In Loving Memory
The next morning started out nice enough, the perfect start to what would have been a perfect spring day at any other time. But I knew what I would have to suffer through once I got to school. I knew people would be looking at me, whispering about me more than they usually did anyway, wondering if I had actually gone crazy and wondering if I would maybe snap and do something violent. I was used to the normal muttering and it didn’t bother me, but I wasn’t sure how exactly I would react to renewed interest. I had to be careful not to get mad at anyone, at least not to their face, because I would definitely get shunted to the counselor again, this time with no way out of it. I glared menacingly at my alarm clock even though it had no way of knowing that I was dreading waking up more than usual. Finally I groaned and threw my covers to the ground, rolling reluctantly out of bed. I walked down the hall to the bathroom and took a shower, making it last as long as I possibly could until I heard Charlie call, “Hurry up, Tanny! You need to have at least a little something before you go to school, and I’ll need to leave soon!” Sighing, I stepped out and got dressed, proceeding down the stairs as slowly as I dared. I didn’t want to upset Charlie, but I was in no particular hurry to start the day, either. When I reached the kitchen, he wordlessly handed me some Pop Tarts and walked out to his car. I stared at the food, feeling slightly sick, and then put it back on the counter. I was not up for breakfast this morning. I followed Charlie and hopped in the passenger seat, and the two of us rode in silence to the school building.
As he pulled up in front of the school, I could already see people gazing over at me and whispering to each other. I rolled my eyes, grabbed my backpack, and got out, trying to look as though I neither noticed nor cared what was going on around me. Staring down at the sidewalk, I found it slightly easier to deal with, though I could still hear little snippets of conversation floating casually through the air around me. Finally I reached the front doors and stepped inside, glancing quickly back to see Charlie wave and pull away from the curb. As I turned back around, I saw almost every head snap away from me, afraid that I would see them staring at me. I almost wished they hadn’t bothered, because that made it almost more obvious that I had been the object of intense scrutiny mere seconds before. Thankfully the bell rang just after that, and I was able to make it to my locker in relative obscurity.
As I walked to my first period class, I prayed that I would be one of the first ones there so I wouldn’t have to walk across the room in front of everyone, and thankfully there were only three other people when I got there. I saw all of their eyes flick quickly in my direction and then away again just as fast. In fact, everyone who came in afterwards seemed to employ the same technique, and I was glad that no one had decided to say anything. I had been expecting more comments to my face earlier than this, and while I was sure it would not last the entire day, it was a relief nonetheless. If this kept up it may turn out to be a much better day than I had expected.
First period passed without anything happening, as did second period, and I was feeling hesitantly optimistic about my luck so far. Third period, however, was perhaps the one thing I was dreading more than lunchtime. I was almost always one of the last ones in the classroom because I had to walk across the school building, and that class had some of the biggest bullies in it that you could possibly imagine. They normally didn’t pick on me much because they had learned fairly quickly that most things didn’t faze me, but I knew that they wouldn’t let something like this pass without ridiculing me. I paused at the door, trying to figure out if I could quickly work up something that would give me fever within the next ten seconds, and deciding that this would probably just give them more cause to mock me, I took a deep breath and opened the door.
As soon as I stepped inside I heard a chuckle and someone said, “Let’s see if she falls asleep in class this time.” Pursing my lips, I walked as quickly as I could to the back of the room, my eyes glued to the dirty linoleum. As I sat, I saw the three worst bullies, Rick, Sam, and Henry, all looking at me, stupid grins on their faces. I raised my eyebrows at them and turned away, even though my heart was pounding and I wanted nothing more than to get back at them, even though I knew it was just beginning. Sure enough, within the first five minutes of class, when we were supposed to be doing some sort of quick partner work, I heard Henry’s voice say, “Yeah, this class would be much more interesting if some crazy chick started screamin’ her head off, don’t you think?”
“Heh, yeah it would,” I heard Sam reply, as Rick laughed in his high-pitched way, like when chalk scrapes against the chalkboard. I saw several people look in my direction, trying to see what I would do. The only reaction I had was to grip my pencil tighter and tell myself that this class was just an hour, like the others, and I would get through it. But seeing that I hadn’t done anything, Sam continued in slightly louder voice, “Psycho people really shouldn’t be allowed here with us normal people. I mean seriously, someone should have caught on earlier, with the crime obsession thing. But it took this long to get her a shrink? I coulda told ‘em she was messed up like seven years ago. You can’t think someone like that’s normal. And now she goes batshit insane in the library and she’s still here? She should be locked up.” I didn’t remember it happening, but suddenly I realized that my pencil was lying on my desk in two pieces and everyone in class had turned to face me, not even bothering with the assignment any longer. I wondered why the teacher was failing to do anything, but then noticed that she must have stepped out of the room for a few minutes without me noticing. I stood up, not caring anymore what people thought or what would happen to me, and walked toward the three, who were now laughing as though they had heard the most hilarious joke ever told. In between fits of laughter Sam managed to choke out, “Look out…boys…she’s here to…freak out on us!”
