Bleach - Gin/Momo/Kira - "Trapped in your game"
Title : Trapped in your game
Author : flo_nelja
Fandom : Bleach
Pairing : Mainly one-sided Kira/Momo, and ambiguities everywhere
Disclaimer : Bleach belongs to Tite Kubo.
Rating : Light PG-13
Words : ~2300
Request : Gin/Momo/Kira, two puppets and one master, request by shinigamikender
Notes : Much thanks to laylah for the very necessary beta !
When Kira walked up to Third Division Headquarters, he was surprised to feel a spirit force he didn't expect, and he quickened his pace.
He wondered what could be so important for Hinamori to come and see him so early. Maybe she brought some private message from Aizen-taichou. Of course, Kira would prefer her to be here in order to talk to him or ask him for a favor, but he did not want to hope too strongly.
Not that he thought he stood any chance with her. Abarai always picked on him and pushed him into confessing his love, but Kira knew better. He was not defeatist, just lucid. He predicted that they were able to become vice-captains, he predicted that Renji and Rukia-san couldn't stay friends after she was adopted by the Kuchiki family, and he knew as well that it was useless to tell her anything.
Yet it was always delightful to be able to do anything for her.
"Hinamori-kun!" he called, entering the office. She didn't reply. Startled, he looked around the room and found her on a chair, head sagging on her chest, inert.
He called her name again, deeply worried. It was absurd, because he felt her spirit force as strongly as usual, but he couldn't stop himself. It was abnormal for her to sleep here. He quickly checked her pulse and breathing, hesitating to shake her and wake her.
"Well, you do really care for her!" The voice came from behind him.
Ichimaru-taichou.
Kira tensed. That was unusual too. Not his captain concealing his spirit force in order to surprise him, but him being here so early. Ichimaru-taichou was usually late.
"Do you know why Hinamori-kun is here, taichou?" Kira asked deferentially.
"Well, aren't you happy about it?" Ichimaru-taichou asked with a large smile. "You get along well, don't you? I just invited her."
Ichimaru-taichou's unusual behaviours were not always bad, but it was often the case, and Kira felt a shiver down his spine. He was used to his captain's caprices and unpredictability. But here Hinamori could be affected, and that frightened him more than anything else. He couldn't keep his composure. "What did you do to her?"
"She's just asleep." Ichimaru-taichou replied. Kira could only look content of this answer and heading to his desk like everything was normal, keeping an eye on her. But Ichimaru-taichou stopped him : "Won't you wake her with a kiss?"
Kira blushed wildly and looked away, unable to find an appropriate answer.
"I know you've liked her for ages." Ichimaru-taichou said again, with the mocking tone he always had when he pointed out Kira's weaknesses. He never went wrong, and Kira admired him for this in a way, even if it was painful. "I understand you. After all, she's rather cute."
This sentence alarmed Kira; he raised his head and found Ichimaru-taichou standing behind the chair, still smiling. He lightly stroked the girl's cheek. "Really cute."
Kira wanted to scream.
He really could cope with his captain's incessant teasing, even cruelty, because they were so accurate that he almost felt like someone understood him. But Hinamori was innocent, and he didn't want her to be touched by Ichimaru's snake-like fingers or poisonous games. She at least had done nothing to deserve it!
Ichimaru-taichou now ran his fingers over Hinamori's lips and neck. "Don't touch her!" Kira yelled. It wasn't supposed to sound like begging.
"Are you so jealous, Izuru?" Ichimaru-taichou lifted his hands. "See, I'll stop. She's for you, after all. If you come and kiss her, I'll leave her to you."
Kira felt like he and Hinamori had just been caught in a trap. He stood frozen, considering all possibilities, trying to think clearly. Of course, he wanted Ichimaru-taichou to stay away from Hinamori, but the very idea of touching her while she slept made him horribly awkward.
"You're an innocent boy." From Ichimaru-taichou, that made him shiver. "Be honest: do you wish to kiss her?"
Kira had learnt early on that it was useless to lie to Ichimaru-taichou. He could always tell, and after a little more teasing he reached the answer he wanted, and it was worse.
"Yes, taichou," Kira said, blushing.
"Then, what are you waiting for?"
