When You're Young and You Want Some
Title: When You're Young and You Want Some
Pairing: Kevin Jonas/Zac Efron
Summary: Kevin invites Zac to go camping with him and his brothers.
Notes: 6400 words~ For th_esaurus. RD, I started this like the day before your bday and I was like, THIS SUX AND I HATE IT, but then I was like, LET'S JUST DO THIS!!!!!!! I hope it brings a joy to your heart. Deepest apologies/thanks to fledmusic who read this for me and said it was embarrassing/gr8. I listened to and watched the video for We Are Golden by Mika for at least 5 years straight while writing this, 4 real. Do the Jonas Brothers even share a tour bus with bunks? Do they go camping together? I don't know, but I was in bandom, so they do now.
Kevin is on a bed, and he's lying on his stomach, and he's on top of someone, and he's moving up and down in a rhythmic way, and he can't look down at the person he's on top of, and he figures out that they're doing it, and the person he's on top of says something about mountain climbing using other people's hands, and then Kevin is finally able to look at who's underneath him, and it's Zac Efron, and it's definitely Zac Efron, and Kevin knows it's definite, and it doesn't look exactly like him in real life but like an idea of Zac Efron, and it's weird because Kevin doesn't remember how Zac Efron got here, and Kevin pulls on Zac Efron's hair as if it remove it, and the pulling only gives him glow-in-the-dark highlights, and Zac Efron moans, and Kevin wakes up.
Kevin wakes up in his bunk on the tour bus, his butt hanging out of his underwear and the front of his underwear wet and sticky while his t-shirt is rucked up around his armpits. The curtain to his bunk is flung wide open. He has trouble remembering why his clothes are in such a state until he recalls what he was dreaming, in dreamy but pretty vivid detail.
His eyes widen and he gasps in horror. He rolls onto his back to stare at the ceiling and contemplate what he has done. Something itches his back, and he thinks it's his conscious at first, but when he scratches at it, he discovers a post-it note.
"Where'd you get your body from?" The post-it note asks in Joe's handwriting with an arrow pointing down. Kevin widens his eyes wider and gasps even more horrifiedly than before. He feels like he'll walk around all day with that look stuck on his face, even while they're playing a show, unblinking crazy eyes and his mouth hanging open.
Kevin becomes angry at the world and kicks off his sleep pants so he can kick off his underwear. He does it violently and loudly so he can lose steam kicking at the walls of his bunk and not kicking his brother in the face. He pulls his sleep pants back on to face the world such as it remains after dream-violating a close personal acquaintance.
Joe is sitting at the table eating Apple Jacks with chocolate milk. Kevin slams the post-it note on the table and flips the cereal bowl into Joe's lap.
"I got it from my mama," Kevin says.
He's afraid to go to sleep the next night, because he doesn't want a reoccurence or a continuation of his dream from the previous night. It's not that he feels guilty about who the dream was about, or what they were doing in the dream; he just feels like he should have Zac's permission before dreaming about him in such a way. He's sure Zac's never said to him at a premiere or at an awards show when they're talking for ten minutes, "Hey, Kevin, no big deal, you go ahead and have sex dreams about me whenever you want."
Kevin falls asleep and doesn't remember dreaming about anything in particular. That doesn't mean he didn't dream it, but at least he doesn't remember it.
~*~
It's Kevin's turn this year to invite someone on their annual end of summer camping trip. He, Joe, and Nick switch off asking one of their friends (no girls) to go with them each year. They always make sure there's a couple of free days for them at the end of the summer to do it. Kevin's not sure why they still do the camping trip thing, he guesses to stay in touch with their roots, but he thinks they're in touch with their roots enough without sleeping in a tent in the same place they've been sleeping in a tent since they were kids. He thinks they should go camping someplace nicer, in an RV with a bathroom, or in a luxury condo on a beach in Spain. If that's not being in touch with his roots, he doesn't know what is.
Kevin is at a loss on who to invite this year. He usually invites someone who'd never actually accept the invitation, like one year he sent a letter inviting George W. Bush to go camping. He received a nice form letter in reply. If there's no fourth person, they end up having to bring Frankie, which Kevin doesn't mind. The camping seems more like a babysitting job than a summertime hurrah that way, but it's better than hanging out with Nick's or Joe's friends, he thinks.
Who would be outrageously impossible to get to go camping with him and his brothers this year, Kevin asks himself. Zac Efron would be pretty impossible to get in real life.
Kevin's been trying not to think about the dream he had. Sometimes he will, and he'll have to jerk off trying not to think about it, but his mind inevitably wanders. It's a vicious cycle of guilt and pleasuring himself, so nothing too new about that except for the addition of Zac Efron.
What could he even say to Zac Efron? Hey, Zac Efron, want to go to a lame wooded area only a mile away from the town CVS in Jersey with the Jonas Brothers to sleep in a tent and eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches my mom made for two days? Doesn't that sound like the best time you've never had, Zac Efron? Don't you want me thinking about you when I touch myself now, Zac Efron?
The worst that could happen, in actual reality, would be that Zac Efron would turn down his invite and they'd have to bring Frankie. Kevin's deepest secrets wouldn't be revealed, he wouldn't have to grow a moustache and leave the country, and he'd please the family by going camping once again with all of his brothers. He decides he will ask Zac Efron if he wants to go.
~*~
Kevin's phone beeps in a way which means he's just received an email. He's watching iCarly in a dressing room with his parents and Nick and Frankie. Joe is wandering around somewhere with Big Rob, searching for treasure or something like that. Kevin's dad gives him a look, like, don't answer emails on your phone during family time. He doesn't know if his dad knows all the ringtones for everything on all their phones, but it seems like it.
"Miranda Cosgrove is kind of cute," Nick says.
"No she's not," Kevin says.
"Yes she is," Nick says.
"She's too old for you," Kevin says.
"What is she, like 18?" Nick says.
"No, she's like 25," Kevin says. "And she's always coming up with zany schemes. You hate zany schemes, don't you?"
"She is not!" Nick says. "What are you, president of the Miranda Cosgrove fan club?"
"Yes I am," Kevin says.
"She has braces," Nick points out.
"Lots of older people have braces," Kevin says. "Right, Frankie?"
"Yeah, like Gwen Stefani," Frankie says.
"You weren't even able to talk when Gwen Stefani had braces!" Nick says.
"Shhh!" Frankie says.
Kevin waits until the show is over to go out into the hallway to check out the email situation. He hopes it's not from Amazon.com or whatever.
It's a reply to his email from a few days ago to Zac Efron. He has Zac's email address saved, but it's not a big deal. He has a lot of people's emails saved, like Ashley Tisdale's and Nelly's and Pete Wentz's. He's never going to email these people, but he guesses everyone gives him their emails just in case he needs to get in touch with them.
Kevin's email to Zac was something like, hey Zac, it's Kevin, my brothers and I are going on a camping trip next week in Jersey for a couple days, it's kind of dumb, but would you like to tag along? Kevin was expecting either no reply at all and no future acknowledgment that that email was ever sent, or a polite decline. He was not expecting for Zac to write back,
Sure, i'd like to go. thanks for the invite, it sounds fun, send me the specific deets and i'll meet you there. -zac
Kevin spends the rest of the night almost puking at everything. He feels a pukey combination of terror and excitement every time he thinks about how Zac Efron accepted his invitation to go camping with the Jonas Brothers of all people. He feels like his bones and lungs have switched places. He feels like his heart was left in the toaster too long. When he tries to sleep, he can't close his eyes. In fact, he has to force himself to blink. Kevin spends the nights leading up to the camping trip in this state, hard lungs, gooey pink bones, burnt heart, and eyes dry and shriveled. He's a terrified mess, but he's still very excited.
~*~
Before Zac arrives, Kevin takes the most serious shower he's ever taken in his life. He scrubs himself in places he's not sure he's ever scrubbed himself before, he shaves more carefully than he ever has since he's grown facial hair, and he spends an entire hour longer than he usually does styling his hair and picking out his clothing. To go camping.
