all that glitters is not gold (t-ara, soyeon/jiyeon/qri)
all that glitters is not gold
group: t-ara
pairing: soyeon/jiyeon/qri
length: ~4000w
notes: this actually pained me
She realizes that she’s been staring for too long only when it’s too late to pretend like it never happened; the image of her slim body and soft curves lingers in her mind and she ponders about the way a collection of tiny sweat drops decorate her forehead and neck and how she should find that disgusting, but instead she just can’t seem to figure out how she can look so good even after working out and how she can wear that white, cropped tank top and a pair of shorts in the same color so attractively.
The fantasies of hers make her react way too slowly and by the time she wants to turn her head around, Jiyeon’s already noticed. An eyebrow quirks up questioningly and Soyeon swallows the enormous ball of embarrassment that appeared in her throat with great mental pain and she coughs, turning around and scurrying out of the gym so fast that it would ridicule even the most talented runner in the school but knowing the reason, she’s not really proud of this never-seen-before ability.
She stops in the door and stands in a position so that Jiyeon would not see her anymore but she would see her; there’s an unsatisfying and irresistible urge to stay just a little bit more and watch her perform just another dance before granting herself with that ridiculous hope of disappearing from this place forever, even though that’s not what she really wants, but we all know - she knows - that her dream of dating or even going on just one date with Park Jiyeon is never going to come true.
It’s not like Soyeon wouldn’t be used to that, her dreams being crushed repeatedly. It’s been an essence of her life, really, yet she still holds some hope that once her time comes and she gets freed of that horrible bad luck she’s been accompanied by throughout her life.
But Park Jiyeon is probably not going to be the one to break the chain.
*
Soyeon had problems with self-confidence but her appearance has always been something that never really bothered her. She had pretty, long and thick deep red hair many students were jealous of and a nice skin that was never damned by acnes of any kind. Her body was okay, too; her cup size was bigger than ninety percent of the girls in her class and her legs were those of the perfect honey thighs as people called it.
She’s never really understood why Lee Qri was so much more popular and therefore, loved in the school than her. She could see the beauty that she obviously possessed: long, slightly wavy dark copper blond hair (Soyeon knew her secret of using extensions, but she was pretty sure she was the only one), ears that shaped like the elves’ that gave her an extremely cute effect, plump, nicely curved lips, dolleyes, a perfect body with the same quality legs like hers. She had a princess-like aura wherever she went and she was always wearing expensive and fashionable pieces of clothing, always appearing with the newest products of popular designer brands.
But she wasn’t the loveliest girl on Earth and she made that pretty clear in front of everyone. She was never afraid of walking over people she didn’t quite fancy or tell her most honest and usually negative opinion to anyone, regardless if they asked or not. All that was flavoured with a huge amount of snobbism and arrogance, and yet, people would’ve died for her.
But none of that was what bothered Soyeon so much, but the fact that she was Jiyeon’s best friend. Even worse was that even though Qri has never admitted to having a thing for girls openly - unlike Jiyeon or Soyeon -, if there was one thing Soyeon could be proud of, it was her gay-radar; and that clearly told her that Qri didn’t only like to throw her net at both sides of the river but at Jiyeon, to be exact.
And Soyeon could and would never forgive her for having more chance at getting Jiyeon than she ever will.
*
When she gets sorted in the same group along with Qri and Jiyeon for the biology group project, Soyeon doesn’t know whether to be happy or depressed about it.
“Okay, who’s gonna write?” is the first thing that leaves Jiyeon’s lips and it’s nothing special but it still makes Soyeon’s tummy turn upside and her own lips part a little as she takes a deep breath, her eyes slowly darting up at the girl across the table. She tries to maintain her expression and she clears her throat, lightly shrugging her shoulders.
“I’ll write,” Qri says almost immediately, flashing a princess-y smile and running her perfectly manicured fingers through her long, fake hair. “I probably have nicer handwriting than both of you.”
“Well, nicer than me that’s for sure,” Jiyeon chuckles then looks at Soyeon. “How about you?”
“I can show you if you want me to?” the redhead says, hoping that her voice doesn’t crack and thankfully it doesn’t. Jiyeon nods and tears a small piece from the blank paper in front of her before passing it over.
“There ya go. Impress me, ladies.”
Soyeon feels the burning glance Qri shoots at her and for a second, it’s not about who has better looking handwriting but more about who has more chance with Jiyeon and Soyeon feels, knows that Qri knows they both have gentle feelings for the same girl and that’s the exact moment when the unsaid competition starts between them.
“Write down ‘Park Jiyeon is the best’ for me.”
Soyeon giggles, coughing and almost choking as she tries to stifle it but she takes a pen and slowly, nicely writes down the sentence, finishing just a second after Qri and then Jiyeon takes the piece to determine the winner.
“Sorry Kyul, but Soyeon’s fingers are magnificent. You’ll write,” Jiyeon nods at Soyeon with her head and the redhead’s breath gets caught in her throat but she remembers to breathe before suffocating.
