(no subject)
All I can keep thinking is, "Please don't be about me. Please don't be about me. Please don't be about me."
I'm an idiot. I always go after guys that are assholes and will hurt me, but when I have a really great one that I know will treat me right, I push him away. I did it with Trevor, I'm doing it with Daniel. I'm fucking stupid. I used to think I was a douchebag magnet, but now I realize that it really is my fault.
I did that thing that I hate.
I did that thing that I swore I'd never do.
That thing I had never done until last weekend.
And I got what I deserved from it.
Strep fucking throat.
But on the other hand, I can't talk myself into being with someone I'm not 100% interested in. I know that I'd end up growing sick of pretending to feel about them the way they felt about me, and I'd hurt them worse than if it had just never happened to begin with.
I need to be kept away from all males except for Devon because he's gay anyway.
Stoked on moving.
Stoked on a new beginning.
A fresh start.
I'm packing my whole life into tupperware bins and cardboard boxes.
It's a weird feeling.
In completely unrelated but also fucked up news, Jordan and I have officially made amends and are going to try the whole 'friendship' thing again. I don't know how well this will work out, but if I know either of us, it'll end in a shouting match and will eventually come full circle again.
I can't wait for my life to start anew.
I'm an idiot. I always go after guys that are assholes and will hurt me, but when I have a really great one that I know will treat me right, I push him away. I did it with Trevor, I'm doing it with Daniel. I'm fucking stupid. I used to think I was a douchebag magnet, but now I realize that it really is my fault.
I did that thing that I hate.
I did that thing that I swore I'd never do.
That thing I had never done until last weekend.
And I got what I deserved from it.
Strep fucking throat.
But on the other hand, I can't talk myself into being with someone I'm not 100% interested in. I know that I'd end up growing sick of pretending to feel about them the way they felt about me, and I'd hurt them worse than if it had just never happened to begin with.
I need to be kept away from all males except for Devon because he's gay anyway.
Stoked on moving.
Stoked on a new beginning.
A fresh start.
I'm packing my whole life into tupperware bins and cardboard boxes.
It's a weird feeling.
In completely unrelated but also fucked up news, Jordan and I have officially made amends and are going to try the whole 'friendship' thing again. I don't know how well this will work out, but if I know either of us, it'll end in a shouting match and will eventually come full circle again.
I can't wait for my life to start anew.