Good Girl (2/3)

[her_pseudonym]

Gillian hurried to the guest room, where she could hear the shower running, and set the clothes just outside the door. She wanted to get back to Cal as quickly as possible, before he convinced himself that he knew how she was feeling, or that he had done something wrong. Maybe they should have talked about the roles they had fallen into during sex, but it had happened so naturally. It hadn’t seemed important to analyze something that felt so good and right.

When she got back to the bedroom Cal was sitting where she had left him, staring at the wall. Before she could say anything, he murmured, “Have I ever done anything that hurt or frightened you?”

“No.” Gillian locked the bedroom door behind her, then crossed the room to sit beside him on the bed. “Never.”

“Would you tell me if I had?”

“Yes.” Gillian touched his cheek, turning his eyes toward hers. “Yes,” she said again, while he watched her face.

“The rough stuff, you know…I don’t need that.” Cal caressed her hand lightly, as though he was afraid she would pull away. “Whatever makes you feel good, that’s all I need.”

Gillian knew what he was doing. And she didn’t want any part of it. “I think I’ve always made it clear that I enjoy what we do. You can feel how much I like it, can’t you? You can see it on my face.”

Cal swallowed. She knew that he realized the truth of her words, but it did little to erase the guilt from his eyes. “You said it happened a long time ago. How long?”

“I was in high school. Just a little older than Emily.” Gillian broke their gaze, overwhelmed by his intensity. “It’s not a big deal, Cal. I barely think about it.”

Most people, when they were upset, wouldn’t look you in the face. Cal wouldn’t look away. “He forced you?”

“He tried.” Gillian turned her hand over and held Cal’s fingers. “I ended up performing oral sex on him so he would let me out of the car. That’s it.”

Cal reacted to her words, his face a study in guilt. She wondered if he was thinking about the time he had told her to suck his cock then fisted his hand in her hair and held her to his lap as she did. It didn’t matter that it had turned her on, that it hadn’t triggered anything unpleasant. Now that this one detail of her past was out there, it colored the way Cal saw their sex life. Gillian’s heart seized at the realization that the dynamic she had grown to crave was being threatened by something utterly inconsequential to the woman she was now.

“I’m sorry, love.” Cal’s voice cracked. “I didn’t know.”

“It’s not your fault.” She didn’t want what happened all those years ago to be what Cal saw when he looked at her. And she was shocked he was taking this so hard. Regardless of Emily’s emotional accusation, Cal should know better than to think he had forced her into anything. That she would just let him. “What happened to me when I was a kid has nothing to do with you. And I wasn’t trying to hide anything by not bringing it up. I just didn’t think it mattered.”

“It matters.” He sounded almost resentful. “Of course it matters.”

“It’s an experience that helped make me who I am today. Just like what happened on the Jenkins case.” Cal flinched at the mention of her attack by Jenkins’s protégé, and Gillian hoped she hadn’t made a mistake by drawing that parallel. She kept her voice calm, hoping to soothe his raging guilt. “It doesn’t affect how I feel about giving up control to someone I trust. And I trust you, Cal.”

Contempt flashed across his face, but she knew it was for himself. For his desires. Cal glanced at his lap and glowered. “Men can be sodding bastards.”

“They can be.” Gillian scooted closer, so that their bodies touched. “But you’re not.”

“Sure I am.” Cal’s mouth twitched and he met Gillian’s gaze. For a moment she saw a glimpse of familiar humor in his eyes. “Ask Loker. Or Torres.”

“You’re not to me.”

“That’s not entirely true, is it love?” He watched her eyes, giving her the ghost of a grin. “We both know I can be a right bastard to you.”

“We’re talking about sex right now, Cal. You’ve never been anything but exactly what I wanted.”

“Even when I hold you down?” Cal’s expression tightened. “Call you names?”

“I like what we do together. I don’t want to stop.” Gillian ran her fingernails up his arm, relieved when he shivered. She needed to know that she could still affect him, that he wasn’t so concerned for her virtue as to lock away his desire. “Please don’t treat me like I’m fragile because of something that happened twenty years ago. You have to trust me. Like I trust you.”