She can clearly feel an even more caustic look coming from Qri but the only thought that keeps echoing in her head is that she won.
She won the first round, but that wouldn’t mean anything at all.
*
When Jiyeon announces that something suddenly came up and she’s leaving town for a week between hasty apologizes, Soyeon knows that she’ll be introduced to hell in the next seven days as she has to finish the last bits of the project work with Qri, and Qri only, and she contemplates giving up and asking for an F from the teacher instead of having to face her but she realizes how stupid that would be and especially, how much of a loser that would make her appear to be if she did and shoos that idea away.
So they discuss a time in the afternoon when they meet up at Soyeon’s home and she just hopes that Qri won’t burn down the entire house when she steps through the door.
Sitting at least two metres away from each other on the floor, they work in almost complete silence, Soyeon glueing the pictures on the huge carton while Qri is searching for more material and picture to print out on Soyeon’s laptop and they don’t talk for almost twenty minutes when Qri suddenly starts laughing.
“You can’t be serious.”
Soyeon frowns in confusion and quickly rises from her position to take a look at what Qri’s doing and she almost gets a heart attack when she sees how the other’s found her ‘Park Jiyeon’ folder and hurriedly snatches the laptop away from her, cussing at herself mentally for ever thinking it was a good idea to just let Qri use it. Blood spreads around in her cheeks and she makes the folder ‘hidden’ with trembling fingers, not daring to look the other in the eye.
“I bet you have one too.”
“Excuse me?” Qri blinks and Soyeon finally looks up, wearing an expressionless mask.
“I know you’re head over heels for her,” she says, closing her laptop and keeping eye-contact. When Qri first parts her lips, Soyeon expects a witty or rather, bitchy comeback and denying but is actually surprised when she finally replies.
“I don’t need a folder on my laptop for that because I can see her more than you ever will and even have actual physical contact with her whenever I want to. Sorry, babe.”
Soyeon stares. “So you admit to liking her?”
“Why would I deny it? It’s nothing to be ashamed of anyway,” Qri says coldly but she looks down, avoiding her eyes and that makes Soyeon think that maybe, just a little bit, she is ashamed.
She’s ashamed because she knows - or at least thinks - that Jiyeon doesn’t return her feelings.
And for the first time in her life, she feels sympathy for Lee Qri.
*
She rolls around in her bed for hours, thinking and worrying about everything but mostly Jiyeon and the accident that happened earlier. She tries not to think of how Qri found that stupid folder and how she’s probably going to tell Jiyeon all about it and that’s just the last thing Soyeon would want. What if Jiyeon freaked out after finding out that she loves her and avoids interacting with her forever? It’s not like they talk so much anyway. Soyeon would probably be astonished if the chances got even lower, down to zero.
She worries so much that in the end, she reaches for her phone and sends a quick text to Qri whose number she got just a few hours ago, shamelessly asking her to keep her secret. Even though she thinks that she’s probably already told her and it’s not likely Qri would be up at 2am anyway.
She jerks in her bed when the phone unexpectedly buzzes and Soyeon takes a look at the new text message.
[ text; from LQ ] Chill. I’m not telling her anything.
After a few seconds, Lee Qri successfully puts a smile on Soyeon’s face for the first time in her life.
*
Next day they go to Qri’s place and Soyeon can’t help but feel embarrassed upon seeing the luxury that is Qri’s house and everything around it and inside it. While walking down the rooms and halls in the building that doesn’t seem to have an end, Soyeon forces herself to stop staring so she wouldn’t feel so jealous and ashamed.
Qri’s room is full of pink when she steps in and she’s not surprised by that. It totally feels like a princess’ room with the baldachin bed, vanity desk and all the other luxury goods and the jealousy gnaws on Soyeon’s thoughts continuously no matter how hard she tries to push it away.
Soyeon’s gaze soon wanders at a piece of furniture which looks like some kind of beach chair but it has a shape that’s completely new to her: it looks somewhat like a laid hourglass and it’s for two people. Its bright pink and yellow colors are definitely an eye-catcher and all the fluffy pillows thrown over it, all precisely placed make it very inviting and Soyeon bites her bottom lip.
“Can I try that out?”
Qri turns around to see what Soyeon’s pointing at and she makes a grimace.
“Of course not. Do not touch anything or sit on anything but the floor.”
“Please,” Soyeon pleads softly and Qri eyes her for a second before she lets out a deep sigh.
“Fine. Two minutes. If you damage anything I’ll throw you out of the house.”
Soyeon gleams as she plunges forward to lie down on the heaven of pillows and exhales a sigh of pleasure as she experiences how comfortable the sofa - or whatever it really was - is.
“Time’s over. Move your ass over here so you could leave soon.”
Soyeon sits up and shoots Qri a look.
