Mini!Fill
anonymous
September 11 2011, 14:50:51 UTC
He murmurs prayers against his throat. Mouthing them so they almost feel like kisses.
“I can save you,” he says eyes wild.
Ivan doesn’t tell him that there’s nothing to save. Instead he pulls Matthew to him and ceases his prayers in the only way he knows how.
Ivan is filled with this desperation when they have sex. He becomes violent with it. He knows, in some rational part of his mind that has not been devoured by love, that it is wrong to try to fill Matthew; fill him up so much that there is no room for God any longer, only Ivan.
He sometimes wakes in the middle of the night and hears rosary beads clacking against each other. Sometimes he looks over and Matthew is there sleeping and he feels like he is going mad but sometimes he wakes up and Matthew is praying in rushed whispers, trying not to wake him.
It’s like he’s having an affair and each muttered word of devotion and love stabs Ivan in the heart.
Sorry there's not more but I couldn't really find a way to make it longer. I hope some other anon is inspired by this.
( ... )
Re: Mini!Fill
anonymous
September 12 2011, 02:11:55 UTC
Oh oh oh. *_* I have a kink for religion and devotion, and to combine it with Catholic!Canada and religious guilt makes this utterly nomful.
And don't worry about not making it longer - this is short and sweet, and to try and stretch it would have messed up the punch. (That last line... *o*)
Thank you so, so much for posting this. ♥ *bookmarks forever*
The Good Lord will Provide(1/5)
anonymous
October 4 2011, 04:46:09 UTC
“Matvey! I join you for worship today, da?”, the words stilled the Canadian immediately from preparing for the worship. Ivan didn’t drop his smile though. They were good together, somehow, but Matthew was Catholic. Ivan was an atheist. Neither had addressed this. It took a while of observation, but Ivan found Matthew more lax on this subject than America. Just as religious, maybe, but more willing to leave other’s religion out of their own lives. Now it was Ivan’s turn to prove he was also okay with it
( ... )
The Good Lord will Provide(2/5)
anonymous
October 4 2011, 04:47:26 UTC
Matthew’s hand was gone and his back turned as soon as it was done. The event had not even started and already Ivan was proving himself to be incapable. It did not sit well with him. But it was for Matthew, and he couldn’t very well start swinging his faucet so soon
( ... )
The Good Lord will Provide(3/5)
anonymous
October 4 2011, 04:48:35 UTC
Ivan prayed for the strength to get through this without killing the father.
The prayer wasn’t the worst part. Ivan found the singing to be by far the worst. Standing, the crowd sang from one of the books in the pouches. They were, for the most part, synchronized. They obviously had sung it before, knowing the tune. Ivan had not. His voice would go low when others went high. His syllables would be long when they needed to be short, and short when long. And it didn’t help that he had a hard time reading in English either. He was just about ready to start screaming the song so that his voice would be the loudest and only heard. Then the others would have to follow himMatthew bumped into him, drawing his attention away. Without even reading the lyrics, Matthew kept the song up while frowning at Ivan. He gently shook his head, silently begging Ivan to stop trying. A slight blush hinted at his face and his eyes darted to others around them
( ... )
The Good Lord will Provide(4/5)
anonymous
October 4 2011, 04:49:53 UTC
Ivan wondered briefly on if the song just coincidently broke the pattern of chanting random things about Jesus and God or if Matthew somehow managed to get a song sung that worked so well to calm him. No, he will not forsake his Matthew. He will do well today, and prove that they can live together fine, atheist and Catholic
( ... )
The Good Lord will Provide(5/5)
anonymous
October 4 2011, 04:50:42 UTC
“Well, you can do it here easily enough. You can talk to the priest after the sermon and he’ll help you with anything you need”, she said. Ivan didn’t turn back to look at her, this time not even acknowledging she said anything. Matthew slipped back into the benches and gave a quick glance to the woman behind. He didn’t say anything. The woman was never spotted outside of church
( ... )
Re: The Good Lord will Provide(5/5)
anonymous
October 5 2011, 00:15:35 UTC
I fully agree with an Ivan who is almost offensively curious and disaffected by what he's experiencing. He's honestly curious about the rituals he witnesses, and doesn't see any harm in observing and participating (embarrassing Matthew in the process!) because he's kind of an outsider to all of it. Kind of mimics history, where Russia was all 'I'll just try this Church on for size, hmmm, I may need to make a few adjustments - what? What? What do you mean I'm not supposed to do that? Meh, I'll do it anyway.' He doesn't quite get that what doesn't bother him about his irreverent attitude bothers Matthew greatly
( ... )
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“I can save you,” he says eyes wild.
Ivan doesn’t tell him that there’s nothing to save. Instead he pulls Matthew to him and ceases his prayers in the only way he knows how.
Ivan is filled with this desperation when they have sex. He becomes violent with it. He knows, in some rational part of his mind that has not been devoured by love, that it is wrong to try to fill Matthew; fill him up so much that there is no room for God any longer, only Ivan.
He sometimes wakes in the middle of the night and hears rosary beads clacking against each other. Sometimes he looks over and Matthew is there sleeping and he feels like he is going mad but sometimes he wakes up and Matthew is praying in rushed whispers, trying not to wake him.
It’s like he’s having an affair and each muttered word of devotion and love stabs Ivan in the heart.
Sorry there's not more but I couldn't really find a way to make it longer. I hope some other anon is inspired by this. ( ... )
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fantastic *-*
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And don't worry about not making it longer - this is short and sweet, and to try and stretch it would have messed up the punch. (That last line... *o*)
Thank you so, so much for posting this. ♥ *bookmarks forever*
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That line. That line.
Ah, this is wonderful, anon.
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The prayer wasn’t the worst part. Ivan found the singing to be by far the worst. Standing, the crowd sang from one of the books in the pouches. They were, for the most part, synchronized. They obviously had sung it before, knowing the tune. Ivan had not. His voice would go low when others went high. His syllables would be long when they needed to be short, and short when long. And it didn’t help that he had a hard time reading in English either. He was just about ready to start screaming the song so that his voice would be the loudest and only heard. Then the others would have to follow himMatthew bumped into him, drawing his attention away. Without even reading the lyrics, Matthew kept the song up while frowning at Ivan. He gently shook his head, silently begging Ivan to stop trying. A slight blush hinted at his face and his eyes darted to others around them ( ... )
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