Zac takes a cab from the airport to Kevin's grandparents' house. He texts Kevin to let him know he's on his way. Kevin sits on the bottom stair on the staircase facing the front door and waits. He taps his boot heels on the hardwood floor so they clack.
"Why are you being like this?" Joe says dramatically, shaking Kevin by the shoulders.
"Like what?" Kevin says, shoving Joe away from him.
"Like you've never had a friend before," Joe says.
"I've had friends before," Kevin says. A car turns down the street, and Kevin perks up, but it drives by, so he droops down.
"I know that," Joe says. He's standing right in front of Kevin and blocking his view of the door. "But you're acting like you haven't."
"No I'm not," Kevin says. He stands up on the stairs so he's taller than Joe and can see around him. A cab pulls up to the driveway just then.
"He's here!" Kevin shouts. He pushes Joe out of the way and Joe slips in his socks on the floor and falls over.
"Ow," Joe says.
"Sorry!" Kevin yells back as he rushes out the front door to meet Zac.
The first thing Kevin thinks when Zac steps out of the car is, oh my gosh, I think about having it with you when I'm doing it to myself. He can feel his face changing into one of horror and disgust, but he can't stop it.
"Hey!" Zac says. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I just realized I needed to... change my shoes," Kevin says. "Hey! How was the ride over?"
"Smooth," Zac says. He's wearing a t-shirt and a jacket with jeans even though it's at least 500 degrees in the sun. He's got a backpack on one arm and a rolled up sleeping bag under his other. Kevin can't believe this is actually happening to him, that he's actually going to go into the woods and sleep in a tent with Zac Efron. He doesn't know why he did this to himself.
"It's good to see you," Kevin says politely.
"You too," Zac says. "We need to get together more. I saw you a few weeks ago, but I should've stopped in and said hello."
"You saw me?" Kevin says.
"Yeah, I went to one of your shows," Zac says. "I hadn't been in a while, right? So, I'm glad you invited me to go camping. I was thinking about you."
"I'm surprised you wanted to come, to be honest," Kevin says.
"Why's that?"
"I just thought you'd have better things to do."
"Nah," Zac says, punching Kevin in the shoulder. "I have other things I should be doing, but not much I'd rather be doing. Hey, Joe!"
Kevin turns around to see Joe pushing his face up against the glass on the screen door. His mouth and nose are mashed into hideous formations. When Zac acknowledges his presence, he backs off and waves through the door, grinning. Zac heads toward the house while Kevin is left standing in the walkway, rubbing his shoulder and thinking about what Zac said. Zac's been thinking about him. Him, Kevin Jonas. Kevin thinks his eyes go crossed thinking about Zac thinking about him while he's thinking about Zac. Kevin goes back inside.
Joe slaps Kevin in the face as soon as he walks in the door. "Get a hold of yourself, man!" He says dramatically.
"I am, God!" Kevin says, kicking Joe in the ankle so he slips on the hardwood floor again. This time he lands on his arm and doesn't say anything whiny, which means he's actually hurt.
"Uh, I think I sprained something," Joe says.
They have to wait for their mom to find Joe an arm sling for his wrist and to yell at Kevin before they can leave.
~*~
"Do you guys always walk there?" Zac asks after they start their trek to their usual campgrounds. "How far is it?"
"Not that far," Nick says. He found a stick in their grandparents' backyard and is using it to point at things. He points at a CVS in the distance. He's also carrying his guitar on his back, which seems unwieldy, but a sexy good idea. Kevin should've brought his guitar. "It's about a mile past that CVS."
"Oh," Zac says. "Well."
"Yeah, exactly," Kevin says. "It's kind of lame."
"No, I think it's cool you still do this," Zac says.
Joe runs at the CVS when they get there, yelling something about how he needs to replenish his strength because he's injured, and Nick runs after him, waving his stick and yelling at him not to jostle his wrist. Kevin and Zac keep the same steady walking pace and wait outside for Joe and Nick to come back out. Kevin's a little nervous being left completely alone with Zac, first of all because he's afraid he'll slip into some sort of day coma and have a sex daydream about him right in front of him, and second of all, because he's not best friends forever with Zac. Kevin's good with people he doesn't know, but he doesn't know how good he is with people he sort of knows and has had dirty thoughts about.
"I feel like maybe I'm getting too old for it," Kevin says. He's surprised at himself, talking to Zac like this. Maybe he's more comfortable with Zac than he thought.
"Don't you have a show on the Disney Channel where you're still in high school?" Zac says.
"You've seen it?" Kevin says, puking internally. "I do it for the kids. You know."
"I know," Zac says. "It's fun. You're never too old for good, clean fun."
"I love good, clean fun," Kevin says.
"Me too," Zac says.
"Me too," Joe says, the automatic sliding door opening. He has a candy bar in one hand and a balloon on a stick in his sling hand. "Let's get this row on the shoad."
~*~
Their campgrounds are really only a wooded clearing down a beaten path in a local park, but it seemed really cool when they were kids, so they've always gone back to that spot. Other people set up camp there, too, because the fire pit is always freshly used, and one year they walked all the way there but there were people there already so they had to go back and wait a few days before trying again. There's nobody there when they arrive this time, but there's a beer bottle next to the fire pit.
"This is nice," Zac says, looking at the ground and at the trees enclosing them. "It's simple."
"Simple means stupid, right?" Kevin says. He throws his pack down and starts getting his tent out to set up.
"No," Zac says. He throws his backpack down, too, and then looks worried. "I didn't bring my own tent, is that okay? I can share with you, right?"
Kevin never thought about that. He realizes that's a right assumption for Zac to make, but he still can't believe he put himself in this situation. Sharing a tent with Zac Efron, cheese and crackers.
"Of course," Kevin says.
"Simple can just mean easy. Like, we're totally shitting in tall cotton right now," Zac says.
"What?" Kevin says.
Joe starts complaining loudly that he can't help Nick set up their tent because he's been horribly disfigured. Kevin begins to walk over to say he'll help the big baby, but Zac puts a hand on his shoulder to stop him.
"I'll help," Zac says. "I've never pitched another person's tent before."
Joe widens his eyes at Kevin. Kevin waves at him to stop it, he knows.
By the time they get everything set up, the sun is setting. Nick starts a fire and then goes to check his sugar while Kevin gets out the PB&J sandwiches their mother made for them. He is starving to death, but he's really conscious of Zac sitting next to him and eating like a bird. He tries to eat as polite as he was ever taught. He gets his canteen out of his pack.
"What's in that?" Zac says.
"Water," Kevin says. He thinks about offering some to Zac, but he put his mouth on it. He doesn't know if Zac is weird about other people's mouths on stuff or what. He's been working really hard not to think about mouths on stuff while Zac is around.
"Oh," Zac says. "I was hoping it was something stronger."
"You want some coffee?" Nick says. He brought a thermos of coffee with him because he's an old man.
"No, thank you," Zac says. "You guys really are virgins, aren't you?"
"Well, yeah," Nick says, like, hello, what else would anyone in the world be?
"Obvi," Joe concurs.
Kevin doesn't say anything because his mouth is full of peanut butter and bread.
~*~
When the sun is fully set and the stars are clearly visible from their little clearing, Nick gets his guitar out and they sing a few campfire songs all together. Zac joins in on them, and Kevin thinks that if Zac were to ever sing songs with Joe in real life, there would be so many young people falling over and dying. Eventually Nick and Zac start telling ghost stories. Joe is bad at telling coherent, succinct stories, so he was banned from trying to tell them years ago. Kevin is a weenie and can't sleep for days if he hears even one commonly tame ghost story, and he's exhausted from socially interacting with Zac, so he leaves his brothers and Zac to go to his tent early. He feels guilty leaving Zac, technically his guest, alone, but he really needs to lie down and be alone for a little while.