"I can't do that without her consent, taichou." He thought he could not blush any more, and then Ichimaru-taichou burst out laughing.
Kira stared at Hinamori, hoping and fearing she would wake up. She didn't move. He wondered whether she had been drugged, put into sleep with kido or something, and felt all the more that they were trapped, and he could less and less hope that Ichimaru-taichou was going to say it was just a joke.
"You're really cute, Izuru-chan. Of course, you won't do anything to her without her consent, even if you long to kiss her, hold her, undress her, touch her everywhere and make her scream..."
Kira wanted to scream again, or put his hands over his ears, anything in order to block the detailed description of what Ichimaru-taichou was picturing. It was disgusting, and he felt even more disgusting than what he heard, because as usual Ichimaru-taichou was right about him, because his words were getting at Kira's mind and body in an ugly way.
"Stop that!" he cried out. "Please," he added, trying to sound calmer.
"Well, well, don't get that excited, Izuru-chan." Ichimaru-taichou said slowly. "If you say you don't want her, I'll believe you."
They both knew he didn't mean a word of it. Ichimaru-taichou's hand lowered to Hinamori's face again, as Kira watched helplessly; he was humming a song. His nails scratched her throat.
She winced in her sleep, and this time Kira was sure that this slumber was not natural. "Aizen-taichou!" she called, like a cry for help.
Ichimaru-taichou's laughed echoed in the room, deep, free and terrifying.
"How cute, she's dreaming about him!" His shoulders were still shaking. "She calls him for help... and you too would probably prefer him to arrive, rather than trying to protect her alone, wouldn't you? But he won't come for her, Izuru. It's between you and me."
To Kira's relief, Ichimaru-taichou moved toward him, away from Hinamori. "And you, do you dream about him?"
"Aizen-taichou"?
"He was your superior, after all. I dream about him, sometimes." His smile was unreadable, and Kira couldn't tell whether he was lying. "What about you, Izuru?"
"No," Kira replied honestly.
"Do you dream about me?"
"Sometimes," Kira admitted, inexplicably embarrassed. But this kind of game didn't bother him, and he even wanted to play, if Ichimaru-taichou could forget about Hinamori just a little bit.
"How cute! You're really mine, after all." Laughing, Ichimaru-taichou pointed to Hinamori again, to Kira's distress. "Do you dream about her?"
"Yes." Once again, he didn't even try to lie, even if he felt like he was sinking into freezing cold water. "We attended the Academy together," he added in the most formal tone, even if he knew he didn't say anything new.
Ichimaru shook his head. "Maybe she dreams about you, then. And about Abarai-kun."
"I don't know, taichou."
"Well, what to you think it would take for me to dwell in her dreams, too, and never leave them again?"
He turned back to her, and Kira threw himself between them, arms raised, because even if he didn't know what Ichimaru-taichou could do in order to invade her dreams, he was afraid, desperately afraid. His mind was still too dirty with what he heard from his taichou's mouth, and he was willing to endure anything, if it meant that Ichimaru-taichou would not touch her.
Yet part of him knew it was stupid and useless. Ichimaru-taichou could tear him apart with one hand. Maybe even he'd only have to order Kira to move, and his knees would betray him. Kira realized he was already cowering. Since their first days together, he'd always felt a combination of terror and respect for Ichimaru, and he did never confront him before.
"Izuru," Ichimaru explained, like Kira was trying his patience, "you're cute, but you don't understand a thing. I gave you a simple way. Claim her as yours, embrace her and kiss her, and I'll leave her to you."
Kira knew he shouldn't do that, but part of him did want to believe it was a way to make this nightmare stop.
He turned back to Hinamori and clumsily took her waist to make her stand up. He felt her small body against him, and wished with all his strength that he had accepted Ichimaru-taichou's deal sooner, because now, with all the dirty things he had heard, each touch made him think again about... - Hinamori was innocent, and had nothing to do with these things! He bit his lip until it bled, but the pain didn't distract him from Hinamori's smell, from her body in his arms.
"I'm sorry, Hinamori," he whispered in her ear, not daring to hope that Ichimaru-taichou wouldn't hear. His captain's inquisitive eyes made him feel even guiltier, because he couldn't protect her, not from himself. Ichimaru-taichou was really the one dirtying her, after all, only using him as a tool, and it was worse.
