because this conversation just wasn't fun enough without me
I should not be blogging at work, and especially not blogging something potentially offensive at work, but I need to get this off my chest.
With respect to International Blog Against Racism Week, the intent is admirable and I appreciate the openness and willingness to talk about issues that seem to make people -- especially white people -- uncomfortable or defensive or prone to posting crap like "No way is any Johnny Depp movie racist, you oversensitive idiots!! He's like 10% Cherokee!"
I've also seen other white people saying they'd rather just listen while this conversation goes on. I remember oyceter and coffeeandink and popfantastic pointing out during the cultural appropriation debate that now is not the time for white people to be talking about how their great-grandparents were discriminated against, because the present effects of societal racism on descendants of, say, Irish potato farmers, frankly just do not compare to the present effects of societal racism on people of color. (Yes, that is my term of choice for visible minorities.)
The thing is, while I appreciate the talking, I also appreciate the "this is not about me" mentality quite a lot. And in relation to that, I find myself growing increasingly restless with all of this public soul-searching because again, it deflects the focus of the conversation to white people's personal struggles with their white privileged guilt; and to some extent non-white privileged people (read: Asian-Americans, and by that I generally mean East Asians) talking about their various types of privileged guilt; lots of stories about Meeting My First Black Person And How That Made Me Feel....
And to all of this I just have to say: Thanks, but what else have you got?
Years ago I tried to explain to a friend that this type of guilt is unproductive and overcompensating and that I personally never expect anyone to approach race issues from anything other than the perspective they grew up with. I think that helped me, growing up as a person of color in the southeastern United States, to just deal with the baseline ignorance and prejudice I was confronted with daily. And of course, lower expectations = more potential to be pleasantly surprised when people do move beyond their backgrounds.
In the course of the conversation I said, among other things: "[H]ow do you make the world better, more tolerant of diversity? How do you make yourself more 'aware' of other races? Simple: you deal with people one person at a time, make friends, maybe try to figure out their life stories as respectfully as you can. If you still find yourself lacking in friends who are a different color than you, that's no big either. That's just your world, and no sense feeling guilty for it, especially if you're not actively trying to make it just the one shade. But suddenly feeling like you ought to take on the burden of the white world's conscience is only going to make you feel like crap, when no crap is deserved."
I thought I was being cynical, but really I was just sitting on a different idealistic high horse. By which I mean, what has finally crystallized for me since then is how the resulting counter-argument, "But my best friend/family member/guy I said hello to in the street is [some ethnicity browner than me]!" is really quite useless. Because the sad fact is that many people, even when they can legitimately claim they are moving past their own racism one person of color at a time, are still just accumulating exceptions to the stereotypes. Especially if a) the particular POC is situated in similar economic or social or educational strata, b) you never interact with the particular POC or other POCs outside of those familiar contexts, or c) in the case of those POCs you do meet outside of familiar contexts, there is no continued interaction after the one incident that apparently broke the stereotype.
Examples: Your Southeast Asian friend is acquiring fancy higher ed degrees on her way to a successful and lucrative career. Knowing her doesn't mean you know very much about Southeast Asian people. (It may actually mean you know very little about Southeast Asian people...and yes, I say it because I am one.) Or you had a great conversation with a black man while waiting in line at the grocery store and thought, wow, go me for getting past my automatic prejudice against black people. That doesn't mean you're going to stay on the same side of the street as a black man two days later when you're walking home alone at night.
So, yeah, I appreciate the soul-searching blog entries about how you learned you might be racist and that racism is bad, but to me the important questions are: What are you going to do when you log off? Can you do anything when you log off? All well and good to explore uncomfortable mental spaces, but what will you do when next confronted with the physical reality of someone you just can't relate to at all?
Important ETA: I forgot to mention this all applies to me and my own behavior as well. Point one finger, four point back at yourself, etc.
Since I dislike it when people go off on race rants without offering any concrete suggestions, I'll summarize my position and offer what I'll call my "personal four-point POC wishlist for all people more privileged than me," and then I will frustrate things by disclaiming it big time because I, of course, do not represent all POCs, and because at this stage in my life I happen to be pretty damn privileged myself. But for what it's worth, and in case it helps you with the next potential stereotype-breaking incident:
1. Get out of your comfort zone. Go somewhere where you are a visible minority: a neighborhood dominated by another ethnicity, another country if you can afford it. Spend a significant amount of time there. Once in a while, try talking to people instead of being just a mute observer. (Note: talking only to people whose job is to serve you food or fresh towels isn't enough.)
1(a). If you, like most people, were raised not to talk to strangers, find some sort of institution or infrastructure where you can insert yourself into the community and are expected to make these kinds connections. Yes, this requires significant time and effort. But hey, you're privileged, you can afford it. <---- joking! joking!