Cal studied her face. “If I ever do anything you don’t like…”

“You haven’t,” Gillian said. “But I’ll tell you if it happens.”

“Right.” Cal ran his eyes down Gillian’s body, then glanced at the bedroom door. His tone made it clear that he was done talking about their sex life, but Gillian could see that the matter was far from resolved. “Maybe I should sleep on the couch tonight.”

“Why?” It was Cal’s instinct to retreat when he felt vulnerable, but Gillian wasn’t going to let him get away with it this time. “Emily knows we’re together. She’s a big girl.” Catching his gaze, she said, “I think she needs to know things are good between us. You sleeping on the couch may not send the right message.”

“Good point.” Cal twisted his hands in his lap, like he wasn’t sure what to do with them. “Okay.”

“Besides, I need you next to me. Otherwise I’ll just worry about you.”

Cal gave her a half-hearted grin. “Remind me again how I tricked you into falling for me?”

Sensing an opportunity for levity, Gillian said, “It was very elaborate on your part. Took years of being the most charming, brilliant, downright infuriating man I’d ever met.”

“The long con.” Cal’s smile finally reached his eyes. “You’re such an easy mark.”

“Well, that.” Gillian pushed Cal’s sleeve up over his bicep, then traced the intricate band inked into his skin. “And the tattoos.”

Cal chuckled and watched her fingers slide over his arm. “You like those?”

“Like is a very mild word, but yes. I like them.”

Some of Cal’s usual confidence crept back to the surface. “Make me look like a bad boy, do they?”

Gillian grinned and opened her mouth to answer, but paused when she heard the television come on in the guest room. She saw Cal’s smile fade as he tilted his head, listening.

It was obvious where his mind had gone. “She’s okay, Cal. I promise. She was laughing and smiling by the time I left the room. And we had a really good moment. Bonding.”

Cal looked into her eyes, then cupped her jaw in his hand. “Thank you. For being there for her, when I couldn’t.”

“Of course. I love her,” Gillian said. Cal put his other hand on her back and pulled her into a gentle embrace. She buried her face in his shoulder and inhaled. “I love you, too.”

“You have my heart.” Cal kissed her hair and she held him tighter, wishing away the faint traces of pain she heard in his voice. He leaned his head against hers. “This is it for me, I’ll have you know. You are what I want. So I don’t fancy mucking it up.”

Gillian held her breath as she took in his whispered confession. This was the first time either of them had spoken of expectations since the sex started. They had simply gone from being best friends to lovers, never stopping to talk about what that meant. But then words weren’t often necessary between them. Almost anything Cal could say, Gillian had already read on his face. Even those things he tried to hide. It was the same for him with her. On these rare occasions when Cal did verbalize his feelings, it made Gillian’s heart do crazy, wonderful things.

Knowing she needed to respond, for a moment Gillian wasn’t sure what to say. What she felt for him was so simple, but far too complicated to explain. “I know everything is still so new-“

“The sex is new. Needing you, it’s not.” Cal stroked her back and exhaled. He sounded cautious, like he realized just how uncharacteristically open he was being. “I hope it’s not too soon to talk like this, love. I just don’t know how to think of us any other way.”

“It’s not too soon.” Gillian pressed her lips to Cal’s jaw, enjoying the light scratch of stubble there. Cal had always been a romantic at his core. Before Zoe broke his heart, he hadn’t even tried to hide it. She knew it took a lot for him to admit how deeply he felt for her, to make himself so open. Hoping to lighten the mood, she said, “This is it for me, too. I knew that the moment you ambushed me with that kiss.”

“Oi!” Cal said, tickling her sides. “You kissed me, Foster. I just kissed you back.”

Foster, Gillian thought, and grinned. She supposed she could let that name make her think of Alec, but coming from Cal, it was a term of endearment. His using it meant that their friendship was intact, that their foundation remained strong. “You have an extraordinarily selective memory, Cal. As I recall, you leaned into me.”

“I was just moving to brush a lock of hair out of your eyes.” Cal drew back and gave her a cheeky grin. “And you jumped me. About gave me a bloody heart attack, you did.”

