DrunkRussianSoldier+Tank=Win
anonymous
May 22 2009, 22:28:29 UTC
Moscow - An apparently drunk Russian tank driver rammed his 25-ton fighting machine into a remote village cottage while on a vodka run, footage aired on Friday on state television showed.
The soldier was filmed driving the tank, armed with an anti-aircraft gun, through a tiny street in Oktyabrskaya, in the Ural mountains' Sverdlovsk region.
He clambered unsteadily into his vehicle with two freshly purchased bottles, then rammed a fence and a house while attempting to leave.
"He was drunk," a villager said on Channel One television.
An assistant at the local shop said the soldier had purchased two bottles of vodka.
Army spokesperson Konstantin Lazutkin promised the military would pay for repairs.
Nice Day For a Drive [1/4]
anonymous
May 25 2009, 00:23:10 UTC
England uh... took over a bit. Feel free to shoot me or something.
===
So, they were finally here. Finally... here. Where was here, again? Never mind, never mind, that wasn't the point. The important part of the sentence wasn't the 'here' it was the 'they'. Or it could be the 'were'. The 'they were'?
No, no, concentrate. England shook his head (possibly a bad idea because it set the world spinning) and concentrated hard on clambering out of his tank. He'd already held them up by wrecking his original tank. By crashing it into a tree. No, seriously, he broke a tank by crashing it into a tree. What did they make tanks out of these days, papier-mâché?
France probably did. England giggled to himself. Because papier-mâché was French, right? And... and no. No, concentrate. Russia was waiting for him and they had to do this so they could sort it out once and for all and was getting out of a tank usually this hard? This was fuckin' hard. He distinctly remembered being able to get out of a tank with no trouble before. He dangled from the
( ... )
Nice Day For a Drive [3/4]
anonymous
May 25 2009, 00:26:25 UTC
England saw his chance when Russia was reversing and quickly surged forward through the gap only just large enough for him to get through. He laughed as he urged his tank on faster. However, he had no idea how far ahead he was or what Russia was doing. He looked over his shoulder and saw, of course, the interior of his own tank. This wasn't a car, it wasn't like it had rear-view mirrors. He turned back to the road and swerved violently as he realised he was almost off it. But he overcompensated and ended up on the wrong side of the road (even though it was the left side and therefore actually the correct side, fucking continentals) though, frankly, when you're driving a tank, who really gives a shit?
Unsure what side of the road he should be on, where Russia was and lacking general hand-eye coordination, England continued to swerve.
It was a good plan. Until a rogue tree jumped out in front of him and he crashed into it. Fucking trees! Wherever it was that they were, the trees were made out of depleted uranium or something because
( ... )
Nice Day For a Drive [4/4]
anonymous
May 25 2009, 00:27:41 UTC
“Into the woods!”gasped England, speaking from more experience than the average person. Together the veered off into the trees, undoubtedly by design, but it was hard to tell just by looking. They stumbled more over the uneven ground and the sirens grew louder behind them but they soldiered on. The sirens stopped abruptly, presumably because the tanks had been found and Russia and England hurried faster
( ... )
Re: Nice Day For a Drive [4/4]
anonymous
May 29 2009, 19:40:02 UTC
OMG!
I'm in LOVE.
They carefully extricated themselves from one another and once they were both sure that neither one of them was going to fall over, they let go of each other. Then they shook hands. It was all very civilized.
“Do a three-point-turn or something.”
Why am I suddenly put in mind of Maggie Thatcher?
Of course, being tanks, both vehicles were perfectly able to turn on a penny, but it never really occurred to either nation as Russia executed his thirty-seven-point-turn. England watched in amusement and no small amount of thankfulness as it allowed him time to get through an entire other can.
JP!
And there's just something about England drinking out of a can, sitting in a tank...
Re: Nice Day For a Drive [4/4]
anonymous
May 30 2009, 16:12:21 UTC
*snrk* Oh god, why did I read this while drinking tea? I nearly ruined my laptop like five times while reading this. Especially when Russia got stuck and it's just ahaha dying of laughter here, excuse me.
The world needs more Drunk Tank Racing, seriously. XD
Moscow - An apparently drunk Russian tank driver rammed his 25-ton fighting machine into a remote village cottage while on a vodka run, footage aired on Friday on state television showed.
The soldier was filmed driving the tank, armed with an anti-aircraft gun, through a tiny street in Oktyabrskaya, in the Ural mountains' Sverdlovsk region.
He clambered unsteadily into his vehicle with two freshly purchased bottles, then rammed a fence and a house while attempting to leave.
"He was drunk," a villager said on Channel One television.
An assistant at the local shop said the soldier had purchased two bottles of vodka.
Army spokesperson Konstantin Lazutkin promised the military would pay for repairs.
Just DO IT! XD
Reply
===
So, they were finally here. Finally... here. Where was here, again? Never mind, never mind, that wasn't the point. The important part of the sentence wasn't the 'here' it was the 'they'. Or it could be the 'were'. The 'they were'?
No, no, concentrate. England shook his head (possibly a bad idea because it set the world spinning) and concentrated hard on clambering out of his tank. He'd already held them up by wrecking his original tank. By crashing it into a tree. No, seriously, he broke a tank by crashing it into a tree. What did they make tanks out of these days, papier-mâché?
France probably did. England giggled to himself. Because papier-mâché was French, right? And... and no. No, concentrate. Russia was waiting for him and they had to do this so they could sort it out once and for all and was getting out of a tank usually this hard? This was fuckin' hard. He distinctly remembered being able to get out of a tank with no trouble before. He dangled from the ( ... )
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Unsure what side of the road he should be on, where Russia was and lacking general hand-eye coordination, England continued to swerve.
It was a good plan. Until a rogue tree jumped out in front of him and he crashed into it. Fucking trees! Wherever it was that they were, the trees were made out of depleted uranium or something because ( ... )
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But but the utter cuteness of England and Russia! There should be more of this! ♥
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It's just awesome <3
But but the utter cuteness of England and Russia! There should be more of this!
SECONDED xD
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I'm also struck with a strange desire for drunken Russia/England sex.
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They are as adorable as they are useless, there needs to be so much more of this it was fantastic.
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(oh god, Germany and his forms ftw!)
This was fabulous.
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The forms XD
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I'm in LOVE.
They carefully extricated themselves from one another and once they were both sure that neither one of them was going to fall over, they let go of each other. Then they shook hands. It was all very civilized.
“Do a three-point-turn or something.”
Why am I suddenly put in mind of Maggie Thatcher?
Of course, being tanks, both vehicles were perfectly able to turn on a penny, but it never really occurred to either nation as Russia executed his thirty-seven-point-turn. England watched in amusement and no small amount of thankfulness as it allowed him time to get through an entire other can.
JP!
And there's just something about England drinking out of a can, sitting in a tank...
“Germany is no match for m-- us ( ... )
Reply
The world needs more Drunk Tank Racing, seriously. XD
Reply
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