Heroes Fic: "Autumn" Entry
His pleading goes like this, “I can help you!”. He’ll scream it across dry, dead air and into the blackened heart and internal organs of a man who is lacking the thing he is applying to. It’s a science, you see. He could help him, but won’t. Arthur Petrelli could just take enough to live, but he won’t.
He’ll take it all.
~ ~ ~
Daphne hears him call her name in her nightmares. She sees the English man turn to her, than turn to dust. She sees Arthur Petrelli get out of the bed and walk, determined, sees the wind blow the man away.
But she wasn’t there. And he wasn’t gone. Otherwise, how would see she him? How could she feel his touch and say that it was cold as death?
Matt Parkman kisses her when she wakes up screaming. He says her name and his touch is warm, she can feel his blood flowing underneath his fingertips, and it all says his name.
She wants to tell him, “I will tear out your heart.” Because that’s what a bad person would do. That’s what Arthur Petrelli would do.
It’s not like she hasn’t done it before.
~ ~ ~
And she can’t tell Matt Parkman, so she tells him. His name is Adam. He’s done this before. Her words slur and the beer can in her hands is too cold, but in it is comfort and in it is slowed down life.
She tells him what she has done. Tells him what she is doing now. And then, when it’s done, she threatens to kill him if he ever tells anyone.
While she is saying, “When this is done, I’m moving back to Paris. I’ll live there, and I’ll own an art gallery. At night, I’ll eat until I’m about to explode, then kiss every guy in a club and the pounds will just melt away.” He’s saying, “How could I tell anyone? I’m dead.”
“Am I imagining you?” her questions are coming out askew, soon she’ll be asleep. “If I hit you, will my hand go right through you, like with Linderman?”
It does. But when he kisses her before she collapses on the floor, to be awakened by Parkman hours later, she feels it.
And she wants more.
~ ~ ~
When she kisses Matt Parkman, it’s like her first kiss all over again. He is awkward, and he’ll later say it’s because she surprised him. But she knows that it’s just his nature. So she’ll take it slow, pecks instead of long, lingering kisses. She’ll hug more often than not. She’ll use endearments that nearly break her own heart.
At night, she’ll tell Adam, “I want to love him.”
He’ll laugh, smile, canines bared, and ask, “Am I making it difficult?”
Both of them know the answer.
So she introduces Parkman to the things she enjoys. French movies with characters that kiss everyone. Ice cream that is too good to exist. Country music, and other kinds that are her guilty pleasures.
Adam is always there, waiting in the background. Waiting…
~ ~ ~
It’s next September. Parkman is asleep and Daphne is laying there beside him. She rests her hand on his shoulder, listens to him breathe. The gun is in the drawer next to him. Arthur called that day, reminding her that it was almost time. With Sylar on their side and Peter out of the way, Parkman was the only one still chasing them.
She would have to do this. She would have to pull the trigger (again), she would have to watch someone else struggle to breathe, look at her with eyes that question and beg. The person would be wondering what happened. He would say again, “But…but…” as something disgusting fell from the wound; from the mouth.
This person- then her husband, now Parkman- wouldn’t finish his statement. But she always would, in her mind; her heart.
“But you loved me. But I thought you did.”
~ ~ ~
In October, the phone calls are becoming more consistent. Time ticks slowly down and it all leads to this: the gun, resting in her handbag. She and Parkman live like an old married couple. He makes dinner every night, and they talk. He makes her laugh and she hates him all the more for it. Dessert and wine is always served with music, something that she loves and that he’s come too.
“You love him and you don’t even realize it. You’re pathetic.” Adam is still there.
One night, she asks him to dance with her. She turns on a song that’s soft and slow, romantic and sad. He scoffs at it, call is church music.
“This is wrong, and- coming from me- you know it is.”
She doesn’t care. She misses the feeling of his (false) breath on her neck, the dangerous way his sinuous arms clasped around her. The serpent tempted Eve with the apple, but all she needs is the slight taste of liquor on his breath, his accent ticking the inside of her ear.
