Comments | hexebusterjaxon: HERE WE GO AGAIN....

hexebusterjaxon

HERE WE GO AGAIN....

Feb 02, 2011 06:28

Yesterday evening my husband called me a fuckwit - he told me the house was a mess and that I was fat and lazy - he told me I was ugly and was "decomposing" - he told me I was boring - he accused me of spending all his money - and he told me that he hated me and wanted a divorce. I sat there and listened to all of this and thought "here we go ( Read more... )

Comments 7

deborahw37 February 1 2011, 22:37:36 UTC

((hugs)) I know that you know it's the illness talking but that doesn't make it easier for you.

hexebusterjaxon February 1 2011, 22:51:42 UTC

When he is "normal" again, he usually (not always) apologises and says he doesn't mean what he says, but he looks at me and speaks to me with such hatred in his eyes.

strikske February 2 2011, 05:55:05 UTC

I know they say that words don't hurt but when you hear them enough it does break something inside you. Since it is his illness it's even harder to deal with, you never know if it's the true meaning coming through at those times or not. Must also be bad for the children hearing it. *BIG HUGS*

hexebusterjaxon February 2 2011, 22:39:49 UTC

I have noticed that the children will sometimes speak to each other, the way that he speaks to me, and that upsets me.
I don't want my daughter to grow up and think that its ok for her husband to talk to her like shit; and I don't want my boy to grow up and speak to his wife that way.

debris4spike February 2 2011, 08:33:30 UTC

I am so sorry to read this - we had my Gran live with us for 3 years and she had minor dementia ... those words do hurt .... even though we know that they are said from the opposite viewpoint, we still hear them.

I am so sorry that you hav to go through, and live with this.

As to boring - what little I see of you on LJ you have a variety of interests ... sorry to disagree with him, but he doesn't get my vote there!

rusalchka February 2 2011, 08:57:34 UTC

Oh god, I'm so sorry to hear that. :C
I know I haven't known you for more than a few weeks and it's probably not my place to comment on something this personal, but it was public, so I'm just going to anyway (and I'm really sorry if it comes out too straightforward or awkward or anything, because I really don't mean it that way).
I never believed that bipolar episodes are completely out of anybody's control. Bipolar people can't control the levels of hormones and stuff in their brain and will do things they seriously can't control, like lash out over small things and make bad decisions. But the disorder doesn't force them to say or do things in specific, it only uninhibits them from inappropriate things the "sane" version of them would not do. Maybe he's a nice guy on the surface when he's not going through an episode...but deep down, no genuinely decent guy would ever say things that horrible ( ... )

hexebusterjaxon February 2 2011, 22:36:54 UTC

I have always felt that when he's going through an 'episode', he really hates himself at that moment, so he tries to make me feel as bad as he does. He was a lot worse before the medication, so much so that I was quite frightened of him. The meds sought of keep him on an even keel, but things like nicotene withdrawal will set him off.