[Fic] My HEROIC Family
Title: My Family By Alfred F Jones Kirkland-Bonnefoy
Author: Me.
Characters/Parings: America, Canada, Australia, Seychelles, England/France, Hong Kong, Korea, Japan, Prussia, Germany, Liechtenstein, Italy, Romano, Denmark, Norway, Sealand, Lithuania. Mentions of Rome and Sweden.
Rating: G
Warnings: Rambling and fail!grammar and Alfred's ego.
Summary: "Tell me about your family. How many people are in it? What do they do? Is there anyone you don't get to see very often?"
Ludwig's Family
Feliciano's Family
Yong Soo's Family
My Family
By Alfred F. Jones Your last name is Kirkland-Bonnefoy. Please stop saying otherwise. Age: 8
My family is awesome! There’s me, so clearly it’s the best already and there’s also Matt and Jake and Angelique. Oh and our Dad and Papa. They count too. And Hong! He lived with us for a while too and he counts!
Dad is 23 and he’s from this smell place called England where it’s always raining and the food sucks. He takes us there sometimes ‘cause he says we need some ‘good culture’ in our lives or whatever but all we do there is go watch these guys play Shakey Spears and it’s boring. He always tries to cook for us too but that always ends in fail so Papa has to sneak us some of his cooking under the table. Sometimes though when he’s not being a crotchety old man or whatever he’ll tell us lots of fun stories about knights and dragons and heroes (like me) and princesses and quests! They’re awesome and one day I’m going to be a hero and quest and stuff too!
Papa is 25 and he’s French which Dad says is a bad thing but he married him so that means he loves him (deep, deep, deep, deep down) so I just don’t know. He and Dad fight all the time and stuff so Jake and I have an ongoing game where if Dad storms out first Jake has to do my chores but if Papa does then I have to do his. Matt and Angelique say that we shouldn’t ‘play around with things like that’ and their fighting is ‘tearing us apart’ but no one’s dead yet so it’s cool. Papa can actually cook too so we don’t starve or anything and its great! But sometimes he cooks weird things like snails. Matt said they were a ‘delicacy’ or whatever and Angelique likes weird fishy stuff like that and Jake’ll eat dirt if we told him it was food so I was the only one who found it weird. Still tasted better than anything Dad makes though.
Matt is my little brother and he’s 7 and he looks just like me ‘cause we’ve been together the longest. He has this stuffed bear that he carries with him and the other kids used to make fun of him for it but I beat them up when they did so they don’t do that anymore. He’s really shy and quiet but he’s super smart too so he helps me with my Joe graph homework and stuff when I don’t get it. He always comes with me when I go questing so he’s like my sidekick, which Dad says would make him my squire. Yeah, when I become a hero Matt can be my sidekick and we’ll fight crime and save the world together! Life will be awesome!
Jake is 7 too and he’s my other little brother. Dad found him when I was 4 one day at Outback when he went traveling for work. He talks funny but he’s really cool! He’s always up for the adventures that Matt doesn’t wanna do ‘cause he’s afraid he’ll end up dead like that one time we went to Murder’s Cove and almost got killed by the ghost of a serial killer who ate children who came to try to steal his treasure! It was scary and we almost died but Dad and Papa came at the last second to save us. We were grounded for like three months but it was so worth it. He also likes to wrestle wild animals and he’s been secretly teaching me how. I’m getting better. At least the scratches aren’t so bad anymore.
Angelique is 7 too and she’s my little sister. Papa brought her home one day when I was 5 and said she was from a time before Dad (which doesn’t make sense ‘cause he and Dad have known each other since forever) and told Dad not to get mad but he did. Really mad. There was a lot of fighting and shouting and stuff throwing where Matt and Jake and me hid in our room until Dad stormed in and took Jake and me away for a while. We missed Matt and Papa and Papa’s food though so Jake and me tried to go back but we got lost and Dad and Papa found us eventually and we all went home together. I don’t know why Dad got made though ‘cause Angelique is an awesome little sister. She’s not afraid to go exploring like most girls so we can all go on adventures together! She adores Papa but she doesn’t like Dad very much even though he’s been really nice to her lately. She won’t even come and visit Cousin Ludwig and Cousin Gilbert with us ‘cause their related to Dad and not Papa so she stays home with a sitter.
Hong is about 10 now. Dad brought Hong home after a drunken night at the gambling placey thing perfectly legal outing. He found poor Hong desolate and homeless on the side of the road and out of the kindness of his heart brought him in to our loving home and he stayed with us for a few years. He was quiet so he and Matt got along great and he blew stuff up with firecrackers that he would make so he and me got along great too. He and Jake got along alright but Jake didn’t like how he never knew what he was thinking or feeling and I think that creeped him out. He and Angelique didn’t really talk much. He went back to his other family and me and Matt and Dad still visit him sometimes and play with his brothers, Cousin Yong Soo and Cousin Kiku and they’re really fun! Yong Soo created and discovered like everything and Kiku has all these cool video games and comics in his room!