1(b). Repeat, repeat, repeat. Once is not enough.
2. If you don't have the time or energy to seek out real life opportunities, educate yourself. Ideally you'd do this in addition to #1, but. The stuff they teach in high school about the Civil Rights Movement in the U.S. is just the starting point for a really huge body of knowledge about race issues, not only domestically but globally. It's not just white people vs. black people, and it's not even just white people vs. people of color. A lot of races and ethnicities have their own issues with each other which are not just good but downright necessary to know.
2(a). I will say flat-out that even watching a movie or reading a book about people of color is better than nothing. I mean, seriously -- the baseline here is ignorance. I relate this suggestion to the perpetual discussion about mainstream entertainment needing more diversity. If you can't get it from NBC or the next summer blockbuster, seek it out yourself. Just know that Hollywood does not always equal life, and that this stuff probably will not by itself give you the tools to interact with POCs in a completely jackass free fashion.
3. Don't be afraid to offend, and as a corollary to that, accept that you might be offensive. Accidentally offending and purposefully offending are different things. How will you know whether a certain action or statement is offensive unless someone tells you so? More importantly, how will you stop being offensive unless you are receptive to the idea that you might be? I firmly believe, having known and loved some truly good people who could still act ignorant as hell, that you've got to get your hands dirty in order to learn. Meek and sterile political correctness, without the underlying understanding, is useless; so is just plowing ahead without even trying.
4. All of this said, recognize that people are not just stepping blocks to deal with your own personal issues with racism. I don't often post in this way because I don't think it's mine or any POC's job to educate anyone about race (see above re: educating yourself) -- and frankly I would guess that a lot of POCs wouldn't even be interested in your attempt at dialogue. See me, not caring about your privileged guilt! Talking to a POC does not give you an automatic pass in How Not To Be A Racist 101. Also, and this is in fact the point of this cantankerous rant, the credits are not necessarily transferrable! Just because you got a certificate of achievement from one POC (we each come with a stack of them to hand out, natch) doesn't mean you actually accomplished anything because we are not all the same.
4(a). However. If a POC does choose to speak up, hush for a moment and listen. Hijacking the conversation to make it all about you, your guilt, your privilege, is really just rehashing experiences you've already had and things you already know. Good for recordkeeping purposes, maybe, but what do you actually learn from it?
[ETA: Basically, hederahelix says it all for me in the comments here.]
...and I have slipped back into unhelpful naysaying again. I am going to get some lunch.
With respect to International Blog Against Racism Week, the intent is admirable and I appreciate the openness and willingness to talk about issues that seem to make people -- especially white people -- uncomfortable or defensive or prone to posting crap like "No way is any Johnny Depp movie racist, you oversensitive idiots!! He's like 10% Cherokee!"
I've also seen other white people saying they'd rather just listen while this conversation goes on. I remember oyceter and coffeeandink and popfantastic pointing out during the cultural appropriation debate that now is not the time for white people to be talking about how their great-grandparents were discriminated against, because the present effects of societal racism on descendants of, say, Irish potato farmers, frankly just do not compare to the present effects of societal racism on people of color. (Yes, that is my term of choice for visible minorities.)
The thing is, while I appreciate the talking, I also appreciate the "this is not about me" mentality quite a lot. And in relation to that, I find myself growing increasingly restless with all of this public soul-searching because again, it deflects the focus of the conversation to white people's personal struggles with their white privileged guilt; and to some extent non-white privileged people (read: Asian-Americans, and by that I generally mean East Asians) talking about their various types of privileged guilt; lots of stories about Meeting My First Black Person And How That Made Me Feel....
And to all of this I just have to say: Thanks, but what else have you got?
Years ago I tried to explain to a friend that this type of guilt is unproductive and overcompensating and that I personally never expect anyone to approach race issues from anything other than the perspective they grew up with. I think that helped me, growing up as a person of color in the southeastern United States, to just deal with the baseline ignorance and prejudice I was confronted with daily. And of course, lower expectations = more potential to be pleasantly surprised when people do move beyond their backgrounds.
In the course of the conversation I said, among other things: "[H]ow do you make the world better, more tolerant of diversity? How do you make yourself more 'aware' of other races? Simple: you deal with people one person at a time, make friends, maybe try to figure out their life stories as respectfully as you can. If you still find yourself lacking in friends who are a different color than you, that's no big either. That's just your world, and no sense feeling guilty for it, especially if you're not actively trying to make it just the one shade. But suddenly feeling like you ought to take on the burden of the white world's conscience is only going to make you feel like crap, when no crap is deserved."