“Liar,” Gillian said, laughing. She kissed the corner of his mouth, then stood to pull off her tank top.

Cal’s eyes widened. The look he gave her would have been comical if Gillian wasn’t so sorry to see it. “What are you doing?”

“Getting ready for bed.” Gillian shed her pajama pants, then walked to her side of the bed and slipped beneath the covers. They always slept naked, and although Emily’s presence in the apartment might give them an excuse not to do so tonight, Gillian wanted to make herself vulnerable with Cal. She didn’t want there to be any chance he thought her feelings toward him or their sex life had changed. “You coming?”

Cal looked at the bedroom door again. Gillian could hear Emily’s voice just over the sound of the television. Probably on her cell phone. “Yeah,” Cal said, not moving.

“I locked the door. And in any event, she’s not going to barge in here. Come on.” Gillian patted the mattress beside her. “There’s nothing more you can do tonight."

Sighing, Cal stood and pulled his T-shirt over his head. Gillian inhaled at the sight of his bare chest, admiring the unrestricted view of the tattoos covering his arm. She was still getting used to the idea that she had access to his body, that she could let her gaze linger wherever she wanted. Cal gave her a pleased smile, obviously reading her face, then slipped under the covers with his sweat pants still on. Ignoring her twinge of disappointment at his modesty, Gillian grabbed his arm and rolled onto her side, pulling him with her.

Cal’s lips brushed against her shoulder. He splayed his fingers over her stomach and stroked her with his thumb. “Sweet dreams, darling.”

Gillian moved his hand so it cupped her breast and pushed her bottom into him, sighing at the feeling of his chest against her naked back. No matter what Cal thought of himself tonight, she felt safe and warm in his arms. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the quiet intimacy between them.

Almost immediately, his cock hardened against her bottom. Gillian shivered, thrilled that she could cause that reaction simply by being close. She had never felt that desirable with Alec.

“I’m sorry, love.” At Cal’s contrite tone, Gillian opened her eyes and frowned. Cal took his hand from her breast and rolled onto his back. “My cock’s gone rogue. Won’t listen to my brain.”

“And what is your brain saying?” Gillian turned and put her hand on his chest. He stared at the ceiling with a tightly controlled expression.

“That it’s shockingly inappropriate for me to want you right now.”

“Shockingly inappropriate,” Gillian said, tasting the words in her mouth. She looked down at the bulge in his sweat pants and raised an eyebrow. “Wow. That’s a pretty strong condemnation of your body’s natural reaction to stimuli. Not to mention the effect I’d like to think I have on you.”

“You know what I mean.” Cal gave her a sidelong glance. “Em in the next room, and…you know. Everything else.”

“I’m not traumatized, Cal.” Gillian propped herself up on her elbow and circled his nipple with her fingernail. “Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t enjoy being caught half-naked by your daughter. But nothing that happened tonight makes it inappropriate for you to want me.”

“I just don’t think it’s right to want you right now. The way I do.”

The way he did. Gillian could hear the lingering guilt in his voice and kissed his chest, knowing they would have to revisit this topic soon. Hopefully tomorrow after Emily left. Gillian put her hand on his shoulder and nudged him over. “Why don’t you let me hold you if it makes you more comfortable?”

Cal turned onto his side so he faced away from her. Gillian pressed her breasts to his back and curled her arm around him, holding him close. He inhaled quietly, then held his breath.

“Is this better?” Gillian asked. She moved her hand down his chest and let it rest above his navel. His body was tense, as though he didn’t know how to act naturally with her anymore. She guessed his cock was still hard, but didn’t give in to the temptation to check.

“Better, yeah.” Cal exhaled, then placed his hand over hers. “Night, love.”

“Good night, Cal.” Gillian closed her eyes and snuggled close to his back. She was willing to let this go tonight, to allow him time to regroup, but she wouldn’t let him feel guilty about their sex life moving forward. That was something she would fight to protect.