They dance in the room where she and Parkman kissed hours ago.
“You’re wrong,” she tells Adam, “I know I love him.”
They kiss, and it’s dangerous. And true.
She kisses Parkman and it’s safe. And true.
Her heart is big enough. Although she doesn’t believe it.
~ ~ ~
End of November. End of autumn. End of the life of spring and the beginning of the death of things in winter.
The heat is off in the apartment where they find her. She’s lying in the bed, her hair is down, and everything feels wrong to him. Where’s her laugh? The music? Where is everything they built?
They’ve moved the body out. The gruesome discovery is forbidden to him, they weren’t that kind of couple.
All that’s left is the letter.
What’s more important is what’s left unsaid.
~ ~ ~
She chose the outfit carefully, with him watching. She wrote down what she had to say three times, because each time her hand shook.
Adam sits on their bed and stared at her the entire time. And after, he walks over to her and picks her up, tells her how stupid she was. How there were many ways around doing this.
But they both know that’s false.
~ ~ ~
How else would she have told Parkman about her betrayal? How else would she be able to love them both and not think of herself as insane each time she kissed Adam?
~ ~ ~
Peter is still alive. He and Parkman lead the offense against Primatech, aided and abetted by the Bennetts, by everyone.
They know how to defeat them by evidence placed in a small letter by Daphne.
~ ~ ~
He’s waiting at the airport, for a call that comes faster than he expected. Then he’s waiting by the gate, for a face he remembers and prays for. And then there she is- running to him, throwing her arms around him, shouting his name over and over again.
Molly is happy to be home. And he’s happy to have her here.
Adam kisses Daphne over and over again, his mouth still tastes like liquor, hers still tastes like chocolate and wine, like chap sticks and gum. She’s still too fast for one person and he’s still too dangerous.
Nothing’s changed. Her heart is still big enough. His heart is big enough to let her be, but not big enough to leave.
Because, you know, Molly’s plane was supposed to crash. But there are ways- when you’re dead and have powers- around supposed.
.
He’ll take it all.
~ ~ ~
Daphne hears him call her name in her nightmares. She sees the English man turn to her, than turn to dust. She sees Arthur Petrelli get out of the bed and walk, determined, sees the wind blow the man away.
But she wasn’t there. And he wasn’t gone. Otherwise, how would see she him? How could she feel his touch and say that it was cold as death?
Matt Parkman kisses her when she wakes up screaming. He says her name and his touch is warm, she can feel his blood flowing underneath his fingertips, and it all says his name.
She wants to tell him, “I will tear out your heart.” Because that’s what a bad person would do. That’s what Arthur Petrelli would do.
It’s not like she hasn’t done it before.
~ ~ ~
And she can’t tell Matt Parkman, so she tells him. His name is Adam. He’s done this before. Her words slur and the beer can in her hands is too cold, but in it is comfort and in it is slowed down life.
She tells him what she has done. Tells him what she is doing now. And then, when it’s done, she threatens to kill him if he ever tells anyone.
While she is saying, “When this is done, I’m moving back to Paris. I’ll live there, and I’ll own an art gallery. At night, I’ll eat until I’m about to explode, then kiss every guy in a club and the pounds will just melt away.” He’s saying, “How could I tell anyone? I’m dead.”
“Am I imagining you?” her questions are coming out askew, soon she’ll be asleep. “If I hit you, will my hand go right through you, like with Linderman?”
It does. But when he kisses her before she collapses on the floor, to be awakened by Parkman hours later, she feels it.
And she wants more.
~ ~ ~
When she kisses Matt Parkman, it’s like her first kiss all over again. He is awkward, and he’ll later say it’s because she surprised him. But she knows that it’s just his nature. So she’ll take it slow, pecks instead of long, lingering kisses. She’ll hug more often than not. She’ll use endearments that nearly break her own heart.
