like moth to a flame (akb48, yamamoto/kawaei)
like moth to a flame
group: akb48/nmb48
pairing: yamamoto/kawaei
length: ~6000w
The wind is blowing so strong that night its sound follows everywhere it goes, into the room through the wide open window, bringing a flow of freezing cold along and filling the space with invisible icicles.
And yet there’s no cold for her to sense as her head jerks back, her blood boiling and her moans multiplying and all she feels are the hot, steamy touch of soft fingertips hurrying up on her thighs and the warm breath of the other washing over her skin.
“Say my name,” the other says as she kisses the corner of her lips, barely touching them.
“Sayanee,” she says obediently but the other pulls away, responding with a frown while she lays her palms on her cheeks.
“Not my nickname,” she growls, pressing her lips hard against the other’s, “my real name. Say my name, Kawaei!”
“Sayaka,” the younger mumbles, her voice coming out raspy as Sayaka’s hand reaches her heated core. “Sayaka!”
“Good girl,” Sayanee replies with a grin and a thrust of her fingers and Kawaei’s head falls into the crook of the older’s neck with a sigh of lust.
*
“As expected,” Juri sighs and shakes her head, turning away.
“I’m sorry, Juri,” Kawaei flashes an apologetic smile, placing a hand on the other’s arm but she pulls away.
“I don’t need your sorries. Would you at least tell me why you’re never free to spend some free time with me recently?”
Kawaei’s glance shoots in the other side of the classroom but it lasts for less than a second and Juri doesn’t notice it.
Thanks god, she wouldn’t really want to try to explain why upon hearing that question, her eyes unconsciously landed on the short black-haired girl a few desks across them.
And even if she had to, Juri wouldn’t understand anyway.
It’s not like she understands it, after all.
“I’m sorry,” murmurs Kawaei again regardless of what the other said and Juri just shoots her a look before turning away and shaking her head, seeming genuinely hurt.
Rina has to swallow a huge bump of guilt and it hurts, but even if she had to do that once every minute, she still wouldn’t cancel a meeting with Sayaka.
And that thought is rather discomforting.
Or maybe what’s (more) discomforting is the fact that no matter how many times Kawaei stares at Sayaka in school, she never ever looks back.
*
The text comes at the same time again: 6th period, exactly five minutes before the bell. The content is the same as well, just like all the time, every single day for the past two weeks it’s the same “Today?” message and just like always, Rina replies with the same “Yes.” again.
This time, though, is the first that her thumb trembles like a leaf before hitting the “Send” button.
*
Sayaka lifts the strawberry in front of her mouth and Kawaei bites, swallowing it in one bite. Sayaka doesn’t look at her, but she keeps feeding her, the movements being the same every time she takes another piece.
Such monotony.
“Why are you giving me strawberries?” Rina suddenly asks and Sayaka looks up, finally making eye contact. The younger immediately regrets ever asking that question because as soon as her eyes lace into those dark irises, she’s lost.
She rejects the next strawberry because she doesn’t want Sayaka to notice the similarity between the color of the fruit and her cheek.
“Why? Don’t you like it?”
Kawaei almost says “I do and I love it even more since you’re the one feeding them to me”, but she regains her sanity just in time before she would be able to utter anything. She squeezes her lips before there’s another strawberry nudging at her lips and she parts them, eating another one.
That’s when Sayaka puts the bowl of strawberries on the coffee table in front of them and turns to Kawaei, a small, smug smile hiding upon her lips as she presses them against the younger’s, the fingers of her right hand dipping underneath the waistband of the younger’s shorts.
And even though there’s heat pooling low in her belly, Kawaei somehow thinks this isn’t right and doesn’t kiss back. Sayaka notices and pulls away, the smile freezing on her lips.
“What?”
Rina bites into her bottom lip and debates, tasting each word, how should she put it, how should she tell her that this is not enough for her anymore, the fact that their relationship is about nothing but pure sex without any emotions involved, how it hurts her that Sayaka doesn’t even notice her existence, let alone talk to her, how something that had started out as fun has now become painful, but no words covering these are good enough to actually say them.
Or more like, she’s just a coward, a selfish one, because she knows that if she complains, even this will end. And she knows better than to take this away from herself - even if it’s not much and a lot less than what she wants.
But it’s still something, so she just shakes her head and tries to hold back her tears as Sayaka’s hands start rolling up the hem of her shirt.
