Mr Bunckle's weapons shoppe

[hepo]

Well, I don't know where I got this voice from, but the guys at work say its not mine! Have I been influenced by another poet without knowing it, I ask, and as such, their voice as ink to my pen!

Or, more in line with the modern world, their thoughts as literary impulses to my keyboard!

Mr Bunckle's weapons shoppe

'Here's a club...'

But I don't

Comments

[theblackmask]

I liked this poem for its conversational style. The language is natural and I liked how the double meaning of "club" tied in with the second-to-last stanza's subject matter, "do you have a country...".

My only critique would be on the line "are hazardous". I know hazardous is describing BOTH "chemical and biological", but "nuclear device" is still the subject of the sentence and so it reads a bit awkward. My suggestion would be to switch the "are" to an "and" so all three describe "nuclear device", which is what it does now but vaguely.

Hello, by the way.

[hepo]

I value criticism, thank you.

This is the second draft. In the first there was a period [full stop] separating the stanza's described; and yes, your right.

I become blind to the obvious, so I intend to put the poem to bed for a while. I'll run with it in a week or so. Then again...

Thanks again.

HePo