He kissed her, and it felt like falling. He was disgusting himself, but he couldn't help finding this more pleasurable than he could have dreamt. It was the first time he had touched her this way, it was probably the last one, and he couldn't make it as short as he had wanted. He couldn't stop at all. He deepened the kiss and clutched onto her, hard enough to bruise.
He stopped at last; he wanted to let her go, but she was still inert in his arms and almost fell. He held her again, but not the same way, her forehead against his shoulder, not daring to whisper words of apology again.
He waited for Ichimaru-taichou's teasing words, like one waits for lightning during a thunderstorm.
But Hinamori moved first. She shuddered, then opened her eyes. "What happened?"
Kira, in shock, stood back, his hands still on her waist like he was afraid she would collapse. She gave him a surprised look, and he fully let her go, blushing in shame.
"Kira-kun? Where am I?"
"Hello, Hinamori-kun!" Ichimaru-taichou said merrily. "You're in Third Division Headquarters, in which you inopportunely fell asleep!"
"Ichimaru-taichou," she said. "But why was I here? I'm sorry... And, Kira-kun..." She blushed, glaring at him.
"My vice-captain only did what any young man who loved you as sincerely would have done," Ichimaru continued, still smiling. "Don't bear him a grudge."
"But what happened?" she asked, distressed.
"I think I'll left the two of you explain yourselves," he concluded. "After all, I'm not the one concerned by this affair, am I?"
He left, waving his hand.
"Kira-kun, I want to know what happened." Hinamori said in a decided voice. Before she finished her sentence, Kira had fallen his knees.
"Hinamori, you should kill me."
"What?" she asked incredulously.
"Please." he asked. "I... I kissed you, and..." All other explanations died in his throat. Like "If you knew how I thought about you, I'm disgusting and I deserve it." or "It was so nice, kissing you, but it won't happen again, and dying by your hands shouldn't be so bad either."
Hinamori was blushing again. "Kira... I don't know what happened, but it doesn't matter that much... Of course, I would have preferred you did not, well... but I'm sure you did not intend bad things?"
"Of course I did!" But he couldn't say more. Anyway, she wouldn't understand these dark desires in him; she was too pure for this, so even if she did pardon him, it would mean nothing.
"Kira-kun, you frighten me when you're like this! Since you were transferred, you've been frightening me. Come back to the fifth division; I'll ask Aizen-taichou, and I'm sure he will agree." She was pleading, now. "Ichimaru-taichou is hurting you."
Yes, Kira thought, yes he does, and I deserve it. It should have been you, you know, from the beginning. The person who could understand all that is bad and wicked in me, and tell it to my face, it should have been you. But it doesn't suit you to hurt people, not on purpose.
"I'm sorry, Hinamori." Of course, he was afraid of Ichimaru-taichou, but he felt in his right place when his captain seemed to read his thoughts, when he mocked him, even when he played with him, and more than anything when he still said he would have wanted no one else as a vice-captain. With people like Hinamori-kun or Aizen-taichou, Kira would always feel like he was lying. "I really want to stay."
"As you wish." she said with a worried smile. "I must go. Goodbye, Kira-kun." She left, timidly smiling, but Kira was sure he could read disgust in her eyes.
"Oh, Izuru-kun, you like staying with me better than being with your princess! I'm touched!"
"You said you weren't concerned!" Kira snapped. He hadn't even heard Ichimaru return.
Ichimaru-taichou nodded. "I absolutely love listening to what is not of my concern. On the other hand, it doesn't look like your feelings are reciprocated, so maybe it's better to be away from her, isn't it?"
"Maybe," Kira said darkly.
"Izuru, are you still angry about earlier? You know, I did not really intend to hurt your friend. Aizen-taichou wouldn't forgive me if I broke her."
It was probably true, but Kira doubted Aizen's opinion was so important to Ichimaru-taichou.
"And you were not going to hurt her either. I know you." Kira withstood Ichimaru-taichou's gaze, waiting, and Ichimaru-taichou went on. "I won't say you didn't want it. You're just not strong enough to take what you desire."
Kira forgave him everything. In the bliss and pain of pure truth, he just bent his head, closed his eyes, and hoped to be hurt enough by these cruel words to be able to pardon himself and look Hinamori in the eye again.
