it's always darkest before the dawn » the playlist
it's always darkest before the dawn.
a companion playlist and commentary of sorts
[picture from Sungmin's Baidu Bar]
This most definitely shows how much I rely on music as a source of inspiration for scenes/lines/whatever when it comes to writing. This playlist is entitled “ugly crying & endless sobbing” on my iTunes because of Nana!
DOWNLOAD LINK | 15 SONGS
Pieces | Sum 41I tried to be perfect
But nothing was worth it
I don't believe it makes me real
I thought it'd be easy
But no one believes me
I meant all the things I said
This place is so empty
My thoughts are so tempting
I don't know how it got so bad
Sometimes it's so crazy
That nothing can save me
But it's the only thing that I have
I tried to be perfect
It just wasn't worth it
Nothing could ever be so wrong
It's hard to believe me
It never gets easy
I guess I knew that all along
This is the song that started it all! I was chatting with Nana on Twitter about Zhou Mi and suddenly this song came up on shuffle on my iTunes and yeah ;__; This is when the “sometimes I wonder if he smile for himself or for others” conversation happened and I decided to include it in the fic because I loved that idea. So thank you Nana for that conversation n__n Anyway the song seemed appropriate to me for a Zhou Mi-centric fic and I couldn't stop writing. I started with the scene where Zhou Mi's in his hotel room and Sungmin arrives, btw.
I'm Yours | Jason Mraz // Henry Lau, 이성민and it's your God-forsaken right to be loved loved loved loved loved
This song made it to the playlist because of its breezy/relaxed/chilled out feel and it inspired me to write the getting-away-in-Taiwan segment (obviously since I even quote the lyrics in that part.) The cover by Sungmin and Henry had to be in the playlist as well because I love it. I can't find a video clip for the version that's on the playlist but have another cute one: here. And some bonus Sungmin playing the guitar and singing I'm Yours on Sukira!
Le Tunnel d'Or | AaronEt mes rêves s'accrochent à tes phalanges,
Je t'aime trop fort ça te dérange,
Et mes rêves se brisent sur tes phalanges,
Je t'aime trop fort mon ange.
(And my dreams cling to your phalanges, I love you too much and it bothers you/makes you uneasy, And my dreams break onto your phalanages, I love you too much my angel)
A FRENCH SONG. SHOCKING. Probably the only one I like. But yeah, this is supposed to be Zhou Mi >> Kyuhyun with the whole “loving someone who can't give you what you want”. Also in because of the expectations theme that's in the fic, what with Zhou Mi's dreams/expectations about his relationship with Kyuhyun.
I Don't Like It Like This | The Radio Dept.Words fail me all the time
I don't even feel like talking
Still i go on and on
I'm dying here and you keep walking
I can't calm down at all
Panic is what panic feels like
Can't we just stay silent?
Speaking now seems far too violent
This is the song that inspired the whole part where Sungmin goes silent and is afraid of talking it out with Zhou Mi - with the “words fail me all the time” and “speaking now seems far too violent” lines which I absolutely love!
You've Got The Love | Florence + The MachineSometimes I feel like throwing my hands up in the air
I know I can count on you
Sometimes I feel like saying lord I just don't care
You've got the love I need to see me through
This one's included because the love Sungmin and Zhou Mi have for each other is what's supposed to ~save them~ and give them something to look forward to/enjoy life no matter what - despite all the problems they have to overcome anyway.
Disarm | The Smashing PumpkinsDisarm you with a smile
And leave you like they left me here
To wither in denial
The bitterness of one who's left alone
Ohh, the years burn
I used to be a little boy
So old in my shoes
And what I choose is my voice
What's a boy supposed to do
The killer in me is the killer in you
My love - I send this smile over to you
The killer in me is the killer in you
WAVE OF ZHOU MI FEELINGS INCOMING IN THREE. TWO. ONE. Basically that whole song reminded me of Zhou Mi (the whole “what I choose is my voice”, ”the bitterness of one who's left alone” etc EVERYTHING I TELL YOU.) I really really love this song and it's so fitting for both my Zhou Mi feelings and this fic, imo ;__;
Lies (Acoustic) | Marina & The DiamondsYou're never gonna love me, so what's the use?
