Comments | herkind31: maybe you can help

herkind31

maybe you can help

Jan 27, 2011 11:10

i'm pretty sure i wrote (whined) about this before, but i'm at a crossroads in my life. and i'm having trouble trying to make a decision. which road do i take? and i'm pretty sure both roads had plenty of travelers ( Read more... )

Comments 4

walrusjester January 27 2011, 21:00:28 UTC

Gut response - go to film school. While there, get involved with Big Brothers/Big Sisters or a similar organization.

There isn't a lot of "should" with having kids. Some of the best parents were ambivalent before it happened, and some of the worst were convinced that they should become parents. I spent ~3 years getting to know my stepkids before we actually became a family, and that was time well spent. Unless you've gotten a lot of time with little kids already, I wouldn't plunge into parenting, especially single parenting.

herkind31 January 27 2011, 21:17:17 UTC

i tried to get involved with Big Brothers/Sisters here in san diego, but was told that there wasn't a little girl in my neighborhood. yeah. wow.

i understand that i would be in shit's creek becoming a single parent, but i don't think i would really want to live life without being a parent. basically, my children/child will give me something to live for. i don't know if i could grow old, watch family and friends die and not have anyone...

and if i moved to IA i know that i would get extra support from my family. in fact i feel if i had a kid they would be the child's parents too.

i don't feel like i should become a parent, but would like to have kids, as i mentioned above. i would rather have kids then get married. seriously. so far my live has been love-less, as in the relationship sense, and for two years now sex-less. so i have mastered those desires. but the desire for kids is now going strong for over 10 years. maybe i should become a buddhist nun ...

dreamwell_ali January 27 2011, 21:24:10 UTC

I think you would be a fabulous mother.
I think you would be a fabulous filmmaker.

Regardless of your choice, I think you've played out life in San Diego and seem to be extremely unhappy there now. Moving to Iowa might be the right move. I am so happy to be close to my family. I've gone from seeing them 1-2x a year to 1-2x a month, sometimes even a week. It really makes a huge difference in my life and my happiness level to have them around. Even Dieter :)

lunablue_girl January 28 2011, 19:57:53 UTC

I'm going to echo Ali. If you are looking for a meaningful life, move close to your family. Once there, maybe you will decide that growing old with your sisters and Amber is enough. You can help them (seems like a good time to be closer to Bonnie, yes?) and mentor someone, maybe Amber. Or maybe you will want kids. But don't have a child to fill your need for family, cause you've got one (and an excellent one, at that!). Wanting a child is a whole different need category ( ... )