*
Regardless of everything that happened, Rina goes to school with a wide smile on her face. She’s determined; she’s made a promise that she wouldn’t portray her poor state of her mind - and heart - and she also offers Juri to meet at her place this afternoon.
“Are you kidding?” the girl asks, sarcasm painting her voice and Kawaei rolls her eyes.
“No. I’m serious. Come over!” she pleads and there’s a glance shot in the other part of the classroom and Kawaei almost screams when she finds Sayaka looking back at her.
It shocks her so much that Juri has to repeat what she had said because the world stops for a second that is until she tears her gaze away and murmurs a soft “sorry”.
“So, what time should I arrive?”
“How about going there immediately after school?” Rina suggests and Juri nods happily, throwing her arms around her friend and kissing her cheek. Juri’s wide smile makes it impossible for Kawaei not to return it and they sit down at their desks with the same grin plastered on her faces.
But her smile disappears as soon as she accidentally (she swears it’s not intentional) catches a glimpse of Sayaka and some other girl (no, it cannot be Yokoyama, she rages silently) with their lips connected and although it lasts for two seconds maybe and no more, it’s clearly a kiss and the temperature of Rina’s blood drops down to minuses, causing her entire body to freeze. She watches the two of them share a knowing smile and she wants to look away but her body doesn’t obey. Then her eyes meet Sayaka’s for the second time today, and Rina’s sure she sees the hint of a smile in the corner of her lips.
That’s when the bell rings and also when Kawaei stands up and thunders out of the classroom, letting her tears fall unstoppably as she wonders when the hell she earned all of this.
*
There’s no text message that day and Kawaei’s suddenly extremely happy that she has Juri to keep her company most of the afternoon. Even though it’s a pain to try and keep up a composed appearance, her friend’s presence gradually makes her feel better and by the time it’s time for them to part, she almost forgets what happened back in the classroom.
“Hey, Kawaei...” Juri starts hesitantly when they’re standing in the door and Rina quirks an eyebrow.
“Hm?”
“Do you want to tell anything?”
The question catches Kawaei off guard but she shakes her head almost right away.
“No, no… I’m fine. I’m just not sleeping too well lately, that’s all.” What a lie. She hasn’t had a single day when she didn’t fall asleep immediately ever since the last thing before going to bed is Sayaka’s body against hers.
“I see,” Juri nods. “But if there’s anything after all, you know you can tell me everything, right?”
Kawaei nods, forcing a small smile. “I know, Juri. I know.”
*
“You look horrible today. Did you even sleep?” Juri questions as she plops down on Rina’s desk, startling the girl with swollen eyes and circles underneath darker than any man could ever have and she squints as if trying to get the sudden light out of her vision.
“Oh my god. Are you hangover?” Juri asks in a high-pitched voice as she cups her friend’s face, worry sitting upon her features.
“What? Naaah, no, no, I’m not,” Rina answers but her voice is so hesitant it sounds like she’s trying to convince herself even and Juri would be a fool to believe her.
“Don’t screw around with me. You never drink alcohol. Are you really going to keep feeding me that nothing’s wrong?” Juri shakes the other by her shoulders lightly and Kawaei frowns, brushing her friend’s hands off of her.
“Leave me alone, Juri, my head hurts.”
“Of course it does! God damn it, why would you do something like that…” Juri murmurs, running her slender fingers through her middle-length raven hair, shaking her head, still in high disapproval.
“If you don’t talk to me, I can’t help you, Ricchan,” are the last words she says before turning away from the younger and with that, announcing her unwillingness to pull Rina out of the shit she had managed to get herself into.
And Rina realizes that, she’s right.
What has she been thinking? Stealing bottles of whiskey from their chamber and getting so drunk she basically passed out as soon as the alcohol started to kick in? On a weekday, when there’s school tomorrow? When she doesn’t even like alcohol? Making a complete idiot of herself and provoking out her best friend’s apathy?
All of this because of a girl she’s been fucking for two weeks?
The thought rings so ridiculous even in her head that she bursts into laughter. It’s a silly, high-pitched, almost hysterical laugh and she successfully attracts the attention of almost every classmate of hers.
But as always, she only really cares about one. And that special one is having her eyes on her just like everybody else and Rina feels a bitter joy of accomplishment.
But it only lasts so long and she ends up letting her head fall on her desk, her arms wrapping around it in the vain hope that it would help ease the pain.
But of course, it doesn’t.