“It hasn’t been two minutes yet. Besides, if you want me to leave that badly, you could just ask. I wouldn’t mind you finishing the project work all by yourself.”
“The only problem is that you’re writing, smartass,” Qri rolls her eyes.
“You can write, too.”
“How about you shut up and just do what I asked you?”
Soyeon makes a face and then falls back on the pillows again, ignoring Qri. The blonde growls and stands up before hurrying over to Soyeon and grabbing her by her feet, starting to pull her off the sofa.
“Hey!” Soyeon cries out, trying to kick Qri’s hands away but her grip is stronger. “Let go of me!”
“Your fault. Should’ve listened to me.”
Soyeon hisses and quickly reaches behind her head and grabs a pillow before throwing it right at Qri’s face.
The blonde lets go of Soyeon’s ankles and widens her eyes in genuine surprise.
“You bitch!” she yells and then takes the pillow to counter-attack but Soyeon dodges and cackles. Qri lets out an unpleased growl and after a few seconds, she falls forward and grabs two pillows, starting to hit Soyeon with both of them and the redhead whimpers, her fingers wrapping around Qri’s wrists and pulling them down on the floor. By the time Qri’s standing, Soyeon has already hit her with another and pillow and they continue fighting until the blonde trips in one of the weapons and collides with Soyeon, causing both of them to fall over.
“You dumbass, look what you made out of my room!” Qri practically screams at Soyeon’s face, her nose touching the other’s for a split second before she rolls off of the younger, growling.
“You shouldn’t have started to harass me!” Soyeon yells in the same angry voice and sits up too, looking at Qri, who doesn’t answer and they keep staring at each other for so much time it seems like minutes.
And then they both burst into a laughter so loud that Qri’s room echoes from the sound.
That’s the second time that the reason for Soyeon’s smile is Lee Qri.
But that day, she knows, it’s not the last.
*
It takes her another day to admit that working, and just simply hanging out with Qri is actually not that bad and another to realize that she’s truly enjoying every second they spend together. They bicker and throw nasty comments at each other most of the time, but Soyeon feels that it’s no longer serious and is just simply a game, a way of entertainment for the two of them, and something sparks inside her everytime she sees not a bitchy, but a genuine, soft smile appear in the corner of Qri’s lips which is rare.
But that’s exactly that just gives her more reason to appreciate it.
On the fifth day, they go out to get ice cream together and Soyeon sees Qri wearing her hair without extensions for the first time and that shocks her so much that her legs freeze to the ground for at least a minute before Qri starts shaking her by her shoulders.
“What the hell is wrong with you? I said, let’s go!”
Soyeon blinks. “I was right.”
Qri frowns, confused. “What? What the hell are you talking about Soyeon, did you swallow a rat?”
“Your hair. You’re wearing extensions.”
“Why is that so much of a big deal?” Qri rolls her eyes, pushing Soyeon forward and they finally leave Qri’s garden and head towards the nearest ice cream shop.
“You never take them out. You want to make everyone in school believe that your hair is naturally that long and beautiful when in fact, it barely reaches your shoulder and is not even nearly as thick,” Soyeon stops for a moment. “How come then?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Park Soyeon, but don’t make me think of you as more stupid than I already do,” Qri murmurs, but her voice is not as strong as usually and she doesn’t look at Soyeon.
“How come you allow me see that you’re not perfect?”
Qri stops abruptly and Soyeon does the same, and they exchange looks for a while before the blonde turns around and starts walking again.
“Because I know you won’t think less of me for it.”
*
It’s already the sixth day when Soyeon realizes something that makes her a lot more stressed than she’s ever felt.
And it’s the fact that when she goes to bed at night, it’s no longer Park Jiyeon who comes to her mind first. It’s not the fantasy of her ripping off the white tank top and shorts of Jiyeon’s perfect body and crashing her lips against hers anymore that she sees when she closes her eyes before sleep.
The girl she sees has long, but fake dark copper blond locks and usually wears blouses and skirts and her circle lenses are sometimes so creepy that it’s a torture to look into her eyes, but she’s the one whose picture is printed on the back of Soyeon’s eyelids when she’s dreaming.
And she hates to admit that nowadays, the reason for her smiles is always the same person and that she’s helplessly and unexpectedly fallen in love with Lee Qri.
*
She realizes that she’s been staring for way too long when it’s already too late to pretend it never happened; Qri’s eyebrows are already furrowed and a curious twinkle in her eyes as Soyeon looks away, almost laughing out loud at the ridiculous déjà vu feeling as she tries to erase Qri from her thoughts as if it was possible.
“Soyeon, I’m talking to you. Turn your pretty head around and freaking listen to me!”
Soyeon snaps her head immediately, her eyes wide. “Pretty?”
Qri blinks, looking startled and somewhat embarrassed, a fade blush painting her cheeks. “What? Should I say ugly pig instead?”
“Do you think I’m pretty?” Soyeon pushes and Qri looks away, focusing on cutting out the photo way too obviously.