Kevin can't settle down. He thinks back on the entire day and feels anxious about the way he acted. He thinks he acted normally, but he doesn't know if that's good or not. He hopes he didn't act offputting and unwelcoming, because Kevin wants to onput and welcome Zac as much as possible. He doesn't even know if Zac likes him as an individual person, or if he only likes them as a group, and that's why he wanted to come, for some group friend hangs, or what. He's nauseously anticipating sleeping next to Zac. He hopes he doesn't talk or do something else in his sleep while Zac is here.
Kevin lies on his back with his sleeping bag covering only his legs and stares at the top of his tent for a long time. He can hear Nick and Zac telling stories, and Joe interrupting and reacting. Zac's backpack and rolled up sleeping bag are on the other side of the tent. Kevin has the urge to touch Zac's things. He wonders if it'd be strange of him to unroll Zac's sleeping bag for him, if that'd be like making Zac's bed for him when he's not home, and Zac's like, whoa, why did you touch my bed? He decides he's thinking about this too hard and he's just trying to be nice, so he grabs Zac's sleeping bag and sets it up for him the way Kevin likes his sleeping bag set up, almost but not quite all the way unzipped so there's room to get in and wiggle around before zipping it up.
Eventually the talking dies down to a murmur, and he hears Nick say good night, but Joe and Zac stay up talking quietly. Kevin's pretty sure he feels jealous about this. That should be him out there, being friendly and charming towards Zac around a campfire under the stars. Kevin doesn't know how to be friendly and charming towards Zac, he thinks. He's just a big old Kevin around Zac.
The zipper to the tent unzips suddenly and Kevin sits up like he's on springs.
"I'm sorry, did I scare you?" Zac says.
"No," Kevin says. He lays back down and puts his arms in his sleeping bag in order to make sure they don't escape during the rest of the night.
"This is okay, right?" Zac says, still staying outside the tent with his fingers curled around the opening.
"Yeah, it's fine," Kevin says. "I invited you, right? Ha, ha."
Zac crouches down and comes inside the tent, rezipping it behind him. It's dark inside the tent, but Kevin's had time to get used to it. Zac's eyes, however, have not adjusted yet. He drops down to his knees and knee-walks towards Kevin, feeling his way to the other side of the tent. He ends up touching Kevin's ankles and knees and scratching his nails against the side of the tent so it makes noise.
"I set up your bed for you," Kevin says, pulling his legs up towards him so he doesn't knee-walked on. "I hope that's okay."
"Oh, sure. Thanks," Zac says. He gets inside his sleeping bag and flops around relatively quietly for a few minutes before settling with a sigh. "I'm cold," he says. "Feel my nose."
Kevin takes his hand out of his sleeping bag. His palm is hot and sweaty, so he feels Zac's nose with the back of his hand like he's checking for a fever.
"Yeah, you're cold," Kevin says. "It's not even cold outside."
"I know, but I'm cold," Zac says. "Do you mind?"
Kevin doesn't know what he's supposed to mind or not until Zac puts his open mouth against Kevin's sleeve and exhales hotly. Kevin's shoulder is warm and lightly damp where Zac breathes. Zac rubs his cold nose on the warm spot of Kevin's sleeve. He does it again when the spot cools down.
"Yeah," Kevin says.
"This is bothering you?" Zac says.
"No," Kevin says.
"My hands are cold, too," Zac says. He puts his hand out for Kevin to understand how cold it is, and Kevin takes it.
"That's a cold hand," Kevin says. "Why are you so cold?"
"I guess I don't get enough iron," Zac says. He slides his hand right into Kevin's sleeping bag and lets it rest on Kevin's chest. Kevin knows, for an absolute fact, that Zac can feel how hard and seriously Kevin's heart is beating. Kevin's not sure how unusual this is for Zac to do, since he doesn't know him that well. It's not like he's lying right on top of Kevin, or like they're spooning or anything. The only thing close of Zac's to Kevin is his head and his hand. The rest of his body is quite a distance away from Kevin's.
Zac falls asleep with his open mouth pressed into Kevin's shoulder and his hand in Kevin's sleeping bag, on Kevin's chest. Kevin hopes he can breathe okay like that and that he doesn't suffocate. He hopes Zac doesn't suffocate, either.
~*~
Kevin doesn't expect to fall asleep in the position he's in, but he must, because he wakes up. He wakes up and his sleeping bag is unzipped, Zac is lying on top of him with his arms wrapped around Kevin and his hands trapped underneath Kevin's back.
"Hey. Hey. Heeey. Hey," Zac is whispering against his chin.
"Whaaaaat," Kevin says, not fully awake.
"My hands are asleep," Zac says. "I'm sorry, I'm a sleep-mover."
Kevin arches his back to lift off of Zac's hands and his cock bumps against Zac's hip. Kevin tries to keep his face innocent of expression, but his mouth opens on a gasp involuntarily. Once Zac's hands are untrapped, Kevin figures he'll move back to his own sleeping bag, but he doesn't. He stays right on top of Kevin, with his legs between Kevin's legs. He puts his newly free hands on Kevin's shoulders.
"Is this a dream?" Kevin says.
"Have you had dreams like this before?" Zac says, eyebrows raised.
Kevin doesn't say anything. Zac can't know of his dreams, especially if he doesn't say anything. He's extremely awake now, but he still feels exhausted, like Zac is sucking the lifeforce out of him directly through their touching chests. He doesn't know why Zac isn't getting away from him.
"Why'd you invite me?" Zac says.
"I thought you wouldn't come," Kevin mumbles.
"What?" Zac says.
"I thought it would be fun," Kevin says.
"Joe tells me you never invite real people," Zac says. He runs his fingers up and down the curls behind one of Kevin's ears.
Kevin hums but twitches his head away from the touch, so Zac stops moving his hand but keeps it in Kevin's hair. "Everyone I've ever invited has been a real person at some point in their life. I'm not inviting like, mermaids and Harry Potter."
"Joe also tells me you like me," Zac says.
"Joe says all sorts of thing," Kevin says, struggling to get Zac off him so he can get up and go over to his brothers' tent to strangle Joe. He's glad he never tells Joe about his dreams, or else that secret probably would've been spilled, too.
Zac pins him to the ground with hands on his shoulders. "I like you too. So it's okay."
"You don't like me," Kevin says.
Zac looks at him like he just said Zac isn't physically appealing. "Sure I do."
"You don't like me as a person," Kevin says.
"I like you so much that if I was at one of your shows, I would hold up an 'I Heart Kevin' sign," Zac says. "Do you like me enough to do that?"
"Hold up an 'I Heart Kevin' sign?" Kevin says.
Zac bangs his head into Kevin's chest with a frustrated sigh. His hair brushes against Kevin's chin. Kevin wants to chew on it. He's so creepy. Zac wouldn't like him if he knew how creepy Kevin is.
"Let me do something," Zac says, lifting his head up to look at Kevin. He kisses Kevin on the chin, then scoots his body up Kevin's body. Kevin's eyes flutter and he licks his lips and inhales at the sensation of their bodies rubbing together, even through clothing.
"You're still a virgin too, right?" Zac says. His face is so close to Kevin's it seems impossible that they don't share the same face yet. His nose bumps against Kevin's bottom lip as his eyes dot all over the rest of Kevin's face. "You didn't say anything, before."
"I don't know, am I?" Kevin says.
"I don't know, are you?" Zac says. His eyelashes touch Kevin's cheek.
Kevin is tired of this, of not doing anything and Zac not doing anything. If they're going to do something, they might as well just do it instead of butterfly kissing around the bush. Kevin takes one of his arms out of his sleeping bag - he only just realizes he's been lying like a mummy this whole time - and puts his hand on the back of Zac's neck. His hair is soft and edible. Kevin lifts only his head like he's doing a bad sit-up and presses his mouth to Zac's.
"Wait," Zac says against Kevin's lips.
"What?" Kevin says.