Author : flo_nelja
Fandom : Bleach
Pairing : Mainly one-sided Kira/Momo, and ambiguities everywhere
Disclaimer : Bleach belongs to Tite Kubo.
Rating : Light PG-13
Words : ~2300
Request : Gin/Momo/Kira, two puppets and one master, request by shinigamikender
Notes : Much thanks to laylah for the very necessary beta !
When Kira walked up to Third Division Headquarters, he was surprised to feel a spirit force he didn't expect, and he quickened his pace.
He wondered what could be so important for Hinamori to come and see him so early. Maybe she brought some private message from Aizen-taichou. Of course, Kira would prefer her to be here in order to talk to him or ask him for a favor, but he did not want to hope too strongly.
Not that he thought he stood any chance with her. Abarai always picked on him and pushed him into confessing his love, but Kira knew better. He was not defeatist, just lucid. He predicted that they were able to become vice-captains, he predicted that Renji and Rukia-san couldn't stay friends after she was adopted by the Kuchiki family, and he knew as well that it was useless to tell her anything.
Yet it was always delightful to be able to do anything for her.
"Hinamori-kun!" he called, entering the office. She didn't reply. Startled, he looked around the room and found her on a chair, head sagging on her chest, inert.
He called her name again, deeply worried. It was absurd, because he felt her spirit force as strongly as usual, but he couldn't stop himself. It was abnormal for her to sleep here. He quickly checked her pulse and breathing, hesitating to shake her and wake her.
"Well, you do really care for her!" The voice came from behind him.
Ichimaru-taichou.
Kira tensed. That was unusual too. Not his captain concealing his spirit force in order to surprise him, but him being here so early. Ichimaru-taichou was usually late.
"Do you know why Hinamori-kun is here, taichou?" Kira asked deferentially.
"Well, aren't you happy about it?" Ichimaru-taichou asked with a large smile. "You get along well, don't you? I just invited her."
Ichimaru-taichou's unusual behaviours were not always bad, but it was often the case, and Kira felt a shiver down his spine. He was used to his captain's caprices and unpredictability. But here Hinamori could be affected, and that frightened him more than anything else. He couldn't keep his composure. "What did you do to her?"
"She's just asleep." Ichimaru-taichou replied. Kira could only look content of this answer and heading to his desk like everything was normal, keeping an eye on her. But Ichimaru-taichou stopped him : "Won't you wake her with a kiss?"
Kira blushed wildly and looked away, unable to find an appropriate answer.
"I know you've liked her for ages." Ichimaru-taichou said again, with the mocking tone he always had when he pointed out Kira's weaknesses. He never went wrong, and Kira admired him for this in a way, even if it was painful. "I understand you. After all, she's rather cute."
This sentence alarmed Kira; he raised his head and found Ichimaru-taichou standing behind the chair, still smiling. He lightly stroked the girl's cheek. "Really cute."
Kira wanted to scream.
He really could cope with his captain's incessant teasing, even cruelty, because they were so accurate that he almost felt like someone understood him. But Hinamori was innocent, and he didn't want her to be touched by Ichimaru's snake-like fingers or poisonous games. She at least had done nothing to deserve it!
Ichimaru-taichou now ran his fingers over Hinamori's lips and neck. "Don't touch her!" Kira yelled. It wasn't supposed to sound like begging.
"Are you so jealous, Izuru?" Ichimaru-taichou lifted his hands. "See, I'll stop. She's for you, after all. If you come and kiss her, I'll leave her to you."
Kira felt like he and Hinamori had just been caught in a trap. He stood frozen, considering all possibilities, trying to think clearly. Of course, he wanted Ichimaru-taichou to stay away from Hinamori, but the very idea of touching her while she slept made him horribly awkward.
"You're an innocent boy." From Ichimaru-taichou, that made him shiver. "Be honest: do you wish to kiss her?"
Kira had learnt early on that it was useless to lie to Ichimaru-taichou. He could always tell, and after a little more teasing he reached the answer he wanted, and it was worse.
"Yes, taichou," Kira said, blushing.
"Then, what are you waiting for?"
"I can't do that without her consent, taichou." He thought he could not blush any more, and then Ichimaru-taichou burst out laughing.