“Why, don’t you think you’re pretty?”
“Why don’t you want to tell me?”
“I’m not used to telling people they’re pretty. They’re usually the one to say the same to me.”
“You’re so full of yourself,” Soyeon rolls her eyes and sighs and Qri flashes a smirk.
“But you don’t really mind that, do ya, Soyeon?”
She doesn’t reply, but she knows Qri’s right.
*
They’re almost done with the project on the seventh day when Qri gets a call from Jiyeon that she’s coming home tonight and that she wants to come over and see the finished work. There’s a feeling connected to the happy news, disinterested, that’s still brand new to Soyeon and it’s soon replaced by a mix of sadness and fear and she realizes that it’s probably the last day she and Qri can spend together. When Jiyeon comes back, things would go back to the same and Qri would probably pretend that this week never really happened and hide the fact that they got just a little bit close to friends at all and this thought depresses Soyeon so much that she stands up and announces that she’s leaving.
“Where are you going? We’re not done yet!”
“I’m not feeling too well,” Soyeon says weakly and it’s not a lie and Qri frowns, raising an eyebrow suspiciously.
“You just wanna run away from the work, don’t you?”
“No. I’m really not well, Qri and I’m leaving regardless your opinion.” Soyeon turns around so Qri wouldn’t see the tears forming in her eyes and she quickly blinks them away. “Sorry you have to finish alone.”
Qri makes a tsking sound and sighs. “Alright. Get well soon, Soyeon. And thanks for all your work.”
“No problem,” Soyeon breathes before starting to thunder out of the room when Qri suddenly calls her name. She stops but doesn’t turn around.
“I’m going to ask Jiyeon out today,” Qri finally says and Soyeon feels a punch in her chest, a literal punch because the pain is real, it’s so real that her tears immediately escape and Soyeon has to squeeze her lips together real hard to keep herself from crying. She only nods and attempts to leave the room again.
“I know you probably hope that she says no,” Qri mumbles softly. “And I’m sorry, but I really love her. If she really does say no, I’m all for giving her to you.”
Incapable of words, all Soyeon does is a rapid headshake before disappearing from the room and the house and Qri’s life and running away from everything that hurts.
But the pain doesn’t stop and her knees give up when she turns the first corner and she breaks down, letting all her tears come out at once, hating the situation and mostly, hating herself for her bad luck and for falling in love with the wrong person.
*
Four days pass before Soyeon can no longer make her mother believe she’s sick and she’s forced to go to school and she’s thinking of skipping it but she knows she can’t hide forever. She’s not fond of the assumed sight she’s going to see when she steps into the classroom, the girl she loves tangled with another one she once thought she loved, but the point remains the same.
But she knows that she can’t spend her days burying herself in her bed and being depressed forever.
She’s just a stupid girl after all.
She soon realizes that in fact, no, there’s nothing that she can do to stop the pain of this unrequited love but to wait for it to pass and it takes her too much of self-control to keep herself from tearing up as she sits down by her desk, purposely avoiding Jiyeon sitting in Qri’s lap with her arms around her neck with her eyes as if pretending it’s not there would help at all.
She’s not sure whether it’s the fact that Jiyeon said yes or that Qri hasn’t even said ‘hi’ to her ever since then that is worse, but she needs to rush out of the classroom in the middle of biology because she can’t take it anymore.
*
She wipes the tears with the back of her hand before carefully placing the paper in Qri’s postbox with shaking hands. She takes one last glance at the house she saw from the inside only three times but had managed to change her life forever before turning around and sitting into the car behind her mother, ready to start a new life in a new city and a new school, away from Qri, away from Jiyeon, away from the bad luck and the unrequited love and the pain. She closes her eyes and quickly retells the contents of the letter in her head, not even surprised that she had memorized the words.
“Dear Qri,
You probably would never expect a letter like this, but I couldn’t leave without telling this to you. You’ll be surprised, but I have to admit that the last day you talked to me - because as you probably know that since I guess you’re doing it on purpose, you haven’t said a word to me since nor looked for me - I was feeling very unwell but it wasn’t because of a sickness. And it wasn’t because of Jiyeon either. And when you told me she was going to ask her out, I wasn’t being jealous of you.
I was jealous of her.
I know it’s unexpected; it was for me too. And confessing to you will not do me any good now, but I just thought you had to know why I suddenly decided to change schools and spent so much time convincing my parents to move somewhere else. I’m glad I succeeded, and even though I’ll probably be more depressed for a while that I can’t see you anymore, this will be the best for me. And for you too.
I’m genuinely glad to see you happy. No matter how much it pains me that you’re with someone else, if you’re happy, I am too. I wish you an even happier life in the future.
I love you, fake-haired Lee Qri. And probably will for another while.
the ugly pig, Soyeon.”