*
It’s already been an hour after the volleyball practice has ended but she’s still in the locker room, lying on one of the benches with her legs pulled up, her eyes staring at the ceiling and mentally counting the number of dysfunctional lamps above her. She knows that it’s only a matter of time until someone comes to close the room and then they’ll find her here and kick her out but she doesn’t care and rather, anticipates the arrival of that because there’s a faint desire inside her that this day would be that one day where they forget to check and lock the place and then she could have it all to herself and her immature depression.
“This will pass, right?” she mumbles the question quietly to herself, as if there would be some higher ground with a ready answer, but it’s only the silence that exists and slowly wraps around the room and Rina herself, making her feel even more devastated.
Perhaps staying here all alone wasn’t such a good idea.
Then suddenly noise comes from the entrance and Rina sighs deeply, preparing herself for the confrontation with one of the staff members when a short black-haired girl steps into her periphery.
Oh.
“So I did find you, after all,” Sayaka speaks and Rina sits up, her features tangled up in a rather confused expression as she stares back at the girl.
“What are you doing here?”
“You’ve been acting weird lately,” the black-haired says and Rina wonders how she can manage such an emotionless voice.
It pisses her off.
“Me? Woah, yeah, I must have been acting weird. Sorry I don’t want your fingers thrust inside me every single night, really, my bad,” she spits the words and feels somewhat accomplished when Sayaka pulls off a surprised face.
“What are you talking about? Is it only about that for you?” she asks, her voice suddenly like hum of a harmonica and Rina closes her eyes.
She knows she’s being manipulated. She knows that Sayaka’s only just pretending as if she cared when in reality, it’s her who’s having a girlfriend that is not Ricchan and not her. She doesn’t even know why Sayaka ever started such a relationship with a girl like her.
It’s always been about sex for Sayaka, nothing more. Otherwise, things would be already different by now.
Right?
“You can stop that. We both know it’s nothing but that. Just tell me why exactly are you here instead,” Kawaei murmurs, trying to maintain a confident voice but she just sounds very quiet and hesitant and the fact how she avoids eye-contact doesn’t help her either. She wants to tell Sayaka that she knows about Yokoyama Yui but she’s scared that if she does so, the other will perhaps have the impression that she’s jealous.
Which she is, obviously. But Sayaka doesn’t have to know that.
“You’re so unbelievable, Ricchan,” Sayaka sighs and the younger finally looks up.
It’s the first time Sayaka calls her like that, and it doesn’t feel like the last time.
She shakes her head. Stop.
Sayaka takes a step closer to her and she doesn’t move. The older repeats it and Ricchan stays in position until their faces are finally so close their noses barely touch. Kawaei feels the warm, mint-scented breath of the other against her skin and ponders on how different it is now than when she’s on top of her, completely naked.
It almost feels… intimate.
Then Sayaka pushes her, hard, and she falls against one of the lockers, a small cry of pain leaving her lips but she’s soon shut up by a pair of soft, but surprisingly cold lips that taste like mint and in just a second, her shirt is being rolled up, exposing her bare, fair stomach. Goosebumps appear all over her skin as the older’s fingertips trail upwards and Rina lets a content sigh slip and her eyes to roll back in pleasure before something clicks in her mind and she pushes Sayaka away.
Sayaka is surprised, but the emotion is soon replaced by anger and Rina doesn’t expect anything good.
“Leave me alone!” she yells nonetheless, mimicking the other’s furious expression and she pants heavily, her chest rising up and back in a quick pace. She wants to leave, but she feels cornered by Sayaka and she knows they’re still too close to each other for her to run away; the other would probably drag her back before she could even take one step.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Sayaka groans and clears the empty space between her and Kawaei, pressing her lips hard against the other’s, leaving absolutely no room for any objection but the girl fights it, fights her and even though Sayaka’s grips are as firm as an iron brace around her wrists, forced to stay against the locker, she bites into the other’s bottom lip as hard as she can, at the same time managing to kick a point somewhere in her leg that makes her loosen up and Rina runs to the side only to collide into someone.
“What the hell?” Juri cries and Ricchan looks up, so shocked to see her friend that both her and Sayaka’s body freezes. When the younger regains the grasp of the situation, she locks her fingers around Juri’s wrist, starting to drag her but her friend doesn’t let her and instead stares at Sayaka, her eyes fixated on the crimson blood dripping from her lower lip.
