In Loving Memory
A few hours later, I finally glued the last picture onto the last page and had everything put together. I closed the book carefully and laid it aside, planning to look through it again later. Now was the time to relax and once again try to get my mind off of everything, though judging by how that had worked yesterday, it probably would do even less good now. I lay back on my bed and surveyed the cracks on my ceiling, trying to get rid of all emotion. My mind wandered slowly, like it was afraid to distract itself for some reason. Maybe I just needed to go downstairs for a while to cool off.
I decided to eat and maybe at least have the television on, as some sort of distraction. It wasn’t good to just sit around in a silent house; something else had to happen if one’s mind was to stop going in circles. I pulled some ice cream out of the fridge - always good comfort food - and flipped the TV on, thumbing quickly through the channels to find something fairly mindless. I finally settled on some game show that didn’t really seem to have much of a point and sat down on the couch, slowly eating my bowl of ice cream. Staring blankly at the TV, I found it easier to disengage my brain and was able to not think about anything in particular, which was nice to do. It’d had been a while since I had been able to just sit and zone out like that somewhere outside of school. It seemed a lot of my time, consciously or unconsciously, had been fixated on this anniversary, and it was time to let a little of that tension go. So far, it hadn’t been to bad a day.
Just then, the doorbell rang. I went to go look out the front window and saw Matt’s car parked next to mine. Surprised, I looked back at the clock and saw it was already close to five. Somehow I had lost track of time, even though it seemed to be moving unnaturally slowly. I put my bowl down gently on the coffee table and walked into the hallway to let him in. I opened the door and he immediately stepped across the threshold and gave me a big hug, squeezing me close. He didn’t say anything, but somehow this made me feel better than anything else possibly could have. Finally he broke away from me and gave me a watery smile, and I led us back into the living room so we could sit on the couch and talk for a while. I turned the TV off and he said, “I’m really sorry, and I actually meant to come sooner, but this completely slipped my mind until not too long ago. I feel like a horrible person.” He looked up at me sheepishly, like a child who had been caught trying to microwave metal to see the explosion.
“It’s fine….I actually forgot myself until yesterday…I don’t know how something like that can slip your mind but apparently it does,” I shrugged. “Besides, the important thing is that you did remember, and you did come over. I don’t think any of the others called…then again I was out for a while and I’ve been shut in my room, so maybe I just didn’t hear the phone.”
“Yeah, well, I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I mean as okay as you can ever be on a day when someone you love dies. Especially since I knew this was a pretty big one. I just wanted to make sure you were coping all right here on your own. But you’re okay then?”
“I am now. A little earlier I was having a hard time, but I think that’s because I’ve been having worse dreams than usual, and I was kind of in a mood yesterday for some reason. But I think I’m okay now. I’ve done everything I want to, I’ve been to the graveyard, and I don’t think there’s anything else I can do except maybe say something before I lie down tonight, you know? Other than that…I really think I’m good,” I smiled at him, glad for his company. He was right; it probably wasn’t good to be alone in the house on a day like this. He put his arm around me, I laid my head on his shoulder, and we sat there for a while, not saying anything but both glad the other was there.
Matt had been looking around the room, staring at nothing in particular, when I saw his focus shift to the front window. He seemed to be staring hard at something with a puzzled expression on his face, as if was a figurine on the shelf that had been moved from its original spot. After about a minute, he shook his head a little and resumed looking at other things, but I noticed his gaze kept drifting to the window every few seconds. Finally, as if he didn’t really want to, he asked, “Is it just me, or does that car look broken down to you? Or…at least it should be; it’s just sitting there. But I don’t see anyone outside it. That’s odd.”
My heart clenched as I tilted my head up to look. Sure enough, across the street was a car just sitting there, looking for all the world as if it had broken down and its owner had decided to walk to the nearest mechanic to get some help. It wasn’t the same car as the one I had seen out there previously or the one that I had seen earlier that day by the scrapbooking store. But still, it was highly suspicious; it’s not like this is a regular occurrence in this town.
And I could have sworn I saw another person-shaped shadow in the driver’s seat.
I decided to eat and maybe at least have the television on, as some sort of distraction. It wasn’t good to just sit around in a silent house; something else had to happen if one’s mind was to stop going in circles. I pulled some ice cream out of the fridge - always good comfort food - and flipped the TV on, thumbing quickly through the channels to find something fairly mindless. I finally settled on some game show that didn’t really seem to have much of a point and sat down on the couch, slowly eating my bowl of ice cream. Staring blankly at the TV, I found it easier to disengage my brain and was able to not think about anything in particular, which was nice to do. It’d had been a while since I had been able to just sit and zone out like that somewhere outside of school. It seemed a lot of my time, consciously or unconsciously, had been fixated on this anniversary, and it was time to let a little of that tension go. So far, it hadn’t been to bad a day.
Just then, the doorbell rang. I went to go look out the front window and saw Matt’s car parked next to mine. Surprised, I looked back at the clock and saw it was already close to five. Somehow I had lost track of time, even though it seemed to be moving unnaturally slowly. I put my bowl down gently on the coffee table and walked into the hallway to let him in. I opened the door and he immediately stepped across the threshold and gave me a big hug, squeezing me close. He didn’t say anything, but somehow this made me feel better than anything else possibly could have. Finally he broke away from me and gave me a watery smile, and I led us back into the living room so we could sit on the couch and talk for a while. I turned the TV off and he said, “I’m really sorry, and I actually meant to come sooner, but this completely slipped my mind until not too long ago. I feel like a horrible person.” He looked up at me sheepishly, like a child who had been caught trying to microwave metal to see the explosion.
“It’s fine….I actually forgot myself until yesterday…I don’t know how something like that can slip your mind but apparently it does,” I shrugged. “Besides, the important thing is that you did remember, and you did come over. I don’t think any of the others called…then again I was out for a while and I’ve been shut in my room, so maybe I just didn’t hear the phone.”
“Yeah, well, I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I mean as okay as you can ever be on a day when someone you love dies. Especially since I knew this was a pretty big one. I just wanted to make sure you were coping all right here on your own. But you’re okay then?”
“I am now. A little earlier I was having a hard time, but I think that’s because I’ve been having worse dreams than usual, and I was kind of in a mood yesterday for some reason. But I think I’m okay now. I’ve done everything I want to, I’ve been to the graveyard, and I don’t think there’s anything else I can do except maybe say something before I lie down tonight, you know? Other than that…I really think I’m good,” I smiled at him, glad for his company. He was right; it probably wasn’t good to be alone in the house on a day like this. He put his arm around me, I laid my head on his shoulder, and we sat there for a while, not saying anything but both glad the other was there.
Matt had been looking around the room, staring at nothing in particular, when I saw his focus shift to the front window. He seemed to be staring hard at something with a puzzled expression on his face, as if was a figurine on the shelf that had been moved from its original spot. After about a minute, he shook his head a little and resumed looking at other things, but I noticed his gaze kept drifting to the window every few seconds. Finally, as if he didn’t really want to, he asked, “Is it just me, or does that car look broken down to you? Or…at least it should be; it’s just sitting there. But I don’t see anyone outside it. That’s odd.”
My heart clenched as I tilted my head up to look. Sure enough, across the street was a car just sitting there, looking for all the world as if it had broken down and its owner had decided to walk to the nearest mechanic to get some help. It wasn’t the same car as the one I had seen out there previously or the one that I had seen earlier that day by the scrapbooking store. But still, it was highly suspicious; it’s not like this is a regular occurrence in this town.
And I could have sworn I saw another person-shaped shadow in the driver’s seat.