At night, she’ll tell Adam, “I want to love him.”
He’ll laugh, smile, canines bared, and ask, “Am I making it difficult?”
Both of them know the answer.
So she introduces Parkman to the things she enjoys. French movies with characters that kiss everyone. Ice cream that is too good to exist. Country music, and other kinds that are her guilty pleasures.
Adam is always there, waiting in the background. Waiting…
~ ~ ~
It’s next September. Parkman is asleep and Daphne is laying there beside him. She rests her hand on his shoulder, listens to him breathe. The gun is in the drawer next to him. Arthur called that day, reminding her that it was almost time. With Sylar on their side and Peter out of the way, Parkman was the only one still chasing them.
She would have to do this. She would have to pull the trigger (again), she would have to watch someone else struggle to breathe, look at her with eyes that question and beg. The person would be wondering what happened. He would say again, “But…but…” as something disgusting fell from the wound; from the mouth.
This person- then her husband, now Parkman- wouldn’t finish his statement. But she always would, in her mind; her heart.
“But you loved me. But I thought you did.”
~ ~ ~
In October, the phone calls are becoming more consistent. Time ticks slowly down and it all leads to this: the gun, resting in her handbag. She and Parkman live like an old married couple. He makes dinner every night, and they talk. He makes her laugh and she hates him all the more for it. Dessert and wine is always served with music, something that she loves and that he’s come too.
“You love him and you don’t even realize it. You’re pathetic.” Adam is still there.
One night, she asks him to dance with her. She turns on a song that’s soft and slow, romantic and sad. He scoffs at it, call is church music.
“This is wrong, and- coming from me- you know it is.”
She doesn’t care. She misses the feeling of his (false) breath on her neck, the dangerous way his sinuous arms clasped around her. The serpent tempted Eve with the apple, but all she needs is the slight taste of liquor on his breath, his accent ticking the inside of her ear.
They dance in the room where she and Parkman kissed hours ago.
“You’re wrong,” she tells Adam, “I know I love him.”
They kiss, and it’s dangerous. And true.
She kisses Parkman and it’s safe. And true.
Her heart is big enough. Although she doesn’t believe it.
~ ~ ~
End of November. End of autumn. End of the life of spring and the beginning of the death of things in winter.
The heat is off in the apartment where they find her. She’s lying in the bed, her hair is down, and everything feels wrong to him. Where’s her laugh? The music? Where is everything they built?
They’ve moved the body out. The gruesome discovery is forbidden to him, they weren’t that kind of couple.
All that’s left is the letter.
What’s more important is what’s left unsaid.
~ ~ ~
She chose the outfit carefully, with him watching. She wrote down what she had to say three times, because each time her hand shook.
Adam sits on their bed and stared at her the entire time. And after, he walks over to her and picks her up, tells her how stupid she was. How there were many ways around doing this.
But they both know that’s false.
~ ~ ~
How else would she have told Parkman about her betrayal? How else would she be able to love them both and not think of herself as insane each time she kissed Adam?
~ ~ ~
Peter is still alive. He and Parkman lead the offense against Primatech, aided and abetted by the Bennetts, by everyone.
They know how to defeat them by evidence placed in a small letter by Daphne.
~ ~ ~
He’s waiting at the airport, for a call that comes faster than he expected. Then he’s waiting by the gate, for a face he remembers and prays for. And then there she is- running to him, throwing her arms around him, shouting his name over and over again.
Molly is happy to be home. And he’s happy to have her here.
Adam kisses Daphne over and over again, his mouth still tastes like liquor, hers still tastes like chocolate and wine, like chap sticks and gum. She’s still too fast for one person and he’s still too dangerous.
Nothing’s changed. Her heart is still big enough. His heart is big enough to let her be, but not big enough to leave.
Because, you know, Molly’s plane was supposed to crash. But there are ways- when you’re dead and have powers- around supposed.
.