#

When Gillian woke up the next morning, Cal was already out of bed. The sheets beside her were cold, so she knew he’d been gone a while. His absence made it easier for her to get moving. She showered and dressed quickly, needing to see him and reassure herself that they were still okay. That he hadn’t spent the morning beating himself up or rebuilding the dreaded wall between them that she had so recently broken through. She wasn’t sure how she would cope with that distance again, that line, if it had returned.

Cal was in the kitchen, dressed in a T-shirt, sweat pants, and the apron Gillian had bought just for him to use at her apartment. At this point she was certain he wore it only because it made her laugh. And it was funny. But it was also, she had to admit, rather becoming.

“Good morning,” Gillian said from the doorway. Eggs sizzled in the skillet on the stove and the smell of coffee brought her into further alertness. Cal bustled about, looking deadly serious about the business of putting food on the table. “Something smells good.”

“Morning, darling.” Cal gestured to the kitchen table with his spatula. “Sit down. Breakfast’s just about sorted.”

Gillian walked to stand next to him instead. She waited until he transferred the scrambled eggs from the skillet to a plate, then took the spatula from his hand and set it on the counter. He looked at her cautiously, as though he wasn’t sure what to expect. Gillian stepped into him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and resting her forehead against his. Cal held her around the waist and squeezed gently.

“You all right?” Gillian murmured.

“Yeah.” One of Cal’s hands went to her lower back, the other he pressed between her shoulders. “This feels nice.”

“Very nice.” Gillian rubbed her hands down his spine, slowly. “Are we all right?”

“Hey.” Cal touched her throat and gave her a long, lingering kiss. “We’re brilliant,” he mumbled against her lips. Another brief kiss, then his body tensed and he pulled away. “Em. Good morning.”

Gillian stepped away from Cal, blushing. Emily stood shyly in the kitchen doorway. “Morning, Emily.”

“Good morning.” Emily hesitated a beat, then came into the kitchen without meeting either of their eyes. “I have a knack for walking in at the wrong moment, huh?”

“Sorry, love,” Cal said. He picked up the plate of scrambled eggs and carried it to the table, staring at Emily’s face warily. “You sleep all right?”

Emily nodded, finally making eye contact with Cal. “Pretty well.”

“Good.” Cal cleared his throat and took off his apron, hanging it over the back of his chair. He tilted his head, and Gillian could see he was struggling with the desire to move into Emily’s space. “So…I’m sorry you had a rough night, Em. Really. Even sorrier to have frightened you.”

Emily’s chin trembled. She stepped forward then fell into Cal's arms with a quiet cry. “It wasn’t your fault, Dad. I shouldn’t have yelled at you.”

Cal kissed the top of Emily’s head, catching Gillian’s gaze. She could see his relief and felt some of her own tension ease. “I understand, love. I do.”

“I know you would never hurt Gill,” Emily murmured into his shoulder. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“You were reacting.” Cal cleared his throat and held Emily at arm’s length, touching her chin. Gillian could see the shame creep across his face and felt a flash of concern. He wasn’t done beating himself up over this, not by a long shot. “Nothing to feel badly about.”

“I just wasn’t expecting…that.”

“Of course not,” Cal said. His shame intensified and he looked away. “I can only imagine how it must have looked.”

“Anyway.” Emily wrinkled her nose, clearly not wanting to dwell on it any longer. “Let’s just forget about it. For all our sakes.”

“Agreed.” Cal cleared his throat. “As for the rest of it-“

Fear flickered over Emily’s face. “You’re going to make me tell Mom I lied to her, aren’t you?”

Cal winced, managing to look both apologetic and resolute. “I think your mum needs to know you stayed here last night. If only so she doesn’t think I’m keeping things from her. I’ll leave it to you to decide how much to tell her, though. Fair?”

“Fair.” Emily looked past Cal to Gillian, giving her a bashful smile. “Morning, Gill.”

“Good morning.” Gillian walked to the kitchen table, but before she could sit, Emily was in her arms. Heart swelling, Gillian hugged Emily and met Cal’s pleased grin with a sunny smile. “We’ll fix your shirt after breakfast, okay?”