“What’s happening?” Juri tries to look for answer again, but none of the girls say a thing. Rina turns to Juri and lightly shakes her arm.
“Don’t question it, just let’s go, please,” she pleads the other but her friend seems reluctant to leave without an answer she most likely won’t get. At least definitely not from Sayaka who just lets out a rather loud and dissatisfied groan before shooting Ricchan a look and thundering past them, leaving the locker room and the two girls behind.
Right when Juri would ask just one more time, Rina loses it and collapses to the ground, her shoulders shaking vehemently as she sobs into her palms and Juri immediately crouches next to her, arms wrapping around her friend’s body which seems to have gotten smaller in just mere seconds. And Rina cries, her tears not stopping for a time that seems like an eternity for Juri and when she finally does, she really doesn’t look like one that would do the talking right now.
So Juri slips an arm under the other’s and helps her get up, murmuring a soft “Come on” as she helps her get out of the locker room and the school, guilt slowly eating her up for leaving her friend behind as they walk home together.
*
“I can’t believe you two had that kind of relationship and you never told me about it,” Juri shakes her head disapprovingly, her fingers tangled in Ricchan’s hair who’s half-awake in her lap and she sighs. “Then again, it’s not like it’s any of my business. Or was, because I became involved when she tried to rape you.”
“Please do not use that word,” Rina mumbles quietly, choking on the words. “It wasn’t like that. She was being forceful, but it was far from that.”
“Okay. I’m sorry,” Juri says in a gentle voice. “I just wish I had appeared earlier. I knew something was up when I came here and didn’t find you at home.”
“It’s okay, now, I’m fine, really,” Ricchan lifts her head up and looks at her friend. “No more worries, okay? I was just surprised and shocked. I’m fine.”
“You’re saying that too much. Are you trying to convince yourself, too?” Juri quirks an eyebrow and Ricchan rolls her eyes, pulling away and lying down on her bed, her back facing the other.
“I want to sleep,” she says, hoping that it gives her the opportunity to refuse answering that question.
Is she trying to convince herself?
It’s not like it matters. It was just a slip. A mistake. Sayaka probably didn’t want to hurt her.
Yeah, right.
She still can’t ignore the hostile voice in the back of her head telling her to avoid Sayaka from now on. To stop meeting her altogether.
To stop loving her.
And if she had the courage, she would tell that irritating voice that despite everything, she can’t do that.
But she just stays quiet and lets the voice feed her all the negativity it preaches about.
*
She skips the remaining two days of school and spends it with watching dumb variety shows and her favorite anime shows and for some reason, she feels content. She doesn’t even think of Sayaka for hours before there’s something that makes a memory about her pop up in her mind and for those few seconds, she’s devastated and she starts putting on clothes to go to school.
But it’s just that; a few seconds and then she slaps her forehead, how silly of her to ever think that and curls under a blanket again to continue enjoying her free time. Her parents don’t ask anything; she doesn’t even think they notice any difference in her behavior and she struggles to believe it’s because there isn’t anything different about her, but she thinks it’s more likely to be because they just don’t pay attention.
And that are those times when she misses her like crazy, the tender touches that were always so unlikely of someone like her, her cold fingertips travelling along the line of her spine, her warm lips against her own. The way she whispered “scream for me” into her ear, her voice raspy from heated pleasure, something which she probably won’t ever experience again.
She closes her eyes, the sigh that leaves her lips being the only proof how unsatisfying these thoughts are and she turns on the tv, hoping for a great distraction.
Just in half an hour, Juri storms into the house (she has keys now), with a wide smile plastered on her face and yet her eyes are still so worried and Rina’s filled with contradicting emotions; while she loves how Juri visits her every single day, she’s highly bothered by how worried she still is about her, as if there had been something more than just an unrequited love and seeing her friend’s doubts regarding her mental health really does not boost her mood. Juri drops the bentos on her bed (she makes them herself and just upon looking, she invests huge efforts in preparing them which always makes Rina’s heart flutter, even though she’s sad she can’t reciprocate the favor anyhow) and starts talking about what happened in school, how their Geography professor was tripped in class and he hit his head so hard he had to be taken by the ambulance or how someone brought a goldfish to class in a very small plastic bag filled with water and they were sent home to put the poor animal back where it belongs. When Rina asks about the volleyball match she was supposed to participate in, Juri looks hesitant to answer and the other thinks it’s probably because her friend correlates what had happened in the locker room to everything that just slightly correlates to it; but she finally announces that the school’s team has won and that makes Rina smile, a bitter one, because she regrets skipping it.