"I can't do this here," Zac says.
"Okay," Kevin says.
"We're -- " Zac starts, but Kevin interrupts him by shoving him off his person.
"I'll just go sleep outside then," Kevin says. He tries to unzip the tent, but it gets stuck halfway. Zac moves to help him, but Kevin karate chops his hand out to stop him, and just indelicately exits the tent through the small opening. He sticks his arm back in the tent to see if he can grab his sleeping bag, but he can't.
"Can you pass me my sleeping bag," Kevin says hysterically. His sleeping bag oozes through the opening in the tent, and he zips the tent back up without saying another word, even though Zac tries to talk to him by saying his name like he's trying to calm Kevin down.
He sets up outside next to Joe and Nick's tent, somewhat soothed by his brothers' presence. He lies on his stomach and presses his face into his sleeping bag so he can't breathe very well. He hopes the lack of oxygen knocks him out so he can sleep. He feels absolutely humiliated. He may as well have told Zac about that time he had a dream they were doing it so Zac could puke all over him and be done with it. That's how he feels, like he's been purposefully puked on. He has been puked on before, but it's never felt like this.
~*~
The next morning is annoying because it's awkward and awkward because it's annoying, like a dog humping your leg. Kevin supposes this situation is kind of like a dog humping his leg, except it bit him in the middle of it. Kevin doesn't know how to engage Zac in any form of human contact, and it seems like Zac doesn't know what to do, either. Joe seems to sense something thick in the air, but Nick doesn't seem to notice the air has changed at all. They gather around the fire pit and Kevin passes out the remaining peanut butter and jelly sandwiches they have. He hands his brothers their sandwiches, but he sort of half-heartedly tosses Zac's to his. He can feel Zac looking at him, but he can't look back.
"Do you guys want to take a hike through the park?" Nick says, pointing his stick down the park path.
"I kind of want to get out of here," Kevin says.
"You always do this!" Nick says.
"It's cool with me," Zac says.
"Actually, I want to go home, too," Joe says, rubbing at the arm he has in a sling and really obviously fake wincing in pain. "My wrist is a-hurtin'."
"You're such a baby," Nick whines. "All of you are children."
"Olive juice," Kevin mouths at Joe.
Kevin packs up his stuff quicker than he's ever packed up anything in his life and has to wait around for Nick and Zac to finish taking apart the other tent. He watches Zac doing things, his arms working and his hair falling into his face to be flicked out of it over and over. Kevin still likes him, he thinks, but now he's not sure he can handle him in real life. Maybe he's just better off only having Zac in dreams.
"Kevin and I are gonna go ahead," Joe says when Nick and Zac are almost done. "You can catch up with us."
"We are?" Kevin says. They've never walked to or fro apart from each other before.
"Fine," Nick says. "Get out of here."
~*~
"Things okay with you, big brother?" Joe says. He puts his non-slung arm around Kevin's shoulder as they walk.
"Yeah, I guess," Kevin sighs. "Except my little brother keeps going around telling my secrets to everyone."
"That happened by accident," Joe completely brushes Kevin's complaints off, like always. "Everything will work out. I have a plan."
They make it to the CVS and wait there until Nick and Zac catch up. Everyone walks back pretty silently, with Kevin and Nick leading while Zac and Joe hang back. Kevin thinks he hears them whispering to one another, but he's trying not to pay attention. Cheese and crackers, he hopes Joe isn't relaying some sort of zany scheme to Zac. The last thing that's going to fix this is a zany scheme.
When they get back to their grandparents' house, their mom is surprised that they're back so early. Joe lays his fake pain on her and she kisses his booboo and babies him while Kevin and Nick are left hauling his things. Zac holds on to his stuff and leaves his shoes on.
"Come on in, Zac," Kevin's mom says.
"Thank you, but I gotta go," Zac says. He waves awkwardly at the room. "Uh, thank you guys for having me."
Joe goes over and bro hugs Zac, then Nick does. Kevin doesn't, which prompts Zac to stop being weird and distant. He goes up to Kevin and grabs his elbow to lead him aside.
"Thanks for inviting me," Zac says quietly.
"Sure," Kevin says. He was raised to be more polite than that, but he's mad. He can't be polite and mad at the same time.
"Look, I'll see you soon, okay?" Zac says. "I'm sorry."
"Don't worry about it," Kevin says, politeness coming out. He guesses he can be polite and mad at the same time, unless he's becoming less mad now. He doesn't know; he's very confused.
"Okay," Zac says. He slips his hands under Kevin's arms so he can get his own arms all the way around Kevin's body. He puts his forehead against Kevin's shoulder and hugs him. Kevin doesn't have time to think about if he wants to hug him back before Zac lets go of him.
"Do you need a ride to the airport?" Kevin says. He feels completely polite now, which must mean he's no longer mad. He feels soft towards Zac. He wants Zac to hug him again so he can hug back this time.
"No, I called a cab," Zac says.
There's a beep beep from the driveway shortly after that, and Kevin walks Zac to the door and watches him go.
~*~
Tour starts up again a few days later. They go home to to unpack and repack the tour stuff they want and need to take. Kevin spends an entire day doing nothing but getting ready for tour so he can spend the entire next day wallowing and lying with his face in his pillow. He doesn't know why he's so upset about this. He didn't realize he was that into Zac to begin with, but now he's way into him.
The first show of this leg of the tour starts off well. Joe still has his arm in a sling, but Kevin's pretty sure he's not in pain anymore and he just wants the attention. Either way, it always feels good to be back playing songs for thousands of screaming girls and their parents, and it's such a different experience from his offstage life that it makes him forget about Zac and what happened.
They're inbetween songs, and Nick is talking about diabetes or something. Joe usually listens attentively or joins in whenever Nick is talking to the crowd, but this time he waves his good arm frantically over at Kevin. Kevin holds out his hands like, what do you want from me? Joe points to the side of the stage, where their parents usually watch the show from.
Zac is standing there, holding a homemade posterboard-and-washable marker sign over his head. It says, "I ♥ Kevin" on it. He smiles with the force of the teeth of God when he sees that Kevin sees his sign, and he jumps up and down and screams like he's one of the girls in the crowd.
Kevin laughs disbelievingly and waves at Zac. Zac pretends to faint by dropping to his knees and then falling onto his face, still clutching his sign in his hands. Kevin can't believe actually made an "I Heart Kevin" sign. Maybe he really does heart Kevin if he's that dedicated to acting this out.
They finish playing the show and say good night. Kevin hands off his guitar and immediately runs over to Zac, who's standing back up now. He grabs Kevin's hand without saying anything and takes them further from the stage, first to a hallway with a bunch of people frequenting it, then to a different one with no people in it. He leans up against the wall, and Kevin stands in front of him. He's so sweaty right now, it's ungodly, but Zac still hangs on to his hand.
"What are you doing?" Kevin, out of breath and giddy.
"I told you I'd do it," Zac says. He sounds just as breathless as Kevin. "I would've run out onstage with it, but I thought Big Rob might running tackle me."
"Yeah," Kevin agrees.
"Listen," Zac says. He lets go of Kevin's hand, but only so he can put both his arms around Kevin's neck.
"I'm sorry I'm so sweaty," Kevin says. He moves where Zac pulls him, forward, and Zac kisses him on the mouth, chastely. He rubs his lips on Kevin's lips for a second, and kisses him fully on the mouth again.
"I'm sorry about the thing," Zac says. He rubs his hands down Kevin's back and rests his chin on Kevin's shoulder to hug him tight. "You're not mad anymore, right?"
Kevin hugs back this time. He thinks feeling it in real life is better than feeling it in a dream for sure. "No, I'm not mad. Your zany scheme fixed everything."
"Could've been zanier," Zac says, dropping his arms down to fit around Kevin's waist.
"Could've," Kevin says. He lifts his hand and puts it on the back of Zac's neck, presses a kiss to the top of his head. He's going to eat that hair soon enough. "But I liked it."
