Pain works [1/?]
anonymous
March 2 2009, 06:48:47 UTC
Alfred's head was pounding. He couldn't remember what exactly had happened, he was visiting Matt at the hospital and then everything had gone black. Actually everything was still black, and he was pretty sure he had opened his eyes just now. Slowly, as the pounding died down a little, he realized there was fabric over his eyes. Even worse he felt a burning in his arms which were being pulled and were tied. Judging by the fact he couldn't feel the ground and the pain he guessed that he was hanging
( ... )
Pain works [3/?]
anonymous
March 2 2009, 06:51:41 UTC
"Yes that seems to work." Ivan said whipping away a bit of the blood from in between Alfred's legs. He stepped back and took up the whip again, giving Alfred no time to adjust or try to control himself. He began to whip Alfred in slow steady paces, matching the speed of the vibrators
( ... )
Pain works [4/?]
anonymous
March 2 2009, 06:52:45 UTC
Al choked out a cry that was almost impossibly high for a man as he suddenly came hard. He went limp afterwards, still conscious but barely so. His breathing was ragged, and his body shook with soft sobs
( ... )
Re: Pain works [4/?]
anonymous
March 2 2009, 07:45:08 UTC
Holy crap. I SERIOUSLY cannot wait for the fic~~ This was sadistically wonderful. I'm going to be watching out for it daily.
You might want to beta-read this just because there's some awkward sentences littered throughout this, but otherwise this wonderful~
But the writing is not that bad. I just hope this gets beta-read just so that this could go from awesome to EPIC.
(I...totally would volunteer to beta-read if this weren't an anonymous meme. But if you want me too and the theres some place where I can contact you guys-please say!)
Re: Pain works [4/?]
anonymous
March 2 2009, 08:38:33 UTC
OH so this was a Roleplay? That explains the writing style!
.....Daaamn that must have been a seriously fun roleplay. <3 *Is rather sadistic person and jealous of how much fun that RP must have been. I wish I could have joined somehow*
Re: Pain works [4/?]
anonymous
March 3 2009, 01:55:53 UTC
Canada!Anon here is completely fascinated with how cruel you were to Matthew. No seriously, I'm.....very enthusiastic to see~ Are you posting the completed story all at once, or will it be a chaptered timely process? I want to read it soon!
The writing is awkward at parts, but if you don't want to re-write it, (that's looking like a ridiculous pile of editing) theres only afew parts that I think really require editing.
Basically the parts where it totally repeats a scene in the two different paragraphs, and to a lesser extent, when you use two different tenses close to each other, as well as a few rushed bad-grammar sentences. I think you should be able to pick up the bad required editing parts by yourself.
I SORT OF WANT HIM TO BE BEATEN UP AND TIED DOWN AND FUCKED ALL THE WAY TO INCOHERENCE
I DON'T CARE WHO DOES IT (ALTHOUGH RUSSIA IS PREFERRED)
I JUST NEED THIS FIC LIKE BURNING
also intelligent writing, details (psychological and physical), and lengthiness make this anon's world go around
sorry I know I'm asking for way too much but please?
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You might want to beta-read this just because there's some awkward sentences littered throughout this, but otherwise this wonderful~
But the writing is not that bad. I just hope this gets beta-read just so that this could go from awesome to EPIC.
(I...totally would volunteer to beta-read if this weren't an anonymous meme. But if you want me too and the theres some place where I can contact you guys-please say!)
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Hm, the anonymous part makes it hard to say. author!anon her partner stalker anon decide on that.
author!anon got to RP America <3
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.....Daaamn that must have been a seriously fun roleplay. <3 *Is rather sadistic person and jealous of how much fun that RP must have been. I wish I could have joined somehow*
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If you though this was cruel you should wait to read the fic and what lead up to this.
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The RP style doesn't work very well, in my honest opinion. I think it's abit confusing and takes down the affective-ness of the scenes a lot.
The story itself is good, but the weird RP-writing style just cuts down on how good it could be ALOT.
But maybe it's just me, and some other anons might not be as bothered by it. *Wait to see if there's other commenters?*
....I SERIOUSLY CANNOT WAIT NOW. : D *WILL SERIOUSLY BE WATCHING FOR THIS DAILY.*
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the final product will include this little ficcy so if someone wants to beta I say wahoo!
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can't wait for the other fic....like seriously waiting for it right now lol
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Are you posting the completed story all at once, or will it be a chaptered timely process? I want to read it soon!
The writing is awkward at parts, but if you don't want to re-write it, (that's looking like a ridiculous pile of editing) theres only afew parts that I think really require editing.
Basically the parts where it totally repeats a scene in the two different paragraphs, and to a lesser extent, when you use two different tenses close to each other, as well as a few rushed bad-grammar sentences.
I think you should be able to pick up the bad required editing parts by yourself.
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