This is just revenge [2/4]
anonymous
November 5 2010, 18:43:44 UTC
Glaring at him Gilbert wished he could punch that bastard in the face. He knew what was going to happen and why, that didn't make him any less annoyed by it. He refused to say he was afraid, they would love fear too much in him
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This is just revenge [3/4]
anonymous
November 5 2010, 18:45:41 UTC
Gilbert screamed at the force of Arthur's penetration. Not only was Yao smaller than the Englishman he had been passive seeming to only do this out of 'duty,' Arthur on the other hand seemed to be intent on tearing Gilbert apart
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This is just revenge [4/4]
anonymous
November 5 2010, 18:46:40 UTC
"I would not kill something that shall soon be mine." Came Ivan's cheerful reply as he undid his pants. "Please be keeping your 'son' from interfering da?" With that said he took hold of Gilbert's hips and drove himself in with the force of a tank
( ... )
Re: This is just revenge [4/4]
anonymous
November 6 2010, 00:49:15 UTC
This was a very good scene, authoranon, but it was a bit hindered by grammar and flow issues. Try to get someone to beta for you next time because this would have been sooo awesome without a few things. (All aboard the S.S. Concrit! *toot toot
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Re: This is just revenge [4/4]
anonymous
November 6 2010, 02:50:39 UTC
or we just suck at writing. Its true, we don't have a beta reader and re-reading I flinch all the time. Unfortunately you can't edit a fill made here. We'd love a beta reader but they'd have to have a shit ton of time to make it flow better and neither of us care enough to (and you can't be as accurate when fixing your own stuff anyways). (yay run on sentences)
Sorry for the jumpyness of it though, its done in fun and its an RP (and it really shows)
Also, I do not know how to properly use its vs it's aside from it's is used when the 'it' owns something; ex: it's hands were purple.
Re: This is just revenge [4/4]
anonymous
November 6 2010, 13:52:12 UTC
Sorry, but you have that backwards. "It's" is the contraction of "it is," whereas, "its" is the possessive for "it." "Its hands were purple," would be correct.
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Sorry for the jumpyness of it though, its done in fun and its an RP (and it really shows)
Also, I do not know how to properly use its vs it's aside from it's is used when the 'it' owns something; ex: it's hands were purple.
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A lot of the bad grammar and such is my fault. Usually I at least give things a once over but I didn't this time.
Thank you for the constructive criticism though, it's very much appreciated ^_^
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