Then the doorbell rings and Rina furrows her eyebrows in confusion, “who the hell could that be” comes from Juri as well and her friend stands up to go and open the door for whoever intentioned to visit. Rina doesn’t expect anybody in particular, she has quite some friends at school but she’s already told the more important ones that she’s fine, she’s just taking a break because of personal matters so she doesn’t think they would come for a visit.
She hears Juri’s loud words that sound like objection to something, and various noises and her frown grows more evident as she gets up from the bed, waddling to the door of her room and that’s when she hears a familiar voice that makes shiver crawl on her skin in both a positive and a negative way and the next second she knows, Sayaka is already face to face with her, Juri desperately trying to drag her away before the short-haired shakes off her hands.
“We need to talk,” Sayaka states and Rina frowns.
“We don’t need to talk,” she replies and crosses one arm in front of her chest, as if she could protect herself from whatever that’s coming.
“Ricchan, please go back, I’ll take care of this…” Juri murmurs but Rina shakes her head.
“Leave it, Juri. I can handle this. I’m not afraid of her or anything, after all,” she says the latest words by looking Sayaka straight in the eye and she feels a sudden burst of courage that makes her think she’s capable of doing absolutely anything.
And wow, does she love that feeling.
Sayaka squints her eyes only a little, as if slightly surprised by the change in Rina’s attitude and turns around to look at Juri. “Would you leave us?”
“Hell no,” comes the immediate answer and Sayaka sighs.
“Please?”
That one word almost cracks a smile for Rina. Almost.
“Whatever you want to say, you can do it while I’m here, too,” Juri crosses her arms over her chest and leans against the wall. Sayaka sighs again, turning back to Kawaei.
“Fine.”
Sayaka takes a step closer and Rina doesn’t back away, even though there’s a shiver sent down her spine and she almost trembles by its intensity.
“I’m sorry for what I did to you the other day,” she speaks, her lips squeezing against each other and Rina has a hard time deciding whether to pay attention to her words or what they slip past. She raises an eyebrow.
Sayaka bites her bottom lip. She takes a quick side-glance at Juri and sighs. “And for everything else.”
“Everything else?” Rina asks, purposefully pushing the topic further, Sayaka’s struggle to keep her pride giving her some sort of morbid entertainment.
Sayaka nods after a few seconds without reaction and takes another step. Rina’s heart races faster as they stand so close, only a little bit of space between them that’s completely filled by tension so sensible Rina believes even Juri feels it.
But it’s a good sort of tension, Rina realizes it and that makes her feel good.
Then something suddenly changes in Sayaka’s expression and in the next moment her hands are on Rina’s cheeks. Rina blinks in confusion, looking up at the other girl and she sees Juri’s body twitch upon the threat but the girl waves a hand, barely visibly just for her to see.
“Ricchan…” Sayaka mumbles, the mention of her nickname having the same effect as last time, but now the warmth that spreads in Rina’s chest is much greater.
It wasn’t really that much of a hard thing to seduce her back then if only such a little thing causes her to almost faint after all, Rina thinks bitterly.
Then Sayaka kisses her and she lets her, her body as stiff as a tree while the older’s lips caress her own slowly, lightly, and she soon notices how different this kiss is compared to all the others - seriously, all the others - and that realization completely destroys Ricchan’s diligently built up self-control, making her kiss back, her arms wrapping around Sayaka’s neck just to pull her even closer, their bodies pressing against each other. She feels the warmth coming from the other’s body and she thinks how different everything feels right now, in that moment, and she’s too hesitant to determine whether it’s the good kind of different or not.
But every thought is soon washed away by the lust filling her entire mind and they’re still kissing, even though she’s very close to being out of breath and in the end, it’s her who pulls away first. She doesn’t dare to open her eyes for a few seconds, relishing the moment as if it would disappear as soon as she looked at Sayaka but it doesn’t, if anything, she wears probably the gentlest expression, something she’s never seen before and she should be confused, but all that Rina’s feeling is happiness.
Happiness that only grows when she smiles at Sayaka and Sayaka smiles back.
“Okay, are you done? Because I’m still here,” Juri suddenly speaks and the two girls turn to her as one person, slightly startling her.