Her tears fall unstoppably as she finishes remembering and she ignores her parents’ worried look and questions and the only thing she thinks of is that if she learns how to smile again, Lee Qri will never be the reason for it.
group: t-ara
pairing: soyeon/jiyeon/qri
length: ~4000w
notes: this actually pained me
She realizes that she’s been staring for too long only when it’s too late to pretend like it never happened; the image of her slim body and soft curves lingers in her mind and she ponders about the way a collection of tiny sweat drops decorate her forehead and neck and how she should find that disgusting, but instead she just can’t seem to figure out how she can look so good even after working out and how she can wear that white, cropped tank top and a pair of shorts in the same color so attractively.
The fantasies of hers make her react way too slowly and by the time she wants to turn her head around, Jiyeon’s already noticed. An eyebrow quirks up questioningly and Soyeon swallows the enormous ball of embarrassment that appeared in her throat with great mental pain and she coughs, turning around and scurrying out of the gym so fast that it would ridicule even the most talented runner in the school but knowing the reason, she’s not really proud of this never-seen-before ability.
She stops in the door and stands in a position so that Jiyeon would not see her anymore but she would see her; there’s an unsatisfying and irresistible urge to stay just a little bit more and watch her perform just another dance before granting herself with that ridiculous hope of disappearing from this place forever, even though that’s not what she really wants, but we all know - she knows - that her dream of dating or even going on just one date with Park Jiyeon is never going to come true.
It’s not like Soyeon wouldn’t be used to that, her dreams being crushed repeatedly. It’s been an essence of her life, really, yet she still holds some hope that once her time comes and she gets freed of that horrible bad luck she’s been accompanied by throughout her life.
But Park Jiyeon is probably not going to be the one to break the chain.
*
Soyeon had problems with self-confidence but her appearance has always been something that never really bothered her. She had pretty, long and thick deep red hair many students were jealous of and a nice skin that was never damned by acnes of any kind. Her body was okay, too; her cup size was bigger than ninety percent of the girls in her class and her legs were those of the perfect honey thighs as people called it.
She’s never really understood why Lee Qri was so much more popular and therefore, loved in the school than her. She could see the beauty that she obviously possessed: long, slightly wavy dark copper blond hair (Soyeon knew her secret of using extensions, but she was pretty sure she was the only one), ears that shaped like the elves’ that gave her an extremely cute effect, plump, nicely curved lips, dolleyes, a perfect body with the same quality legs like hers. She had a princess-like aura wherever she went and she was always wearing expensive and fashionable pieces of clothing, always appearing with the newest products of popular designer brands.
But she wasn’t the loveliest girl on Earth and she made that pretty clear in front of everyone. She was never afraid of walking over people she didn’t quite fancy or tell her most honest and usually negative opinion to anyone, regardless if they asked or not. All that was flavoured with a huge amount of snobbism and arrogance, and yet, people would’ve died for her.
But none of that was what bothered Soyeon so much, but the fact that she was Jiyeon’s best friend. Even worse was that even though Qri has never admitted to having a thing for girls openly - unlike Jiyeon or Soyeon -, if there was one thing Soyeon could be proud of, it was her gay-radar; and that clearly told her that Qri didn’t only like to throw her net at both sides of the river but at Jiyeon, to be exact.
And Soyeon could and would never forgive her for having more chance at getting Jiyeon than she ever will.
*
When she gets sorted in the same group along with Qri and Jiyeon for the biology group project, Soyeon doesn’t know whether to be happy or depressed about it.
“Okay, who’s gonna write?” is the first thing that leaves Jiyeon’s lips and it’s nothing special but it still makes Soyeon’s tummy turn upside and her own lips part a little as she takes a deep breath, her eyes slowly darting up at the girl across the table. She tries to maintain her expression and she clears her throat, lightly shrugging her shoulders.
“I’ll write,” Qri says almost immediately, flashing a princess-y smile and running her perfectly manicured fingers through her long, fake hair. “I probably have nicer handwriting than both of you.”
“Well, nicer than me that’s for sure,” Jiyeon chuckles then looks at Soyeon. “How about you?”
“I can show you if you want me to?” the redhead says, hoping that her voice doesn’t crack and thankfully it doesn’t. Jiyeon nods and tears a small piece from the blank paper in front of her before passing it over.
“There ya go. Impress me, ladies.”
Soyeon feels the burning glance Qri shoots at her and for a second, it’s not about who has better looking handwriting but more about who has more chance with Jiyeon and Soyeon feels, knows that Qri knows they both have gentle feelings for the same girl and that’s the exact moment when the unsaid competition starts between them.
“Write down ‘Park Jiyeon is the best’ for me.”
Soyeon giggles, coughing and almost choking as she tries to stifle it but she takes a pen and slowly, nicely writes down the sentence, finishing just a second after Qri and then Jiyeon takes the piece to determine the winner.
“Sorry Kyul, but Soyeon’s fingers are magnificent. You’ll write,” Jiyeon nods at Soyeon with her head and the redhead’s breath gets caught in her throat but she remembers to breathe before suffocating.