~*~THE END~*~
Pairing: Kevin Jonas/Zac Efron
Summary: Kevin invites Zac to go camping with him and his brothers.
Notes: 6400 words~ For th_esaurus. RD, I started this like the day before your bday and I was like, THIS SUX AND I HATE IT, but then I was like, LET'S JUST DO THIS!!!!!!! I hope it brings a joy to your heart. Deepest apologies/thanks to fledmusic who read this for me and said it was embarrassing/gr8. I listened to and watched the video for We Are Golden by Mika for at least 5 years straight while writing this, 4 real. Do the Jonas Brothers even share a tour bus with bunks? Do they go camping together? I don't know, but I was in bandom, so they do now.
Kevin is on a bed, and he's lying on his stomach, and he's on top of someone, and he's moving up and down in a rhythmic way, and he can't look down at the person he's on top of, and he figures out that they're doing it, and the person he's on top of says something about mountain climbing using other people's hands, and then Kevin is finally able to look at who's underneath him, and it's Zac Efron, and it's definitely Zac Efron, and Kevin knows it's definite, and it doesn't look exactly like him in real life but like an idea of Zac Efron, and it's weird because Kevin doesn't remember how Zac Efron got here, and Kevin pulls on Zac Efron's hair as if it remove it, and the pulling only gives him glow-in-the-dark highlights, and Zac Efron moans, and Kevin wakes up.
Kevin wakes up in his bunk on the tour bus, his butt hanging out of his underwear and the front of his underwear wet and sticky while his t-shirt is rucked up around his armpits. The curtain to his bunk is flung wide open. He has trouble remembering why his clothes are in such a state until he recalls what he was dreaming, in dreamy but pretty vivid detail.
His eyes widen and he gasps in horror. He rolls onto his back to stare at the ceiling and contemplate what he has done. Something itches his back, and he thinks it's his conscious at first, but when he scratches at it, he discovers a post-it note.
"Where'd you get your body from?" The post-it note asks in Joe's handwriting with an arrow pointing down. Kevin widens his eyes wider and gasps even more horrifiedly than before. He feels like he'll walk around all day with that look stuck on his face, even while they're playing a show, unblinking crazy eyes and his mouth hanging open.
Kevin becomes angry at the world and kicks off his sleep pants so he can kick off his underwear. He does it violently and loudly so he can lose steam kicking at the walls of his bunk and not kicking his brother in the face. He pulls his sleep pants back on to face the world such as it remains after dream-violating a close personal acquaintance.
Joe is sitting at the table eating Apple Jacks with chocolate milk. Kevin slams the post-it note on the table and flips the cereal bowl into Joe's lap.
"I got it from my mama," Kevin says.
He's afraid to go to sleep the next night, because he doesn't want a reoccurence or a continuation of his dream from the previous night. It's not that he feels guilty about who the dream was about, or what they were doing in the dream; he just feels like he should have Zac's permission before dreaming about him in such a way. He's sure Zac's never said to him at a premiere or at an awards show when they're talking for ten minutes, "Hey, Kevin, no big deal, you go ahead and have sex dreams about me whenever you want."
Kevin falls asleep and doesn't remember dreaming about anything in particular. That doesn't mean he didn't dream it, but at least he doesn't remember it.
~*~
It's Kevin's turn this year to invite someone on their annual end of summer camping trip. He, Joe, and Nick switch off asking one of their friends (no girls) to go with them each year. They always make sure there's a couple of free days for them at the end of the summer to do it. Kevin's not sure why they still do the camping trip thing, he guesses to stay in touch with their roots, but he thinks they're in touch with their roots enough without sleeping in a tent in the same place they've been sleeping in a tent since they were kids. He thinks they should go camping someplace nicer, in an RV with a bathroom, or in a luxury condo on a beach in Spain. If that's not being in touch with his roots, he doesn't know what is.
Kevin is at a loss on who to invite this year. He usually invites someone who'd never actually accept the invitation, like one year he sent a letter inviting George W. Bush to go camping. He received a nice form letter in reply. If there's no fourth person, they end up having to bring Frankie, which Kevin doesn't mind. The camping seems more like a babysitting job than a summertime hurrah that way, but it's better than hanging out with Nick's or Joe's friends, he thinks.
Who would be outrageously impossible to get to go camping with him and his brothers this year, Kevin asks himself. Zac Efron would be pretty impossible to get in real life.
Kevin's been trying not to think about the dream he had. Sometimes he will, and he'll have to jerk off trying not to think about it, but his mind inevitably wanders. It's a vicious cycle of guilt and pleasuring himself, so nothing too new about that except for the addition of Zac Efron.
What could he even say to Zac Efron? Hey, Zac Efron, want to go to a lame wooded area only a mile away from the town CVS in Jersey with the Jonas Brothers to sleep in a tent and eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches my mom made for two days? Doesn't that sound like the best time you've never had, Zac Efron? Don't you want me thinking about you when I touch myself now, Zac Efron?
The worst that could happen, in actual reality, would be that Zac Efron would turn down his invite and they'd have to bring Frankie. Kevin's deepest secrets wouldn't be revealed, he wouldn't have to grow a moustache and leave the country, and he'd please the family by going camping once again with all of his brothers. He decides he will ask Zac Efron if he wants to go.
~*~
Kevin's phone beeps in a way which means he's just received an email. He's watching iCarly in a dressing room with his parents and Nick and Frankie. Joe is wandering around somewhere with Big Rob, searching for treasure or something like that. Kevin's dad gives him a look, like, don't answer emails on your phone during family time. He doesn't know if his dad knows all the ringtones for everything on all their phones, but it seems like it.
"Miranda Cosgrove is kind of cute," Nick says.
"No she's not," Kevin says.
"Yes she is," Nick says.
"She's too old for you," Kevin says.
"What is she, like 18?" Nick says.
"No, she's like 25," Kevin says. "And she's always coming up with zany schemes. You hate zany schemes, don't you?"
"She is not!" Nick says. "What are you, president of the Miranda Cosgrove fan club?"
"Yes I am," Kevin says.
"She has braces," Nick points out.
"Lots of older people have braces," Kevin says. "Right, Frankie?"
"Yeah, like Gwen Stefani," Frankie says.
"You weren't even able to talk when Gwen Stefani had braces!" Nick says.
"Shhh!" Frankie says.
Kevin waits until the show is over to go out into the hallway to check out the email situation. He hopes it's not from Amazon.com or whatever.
It's a reply to his email from a few days ago to Zac Efron. He has Zac's email address saved, but it's not a big deal. He has a lot of people's emails saved, like Ashley Tisdale's and Nelly's and Pete Wentz's. He's never going to email these people, but he guesses everyone gives him their emails just in case he needs to get in touch with them.
Kevin's email to Zac was something like, hey Zac, it's Kevin, my brothers and I are going on a camping trip next week in Jersey for a couple days, it's kind of dumb, but would you like to tag along? Kevin was expecting either no reply at all and no future acknowledgment that that email was ever sent, or a polite decline. He was not expecting for Zac to write back,
Sure, i'd like to go. thanks for the invite, it sounds fun, send me the specific deets and i'll meet you there. -zac
Kevin spends the rest of the night almost puking at everything. He feels a pukey combination of terror and excitement every time he thinks about how Zac Efron accepted his invitation to go camping with the Jonas Brothers of all people. He feels like his bones and lungs have switched places. He feels like his heart was left in the toaster too long. When he tries to sleep, he can't close his eyes. In fact, he has to force himself to blink. Kevin spends the nights leading up to the camping trip in this state, hard lungs, gooey pink bones, burnt heart, and eyes dry and shriveled. He's a terrified mess, but he's still very excited.
~*~
Before Zac arrives, Kevin takes the most serious shower he's ever taken in his life. He scrubs himself in places he's not sure he's ever scrubbed himself before, he shaves more carefully than he ever has since he's grown facial hair, and he spends an entire hour longer than he usually does styling his hair and picking out his clothing. To go camping.