On the holidays we go and visit Ludwig and Gilbert. Gilbert’s really awesome and he has this cute bird that he lets us pet. Jake and Matt and me play with Ludwig and Cousin Heidi while Dad and Gilbert get drunk and Papa flirts with everything with legs until he gets drunk too. Then he flirts with everything. Heidi’s really shy and hangs off her brother a lot but she and Matt play together lots. Ludwig is kinda stiff for a kid but he knows all the cool places to play when we visit so Jake and I play with him lots.
Sometimes we go and visit Cousin Feliciano and Cousin Lovino too. Lovino is kinda a jerk to everyone and one time Jake hit him so hard he passed out and his Grandpa got really really mad at us so Jake isn’t allowed to visit them anymore. Lovino is still a jerk but he runs away when Angelique or me try to beat him up. Feliciano is fun to play with though. He knows a lot of really fun games and can always find pasta and good food and stuff. The two of us have been trying to find the Atmosphere ‘cause you keep saying I need to read it and he needs to read it too but we’ve looked and looked and looked and can’t it anywhere.
Um, oh! One time this guy named Mathis and his cousin Nikolas showed up. Apparently they’re my Second Cousins and they needed to borrow money or something and said it was really important. Dad agreed since their cousin Berwald who I haven’t met is taking care of my Uncle Peter who I only met once a really long time ago. He’s Dad’s little brother and he’s 6 so he’s actually younger than me but I still have to call him Uncle. He doesn’t like Dad very much so when Grandma and Grandpa died and Peter said he didn’t wanna live with Dad and the rest of us Berwald and his wife agreed to take care of him. I dunno why he wouldn’t want to live with us ‘cause our family is awesome!
***
Toris blinked, read through it again, blinked, then sighed. Only Alfred…he couldn’t even read most of it.
Alfred:
Next time, please don’t wait until the last minute and do your homework on the drive to school. I can barley read your handwriting as is, and adding the movement of the car, this is almost illegible.
Of course, he mused, maybe its better he doesn’t know what it says…
A/N: So that's where they went. Huh. I wonder if you lovely readers would object if I wrote some random one-shot/drabbles for this?
Author: Me.
Characters/Parings: America, Canada, Australia, Seychelles, England/France, Hong Kong, Korea, Japan, Prussia, Germany, Liechtenstein, Italy, Romano, Denmark, Norway, Sealand, Lithuania. Mentions of Rome and Sweden.
Rating: G
Warnings: Rambling and fail!grammar and Alfred's ego.
Summary: "Tell me about your family. How many people are in it? What do they do? Is there anyone you don't get to see very often?"
Ludwig's Family
Feliciano's Family
Yong Soo's Family
My Family
By Alfred F. Jones Your last name is Kirkland-Bonnefoy. Please stop saying otherwise. Age: 8
My family is awesome! There’s me, so clearly it’s the best already and there’s also Matt and Jake and Angelique. Oh and our Dad and Papa. They count too. And Hong! He lived with us for a while too and he counts!
Dad is 23 and he’s from this smell place called England where it’s always raining and the food sucks. He takes us there sometimes ‘cause he says we need some ‘good culture’ in our lives or whatever but all we do there is go watch these guys play Shakey Spears and it’s boring. He always tries to cook for us too but that always ends in fail so Papa has to sneak us some of his cooking under the table. Sometimes though when he’s not being a crotchety old man or whatever he’ll tell us lots of fun stories about knights and dragons and heroes (like me) and princesses and quests! They’re awesome and one day I’m going to be a hero and quest and stuff too!
Papa is 25 and he’s French which Dad says is a bad thing but he married him so that means he loves him (deep, deep, deep, deep down) so I just don’t know. He and Dad fight all the time and stuff so Jake and I have an ongoing game where if Dad storms out first Jake has to do my chores but if Papa does then I have to do his. Matt and Angelique say that we shouldn’t ‘play around with things like that’ and their fighting is ‘tearing us apart’ but no one’s dead yet so it’s cool. Papa can actually cook too so we don’t starve or anything and its great! But sometimes he cooks weird things like snails. Matt said they were a ‘delicacy’ or whatever and Angelique likes weird fishy stuff like that and Jake’ll eat dirt if we told him it was food so I was the only one who found it weird. Still tasted better than anything Dad makes though.
