no day but today...
Sing HALLEJUAH! HALLEJUAH!
What a breath of freaking fresh air it was to see Andrew again tonight. I forgot how much that kid means to me.. honestly, I did. I guess you never realize these things until the person is gone for a while and then comes back? Happiness doesn't even begin to describe how I feel right now (besides tired LOL).
So yeah... I'm not sure exactly what time he came home, but I did think that we weren't going to hang out tonight because it was like.. almost 11 at night and he still didn't call me. He called me earlier today and we spoke for a while, and he said to me "I'll see you tonight".. so I thought I would see him. But when 11 rolled around, I was getting a little iffy on it.. and disappointed. Suddenly, my phone rang and it was him.
He invited me to come to his house tonight for dessert.. his grandparents were at his house having dinner and what not because they wanted to see Andrew. So yeah, I always feel like I'm a part of the family because when I went in there they were just so welcoming and stuff. I love Andrew's grandma, she's the cutest thing ever.
So yeah.. but anyways.. while we were in the car on the way to his house, we were talking about who he kept in contact with while he was away at school. He was like, "Surprisingly, now I only speak to you and Nina.. which is weird. I always knew that I would keep in contact with you, but I never would have thought Nina. I would have thought Aubrey and you." and then.. he said.. "Even so.. I'm the one that never keeps in contact... it's always you.." and then he kinda looked at me and was like... "I don't deserve you."... I kinda fell silent after that, I didn't know what to say. Then he went on and explained to me that he's been really busy with classes, oboe lessons, voice lessons, his job on campus... and his boyfriend. His boyfriend which he admits is stressing him out majorly. I could even tell that he has been stressed... he even looked like he lost some weight (funny enough, I wasn't the only one that noticed it.. his grandma and mom did too and said something).
So then.. I kind of realized something. He said he didn't deserve me, and you know what? Some people might feel the same way. He knows that he upset me.. and he must have felt guilty about it because he would have never said some of the things he said. He even said to me, "I don't know how you put up with me... you deserve better."
I know Andrew. In a lot of ways we are similar. There was a point in my life when I never really called anyone and always expected people to call me. People took it personally when I never called them, and they would get all upset...
Now I know how it feels to get the tables switched on me.
I also know how crappy it feels when I apologize to people for it and people don't accept the apology and give me another chance. So.. that's what I did.
I know that Andrew is the type of person that doesn't call. That's him. Just like I was that way too. I'd rather have him not call me for months than have him come home and not even hang out with me. He didn't have to call me at 11 at night.. when he's been travelling all day, he's tired, he's also sick.. he's got some adult form of chicken pox on his stomach (not contagious), he's been stressed out from his classes and from his boyfriend... he didn't HAVE to call me to hang out tonight. Or anytime this week.
The point is... it's nothing personal against me.. and I realize that. If he didn't want to see me or be my friend, he wouldn't IM me the day before he was coming home to let me know, and he wouldn't call me 2 times the day he was on his way home.. and he wouldn't have called me to hang out. But he DID. He cares about me... and he makes an effort to do that.. and that's important.
Sure, it's frustrating when he doesn't call back... and it really does get me upset sometimes. But I have to keep this in mind. I honestly think.... no.. I KNOW.. that he doesn't mean to do it.. it's just the way he is.
So this week I plan on seeing him as much as I possibly can. I've only got a week. :-(
Note to Rennie (if he's reading): I just wanted to let you know that I'm sorry for being a bitch the other day. I understand that you were trying to help me.. and I do appreciate it. You just upset me, and well.. you know how I get when I get upset/angry. I know it's no excuse, but I do apologize. If you want, call me when you get a chance and we can talk better.. but I couldn't go to bed tonight without letting you know that I'm sorry.