Zac takes a cab from the airport to Kevin's grandparents' house. He texts Kevin to let him know he's on his way. Kevin sits on the bottom stair on the staircase facing the front door and waits. He taps his boot heels on the hardwood floor so they clack.
"Why are you being like this?" Joe says dramatically, shaking Kevin by the shoulders.
"Like what?" Kevin says, shoving Joe away from him.
"Like you've never had a friend before," Joe says.
"I've had friends before," Kevin says. A car turns down the street, and Kevin perks up, but it drives by, so he droops down.
"I know that," Joe says. He's standing right in front of Kevin and blocking his view of the door. "But you're acting like you haven't."
"No I'm not," Kevin says. He stands up on the stairs so he's taller than Joe and can see around him. A cab pulls up to the driveway just then.
"He's here!" Kevin shouts. He pushes Joe out of the way and Joe slips in his socks on the floor and falls over.
"Ow," Joe says.
"Sorry!" Kevin yells back as he rushes out the front door to meet Zac.
The first thing Kevin thinks when Zac steps out of the car is, oh my gosh, I think about having it with you when I'm doing it to myself. He can feel his face changing into one of horror and disgust, but he can't stop it.
"Hey!" Zac says. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I just realized I needed to... change my shoes," Kevin says. "Hey! How was the ride over?"
"Smooth," Zac says. He's wearing a t-shirt and a jacket with jeans even though it's at least 500 degrees in the sun. He's got a backpack on one arm and a rolled up sleeping bag under his other. Kevin can't believe this is actually happening to him, that he's actually going to go into the woods and sleep in a tent with Zac Efron. He doesn't know why he did this to himself.
"It's good to see you," Kevin says politely.
"You too," Zac says. "We need to get together more. I saw you a few weeks ago, but I should've stopped in and said hello."
"You saw me?" Kevin says.
"Yeah, I went to one of your shows," Zac says. "I hadn't been in a while, right? So, I'm glad you invited me to go camping. I was thinking about you."
"I'm surprised you wanted to come, to be honest," Kevin says.
"Why's that?"
"I just thought you'd have better things to do."
"Nah," Zac says, punching Kevin in the shoulder. "I have other things I should be doing, but not much I'd rather be doing. Hey, Joe!"
Kevin turns around to see Joe pushing his face up against the glass on the screen door. His mouth and nose are mashed into hideous formations. When Zac acknowledges his presence, he backs off and waves through the door, grinning. Zac heads toward the house while Kevin is left standing in the walkway, rubbing his shoulder and thinking about what Zac said. Zac's been thinking about him. Him, Kevin Jonas. Kevin thinks his eyes go crossed thinking about Zac thinking about him while he's thinking about Zac. Kevin goes back inside.
Joe slaps Kevin in the face as soon as he walks in the door. "Get a hold of yourself, man!" He says dramatically.
"I am, God!" Kevin says, kicking Joe in the ankle so he slips on the hardwood floor again. This time he lands on his arm and doesn't say anything whiny, which means he's actually hurt.
"Uh, I think I sprained something," Joe says.
They have to wait for their mom to find Joe an arm sling for his wrist and to yell at Kevin before they can leave.
~*~
"Do you guys always walk there?" Zac asks after they start their trek to their usual campgrounds. "How far is it?"
"Not that far," Nick says. He found a stick in their grandparents' backyard and is using it to point at things. He points at a CVS in the distance. He's also carrying his guitar on his back, which seems unwieldy, but a sexy good idea. Kevin should've brought his guitar. "It's about a mile past that CVS."
"Oh," Zac says. "Well."
"Yeah, exactly," Kevin says. "It's kind of lame."
"No, I think it's cool you still do this," Zac says.
Joe runs at the CVS when they get there, yelling something about how he needs to replenish his strength because he's injured, and Nick runs after him, waving his stick and yelling at him not to jostle his wrist. Kevin and Zac keep the same steady walking pace and wait outside for Joe and Nick to come back out. Kevin's a little nervous being left completely alone with Zac, first of all because he's afraid he'll slip into some sort of day coma and have a sex daydream about him right in front of him, and second of all, because he's not best friends forever with Zac. Kevin's good with people he doesn't know, but he doesn't know how good he is with people he sort of knows and has had dirty thoughts about.
"I feel like maybe I'm getting too old for it," Kevin says. He's surprised at himself, talking to Zac like this. Maybe he's more comfortable with Zac than he thought.
"Don't you have a show on the Disney Channel where you're still in high school?" Zac says.
"You've seen it?" Kevin says, puking internally. "I do it for the kids. You know."
"I know," Zac says. "It's fun. You're never too old for good, clean fun."
"I love good, clean fun," Kevin says.
"Me too," Zac says.
"Me too," Joe says, the automatic sliding door opening. He has a candy bar in one hand and a balloon on a stick in his sling hand. "Let's get this row on the shoad."
~*~
Their campgrounds are really only a wooded clearing down a beaten path in a local park, but it seemed really cool when they were kids, so they've always gone back to that spot. Other people set up camp there, too, because the fire pit is always freshly used, and one year they walked all the way there but there were people there already so they had to go back and wait a few days before trying again. There's nobody there when they arrive this time, but there's a beer bottle next to the fire pit.
"This is nice," Zac says, looking at the ground and at the trees enclosing them. "It's simple."
"Simple means stupid, right?" Kevin says. He throws his pack down and starts getting his tent out to set up.
"No," Zac says. He throws his backpack down, too, and then looks worried. "I didn't bring my own tent, is that okay? I can share with you, right?"
Kevin never thought about that. He realizes that's a right assumption for Zac to make, but he still can't believe he put himself in this situation. Sharing a tent with Zac Efron, cheese and crackers.
"Of course," Kevin says.
"Simple can just mean easy. Like, we're totally shitting in tall cotton right now," Zac says.
"What?" Kevin says.
Joe starts complaining loudly that he can't help Nick set up their tent because he's been horribly disfigured. Kevin begins to walk over to say he'll help the big baby, but Zac puts a hand on his shoulder to stop him.
"I'll help," Zac says. "I've never pitched another person's tent before."
Joe widens his eyes at Kevin. Kevin waves at him to stop it, he knows.
By the time they get everything set up, the sun is setting. Nick starts a fire and then goes to check his sugar while Kevin gets out the PB&J sandwiches their mother made for them. He is starving to death, but he's really conscious of Zac sitting next to him and eating like a bird. He tries to eat as polite as he was ever taught. He gets his canteen out of his pack.
"What's in that?" Zac says.
"Water," Kevin says. He thinks about offering some to Zac, but he put his mouth on it. He doesn't know if Zac is weird about other people's mouths on stuff or what. He's been working really hard not to think about mouths on stuff while Zac is around.
"Oh," Zac says. "I was hoping it was something stronger."
"You want some coffee?" Nick says. He brought a thermos of coffee with him because he's an old man.
"No, thank you," Zac says. "You guys really are virgins, aren't you?"
"Well, yeah," Nick says, like, hello, what else would anyone in the world be?
"Obvi," Joe concurs.
Kevin doesn't say anything because his mouth is full of peanut butter and bread.
~*~
When the sun is fully set and the stars are clearly visible from their little clearing, Nick gets his guitar out and they sing a few campfire songs all together. Zac joins in on them, and Kevin thinks that if Zac were to ever sing songs with Joe in real life, there would be so many young people falling over and dying. Eventually Nick and Zac start telling ghost stories. Joe is bad at telling coherent, succinct stories, so he was banned from trying to tell them years ago. Kevin is a weenie and can't sleep for days if he hears even one commonly tame ghost story, and he's exhausted from socially interacting with Zac, so he leaves his brothers and Zac to go to his tent early. He feels guilty leaving Zac, technically his guest, alone, but he really needs to lie down and be alone for a little while.