I thought I was being cynical, but really I was just sitting on a different idealistic high horse. By which I mean, what has finally crystallized for me since then is how the resulting counter-argument, "But my best friend/family member/guy I said hello to in the street is [some ethnicity browner than me]!" is really quite useless. Because the sad fact is that many people, even when they can legitimately claim they are moving past their own racism one person of color at a time, are still just accumulating exceptions to the stereotypes. Especially if a) the particular POC is situated in similar economic or social or educational strata, b) you never interact with the particular POC or other POCs outside of those familiar contexts, or c) in the case of those POCs you do meet outside of familiar contexts, there is no continued interaction after the one incident that apparently broke the stereotype.
Examples: Your Southeast Asian friend is acquiring fancy higher ed degrees on her way to a successful and lucrative career. Knowing her doesn't mean you know very much about Southeast Asian people. (It may actually mean you know very little about Southeast Asian people...and yes, I say it because I am one.) Or you had a great conversation with a black man while waiting in line at the grocery store and thought, wow, go me for getting past my automatic prejudice against black people. That doesn't mean you're going to stay on the same side of the street as a black man two days later when you're walking home alone at night.
So, yeah, I appreciate the soul-searching blog entries about how you learned you might be racist and that racism is bad, but to me the important questions are: What are you going to do when you log off? Can you do anything when you log off? All well and good to explore uncomfortable mental spaces, but what will you do when next confronted with the physical reality of someone you just can't relate to at all?
Important ETA: I forgot to mention this all applies to me and my own behavior as well. Point one finger, four point back at yourself, etc.
Since I dislike it when people go off on race rants without offering any concrete suggestions, I'll summarize my position and offer what I'll call my "personal four-point POC wishlist for all people more privileged than me," and then I will frustrate things by disclaiming it big time because I, of course, do not represent all POCs, and because at this stage in my life I happen to be pretty damn privileged myself. But for what it's worth, and in case it helps you with the next potential stereotype-breaking incident:
1. Get out of your comfort zone. Go somewhere where you are a visible minority: a neighborhood dominated by another ethnicity, another country if you can afford it. Spend a significant amount of time there. Once in a while, try talking to people instead of being just a mute observer. (Note: talking only to people whose job is to serve you food or fresh towels isn't enough.)
1(a). If you, like most people, were raised not to talk to strangers, find some sort of institution or infrastructure where you can insert yourself into the community and are expected to make these kinds connections. Yes, this requires significant time and effort. But hey, you're privileged, you can afford it. <---- joking! joking!
1(b). Repeat, repeat, repeat. Once is not enough.
2. If you don't have the time or energy to seek out real life opportunities, educate yourself. Ideally you'd do this in addition to #1, but. The stuff they teach in high school about the Civil Rights Movement in the U.S. is just the starting point for a really huge body of knowledge about race issues, not only domestically but globally. It's not just white people vs. black people, and it's not even just white people vs. people of color. A lot of races and ethnicities have their own issues with each other which are not just good but downright necessary to know.
2(a). I will say flat-out that even watching a movie or reading a book about people of color is better than nothing. I mean, seriously -- the baseline here is ignorance. I relate this suggestion to the perpetual discussion about mainstream entertainment needing more diversity. If you can't get it from NBC or the next summer blockbuster, seek it out yourself. Just know that Hollywood does not always equal life, and that this stuff probably will not by itself give you the tools to interact with POCs in a completely jackass free fashion.
3. Don't be afraid to offend, and as a corollary to that, accept that you might be offensive. Accidentally offending and purposefully offending are different things. How will you know whether a certain action or statement is offensive unless someone tells you so? More importantly, how will you stop being offensive unless you are receptive to the idea that you might be? I firmly believe, having known and loved some truly good people who could still act ignorant as hell, that you've got to get your hands dirty in order to learn. Meek and sterile political correctness, without the underlying understanding, is useless; so is just plowing ahead without even trying.
4. All of this said, recognize that people are not just stepping blocks to deal with your own personal issues with racism. I don't often post in this way because I don't think it's mine or any POC's job to educate anyone about race (see above re: educating yourself) -- and frankly I would guess that a lot of POCs wouldn't even be interested in your attempt at dialogue. See me, not caring about your privileged guilt! Talking to a POC does not give you an automatic pass in How Not To Be A Racist 101. Also, and this is in fact the point of this cantankerous rant, the credits are not necessarily transferrable! Just because you got a certificate of achievement from one POC (we each come with a stack of them to hand out, natch) doesn't mean you actually accomplished anything because we are not all the same.
4(a). However. If a POC does choose to speak up, hush for a moment and listen. Hijacking the conversation to make it all about you, your guilt, your privilege, is really just rehashing experiences you've already had and things you already know. Good for recordkeeping purposes, maybe, but what do you actually learn from it?
[ETA: Basically, hederahelix says it all for me in the comments here.]
...and I have slipped back into unhelpful naysaying again. I am going to get some lunch.