She can clearly feel an even more caustic look coming from Qri but the only thought that keeps echoing in her head is that she won.
She won the first round, but that wouldn’t mean anything at all.
*
When Jiyeon announces that something suddenly came up and she’s leaving town for a week between hasty apologizes, Soyeon knows that she’ll be introduced to hell in the next seven days as she has to finish the last bits of the project work with Qri, and Qri only, and she contemplates giving up and asking for an F from the teacher instead of having to face her but she realizes how stupid that would be and especially, how much of a loser that would make her appear to be if she did and shoos that idea away.
So they discuss a time in the afternoon when they meet up at Soyeon’s home and she just hopes that Qri won’t burn down the entire house when she steps through the door.
Sitting at least two metres away from each other on the floor, they work in almost complete silence, Soyeon glueing the pictures on the huge carton while Qri is searching for more material and picture to print out on Soyeon’s laptop and they don’t talk for almost twenty minutes when Qri suddenly starts laughing.
“You can’t be serious.”
Soyeon frowns in confusion and quickly rises from her position to take a look at what Qri’s doing and she almost gets a heart attack when she sees how the other’s found her ‘Park Jiyeon’ folder and hurriedly snatches the laptop away from her, cussing at herself mentally for ever thinking it was a good idea to just let Qri use it. Blood spreads around in her cheeks and she makes the folder ‘hidden’ with trembling fingers, not daring to look the other in the eye.
“I bet you have one too.”
“Excuse me?” Qri blinks and Soyeon finally looks up, wearing an expressionless mask.
“I know you’re head over heels for her,” she says, closing her laptop and keeping eye-contact. When Qri first parts her lips, Soyeon expects a witty or rather, bitchy comeback and denying but is actually surprised when she finally replies.
“I don’t need a folder on my laptop for that because I can see her more than you ever will and even have actual physical contact with her whenever I want to. Sorry, babe.”
Soyeon stares. “So you admit to liking her?”
“Why would I deny it? It’s nothing to be ashamed of anyway,” Qri says coldly but she looks down, avoiding her eyes and that makes Soyeon think that maybe, just a little bit, she is ashamed.
She’s ashamed because she knows - or at least thinks - that Jiyeon doesn’t return her feelings.
And for the first time in her life, she feels sympathy for Lee Qri.
*
She rolls around in her bed for hours, thinking and worrying about everything but mostly Jiyeon and the accident that happened earlier. She tries not to think of how Qri found that stupid folder and how she’s probably going to tell Jiyeon all about it and that’s just the last thing Soyeon would want. What if Jiyeon freaked out after finding out that she loves her and avoids interacting with her forever? It’s not like they talk so much anyway. Soyeon would probably be astonished if the chances got even lower, down to zero.
She worries so much that in the end, she reaches for her phone and sends a quick text to Qri whose number she got just a few hours ago, shamelessly asking her to keep her secret. Even though she thinks that she’s probably already told her and it’s not likely Qri would be up at 2am anyway.
She jerks in her bed when the phone unexpectedly buzzes and Soyeon takes a look at the new text message.
[ text; from LQ ] Chill. I’m not telling her anything.
After a few seconds, Lee Qri successfully puts a smile on Soyeon’s face for the first time in her life.
*
Next day they go to Qri’s place and Soyeon can’t help but feel embarrassed upon seeing the luxury that is Qri’s house and everything around it and inside it. While walking down the rooms and halls in the building that doesn’t seem to have an end, Soyeon forces herself to stop staring so she wouldn’t feel so jealous and ashamed.
Qri’s room is full of pink when she steps in and she’s not surprised by that. It totally feels like a princess’ room with the baldachin bed, vanity desk and all the other luxury goods and the jealousy gnaws on Soyeon’s thoughts continuously no matter how hard she tries to push it away.
Soyeon’s gaze soon wanders at a piece of furniture which looks like some kind of beach chair but it has a shape that’s completely new to her: it looks somewhat like a laid hourglass and it’s for two people. Its bright pink and yellow colors are definitely an eye-catcher and all the fluffy pillows thrown over it, all precisely placed make it very inviting and Soyeon bites her bottom lip.
“Can I try that out?”
Qri turns around to see what Soyeon’s pointing at and she makes a grimace.
“Of course not. Do not touch anything or sit on anything but the floor.”
“Please,” Soyeon pleads softly and Qri eyes her for a second before she lets out a deep sigh.
“Fine. Two minutes. If you damage anything I’ll throw you out of the house.”
Soyeon gleams as she plunges forward to lie down on the heaven of pillows and exhales a sigh of pleasure as she experiences how comfortable the sofa - or whatever it really was - is.
“Time’s over. Move your ass over here so you could leave soon.”
Soyeon sits up and shoots Qri a look.
“It hasn’t been two minutes yet. Besides, if you want me to leave that badly, you could just ask. I wouldn’t mind you finishing the project work all by yourself.”