Matt is my little brother and he’s 7 and he looks just like me ‘cause we’ve been together the longest. He has this stuffed bear that he carries with him and the other kids used to make fun of him for it but I beat them up when they did so they don’t do that anymore. He’s really shy and quiet but he’s super smart too so he helps me with my Joe graph homework and stuff when I don’t get it. He always comes with me when I go questing so he’s like my sidekick, which Dad says would make him my squire. Yeah, when I become a hero Matt can be my sidekick and we’ll fight crime and save the world together! Life will be awesome!
Jake is 7 too and he’s my other little brother. Dad found him when I was 4 one day at Outback when he went traveling for work. He talks funny but he’s really cool! He’s always up for the adventures that Matt doesn’t wanna do ‘cause he’s afraid he’ll end up dead like that one time we went to Murder’s Cove and almost got killed by the ghost of a serial killer who ate children who came to try to steal his treasure! It was scary and we almost died but Dad and Papa came at the last second to save us. We were grounded for like three months but it was so worth it. He also likes to wrestle wild animals and he’s been secretly teaching me how. I’m getting better. At least the scratches aren’t so bad anymore.
Angelique is 7 too and she’s my little sister. Papa brought her home one day when I was 5 and said she was from a time before Dad (which doesn’t make sense ‘cause he and Dad have known each other since forever) and told Dad not to get mad but he did. Really mad. There was a lot of fighting and shouting and stuff throwing where Matt and Jake and me hid in our room until Dad stormed in and took Jake and me away for a while. We missed Matt and Papa and Papa’s food though so Jake and me tried to go back but we got lost and Dad and Papa found us eventually and we all went home together. I don’t know why Dad got made though ‘cause Angelique is an awesome little sister. She’s not afraid to go exploring like most girls so we can all go on adventures together! She adores Papa but she doesn’t like Dad very much even though he’s been really nice to her lately. She won’t even come and visit Cousin Ludwig and Cousin Gilbert with us ‘cause their related to Dad and not Papa so she stays home with a sitter.
Hong is about 10 now. Dad brought Hong home after a drunken night at the gambling placey thing perfectly legal outing. He found poor Hong desolate and homeless on the side of the road and out of the kindness of his heart brought him in to our loving home and he stayed with us for a few years. He was quiet so he and Matt got along great and he blew stuff up with firecrackers that he would make so he and me got along great too. He and Jake got along alright but Jake didn’t like how he never knew what he was thinking or feeling and I think that creeped him out. He and Angelique didn’t really talk much. He went back to his other family and me and Matt and Dad still visit him sometimes and play with his brothers, Cousin Yong Soo and Cousin Kiku and they’re really fun! Yong Soo created and discovered like everything and Kiku has all these cool video games and comics in his room!
On the holidays we go and visit Ludwig and Gilbert. Gilbert’s really awesome and he has this cute bird that he lets us pet. Jake and Matt and me play with Ludwig and Cousin Heidi while Dad and Gilbert get drunk and Papa flirts with everything with legs until he gets drunk too. Then he flirts with everything. Heidi’s really shy and hangs off her brother a lot but she and Matt play together lots. Ludwig is kinda stiff for a kid but he knows all the cool places to play when we visit so Jake and I play with him lots.
Sometimes we go and visit Cousin Feliciano and Cousin Lovino too. Lovino is kinda a jerk to everyone and one time Jake hit him so hard he passed out and his Grandpa got really really mad at us so Jake isn’t allowed to visit them anymore. Lovino is still a jerk but he runs away when Angelique or me try to beat him up. Feliciano is fun to play with though. He knows a lot of really fun games and can always find pasta and good food and stuff. The two of us have been trying to find the Atmosphere ‘cause you keep saying I need to read it and he needs to read it too but we’ve looked and looked and looked and can’t it anywhere.
Um, oh! One time this guy named Mathis and his cousin Nikolas showed up. Apparently they’re my Second Cousins and they needed to borrow money or something and said it was really important. Dad agreed since their cousin Berwald who I haven’t met is taking care of my Uncle Peter who I only met once a really long time ago. He’s Dad’s little brother and he’s 6 so he’s actually younger than me but I still have to call him Uncle. He doesn’t like Dad very much so when Grandma and Grandpa died and Peter said he didn’t wanna live with Dad and the rest of us Berwald and his wife agreed to take care of him. I dunno why he wouldn’t want to live with us ‘cause our family is awesome!
***
Toris blinked, read through it again, blinked, then sighed. Only Alfred…he couldn’t even read most of it.
Alfred:
Next time, please don’t wait until the last minute and do your homework on the drive to school. I can barley read your handwriting as is, and adding the movement of the car, this is almost illegible.
Of course, he mused, maybe its better he doesn’t know what it says…
A/N: So that's where they went. Huh. I wonder if you lovely readers would object if I wrote some random one-shot/drabbles for this?