Drawing level with their desks, I turned on them and glared as hard as I could at them, feeling as though my eyeballs were likely to pop out of their sockets. I felt my nose flaring and they must have been able to see it, because Rick pointed, saying something about getting ready to charge, and they began laughing even harder. I shook, ready to explode, but not entirely sure what I would say. Finally I felt I couldn’t contain it anymore, and against my better judgment, I started screaming, “YOU ASSHOLES! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT IT’S LIKE TO HAVE NIGHTMARES SO HORRIBLE EVERY NIGHT THAT YOU CAN’T SLEEP? DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I’VE BEEN THROUGH? OF COURSE NOT, YOU’RE ALL SOULLESS DICKS!” I saw their eyes widen, but there was still a look of slight amusement on their faces at finally causing me to break. I couldn’t stand it, and just as I raised my fist to get back at them, the teacher walked back in the door. I knew then that I was definitely going to get it big time. I didn’t even bother pretending I wasn’t doing anything and walked out the door to the principal’s office without her ever saying a word.
As he pulled up in front of the school, I could already see people gazing over at me and whispering to each other. I rolled my eyes, grabbed my backpack, and got out, trying to look as though I neither noticed nor cared what was going on around me. Staring down at the sidewalk, I found it slightly easier to deal with, though I could still hear little snippets of conversation floating casually through the air around me. Finally I reached the front doors and stepped inside, glancing quickly back to see Charlie wave and pull away from the curb. As I turned back around, I saw almost every head snap away from me, afraid that I would see them staring at me. I almost wished they hadn’t bothered, because that made it almost more obvious that I had been the object of intense scrutiny mere seconds before. Thankfully the bell rang just after that, and I was able to make it to my locker in relative obscurity.
As I walked to my first period class, I prayed that I would be one of the first ones there so I wouldn’t have to walk across the room in front of everyone, and thankfully there were only three other people when I got there. I saw all of their eyes flick quickly in my direction and then away again just as fast. In fact, everyone who came in afterwards seemed to employ the same technique, and I was glad that no one had decided to say anything. I had been expecting more comments to my face earlier than this, and while I was sure it would not last the entire day, it was a relief nonetheless. If this kept up it may turn out to be a much better day than I had expected.
First period passed without anything happening, as did second period, and I was feeling hesitantly optimistic about my luck so far. Third period, however, was perhaps the one thing I was dreading more than lunchtime. I was almost always one of the last ones in the classroom because I had to walk across the school building, and that class had some of the biggest bullies in it that you could possibly imagine. They normally didn’t pick on me much because they had learned fairly quickly that most things didn’t faze me, but I knew that they wouldn’t let something like this pass without ridiculing me. I paused at the door, trying to figure out if I could quickly work up something that would give me fever within the next ten seconds, and deciding that this would probably just give them more cause to mock me, I took a deep breath and opened the door.
As soon as I stepped inside I heard a chuckle and someone said, “Let’s see if she falls asleep in class this time.” Pursing my lips, I walked as quickly as I could to the back of the room, my eyes glued to the dirty linoleum. As I sat, I saw the three worst bullies, Rick, Sam, and Henry, all looking at me, stupid grins on their faces. I raised my eyebrows at them and turned away, even though my heart was pounding and I wanted nothing more than to get back at them, even though I knew it was just beginning. Sure enough, within the first five minutes of class, when we were supposed to be doing some sort of quick partner work, I heard Henry’s voice say, “Yeah, this class would be much more interesting if some crazy chick started screamin’ her head off, don’t you think?”
“Heh, yeah it would,” I heard Sam reply, as Rick laughed in his high-pitched way, like when chalk scrapes against the chalkboard. I saw several people look in my direction, trying to see what I would do. The only reaction I had was to grip my pencil tighter and tell myself that this class was just an hour, like the others, and I would get through it. But seeing that I hadn’t done anything, Sam continued in slightly louder voice, “Psycho people really shouldn’t be allowed here with us normal people. I mean seriously, someone should have caught on earlier, with the crime obsession thing. But it took this long to get her a shrink? I coulda told ‘em she was messed up like seven years ago. You can’t think someone like that’s normal. And now she goes batshit insane in the library and she’s still here? She should be locked up.” I didn’t remember it happening, but suddenly I realized that my pencil was lying on my desk in two pieces and everyone in class had turned to face me, not even bothering with the assignment any longer. I wondered why the teacher was failing to do anything, but then noticed that she must have stepped out of the room for a few minutes without me noticing. I stood up, not caring anymore what people thought or what would happen to me, and walked toward the three, who were now laughing as though they had heard the most hilarious joke ever told. In between fits of laughter Sam managed to choke out, “Look out…boys…she’s here to…freak out on us!”
Drawing level with their desks, I turned on them and glared as hard as I could at them, feeling as though my eyeballs were likely to pop out of their sockets. I felt my nose flaring and they must have been able to see it, because Rick pointed, saying something about getting ready to charge, and they began laughing even harder. I shook, ready to explode, but not entirely sure what I would say. Finally I felt I couldn’t contain it anymore, and against my better judgment, I started screaming, “YOU ASSHOLES! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT IT’S LIKE TO HAVE NIGHTMARES SO HORRIBLE EVERY NIGHT THAT YOU CAN’T SLEEP? DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I’VE BEEN THROUGH? OF COURSE NOT, YOU’RE ALL SOULLESS DICKS!” I saw their eyes widen, but there was still a look of slight amusement on their faces at finally causing me to break. I couldn’t stand it, and just as I raised my fist to get back at them, the teacher walked back in the door. I knew then that I was definitely going to get it big time. I didn’t even bother pretending I wasn’t doing anything and walked out the door to the principal’s office without her ever saying a word.