Kira stared at Hinamori, hoping and fearing she would wake up. She didn't move. He wondered whether she had been drugged, put into sleep with kido or something, and felt all the more that they were trapped, and he could less and less hope that Ichimaru-taichou was going to say it was just a joke.
"You're really cute, Izuru-chan. Of course, you won't do anything to her without her consent, even if you long to kiss her, hold her, undress her, touch her everywhere and make her scream..."
Kira wanted to scream again, or put his hands over his ears, anything in order to block the detailed description of what Ichimaru-taichou was picturing. It was disgusting, and he felt even more disgusting than what he heard, because as usual Ichimaru-taichou was right about him, because his words were getting at Kira's mind and body in an ugly way.
"Stop that!" he cried out. "Please," he added, trying to sound calmer.
"Well, well, don't get that excited, Izuru-chan." Ichimaru-taichou said slowly. "If you say you don't want her, I'll believe you."
They both knew he didn't mean a word of it. Ichimaru-taichou's hand lowered to Hinamori's face again, as Kira watched helplessly; he was humming a song. His nails scratched her throat.
She winced in her sleep, and this time Kira was sure that this slumber was not natural. "Aizen-taichou!" she called, like a cry for help.
Ichimaru-taichou's laughed echoed in the room, deep, free and terrifying.
"How cute, she's dreaming about him!" His shoulders were still shaking. "She calls him for help... and you too would probably prefer him to arrive, rather than trying to protect her alone, wouldn't you? But he won't come for her, Izuru. It's between you and me."
To Kira's relief, Ichimaru-taichou moved toward him, away from Hinamori. "And you, do you dream about him?"
"Aizen-taichou"?
"He was your superior, after all. I dream about him, sometimes." His smile was unreadable, and Kira couldn't tell whether he was lying. "What about you, Izuru?"
"No," Kira replied honestly.
"Do you dream about me?"
"Sometimes," Kira admitted, inexplicably embarrassed. But this kind of game didn't bother him, and he even wanted to play, if Ichimaru-taichou could forget about Hinamori just a little bit.
"How cute! You're really mine, after all." Laughing, Ichimaru-taichou pointed to Hinamori again, to Kira's distress. "Do you dream about her?"
"Yes." Once again, he didn't even try to lie, even if he felt like he was sinking into freezing cold water. "We attended the Academy together," he added in the most formal tone, even if he knew he didn't say anything new.
Ichimaru shook his head. "Maybe she dreams about you, then. And about Abarai-kun."
"I don't know, taichou."
"Well, what to you think it would take for me to dwell in her dreams, too, and never leave them again?"
He turned back to her, and Kira threw himself between them, arms raised, because even if he didn't know what Ichimaru-taichou could do in order to invade her dreams, he was afraid, desperately afraid. His mind was still too dirty with what he heard from his taichou's mouth, and he was willing to endure anything, if it meant that Ichimaru-taichou would not touch her.
Yet part of him knew it was stupid and useless. Ichimaru-taichou could tear him apart with one hand. Maybe even he'd only have to order Kira to move, and his knees would betray him. Kira realized he was already cowering. Since their first days together, he'd always felt a combination of terror and respect for Ichimaru, and he did never confront him before.
"Izuru," Ichimaru explained, like Kira was trying his patience, "you're cute, but you don't understand a thing. I gave you a simple way. Claim her as yours, embrace her and kiss her, and I'll leave her to you."
Kira knew he shouldn't do that, but part of him did want to believe it was a way to make this nightmare stop.
He turned back to Hinamori and clumsily took her waist to make her stand up. He felt her small body against him, and wished with all his strength that he had accepted Ichimaru-taichou's deal sooner, because now, with all the dirty things he had heard, each touch made him think again about... - Hinamori was innocent, and had nothing to do with these things! He bit his lip until it bled, but the pain didn't distract him from Hinamori's smell, from her body in his arms.
"I'm sorry, Hinamori," he whispered in her ear, not daring to hope that Ichimaru-taichou wouldn't hear. His captain's inquisitive eyes made him feel even guiltier, because he couldn't protect her, not from himself. Ichimaru-taichou was really the one dirtying her, after all, only using him as a tool, and it was worse.
