KakuRenBo [Prologue part I]
anonymous
November 5 2010, 05:43:22 UTC
Second fill here. Warnings: Oedipal complex, torture murder, domestic abuse, small hints of dissociative identity disorder, and all around creepiness. On another side note, the title comes from the game ‘Demon-Hide-and-Seek’, which is like hide and seek, except not really. It usually ends with the last person to be found gruesomely murdered, so, yeah, not very popular at parties…
Also, I apologize for any mistakes. It's one in the morning over here.
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[Prologue}
Mother is beautiful.
She is warm smiles and kind eyes and you love to kiss her soft cheek in greeting every morning. Your earliest memory is of her wearing a pink apron, the bow tied around her petite waist bouncing merrily while she sang and cooked you breakfast.
(-your real earliest memory is of her crying, the left side of her face black-and-blue, her cheeks wet with hot, pained tears. But you don’t like to think about that. You avoid it, try to forget it, never think about it. Because when you do you see red and your hand slips, your head hurts and your memory
( ... )
KakuRenBo [Prologue part VI]
anonymous
November 5 2010, 05:51:20 UTC
You don’t like him. He knows you don’t like him. Mother knows you don’t like him. She comes to you at night clutching her sleeping gown to her chest and begs you to understand.
He’s changed, she says, pleading with you, pretty green eyes heartbreakingly sad. He’s been sober for years, dear. Can’t you please-
He beat you, you would deadpan, staring blandly at the ceiling. There’s a sick taste in your mouth. You had new bruises almost every day.
Pretty green eyes widen. Her bottom lip trembles. She whispers, I didn’t think you’d remember. I thought you’d forgotten. You were so small…
You laugh, bitter and sardonic. You came up with the lamest excuses too. I never believed you when you said you fell.
Her eyes close, her little face pained. You startle when her hands, so small, so delicate, clutch yours. I believe him. He’s your father, why can’t you believe in him tooYou’re up in a flash, eyes blazing, and you don’t remember what you did to make her cry so hard-the memory is hazy, all fog and no sunshine-but the next thing you know
( ... )
KakuRenBo [Prologue part V]
anonymous
November 5 2010, 05:57:36 UTC
You just like green eyes is all. You’re fond of brown but prefer green. You dislike blue. It’s the color of his eyes.
You hate father. You wishes he would dissappear again and never come back this time. Father makes you see red; father makes you angry, so angry sometimes that you break things without meaning to; father makes your head hurt so much it feels like its splitting in two. Father makes you wish…makes you wish…
At night, when you’re the only one awake, you think about hurting him. The way he hurt mother before he left, the way he hurt mother because he left. The way he hurt you by hurting mother. You squeeze your eyes shut to try to run away from the memories
( ... )
Ho--ly shit. Pardon my language but dude how Alfred is thinking is SCARY a-a-nnd CREEPY.
Don't call yourself lame author anon! Because you're not! D':
Letting readers become Alfred is very effective, I may say. Because sometimes its hard to figure and/or barely imagine what goes on inside a killer's head! Please do continue, this really woken me up from my nap! XD
Re: KakuRenBo [Prologue part V]
anonymous
November 5 2010, 10:17:04 UTC
This is wonderful! Well. ^^; Not wonderful that Alfred is a serial killer but so wonderfully written and insightful. Who knows what goes on inside a serial killer's mind? You're done so well to make it believable, and I feel sorry for him if anything else...
If you can make people feel sorry for evfen a serial killer you're doing really well in your writing.
Re: KakuRenBo [Prologue part V]
anonymous
November 6 2010, 23:29:11 UTC
Lame author non is not lame.
This has me quite literally on the edge of my seat, anon. While reading, I can practically hear a soft, childlike narrative growing into a mad, raging shout. The characterization of Mother and Father and all the pretty girls with green eyes and blond hair...Alfred's gradual descent to the breaking point...
Re: KakuRenBo [Prologue part V]
anonymous
November 7 2010, 16:35:11 UTC
Excellent transition and becoming of a serial killer monster. I got shudders, anon. Really good. I'm afraid for Arthur, though, this obviously doens't bode well for him
A question, are you going to have him genderbent? Just asking because Afred has only dated girls so far...
Also, I apologize for any mistakes. It's one in the morning over here.
--
[Prologue}
Mother is beautiful.
She is warm smiles and kind eyes and you love to kiss her soft cheek in greeting every morning. Your earliest memory is of her wearing a pink apron, the bow tied around her petite waist bouncing merrily while she sang and cooked you breakfast.
(-your real earliest memory is of her crying, the left side of her face black-and-blue, her cheeks wet with hot, pained tears. But you don’t like to think about that. You avoid it, try to forget it, never think about it. Because when you do you see red and your hand slips, your head hurts and your memory ( ... )
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He’s changed, she says, pleading with you, pretty green eyes heartbreakingly sad. He’s been sober for years, dear. Can’t you please-
He beat you, you would deadpan, staring blandly at the ceiling. There’s a sick taste in your mouth. You had new bruises almost every day.
Pretty green eyes widen. Her bottom lip trembles. She whispers, I didn’t think you’d remember. I thought you’d forgotten. You were so small…
You laugh, bitter and sardonic. You came up with the lamest excuses too. I never believed you when you said you fell.
Her eyes close, her little face pained. You startle when her hands, so small, so delicate, clutch yours. I believe him. He’s your father, why can’t you believe in him tooYou’re up in a flash, eyes blazing, and you don’t remember what you did to make her cry so hard-the memory is hazy, all fog and no sunshine-but the next thing you know ( ... )
Reply
You hate father. You wishes he would dissappear again and never come back this time. Father makes you see red; father makes you angry, so angry sometimes that you break things without meaning to; father makes your head hurt so much it feels like its splitting in two. Father makes you wish…makes you wish…
At night, when you’re the only one awake, you think about hurting him. The way he hurt mother before he left, the way he hurt mother because he left. The way he hurt you by hurting mother. You squeeze your eyes shut to try to run away from the memories ( ... )
Reply
Reply
Don't call yourself lame author anon! Because you're not! D':
Letting readers become Alfred is very effective, I may say. Because sometimes its hard to figure and/or barely imagine what goes on inside a killer's head! Please do continue, this really woken me up from my nap! XD
Reply
If you can make people feel sorry for evfen a serial killer you're doing really well in your writing.
Reply
The sympathy for arthur already is SKY HIGH. Oh *arthur* look who your going to fall for!!!
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Please update soon not-lame-anon!! This is amazing!
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This has me quite literally on the edge of my seat, anon. While reading, I can practically hear a soft, childlike narrative growing into a mad, raging shout. The characterization of Mother and Father and all the pretty girls with green eyes and blond hair...Alfred's gradual descent to the breaking point...
It's beautiful.
-needs to update my own ffff-
Reply
A question, are you going to have him genderbent? Just asking because Afred has only dated girls so far...
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Al's so creepy...
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and anon, you are NOT lame!! D
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