“Okay.” Emily stepped back, wiping her hand across her eyes. She sat at the table and poured a tall glass of juice, smirking. “I can’t believe you guys finally decided to admit the obvious. It’s about time.”

“That right?” Cal smirked at Gillian as she sat down. “Kept you waiting long enough, did we?”

“Seriously. It was getting a little painful.”

Gillian laughed and poured her own glass of juice. At sixteen, Emily had a sensitive and perceptive nature that went well beyond her years. Sometimes she was so much like Cal it was almost startling. Cal and Emily were a family Gillian could see settling into, making her own. It scared her to think that way, to want something so badly, but Gillian couldn’t help it. She had been Cal’s best friend for years, had watched Emily grow up, so even if her romance with Cal was new, loving the two of them wasn’t.

“For me too, love.” Cal dropped into his chair and raised an eyebrow at Gillian. “Bloody excruciating.”

“Agreed,” Gillian said. “So Emily, do you have any plans today?”

“Actually, yeah.” Emily looked at Cal. “Mom’s taking me shopping. I’m supposed to meet her at the mall in a couple hours. Stacy’s going to pick me up at nine thirty.”

“Well, then,” Cal said, picking up a forkful of eggs. “Less talking, more eating.”

When Emily left an hour and a half later, Gillian was flush with the satisfaction of having sewn up her shirt so the tear was barely noticeable, whilst simultaneously impressing a sixteen-year-old with a skill she had assumed was hopelessly old-fashioned. It felt good to be able to teach Emily something. Even better to have made her so happy with such a simple gesture. Gillian was sitting on the couch smiling when Cal returned from walking Emily to Stacy’s car.

“You two are getting on well,” Cal said lightly. He stopped in the doorway of the living room, leaning against the wall. “You always have. But I see what you mean about bonding.”

“It’s nice.” Gillian looked into his eyes from across the room, over the distance he was keeping between them. “Zoe was never very good at hiding the fact that she considered me a threat, even when you were so deep in love with her you couldn’t see straight. I never felt like I could show too much interest in Emily. But I always wanted to. She may not be my daughter…” Gillian’s voice caught and she inhaled, holding back the grief that always rose when she thought of Sophie. “But she’s very special to me.”

“I know she is.” Cal crossed the room and tugged Gillian standing, pulling her into a tight hug. Then he held her out in front of him, staring into her eyes. His expression was guarded. “You’re good for her. So different than Zoe. It gives Em a nice balance, I think.”

So different than Zoe. That was certainly true, but Gillian wondered exactly how different they were. How had Zoe liked to be fucked? And had Cal trusted Zoe’s consent more than he seemed to trust hers? Gillian tried to keep her face blank as her mind worked over these sudden, unwelcome questions, but knew she’d let something slip when Cal’s brow furrowed.

“What was that?” Cal gestured at her mouth. “Right there?”

Gillian shook her head and closed the distance between them, pressing her lips to his. She relaxed against his body when he kissed her back. She really didn’t want to talk about Zoe right now. Especially because she wasn’t sure how she would feel to learn that Cal’s protective instincts were for Gillian alone.

Cal’s hands found her hips and pulled her closer. She rocked into him, curling her hand around the back of his neck and playing with the fine hairs there. His cock hardened against her and he groaned, making Gillian smile into their kiss. She sobered when Cal broke away and took a step back. His eyes told her he wanted to keep going, but his mouth was set in a tense line. He was nervous. Uncertain. Afraid.

“Why don’t we finish what we started last night?” Gillian said quietly. “Move this to the bedroom. Lock the door.” She smiled, trying to show him how much she wanted him.

Cal tilted his head and his mouth dropped open slightly as he studied her face. She didn’t think he realized he did that when he was really puzzling through what someone might be feeling. It always made her smile. She let him see the reaction he was eliciting, hoping he would believe the desire and affection she knew was written all over her face.

“I thought you wanted to go antiquing today.” Cal watched her eyes and forehead. “I’ve finally agreed to let you drag me around as a shopping partner and you’re going to let me out of it that easy?”

“I’m not interested in shopping right now, Cal.” She drew her finger down the center of his chest, then hooked the tip in the waistband of his sweatpants. “Are you?”