What's the point in playing a game you're gonna lose?
What's the point in saying you love me like a friend?
What's the point in saying it's never gonna end?
You're to proud to say that you've made a mistake
You're a coward to the end
I don't wanna admit, but we're not gonna fit
No, I'm not the type that you like
Why don't we just pretend?
Lies, don't wanna know, don't wanna know oh
I can't let you go, can't let you go oh
I just want it to be perfect
To believe it's all been worth the fight
Lies, don't wanna know, don't wanna know oh
Zhou Mi >> Kyuhyun again. The lyrics speak for themselves.
Homewrecker | Marina & The DiamondsEvery boyfriend is the one
Until otherwise proven
The good are never easy
The easy never good
And loving never happens like you think it really should
Deception and perfection are wonderful traits
One will breed love, the other hate
you'll find me in the lonely hearts
under ‘I'm after a brand new start’
When everything is life and death
You may feel like there's nothing left
Instead of love and trust and laughter
What you get is happy never after
But deep down all you want is love
The pure kind we all dream of
But we cannot escape the past
So you and I will never last
That's where the lyrics I quoted at the beginning come from! Perfectly fitting because Zhou Mi in this fic has a certain vision of love that's really well expressed by this song (“but deep down all you want is love, the pure kind we all dream of”).
Anyone But You | Alexz JohnsonSick of the lines they're feeding me
I never know what to believe
In a world that's crushing me
You're the only one I see
I don't change my mind for anybody
I won't waste my time just on anybody
I won't share my life with anyone but you
They put my poster on the wall
They watch and wait for me to fall
They think they made me who I am
But they don't know me at all
They build you up so high
’Til you can hardly see the stars beneath your feet
Then I'm falling through the clouds
There'll be no nets to catch me
Feelings again! Pretty much quoted those lyrics when Zhou Mi talks to Sungmin in the opening section. They summarize my vision of fame/idolhood pretty well (“they build you up so high” etc and the expectations - again! - that come with it). Can also be applied to Sungmin's own venture into idolhood and all.
Shake It Out | Florence + The MachineRegrets collect like old friends
Here to relive your darkest moments
I can see no way, I can see no way
But I like to keep some things to myself
I like to keep my issues strong
It's always darkest before the dawn
And I've been a fool and I've been blind
I can never leave the past behind
I can see no way, I can see no way
Shake it out, shake it out
So this is obviously where the title of the fic comes from. Can apply to both Zhou Mi and Sungmin, again.
Gimme Sympathy | MetricGet hot
Get too close to the flame
Wild open space
Talk like an open book
Sign me up
Got no time to take a picture
I'll remember someday
All the chances we took
We're so close to something
Better left unknown
I can feel it in my bones
Gimme sympathy
After all of this is gone
Who would you rather be
The Beatles or The Rolling Stones
Oh seriously, you're gonna make mistakes you're young
Feelings on fame/idolhood again and mistakes they all possibly made. Inspired the “what's the use of being young if you can't make mistakes” line.
All Good Things Come To An End | Nelly FurtadoFlames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
Pretty self-explanatory.
Hyper Chondriac Music | MuseYou wanted more than I was worth
You think I was scared yeah and you needed proof
Who really cares anymore?
I don't love you and I never did
I don't love you and I never will
Kyuhyun >> Zhou Mi. ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ Sobbing all over, tbh.
We Used To Wait | Arcade Fire
Now our lives are changing fast
Now our lives are changing fast
Hope that something pure can last
Hope that something pure can last
But what's stranger still
Is how something so small can keep you alive
Now that I look back onto the lyrics there are other lines that could have inspired me for this fic but didn't. Anyway, the ones quoted above definitely inspired me, especially the “how something so small can keep you alive” one!