Kurt Hummel | [Video 01] | open

[porcelainpride]

[There's a burst of static, then a very shaky shot of an equally shaky teenager -- one who's naturally teenage, actually. He's very pale and wide-eyed, shaking his head slightly like he can't accept what's happening right in front of his eyes.]

No. Nonononono this is not happening. I am not in some weird...frat boy fever dream with magic internet

Comments

[greenisnteasy]

Try not to panic; it'll be okay.

Hey, weird question, but were you always a teenager?

[porcelainpride]

[Hahaha, consider everthing you said completely disregarded and replaced by single-minded "omg boyfrand lookalike"] Oh my god they got you too?! Are you okay? Where are you?

[greenisnteasy]

[Bruce frowns a little and actually glances to the side as if there might be someone there.]

I'm fine? A little... worse for the wear. [He runs a hand over his hair.] But I'm fine. Um... How are you?

[porcelainpride]

I noticed. They didn't even let you bring your hair gel? [Pauses, looks around the room and mutters to himself --] That means I don't have any of my products either. Will you still love me if I have unmoisturized skin and split ends?

Awful. Better now, but still. [His shoulders slump and he looks thoroughly woeful.] I want to go home. Do you know where we are?

[greenisnteasy]

[Wait a minute...]

There's some -- The recovery team finds some hair gel, it's in the storage room, but I gave up using it more or less a little while ago. [Because his not-a-boyfriend implied he should.]

Before I decide whether or not I'm going to still love you, it might be nice to know your name. I'm Bruce Banner.

[porcelainpride]

...oh god. Oh my god, I'm -- [Looking somewhere between mortified and crushed, actually.]

[greenisnteasy]

[Aw crap, he broke him. Bruce realizes he's probably broken some horrendous news, and he frowns, looking concernedly into the camera.]

Hey, sorry. You must have confused me for someone else. I caught on slow, sorry about that. [He presses his lips together for a second.] I still didn't get your name?

[porcelainpride]

[Kurt has the token look of someone who hates crying and is trying not to cry -- chin up, lips pressed together, avoiding eye contact.]

Yes, you look like...someone. [He exhales, slowly, looking up towards the ceiling.] Kurt.

[greenisnteasy]

Hi, Kurt. [He recognizes that look and hopes to chase it away.] Sorry about... my face. I don't usually look like this. Actually I haven't looked like this for about thirty years. This place really does a number on you.

[porcelainpride]

[That gets a short, teary laugh.] You can't choose your face, I guess. [Wipes at his eyes with his sleeve -- a sure sign things are bad; he isn't concerned with his clothes.] Well, you look good. For someone your age.

[greenisnteasy]

[Teary laughs are better than tears with no laughs. Bruce's smile widens.]

Thanks. It's a product I call "This Place is Crazy." Where are you from?

[porcelainpride]

[Composing himself now, see? It's all good, as long as he doesn't look too long at Bruce's face.]

Um, Lima. It's in Ohio.

[greenisnteasy]

And you were a teenager then right?

[He's still trying to get a headcount on how many people suddenly find themselves younger than they were previously.]

[porcelainpride]

Of course. I turned eighteen in May.

[greenisnteasy]

Just checking. We're having an outbreak of adolescence right now. It's probably one of the... sometimes... cuter things you're going to see here.

[porcelainpride]

I wasn't aware adolescence was something that could break out. [But look, here's a brave smile.]I always did have excellent timing. And I guess a university full of kids is better than one full of...zombies or something.