Kevin can't settle down. He thinks back on the entire day and feels anxious about the way he acted. He thinks he acted normally, but he doesn't know if that's good or not. He hopes he didn't act offputting and unwelcoming, because Kevin wants to onput and welcome Zac as much as possible. He doesn't even know if Zac likes him as an individual person, or if he only likes them as a group, and that's why he wanted to come, for some group friend hangs, or what. He's nauseously anticipating sleeping next to Zac. He hopes he doesn't talk or do something else in his sleep while Zac is here.
Kevin lies on his back with his sleeping bag covering only his legs and stares at the top of his tent for a long time. He can hear Nick and Zac telling stories, and Joe interrupting and reacting. Zac's backpack and rolled up sleeping bag are on the other side of the tent. Kevin has the urge to touch Zac's things. He wonders if it'd be strange of him to unroll Zac's sleeping bag for him, if that'd be like making Zac's bed for him when he's not home, and Zac's like, whoa, why did you touch my bed? He decides he's thinking about this too hard and he's just trying to be nice, so he grabs Zac's sleeping bag and sets it up for him the way Kevin likes his sleeping bag set up, almost but not quite all the way unzipped so there's room to get in and wiggle around before zipping it up.
Eventually the talking dies down to a murmur, and he hears Nick say good night, but Joe and Zac stay up talking quietly. Kevin's pretty sure he feels jealous about this. That should be him out there, being friendly and charming towards Zac around a campfire under the stars. Kevin doesn't know how to be friendly and charming towards Zac, he thinks. He's just a big old Kevin around Zac.
The zipper to the tent unzips suddenly and Kevin sits up like he's on springs.
"I'm sorry, did I scare you?" Zac says.
"No," Kevin says. He lays back down and puts his arms in his sleeping bag in order to make sure they don't escape during the rest of the night.
"This is okay, right?" Zac says, still staying outside the tent with his fingers curled around the opening.
"Yeah, it's fine," Kevin says. "I invited you, right? Ha, ha."
Zac crouches down and comes inside the tent, rezipping it behind him. It's dark inside the tent, but Kevin's had time to get used to it. Zac's eyes, however, have not adjusted yet. He drops down to his knees and knee-walks towards Kevin, feeling his way to the other side of the tent. He ends up touching Kevin's ankles and knees and scratching his nails against the side of the tent so it makes noise.
"I set up your bed for you," Kevin says, pulling his legs up towards him so he doesn't knee-walked on. "I hope that's okay."
"Oh, sure. Thanks," Zac says. He gets inside his sleeping bag and flops around relatively quietly for a few minutes before settling with a sigh. "I'm cold," he says. "Feel my nose."
Kevin takes his hand out of his sleeping bag. His palm is hot and sweaty, so he feels Zac's nose with the back of his hand like he's checking for a fever.
"Yeah, you're cold," Kevin says. "It's not even cold outside."
"I know, but I'm cold," Zac says. "Do you mind?"
Kevin doesn't know what he's supposed to mind or not until Zac puts his open mouth against Kevin's sleeve and exhales hotly. Kevin's shoulder is warm and lightly damp where Zac breathes. Zac rubs his cold nose on the warm spot of Kevin's sleeve. He does it again when the spot cools down.
"Yeah," Kevin says.
"This is bothering you?" Zac says.
"No," Kevin says.
"My hands are cold, too," Zac says. He puts his hand out for Kevin to understand how cold it is, and Kevin takes it.
"That's a cold hand," Kevin says. "Why are you so cold?"
"I guess I don't get enough iron," Zac says. He slides his hand right into Kevin's sleeping bag and lets it rest on Kevin's chest. Kevin knows, for an absolute fact, that Zac can feel how hard and seriously Kevin's heart is beating. Kevin's not sure how unusual this is for Zac to do, since he doesn't know him that well. It's not like he's lying right on top of Kevin, or like they're spooning or anything. The only thing close of Zac's to Kevin is his head and his hand. The rest of his body is quite a distance away from Kevin's.
Zac falls asleep with his open mouth pressed into Kevin's shoulder and his hand in Kevin's sleeping bag, on Kevin's chest. Kevin hopes he can breathe okay like that and that he doesn't suffocate. He hopes Zac doesn't suffocate, either.
~*~
Kevin doesn't expect to fall asleep in the position he's in, but he must, because he wakes up. He wakes up and his sleeping bag is unzipped, Zac is lying on top of him with his arms wrapped around Kevin and his hands trapped underneath Kevin's back.
"Hey. Hey. Heeey. Hey," Zac is whispering against his chin.
"Whaaaaat," Kevin says, not fully awake.
"My hands are asleep," Zac says. "I'm sorry, I'm a sleep-mover."
Kevin arches his back to lift off of Zac's hands and his cock bumps against Zac's hip. Kevin tries to keep his face innocent of expression, but his mouth opens on a gasp involuntarily. Once Zac's hands are untrapped, Kevin figures he'll move back to his own sleeping bag, but he doesn't. He stays right on top of Kevin, with his legs between Kevin's legs. He puts his newly free hands on Kevin's shoulders.
"Is this a dream?" Kevin says.
"Have you had dreams like this before?" Zac says, eyebrows raised.
Kevin doesn't say anything. Zac can't know of his dreams, especially if he doesn't say anything. He's extremely awake now, but he still feels exhausted, like Zac is sucking the lifeforce out of him directly through their touching chests. He doesn't know why Zac isn't getting away from him.
"Why'd you invite me?" Zac says.
"I thought you wouldn't come," Kevin mumbles.
"What?" Zac says.
"I thought it would be fun," Kevin says.
"Joe tells me you never invite real people," Zac says. He runs his fingers up and down the curls behind one of Kevin's ears.
Kevin hums but twitches his head away from the touch, so Zac stops moving his hand but keeps it in Kevin's hair. "Everyone I've ever invited has been a real person at some point in their life. I'm not inviting like, mermaids and Harry Potter."
"Joe also tells me you like me," Zac says.
"Joe says all sorts of thing," Kevin says, struggling to get Zac off him so he can get up and go over to his brothers' tent to strangle Joe. He's glad he never tells Joe about his dreams, or else that secret probably would've been spilled, too.
Zac pins him to the ground with hands on his shoulders. "I like you too. So it's okay."
"You don't like me," Kevin says.
Zac looks at him like he just said Zac isn't physically appealing. "Sure I do."
"You don't like me as a person," Kevin says.
"I like you so much that if I was at one of your shows, I would hold up an 'I Heart Kevin' sign," Zac says. "Do you like me enough to do that?"
"Hold up an 'I Heart Kevin' sign?" Kevin says.
Zac bangs his head into Kevin's chest with a frustrated sigh. His hair brushes against Kevin's chin. Kevin wants to chew on it. He's so creepy. Zac wouldn't like him if he knew how creepy Kevin is.
"Let me do something," Zac says, lifting his head up to look at Kevin. He kisses Kevin on the chin, then scoots his body up Kevin's body. Kevin's eyes flutter and he licks his lips and inhales at the sensation of their bodies rubbing together, even through clothing.
"You're still a virgin too, right?" Zac says. His face is so close to Kevin's it seems impossible that they don't share the same face yet. His nose bumps against Kevin's bottom lip as his eyes dot all over the rest of Kevin's face. "You didn't say anything, before."
"I don't know, am I?" Kevin says.
"I don't know, are you?" Zac says. His eyelashes touch Kevin's cheek.
Kevin is tired of this, of not doing anything and Zac not doing anything. If they're going to do something, they might as well just do it instead of butterfly kissing around the bush. Kevin takes one of his arms out of his sleeping bag - he only just realizes he's been lying like a mummy this whole time - and puts his hand on the back of Zac's neck. His hair is soft and edible. Kevin lifts only his head like he's doing a bad sit-up and presses his mouth to Zac's.
"Wait," Zac says against Kevin's lips.
"What?" Kevin says.
"I can't do this here," Zac says.