He kissed her, and it felt like falling. He was disgusting himself, but he couldn't help finding this more pleasurable than he could have dreamt. It was the first time he had touched her this way, it was probably the last one, and he couldn't make it as short as he had wanted. He couldn't stop at all. He deepened the kiss and clutched onto her, hard enough to bruise.
He stopped at last; he wanted to let her go, but she was still inert in his arms and almost fell. He held her again, but not the same way, her forehead against his shoulder, not daring to whisper words of apology again.
He waited for Ichimaru-taichou's teasing words, like one waits for lightning during a thunderstorm.
But Hinamori moved first. She shuddered, then opened her eyes. "What happened?"
Kira, in shock, stood back, his hands still on her waist like he was afraid she would collapse. She gave him a surprised look, and he fully let her go, blushing in shame.
"Kira-kun? Where am I?"
"Hello, Hinamori-kun!" Ichimaru-taichou said merrily. "You're in Third Division Headquarters, in which you inopportunely fell asleep!"
"Ichimaru-taichou," she said. "But why was I here? I'm sorry... And, Kira-kun..." She blushed, glaring at him.
"My vice-captain only did what any young man who loved you as sincerely would have done," Ichimaru continued, still smiling. "Don't bear him a grudge."
"But what happened?" she asked, distressed.
"I think I'll left the two of you explain yourselves," he concluded. "After all, I'm not the one concerned by this affair, am I?"
He left, waving his hand.
"Kira-kun, I want to know what happened." Hinamori said in a decided voice. Before she finished her sentence, Kira had fallen his knees.
"Hinamori, you should kill me."
"What?" she asked incredulously.
"Please." he asked. "I... I kissed you, and..." All other explanations died in his throat. Like "If you knew how I thought about you, I'm disgusting and I deserve it." or "It was so nice, kissing you, but it won't happen again, and dying by your hands shouldn't be so bad either."
Hinamori was blushing again. "Kira... I don't know what happened, but it doesn't matter that much... Of course, I would have preferred you did not, well... but I'm sure you did not intend bad things?"
"Of course I did!" But he couldn't say more. Anyway, she wouldn't understand these dark desires in him; she was too pure for this, so even if she did pardon him, it would mean nothing.
"Kira-kun, you frighten me when you're like this! Since you were transferred, you've been frightening me. Come back to the fifth division; I'll ask Aizen-taichou, and I'm sure he will agree." She was pleading, now. "Ichimaru-taichou is hurting you."
Yes, Kira thought, yes he does, and I deserve it. It should have been you, you know, from the beginning. The person who could understand all that is bad and wicked in me, and tell it to my face, it should have been you. But it doesn't suit you to hurt people, not on purpose.
"I'm sorry, Hinamori." Of course, he was afraid of Ichimaru-taichou, but he felt in his right place when his captain seemed to read his thoughts, when he mocked him, even when he played with him, and more than anything when he still said he would have wanted no one else as a vice-captain. With people like Hinamori-kun or Aizen-taichou, Kira would always feel like he was lying. "I really want to stay."
"As you wish." she said with a worried smile. "I must go. Goodbye, Kira-kun." She left, timidly smiling, but Kira was sure he could read disgust in her eyes.
"Oh, Izuru-kun, you like staying with me better than being with your princess! I'm touched!"
"You said you weren't concerned!" Kira snapped. He hadn't even heard Ichimaru return.
Ichimaru-taichou nodded. "I absolutely love listening to what is not of my concern. On the other hand, it doesn't look like your feelings are reciprocated, so maybe it's better to be away from her, isn't it?"
"Maybe," Kira said darkly.
"Izuru, are you still angry about earlier? You know, I did not really intend to hurt your friend. Aizen-taichou wouldn't forgive me if I broke her."
It was probably true, but Kira doubted Aizen's opinion was so important to Ichimaru-taichou.
"And you were not going to hurt her either. I know you." Kira withstood Ichimaru-taichou's gaze, waiting, and Ichimaru-taichou went on. "I won't say you didn't want it. You're just not strong enough to take what you desire."
Kira forgave him everything. In the bliss and pain of pure truth, he just bent his head, closed his eyes, and hoped to be hurt enough by these cruel words to be able to pardon himself and look Hinamori in the eye again.