first love
Title: First Love
Pairing: Donghae/Jessica
Rating: G
Word count/Chapter: 1028
A/N: I'm back! Inspired by Super Junior's Y and Donghae's solo First Love. Enjoy!
Donghae remembers the first time he laid eyes on her.
He swore that day that he’s fallen in love and he remembers how Hyukjae scoffed at his words. Sitting in a corner of the coffee shop with his best friend, he eyes her as she makes her way towards the counter. Americano, he hears her say. She had an accent, he noted. He remembers dearly the image of her, pure and beautiful. He could remember every single detail about her that day all the way down to the colour of the polish on her toes.
It was scary how much he likes her, even Hyukjae said so. He laughs quietly when Hyukjae reminds him how tightly he held on to his hands when she walked by their table. “You were a wreck,” Hyukjae would tell him. “You kept telling me how you’ve fallen in love with her.”
He did. He fell in love. And he still is.
/
He remembers how surprised he was when she bumped into her in the recreation room after practice. Hyukjae remembers too, he’s sure, for Donghae had run all over the building to look for him and dragged him into the recreation room just to point her out to him. “It’s her,” Donghae whispered as they peered at her from the outside. “Maybe she’s the new trainee they just brought in,” Hyukjae says.
She turned around quickly at the voice, not giving either of the boys enough time to hide. They fluster about themselves but stood still, realizing they were caught. “Were you… spying on me?” her voice was soft and confused.
Donghae fell into a daze, he remembers. She was so radiant, he just couldn’t look away. “Yes,” he muttered. “Excuse me?” she replies. “No, no. We weren’t. Sorry.” Hyukjae nudges Donghae, glaring as he fixes the situation.
“I’m Hyukjae.”
“Sooyeon.”
“I’m… gorgeous…”
“You’re what?” She blinks at Donghae.
“Donghae! My name is Donghae.”
Smooth.
/
Donghae remembers sending her a congratulatory message when she told him she was going to debut next year.
“Come out and play with me while you still can, Sooyeon.” He wrote, along with his congratulations. “Come and find me while you have time then,” she replied shortly after.
Donghae remembers how he slipped out of dance practice with a lousy excuse of a stomach ache and went on a hunt to find her. He smiles at the memory of her sending him hints to her location and how he’d immediately know where to look.
“You found me,” she said as she leaned on his shoulder. He smiled at her, wrapping his arms around her. She was beautiful in her white dress, shivering a little in the cold. He remembers taking off his jacket for her as she whispered a faint thank you.
He smiles at the memory of her falling fast asleep against his shoulder as they sat beneath the tree at the park. How beautiful she looked that evening and how he touched her cheeks for the same time. His heart aches a little, remembering how he kissed her lips for the first time.
“I love you.”
/
Donghae could never offer her much but he never lets her forget how much he loves her. That much was all he could afford to give her, and she accepts. He makes his way to the streetlight across her dorm, scarf up to his nose, hoping nobody recognizes him. They don’t, but she does as she slowly runs up to him.
It’s a dream, Donghae thinks, this doesn’t happen to everybody. What are the odds that he met the girl of his dreams in a coffee shop? It’s funny now that Donghae thinks about it but his heart still aches at every memory of her.
She was my girl.
/
“We can’t keep doing this,” he hears her say. “Don’t say it,” he begins but she doesn’t let him continue. “I can’t keep doing this.” That’s selfish of you, he wants to say, but he doesn’t. He lets her take his hands, apologizing, insisting how the relationship needed to end. His hands are cold, he’s numb. He can’t breathe.
“I’m sorry. I’ll do better. Don’t say it,” he tries again. She’s crying again, harder than before he realizes. Pulling her into an embrace, he remembers crying just as hard as she was. “Please. Don’t.”
They stood there, remaining as they were in an embrace, tears falling one after another.
He’s hurting but he’s hurt her first.
No, it’s selfish of me to let you stay.
/
Song after song, Donghae would write. These are our memories, he would say to himself, putting each memory into a melody. I want you to hear these songs I wrote for you, for us. Donghae knows very well that these songs would never be enough, but it’s as close as he could get to tell the world how he’s loved her (and how he’s lost her).
“How could you go around on broadcast telling girls you like them and want to make them yours?” he recalls her saying. “Is saying I love you so easy for you?”
It’s not easy for him, he realizes now but the Donghae-then had just experienced such exploding popularity that it went straight to his head.
“Yes, that’s right. It’s easy for me. Girls like me, what can I do about it? Isn’t it the same for you when guys tell you they like you?”
He still remembers the look on her face when he yelled at her.
“I don’t tell them I love them, oppa.”
/
“Who is this girl you’ve been writing about, Donghae-sshi?”
Gyuri’s voice breaks his trance and Donghae remembers he’s at a radio broadcast. How embarrassing to have zoned out like that. 3 minutes has gone by since they played his song for her. He looks over to his left where Hyukjae looked at him with concern. Don’t tell them if you don’t want to, his eyes seemed to say.
Donghae gives her a faint smile and laughs, silently thanking Shindong as he changes the subject.
Are you listening, Sooyeon?
This is my song for you.
Come back to me.