“Silly question, darling.” Cal flashed her a pretty convincing smile. “Going into the bedroom with you is always preferable to shopping.”

“Right answer,” Gillian said. But Cal was still tense, and his words didn’t fully match his expression. Clearly they needed to hash this out. It wasn’t simply going to go away. “But you’re scared. Aren’t you?"

Shame flashed over Cal’s face. Perhaps even embarrassment. He shook his head dismissively, but she wasn’t fooled. “We sorted this, love. You said you’d tell me if I ever did anything you didn’t like. And that’s that.”

But that wasn’t that. Gillian could see it plain as day. From now on, Cal would give her a watered down version of himself. Protect her from his darkness, no matter how much she craved it. She was surprised by the surge of anger that flowed through her. Exhaling, Gillian said, “That’s that?”

“Please don’t turn this into something more than it is.” Cal dropped his hand to her bottom, pulling her against him again. Gently. “Do I feel scared to you?”

He felt aroused. But tentative. Did Cal really think he could fool her when she was so good at reading him by now? “You’re ashamed about what happened last night. Because of what Emily thought, and because of what you found out about me. And now you’re second-guessing the best sex I’ve ever had. Wanting to protect me from it. Isn’t that right?”

Cal snorted and dropped his hand. The fear in his eyes told Gillian she’d hit her mark. “My own daughter thought I was attacking you. To know that you’ve been in that situation before…well, forgive me for not wanting to do anything to frighten you.”

“You really think I’m too delicate for big, bad Cal Lightman, don’t you?” Gillian held his gaze. “All because of a high school blow job?”

Cal flinched, then his eyes darkened. “It wasn’t just a high school blow job, Gill. And there’s a bit more to it than that.” He turned to stalk into her bedroom and she hurried after him, not wanting to lose sight of his face. “Does it make me an asshole if I don’t want to mistreat you?”

Frowning, Gillian grabbed his arm as they entered the bedroom and pulled him around to face her. “Fucking me hard isn’t mistreating me. Holding me down, calling me names, even causing me a little pain...if I’m asking you for it, if I’m consenting to it, I don’t see how it makes you a bad guy.”

Cal came into her space then, backing her up until her shoulders hit the wall. Gillian stood and stared him down, refusing to look away. She knew he was trying to intimidate her, that he was fishing for a reaction he could use to justify treating her with kid gloves. She wasn’t going to give it to him.

“Did you and Zoe have rough sex?” Gillian surprised herself with the question. She hadn’t intended on bringing Zoe up. The uneasy smirk on his face made her wish she’d left that particular thought alone. Still, it was too late to turn back now. “Was she tough enough to handle it?”

“This has nothing to do with Zoe,” Cal said. He tilted his head, studying her in that way that made her feel like she was under a microscope. “How about you? Did you let Alec treat you like his dirty little whore?”

Gillian didn’t want to give Cal the satisfaction of eliciting a reaction, but she swallowed reflexively at his harsh language. “No. But then I’ve realized that sex with Alec was pretty boring.”

Cal didn’t bother to hide the gleam in his eyes. Pride. Which was exactly what Gillian had hoped to evoke. What she said happened to be true. Sex with Alec had been routine from the start, with little in the way of talking or anything outside the purely vanilla. That was why sex with Cal was such a revelation. One that she wasn’t prepared to give up.

After a moment, Cal’s obvious satisfaction faded. “I don’t want you to do something because you think it’s going to make me happy. And I can’t believe that the way I’ve been treating you is what you really want.”

“You would see it if I didn’t like it. You would know.” She cocked her head. “We both know that.”

“I think you like turning me on. But trust me when I tell you that you don’t want to go some of the places I’ve imagined taking you.”

“Why not?” Gillian touched Cal’s arm. “It’s perfectly natural to get off on sex play that explores issues of dominance and submission. Maybe we have more in common than you think.”