“The only problem is that you’re writing, smartass,” Qri rolls her eyes.
“You can write, too.”
“How about you shut up and just do what I asked you?”
Soyeon makes a face and then falls back on the pillows again, ignoring Qri. The blonde growls and stands up before hurrying over to Soyeon and grabbing her by her feet, starting to pull her off the sofa.
“Hey!” Soyeon cries out, trying to kick Qri’s hands away but her grip is stronger. “Let go of me!”
“Your fault. Should’ve listened to me.”
Soyeon hisses and quickly reaches behind her head and grabs a pillow before throwing it right at Qri’s face.
The blonde lets go of Soyeon’s ankles and widens her eyes in genuine surprise.
“You bitch!” she yells and then takes the pillow to counter-attack but Soyeon dodges and cackles. Qri lets out an unpleased growl and after a few seconds, she falls forward and grabs two pillows, starting to hit Soyeon with both of them and the redhead whimpers, her fingers wrapping around Qri’s wrists and pulling them down on the floor. By the time Qri’s standing, Soyeon has already hit her with another and pillow and they continue fighting until the blonde trips in one of the weapons and collides with Soyeon, causing both of them to fall over.
“You dumbass, look what you made out of my room!” Qri practically screams at Soyeon’s face, her nose touching the other’s for a split second before she rolls off of the younger, growling.
“You shouldn’t have started to harass me!” Soyeon yells in the same angry voice and sits up too, looking at Qri, who doesn’t answer and they keep staring at each other for so much time it seems like minutes.
And then they both burst into a laughter so loud that Qri’s room echoes from the sound.
That’s the second time that the reason for Soyeon’s smile is Lee Qri.
But that day, she knows, it’s not the last.
*
It takes her another day to admit that working, and just simply hanging out with Qri is actually not that bad and another to realize that she’s truly enjoying every second they spend together. They bicker and throw nasty comments at each other most of the time, but Soyeon feels that it’s no longer serious and is just simply a game, a way of entertainment for the two of them, and something sparks inside her everytime she sees not a bitchy, but a genuine, soft smile appear in the corner of Qri’s lips which is rare.
But that’s exactly that just gives her more reason to appreciate it.
On the fifth day, they go out to get ice cream together and Soyeon sees Qri wearing her hair without extensions for the first time and that shocks her so much that her legs freeze to the ground for at least a minute before Qri starts shaking her by her shoulders.
“What the hell is wrong with you? I said, let’s go!”
Soyeon blinks. “I was right.”
Qri frowns, confused. “What? What the hell are you talking about Soyeon, did you swallow a rat?”
“Your hair. You’re wearing extensions.”
“Why is that so much of a big deal?” Qri rolls her eyes, pushing Soyeon forward and they finally leave Qri’s garden and head towards the nearest ice cream shop.
“You never take them out. You want to make everyone in school believe that your hair is naturally that long and beautiful when in fact, it barely reaches your shoulder and is not even nearly as thick,” Soyeon stops for a moment. “How come then?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Park Soyeon, but don’t make me think of you as more stupid than I already do,” Qri murmurs, but her voice is not as strong as usually and she doesn’t look at Soyeon.
“How come you allow me see that you’re not perfect?”
Qri stops abruptly and Soyeon does the same, and they exchange looks for a while before the blonde turns around and starts walking again.
“Because I know you won’t think less of me for it.”
*
It’s already the sixth day when Soyeon realizes something that makes her a lot more stressed than she’s ever felt.
And it’s the fact that when she goes to bed at night, it’s no longer Park Jiyeon who comes to her mind first. It’s not the fantasy of her ripping off the white tank top and shorts of Jiyeon’s perfect body and crashing her lips against hers anymore that she sees when she closes her eyes before sleep.
The girl she sees has long, but fake dark copper blond locks and usually wears blouses and skirts and her circle lenses are sometimes so creepy that it’s a torture to look into her eyes, but she’s the one whose picture is printed on the back of Soyeon’s eyelids when she’s dreaming.
And she hates to admit that nowadays, the reason for her smiles is always the same person and that she’s helplessly and unexpectedly fallen in love with Lee Qri.
*
She realizes that she’s been staring for way too long when it’s already too late to pretend it never happened; Qri’s eyebrows are already furrowed and a curious twinkle in her eyes as Soyeon looks away, almost laughing out loud at the ridiculous déjà vu feeling as she tries to erase Qri from her thoughts as if it was possible.
“Soyeon, I’m talking to you. Turn your pretty head around and freaking listen to me!”
Soyeon snaps her head immediately, her eyes wide. “Pretty?”
Qri blinks, looking startled and somewhat embarrassed, a fade blush painting her cheeks. “What? Should I say ugly pig instead?”
“Do you think I’m pretty?” Soyeon pushes and Qri looks away, focusing on cutting out the photo way too obviously.
“Why, don’t you think you’re pretty?”