"Okay," Kevin says.
"We're -- " Zac starts, but Kevin interrupts him by shoving him off his person.
"I'll just go sleep outside then," Kevin says. He tries to unzip the tent, but it gets stuck halfway. Zac moves to help him, but Kevin karate chops his hand out to stop him, and just indelicately exits the tent through the small opening. He sticks his arm back in the tent to see if he can grab his sleeping bag, but he can't.
"Can you pass me my sleeping bag," Kevin says hysterically. His sleeping bag oozes through the opening in the tent, and he zips the tent back up without saying another word, even though Zac tries to talk to him by saying his name like he's trying to calm Kevin down.
He sets up outside next to Joe and Nick's tent, somewhat soothed by his brothers' presence. He lies on his stomach and presses his face into his sleeping bag so he can't breathe very well. He hopes the lack of oxygen knocks him out so he can sleep. He feels absolutely humiliated. He may as well have told Zac about that time he had a dream they were doing it so Zac could puke all over him and be done with it. That's how he feels, like he's been purposefully puked on. He has been puked on before, but it's never felt like this.
~*~
The next morning is annoying because it's awkward and awkward because it's annoying, like a dog humping your leg. Kevin supposes this situation is kind of like a dog humping his leg, except it bit him in the middle of it. Kevin doesn't know how to engage Zac in any form of human contact, and it seems like Zac doesn't know what to do, either. Joe seems to sense something thick in the air, but Nick doesn't seem to notice the air has changed at all. They gather around the fire pit and Kevin passes out the remaining peanut butter and jelly sandwiches they have. He hands his brothers their sandwiches, but he sort of half-heartedly tosses Zac's to his. He can feel Zac looking at him, but he can't look back.
"Do you guys want to take a hike through the park?" Nick says, pointing his stick down the park path.
"I kind of want to get out of here," Kevin says.
"You always do this!" Nick says.
"It's cool with me," Zac says.
"Actually, I want to go home, too," Joe says, rubbing at the arm he has in a sling and really obviously fake wincing in pain. "My wrist is a-hurtin'."
"You're such a baby," Nick whines. "All of you are children."
"Olive juice," Kevin mouths at Joe.
Kevin packs up his stuff quicker than he's ever packed up anything in his life and has to wait around for Nick and Zac to finish taking apart the other tent. He watches Zac doing things, his arms working and his hair falling into his face to be flicked out of it over and over. Kevin still likes him, he thinks, but now he's not sure he can handle him in real life. Maybe he's just better off only having Zac in dreams.
"Kevin and I are gonna go ahead," Joe says when Nick and Zac are almost done. "You can catch up with us."
"We are?" Kevin says. They've never walked to or fro apart from each other before.
"Fine," Nick says. "Get out of here."
~*~
"Things okay with you, big brother?" Joe says. He puts his non-slung arm around Kevin's shoulder as they walk.
"Yeah, I guess," Kevin sighs. "Except my little brother keeps going around telling my secrets to everyone."
"That happened by accident," Joe completely brushes Kevin's complaints off, like always. "Everything will work out. I have a plan."
They make it to the CVS and wait there until Nick and Zac catch up. Everyone walks back pretty silently, with Kevin and Nick leading while Zac and Joe hang back. Kevin thinks he hears them whispering to one another, but he's trying not to pay attention. Cheese and crackers, he hopes Joe isn't relaying some sort of zany scheme to Zac. The last thing that's going to fix this is a zany scheme.
When they get back to their grandparents' house, their mom is surprised that they're back so early. Joe lays his fake pain on her and she kisses his booboo and babies him while Kevin and Nick are left hauling his things. Zac holds on to his stuff and leaves his shoes on.
"Come on in, Zac," Kevin's mom says.
"Thank you, but I gotta go," Zac says. He waves awkwardly at the room. "Uh, thank you guys for having me."
Joe goes over and bro hugs Zac, then Nick does. Kevin doesn't, which prompts Zac to stop being weird and distant. He goes up to Kevin and grabs his elbow to lead him aside.
"Thanks for inviting me," Zac says quietly.
"Sure," Kevin says. He was raised to be more polite than that, but he's mad. He can't be polite and mad at the same time.
"Look, I'll see you soon, okay?" Zac says. "I'm sorry."
"Don't worry about it," Kevin says, politeness coming out. He guesses he can be polite and mad at the same time, unless he's becoming less mad now. He doesn't know; he's very confused.
"Okay," Zac says. He slips his hands under Kevin's arms so he can get his own arms all the way around Kevin's body. He puts his forehead against Kevin's shoulder and hugs him. Kevin doesn't have time to think about if he wants to hug him back before Zac lets go of him.
"Do you need a ride to the airport?" Kevin says. He feels completely polite now, which must mean he's no longer mad. He feels soft towards Zac. He wants Zac to hug him again so he can hug back this time.
"No, I called a cab," Zac says.
There's a beep beep from the driveway shortly after that, and Kevin walks Zac to the door and watches him go.
~*~
Tour starts up again a few days later. They go home to to unpack and repack the tour stuff they want and need to take. Kevin spends an entire day doing nothing but getting ready for tour so he can spend the entire next day wallowing and lying with his face in his pillow. He doesn't know why he's so upset about this. He didn't realize he was that into Zac to begin with, but now he's way into him.
The first show of this leg of the tour starts off well. Joe still has his arm in a sling, but Kevin's pretty sure he's not in pain anymore and he just wants the attention. Either way, it always feels good to be back playing songs for thousands of screaming girls and their parents, and it's such a different experience from his offstage life that it makes him forget about Zac and what happened.
They're inbetween songs, and Nick is talking about diabetes or something. Joe usually listens attentively or joins in whenever Nick is talking to the crowd, but this time he waves his good arm frantically over at Kevin. Kevin holds out his hands like, what do you want from me? Joe points to the side of the stage, where their parents usually watch the show from.
Zac is standing there, holding a homemade posterboard-and-washable marker sign over his head. It says, "I ♥ Kevin" on it. He smiles with the force of the teeth of God when he sees that Kevin sees his sign, and he jumps up and down and screams like he's one of the girls in the crowd.
Kevin laughs disbelievingly and waves at Zac. Zac pretends to faint by dropping to his knees and then falling onto his face, still clutching his sign in his hands. Kevin can't believe actually made an "I Heart Kevin" sign. Maybe he really does heart Kevin if he's that dedicated to acting this out.
They finish playing the show and say good night. Kevin hands off his guitar and immediately runs over to Zac, who's standing back up now. He grabs Kevin's hand without saying anything and takes them further from the stage, first to a hallway with a bunch of people frequenting it, then to a different one with no people in it. He leans up against the wall, and Kevin stands in front of him. He's so sweaty right now, it's ungodly, but Zac still hangs on to his hand.
"What are you doing?" Kevin, out of breath and giddy.
"I told you I'd do it," Zac says. He sounds just as breathless as Kevin. "I would've run out onstage with it, but I thought Big Rob might running tackle me."
"Yeah," Kevin agrees.
"Listen," Zac says. He lets go of Kevin's hand, but only so he can put both his arms around Kevin's neck.
"I'm sorry I'm so sweaty," Kevin says. He moves where Zac pulls him, forward, and Zac kisses him on the mouth, chastely. He rubs his lips on Kevin's lips for a second, and kisses him fully on the mouth again.
"I'm sorry about the thing," Zac says. He rubs his hands down Kevin's back and rests his chin on Kevin's shoulder to hug him tight. "You're not mad anymore, right?"
Kevin hugs back this time. He thinks feeling it in real life is better than feeling it in a dream for sure. "No, I'm not mad. Your zany scheme fixed everything."
"Could've been zanier," Zac says, dropping his arms down to fit around Kevin's waist.
"Could've," Kevin says. He lifts his hand and puts it on the back of Zac's neck, presses a kiss to the top of his head. He's going to eat that hair soon enough. "But I liked it."
~*~THE END~*~