Cal shook his head, looking amused at the thought. “The thing is, love, we’ve only just scratched the surface of what I’m capable of doing and saying to you, if you let me.” His eyes roved over her face, her eyebrows, her mouth, then her throat. Evaluating. Cataloguing. “You know what I love about you, Gill? You’re delighted by trashy romance novels. And kittens. And orange slushies. You smile at silly commercials. You see the best in people.”

“These are bad things?”

“They’re brilliant things,” Cal said softly. He stroked the back of his fingers over her cheek, as though she might break. “Things I don’t ever want you to lose. Things I refuse to take away.”

“You really believe you’re going to ruin me, don’t you?” Gillian hated it when Cal did this. Whenever he gave in to one of his darker desires, whether it was gambling with money or his own life, he pushed her away. She knew he was guided by the need not to soil her with his baser instincts, and that when he accused her of hovering he really just wanted her to turn away from the sight of the Cal Lightman he thought she could never accept. But he was wrong-she did accept him. More than that, she needed him. “Ever think that maybe I know exactly what I’m getting into with you?”

“Thing is, I don’t think you do, love.” Cal raised his eyebrows, looking her up and down. “I don’t think you’ve got any bloody idea about the things that go through my head when I’ve got you on your back with your legs spread.”

Gillian shivered at the roughness of Cal’s voice and moved forward, forcing him back a step. “I eat chocolate pudding at ten in the morning, so I couldn’t possibly understand what makes Cal Lightman tick. No way could I know about the dark places you go, about how badly you need that rush of adrenaline, even if you have to put yourself in danger to get it.” Fired up now, Gillian stepped even closer to Cal, but he didn’t budge, leaving them nose-to-nose. “I’ve known you for years. I’ve seen you through some pretty grim times. And here I am, anyway. There I was last night before Emily walked in, begging you to hold me down and fuck me.”

Cal’s eyes darkened with desire. Gillian could see that she was getting to him and steeled herself for the inevitable explosion. His expression evened out and his gaze intensified, even as his entire body coiled. He was going to that place Gillian worried about losing him to sometimes, but for once, she didn’t try to stop him. She knew if she pushed hard enough, he would try and force her to realize that his newly protective tendencies were for her own good. That she couldn’t handle the real, unfiltered Cal. And that’s exactly what she wanted.

“Careful, Gill.” Cal’s eyes shone as he raked his gaze over her body. “Or you might get a full taste of what you’re asking for. And I can’t promise you’ll like it.”

Gillian placed her palm over his heart, feeling the steady thump against her hand. “There’s more to me than kittens and slushies, Cal.” She slid her hand down over his stomach, just inside his sweatpants. “Do you honestly believe we would have ended up where we were last night if I didn’t have a little bit of darkness in me, too?”

Cal grabbed her wrist with startling quickness, then walked her backwards until her shoulders hit the wall. He grabbed her other wrist and dragged them both over her head, pinning her. Gillian bit back a gasp, overwhelmed by the intensity of his stare burning into hers. Smiling, Cal pushed his hips against her so she could feel his hard-on.

“This what you want, darling?” Cal leaned in and kissed her neck as he wedged his knee between her thighs, forcing her to straddle him. “You like it a little dangerous?”

His tone was almost mocking, as though he were merely indulging her schoolgirl fantasy with no intention of taking it all the way. Gillian ground down against his knee, inhaling at how wet she was already. “I want you.”

“You know this isn’t the only way to have me.” Cal pulled back slightly, meeting her gaze. “So…what? You want to be treated like a slut?” He seemed to find something in her eyes, because his expression shifted. “You’re a good girl. You don’t want to have choices. You want directives.”

Gillian exhaled. She could see Cal was right on the edge of giving her exactly what she was asking for. Now to see if she could handle it. Making sure he could see the challenge in her eyes, she said, “I want you stop being so goddamn scared of what you want and just take it already."

Cal released her wrists and took a step away. Gillian kept her hands over her head for a long moment before dropping them to her sides. She had no idea what he was thinking. His face was expressionless, so guarded it almost scared her. When she opened her mouth to speak, Cal shook his head.

“Lock the fucking door.” His voice was hard and seductive, his accent thicker than normal. “I don’t want anyone seeing this.”

Concluded in Part 3