Umm, I wrote most of this at about 1 in the morning, and even though I went through and edited it, it's probably still got that midnight writing feel to it
( ... )
He didn’t want to look at England now. He was better than he deserved.
“I don’t have anything,” America said, but he knew that wouldn’t satisfy. England deserved what he wanted, at least. “I’m just… nothing, I’m empty.”
“Hn.” An encouragement to keep going. America had to search for his voice.
“You said it yourself. What’s the difference between me and a pot of yogurt?” He laughed, but he didn’t know why. Even if it was supposed to be a joke, it wasn’t funny.
England had nothing to say.
“And… and you’re going to call me a stupid git, so…”
“Look at me,” said England. His green eyes didn’t look so angry, America thought, but if he knew… “It’s. Not. Worth. It. Those scars last a very, very long time.”
“So it’s true.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“But you think it’s true, isn’t it?”
“I think it’s a stupid thing to get so bent out of shape about.”
“It is true. I’m not even a Nation, just a country
( ... )
THIS DESERVES CAPS
anonymous
May 15 2010, 19:46:01 UTC
BECAUSE IT'S AWESOME <3
He-llo, authoranon, you're very welcome to my brain! America headcanon is to the right. Yes, right there, in the "America's complexes and insecurities" label. Your fill just became the map for that particular drawer. Make yourself at ho-oh, sorry, you already did xD
Re: Empty [3/3]
anonymous
May 15 2010, 21:50:07 UTC
I’m not even a Nation, just a country.”
This. THIS. My headcanon for how America deals with his Issues is a bit different, but that little distinction is at the heart of them. He can think about the 'melting pot', he can take pride in cultural developments that happened on his soil, even if they have obvious roots somewhere else, like jazz music, but the roots always show. He never got the kind of time and isolated development required to have a language of his own. And there are so many steep cultural divides still around, however much people try to paper over them with patriotism.
I loved the mention of Hawaii, and how conflicted he is about it, and the bit about stolen land - it's perfectly true, and it must be one of the many things driving him nuts, when he lets himself think about it; nobody has a good thing to say about Manifest Destiny these days. And thinking of himself as a cheap British knockoff - ouch.
Excellent premise, excellent prose. I will be coming back to this one. Thank you for writing it.
Re: Empty [3/3]
anonymous
May 16 2010, 14:57:01 UTC
SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG TO SEE THIS.
But, anon, I think I love you. That was amazing. Better than I could've even imagined. Just, I love how he burned himself--not cut--and how England knew and how America felt like he was nothing and wanted to find something underneath and it was just perfect.
Re: Empty [3/3]
anonymous
May 18 2010, 09:11:27 UTC
"I’m not even a Nation, just a country.”
Because it bears repeating even if someone else said so first, this line is a WIN! It really sums up something that really might haunt America. Loved this!
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He didn’t want to look at England now. He was better than he deserved.
“I don’t have anything,” America said, but he knew that wouldn’t satisfy. England deserved what he wanted, at least. “I’m just… nothing, I’m empty.”
“Hn.” An encouragement to keep going. America had to search for his voice.
“You said it yourself. What’s the difference between me and a pot of yogurt?” He laughed, but he didn’t know why. Even if it was supposed to be a joke, it wasn’t funny.
England had nothing to say.
“And… and you’re going to call me a stupid git, so…”
“Look at me,” said England. His green eyes didn’t look so angry, America thought, but if he knew… “It’s. Not. Worth. It. Those scars last a very, very long time.”
“So it’s true.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“But you think it’s true, isn’t it?”
“I think it’s a stupid thing to get so bent out of shape about.”
“It is true. I’m not even a Nation, just a country ( ... )
Reply
England and his tsundere are so adorable when he's trying to be comforting. *giggles* Aaand that giggle was kinda inappropriate, but whatever.
The fact that England left his watch behind so he could come back and know for sure made me so happy. I don't even know why, it just did. <3
captcha: Totally His. I kid not. WHAT THE HELL!? *literally laughs out loud* Oh jeez.
Reply
He-llo, authoranon, you're very welcome to my brain! America headcanon is to the right. Yes, right there, in the "America's complexes and insecurities" label. Your fill just became the map for that particular drawer. Make yourself at ho-oh, sorry, you already did xD
Reply
This. THIS. My headcanon for how America deals with his Issues is a bit different, but that little distinction is at the heart of them. He can think about the 'melting pot', he can take pride in cultural developments that happened on his soil, even if they have obvious roots somewhere else, like jazz music, but the roots always show. He never got the kind of time and isolated development required to have a language of his own. And there are so many steep cultural divides still around, however much people try to paper over them with patriotism.
I loved the mention of Hawaii, and how conflicted he is about it, and the bit about stolen land - it's perfectly true, and it must be one of the many things driving him nuts, when he lets himself think about it; nobody has a good thing to say about Manifest Destiny these days. And thinking of himself as a cheap British knockoff - ouch.
Excellent premise, excellent prose. I will be coming back to this one. Thank you for writing it.
Reply
But, anon, I think I love you. That was amazing. Better than I could've even imagined. Just, I love how he burned himself--not cut--and how England knew and how America felt like he was nothing and wanted to find something underneath and it was just perfect.
Major love, anon. <3
Reply
Reply
Because it bears repeating even if someone else said so first, this line is a WIN! It really sums up something that really might haunt America. Loved this!
Reply
Reply
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