“Why don’t you want to tell me?”
“I’m not used to telling people they’re pretty. They’re usually the one to say the same to me.”
“You’re so full of yourself,” Soyeon rolls her eyes and sighs and Qri flashes a smirk.
“But you don’t really mind that, do ya, Soyeon?”
She doesn’t reply, but she knows Qri’s right.
*
They’re almost done with the project on the seventh day when Qri gets a call from Jiyeon that she’s coming home tonight and that she wants to come over and see the finished work. There’s a feeling connected to the happy news, disinterested, that’s still brand new to Soyeon and it’s soon replaced by a mix of sadness and fear and she realizes that it’s probably the last day she and Qri can spend together. When Jiyeon comes back, things would go back to the same and Qri would probably pretend that this week never really happened and hide the fact that they got just a little bit close to friends at all and this thought depresses Soyeon so much that she stands up and announces that she’s leaving.
“Where are you going? We’re not done yet!”
“I’m not feeling too well,” Soyeon says weakly and it’s not a lie and Qri frowns, raising an eyebrow suspiciously.
“You just wanna run away from the work, don’t you?”
“No. I’m really not well, Qri and I’m leaving regardless your opinion.” Soyeon turns around so Qri wouldn’t see the tears forming in her eyes and she quickly blinks them away. “Sorry you have to finish alone.”
Qri makes a tsking sound and sighs. “Alright. Get well soon, Soyeon. And thanks for all your work.”
“No problem,” Soyeon breathes before starting to thunder out of the room when Qri suddenly calls her name. She stops but doesn’t turn around.
“I’m going to ask Jiyeon out today,” Qri finally says and Soyeon feels a punch in her chest, a literal punch because the pain is real, it’s so real that her tears immediately escape and Soyeon has to squeeze her lips together real hard to keep herself from crying. She only nods and attempts to leave the room again.
“I know you probably hope that she says no,” Qri mumbles softly. “And I’m sorry, but I really love her. If she really does say no, I’m all for giving her to you.”
Incapable of words, all Soyeon does is a rapid headshake before disappearing from the room and the house and Qri’s life and running away from everything that hurts.
But the pain doesn’t stop and her knees give up when she turns the first corner and she breaks down, letting all her tears come out at once, hating the situation and mostly, hating herself for her bad luck and for falling in love with the wrong person.
*
Four days pass before Soyeon can no longer make her mother believe she’s sick and she’s forced to go to school and she’s thinking of skipping it but she knows she can’t hide forever. She’s not fond of the assumed sight she’s going to see when she steps into the classroom, the girl she loves tangled with another one she once thought she loved, but the point remains the same.
But she knows that she can’t spend her days burying herself in her bed and being depressed forever.
She’s just a stupid girl after all.
She soon realizes that in fact, no, there’s nothing that she can do to stop the pain of this unrequited love but to wait for it to pass and it takes her too much of self-control to keep herself from tearing up as she sits down by her desk, purposely avoiding Jiyeon sitting in Qri’s lap with her arms around her neck with her eyes as if pretending it’s not there would help at all.
She’s not sure whether it’s the fact that Jiyeon said yes or that Qri hasn’t even said ‘hi’ to her ever since then that is worse, but she needs to rush out of the classroom in the middle of biology because she can’t take it anymore.
*
She wipes the tears with the back of her hand before carefully placing the paper in Qri’s postbox with shaking hands. She takes one last glance at the house she saw from the inside only three times but had managed to change her life forever before turning around and sitting into the car behind her mother, ready to start a new life in a new city and a new school, away from Qri, away from Jiyeon, away from the bad luck and the unrequited love and the pain. She closes her eyes and quickly retells the contents of the letter in her head, not even surprised that she had memorized the words.
“Dear Qri,
You probably would never expect a letter like this, but I couldn’t leave without telling this to you. You’ll be surprised, but I have to admit that the last day you talked to me - because as you probably know that since I guess you’re doing it on purpose, you haven’t said a word to me since nor looked for me - I was feeling very unwell but it wasn’t because of a sickness. And it wasn’t because of Jiyeon either. And when you told me she was going to ask her out, I wasn’t being jealous of you.
I was jealous of her.
I know it’s unexpected; it was for me too. And confessing to you will not do me any good now, but I just thought you had to know why I suddenly decided to change schools and spent so much time convincing my parents to move somewhere else. I’m glad I succeeded, and even though I’ll probably be more depressed for a while that I can’t see you anymore, this will be the best for me. And for you too.
I’m genuinely glad to see you happy. No matter how much it pains me that you’re with someone else, if you’re happy, I am too. I wish you an even happier life in the future.
I love you, fake-haired Lee Qri. And probably will for another while.
the ugly pig, Soyeon.”
Her tears fall unstoppably as she finishes remembering and she ignores her parents’ worried look and questions and the only thing she thinks of is that if she learns how to smile again, Lee Qri will never be the reason for it.