not both gain appreciation as well as achievement? In many kind things people can do for others and for society and even for strangers, you can break them down into a rough love/achievement ratio, both for the individual(s) benefitted and society as a whole, also determined on need and lack of something to fill that need. Love is a strong word for describing our other half of desire however, as though ultimately it is the best form, I think that appreciation/recognition/liking/etc also fall under it in terms of this idea of mine. So here we have the Rockefellers and the Mother Teresas. In either case there are sacrifices made, achievment as a direct or indirect result of it, and the bestowing of a benefit upon others to gather adoration be they conscious of it or not, posthumously or not, and whether or not that was even the original reason. I use Mother Teresa and John D. Rockefeller as EXTREMELY rough examples of a wealthy person / renowned specialist / philanthropist vs healers / community leaders / day-to-day heroes to say that these benefits can be achieved at all levels of civilization and society. I am by no means suggesting this is a cut-and-dry thing but as with many things in high level discourse, there is really no absolute. Simply general rules we can observe that could possibly govern the state of things, but by no means have to. Assuming this is true, I might be better off aspiring to be a housewife...
.....this?
I'll leave you to ponder the picture of me in a frilly apron ;0)
I feel that my life is clicking right now
Each element making sense in its own right, each related to others in an ultimately clear way. Things that are static, things that change in predictable phases, things that are in the grey area but that I am so comfortable with by now it still feels like they fit despite their nebulousness. The future seems to be a thing that will be good no matter what, barring the effects of chance or the spirit that is the only thing necessary to maintain to make one of the many good possibilities a reality. The present is tough, but wonderful in its own right. Few good things in ones life can be obtained easily, and in my case I still feel that I have gotten more than I deserve. Work without guilt towards ends that you love, and to take those tiny joys from the process, is but all I need to keep going. The ecstacy of battling ones barriers, battling the preconcieved notions and the self-sympathy that reassures us it is ok to sit in our self imposed cube of capability. I don't feel regret for my mistakes along the way, for they were necessary to have the certainty I do now, to learn the lessons I needed to move forward. I don't regret the time I've wasted in the cube, because they have familiarized me with the alternatives and the cost of failure on the path I walk. Each thing has its place in the resolve I hold now, each giving me a different strength to carry me through the road ahead. There is nothing to cry about, nothing to long for, in the tattered sepia-tone of the past. Merely a clarity beyond comprehension in infinity beyond, a time stretching through my life and well beyond my death. Wherever it might end, a life without optimism is not one I want to live. So wherever these ultimately miniscule ventures I undertake bring me, getting there is enjoyable enough. There is so much more I want to do in my life, but so little more that I really feel I HAVE to do. Time from now is just enriching, expanding, and diversifying these joys into their sources. I have felt love, and am loved now. I have achieved significant things, and hope to achieve many more in my life.
A lot of this stems from the fact that I've been re-examining a lot of our culture's more proliferant and timeless sayings and quotes. In them I find a wisdom I couldn't see in my youth, I believe this is why they are valued. We cannot mull over more than a few short sentences over such a long period of time, its too hard to remember. But if you can pack eternal wisdom into a few short sentences then most people will be guaranteed to get it eventually, to really see where that wisdom tells the story of their life a different way. I have recently more or less reasserted the value of being a good person to myself. In being a good person, I mean doing what I can in a reasonable fashion to improve the lives of those around me and those not around me. Karma is a lazy mans way of justifying it, but a little kindness means a lot to most people. You can live your entire life in a shell, thinking you will develop this awesome skill or wealth and use that to gain love and appreciation and acclaim. That whatever this thing you gather is, you will use it as the venue for your kindness as well as acheivement and appreciation and possibly even love. Ultimately this is selfish though, and it really is not true kindness though. It is still possible for it to go this way, but it is the most selfish way to get these staples of happiness, love and achievment. In helping out a homeless person, do you not both gain appreciation as well as achievement? In many kind things people can do for others and for society and even for strangers, you can break them down into a rough love/achievement ratio, both for the individual(s) benefitted and society as a whole, also determined on need and lack of something to fill that need. Love is a strong word for describing our other half of desire however, as though ultimately it is the best form, I think that appreciation/recognition/liking/etc also fall under it in terms of this idea of mine. So here we have the Rockefellers and the Mother Teresas. In either case there are sacrifices made, achievment as a direct or indirect result of it, and the bestowing of a benefit upon others to gather adoration be they conscious of it or not, posthumously or not, and whether or not that was even the original reason. I use Mother Teresa and John D. Rockefeller as EXTREMELY rough examples of a wealthy person / renowned specialist / philanthropist vs healers / community leaders / day-to-day heroes to say that these benefits can be achieved at all levels of civilization and society. I am by no means suggesting this is a cut-and-dry thing but as with many things in high level discourse, there is really no absolute. Simply general rules we can observe that could possibly govern the state of things, but by no means have to. Assuming this is true, I might be better off aspiring to be a housewife...
.....this?
I'll leave you to ponder the picture of me in a frilly apron ;0)