routine
Title: Routine
Pairing: Donghae/Jessica
Rating: PG (ish)
Word count/Chapter: 632
A/N: It's been a while, hasn't it? Here, enjoy some angst. (I don't really know where I was going or what I was doing with this. Nevertheless, I hope I did this some type of justice!)
He’s at it again; saying sweet words to yet another female figure. She falters at his words and actions and there he goes: he got her. That’s how it’s always been with Donghae, hasn’t it? Jessica knows she should be used to it by now, but it doesn’t stop her heart from convulsing in what seems to be pain with a twang of jealousy. “It’s just television, babe,” he’d tell her over and over whenever he finds her curled up in bed, eyes bloodshot from crying. He assures her, assures her he’s hers. Hers. She repeats this to herself, inhaling such sharp breathes it almost wears her out. But this how it’s always been.
She finds herself reaching for a shot glass, her vision finding the vodka quickly. Needless to say the liquid too finds its way down her throat. And this is how it’s always been for her; finding temporary bliss in the form of alcohol drinks. She finds it amusing how the alcohol hasn’t killed her yet, she already feels dead inside anyway. The process would just speed things up, she thinks. The thought doesn’t leave her as she contemplates again for the nth time that week: we need to break up.
/
But she doesn’t do it. She finds herself in the same predicament as she was a week ago. Same place, same thoughts. Routine. Since when has Jessica Jung succumbed to love (and a terrible one at that)? Wasn’t she the one who told him not to love her once upon a time? Funny how the tables have turned now, haven’t they?
She doesn’t say a word when he gets up to leave in the middle of the night. Never has, never will. As always, she only watches as he puts on yet another shirt that she’s gotten for him for a night out with “the boys”. She’s known for ages, he’s been with woman after woman, but she doesn’t say and only nods when he kisses her forehead with a “I’ll see you tomorrow, babe.”
This is her life, her routine. And she accepts.
/
“I hear Sunye’s been seeing him for a while,” Jessica doesn’t respond but her mind is in a whirl of thoughts. “They’ve been pretty public about their rendezvous lately, it’s a surprise they’re still denying their relationship.” She doesn’t stop Hara from talking; only nodding and mumbling an oh every now and then. Hara begs her to divulge on his love life. “You two are in the same company, don’t tell me you haven’t heard anything!” Jessica shakes her head and politely excuses herself from the waiting room.
“Does it hurt?” She stops pacing the floor, examining the figure before her. “Your shoe’s untied,” she says in response. “Don’t change the subject.” She doesn’t.
“Does it hurt?” he asks again.
“No.”
“Why are you still doing this?”
She doesn’t respond.
“You’re not doing yourself a favour, Sooyeon.”
“Hyukjae, don’t.”
And so he doesn’t.
/
The bed feels colder and emptier tonight despite having Donghae spend the night for the first time in years. Jessica doesn’t recognize who this man is; he’s always been despicable, yes, but he’s never been so forward about it. “I’ve been sleeping with her,” he says when she confronts him about it, pushing past her and towards the shower. Jessica doesn’t say a word and she doesn’t probe any further. She doesn’t want to know the gritty details, in fact, she wished she never asked.
And Jessica doesn’t say word when this same man dives underneath the covers with her, kissing her cheek goodnight and telling her “I love you” over and over again.
We all accept the love we feel we deserve.
And so she’s back to the same routine.
After all, that’s all she’s ever known.
Pairing: Donghae/Jessica
Rating: PG (ish)
Word count/Chapter: 632
A/N: It's been a while, hasn't it? Here, enjoy some angst. (I don't really know where I was going or what I was doing with this. Nevertheless, I hope I did this some type of justice!)
He’s at it again; saying sweet words to yet another female figure. She falters at his words and actions and there he goes: he got her. That’s how it’s always been with Donghae, hasn’t it? Jessica knows she should be used to it by now, but it doesn’t stop her heart from convulsing in what seems to be pain with a twang of jealousy. “It’s just television, babe,” he’d tell her over and over whenever he finds her curled up in bed, eyes bloodshot from crying. He assures her, assures her he’s hers. Hers. She repeats this to herself, inhaling such sharp breathes it almost wears her out. But this how it’s always been.
She finds herself reaching for a shot glass, her vision finding the vodka quickly. Needless to say the liquid too finds its way down her throat. And this is how it’s always been for her; finding temporary bliss in the form of alcohol drinks. She finds it amusing how the alcohol hasn’t killed her yet, she already feels dead inside anyway. The process would just speed things up, she thinks. The thought doesn’t leave her as she contemplates again for the nth time that week: we need to break up.
/
But she doesn’t do it. She finds herself in the same predicament as she was a week ago. Same place, same thoughts. Routine. Since when has Jessica Jung succumbed to love (and a terrible one at that)? Wasn’t she the one who told him not to love her once upon a time? Funny how the tables have turned now, haven’t they?
She doesn’t say a word when he gets up to leave in the middle of the night. Never has, never will. As always, she only watches as he puts on yet another shirt that she’s gotten for him for a night out with “the boys”. She’s known for ages, he’s been with woman after woman, but she doesn’t say and only nods when he kisses her forehead with a “I’ll see you tomorrow, babe.”
This is her life, her routine. And she accepts.
/
“I hear Sunye’s been seeing him for a while,” Jessica doesn’t respond but her mind is in a whirl of thoughts. “They’ve been pretty public about their rendezvous lately, it’s a surprise they’re still denying their relationship.” She doesn’t stop Hara from talking; only nodding and mumbling an oh every now and then. Hara begs her to divulge on his love life. “You two are in the same company, don’t tell me you haven’t heard anything!” Jessica shakes her head and politely excuses herself from the waiting room.
“Does it hurt?” She stops pacing the floor, examining the figure before her. “Your shoe’s untied,” she says in response. “Don’t change the subject.” She doesn’t.
“Does it hurt?” he asks again.
“No.”
“Why are you still doing this?”
She doesn’t respond.
“You’re not doing yourself a favour, Sooyeon.”
“Hyukjae, don’t.”
And so he doesn’t.
/
The bed feels colder and emptier tonight despite having Donghae spend the night for the first time in years. Jessica doesn’t recognize who this man is; he’s always been despicable, yes, but he’s never been so forward about it. “I’ve been sleeping with her,” he says when she confronts him about it, pushing past her and towards the shower. Jessica doesn’t say a word and she doesn’t probe any further. She doesn’t want to know the gritty details, in fact, she wished she never asked.
And Jessica doesn’t say word when this same man dives underneath the covers with her, kissing her cheek goodnight and telling her “I love you” over and over again.
We all accept the love we feel we deserve.
And so she’s back to the same routine.
After all, that’s all she’s ever known.