“I’m sorry,” Rina says, waddling over to Juri and giving her a hug. “I think you should leave us alone,” she whispers into her ear, squeezing her body a little.
Juri’s soft groan sounds obviously displeased but she seems to have gotten the idea when she waves goodbye and leaves without a word.
As soon as her friend steps out of the house, Rina’s confidence and courage suddenly evaporates and she turns to face Sayaka with a worried expression, fearing that now her supporter is no longer around, she would drop the loving demeanor and transform back into the Sayaka that first kissed her on that party with no emotions included whatsoever.
But apart from a painful sound Rina boldly identifies as “there goes my pride”, Sayaka doesn’t show any change in both appearance and behavior so she ends up laughing. She laughs so hard, so joyfully that Sayaka soon gives her a weird look but Rina just waves a hand, the other one covering her paining tummy caused by the sudden cheerfulness.
“You somewhat looked like a wounded puppy for a second,” Rina finally reasons and Sayaka squints.
“Very funny ,” she says, crossing her arms over her chest. Rina catches herself staring upon the bare spot above her joined arms Sayaka’s rather low-cut black tank top allows her to see but she averts her gaze quickly before the other would notice. “I hope you’re happy.”
“Actually, I am,” Rina smiles widely, dropping herself on the bed. “But don’t think you can get away with only that. I’m still pretty confused so I would love to hear an explanation.”
Sayaka flicks up an eyebrow. “Explanation for what?”
“Well, we could start with Yui,” Rina pouts, reaching out to grab Sayaka’s wrist and she pulls her down to sit next to her. “I thought you were dating.”
Sayaka suddenly turns her head away but she’s not quick enough for Rina not to see that pink tint on her cheeks.
Did she just see Sayaka blush?
“I’m waiting,” Rina says when Sayaka stays quiet even after a minute and the other sighs deeply, looking up again.
“We weren’t dating.”
“That took you so much to answer? Why were you kissing then?”
“I was trying to make you jealous,” Sayaka bursts out and Rina blinks.
“What?”
“Please don’t make me repeat it, I feel embarrassed enough already.”
Rina’s words suddenly arrive at an obstacle and she can’t manage to utter anything other than a “wow”.
“So like…” she starts after regaining her ability to speak, “why would you do that?”
“Why do people try to make others jealous?” Sayaka shoots her a tired look.
“I mean, I know, but like you could have had some other reasons…” Rina furrowed her brows. “Like just being possessive and didn’t want me to get closer to Juri because you only wanted me for yourself…”
“Well, that is actually the case,” Sayaka spreads her arms, seemingly not getting where Rina is going with her words.
“But that doesn’t always mean that you like me or anything, just… you know… being possessive,” Rina tries again, mentally slapping herself in the face at least six times for being such a loser.
“I never said I like you,” Sayaka says in a serious tone but Rina sees the half-smirk upon her lips that betrays her real intentions so she just smacks the other in the shoulder.
“Please. I’m just trying to figure out how you ended up liking me or why you decided to pursue our sexual relationship to begin with…”
“Well you’re pretty good in bed,” the short-haired shrugs, causing Rina to flush heavily. “I’ve always loved submissive girls but there are only a handful of them who are good at being that. You are one of them.”
“I guess that’s a compliment,” Rina nods and Sayaka laughs. Their eyes meet and they stare for a split second before Sayaka leans in and pecks the younger’s lips.
“Yeah, it was,” she mumbles against Rina’s lips, lingering there for a while because she kisses her again.
“Mhm, I guess I should stop with the questions now…” Kawaei murmurs and Sayaka giggles as she pulls her back on the bed and rolls on top of her the same way she did for the past two weeks.
But yes, it’s somewhat different this time. And Rina now knows that it’s a good type of different.
*
“It was because of someone,” Sayaka suddenly mumbles, her fingers tangled in Ricchan’s hair.
“What?” Ricchan lifts her head up from the other’s chest.
“That night at the party, where I kissed you and seduced you with my irresistible charms,” the other smirks and Ricchan rolls her eyes. “I was just dumped by someone or well, more like I dumped her because she cheated on me. She was the third girl to do so,” Sayanee says, her eyes fixated on the ceiling and Rina watches her carefully, not too sure what to say.
“How would anyone cheat on you?”
Sayaka smiles a bit. “Just because I’m the only girl you ever had sex with and you think I’m good doesn’t verify it.”
“H-hey!” Ricchan pouts. “Why do you think you’re the only one?”
“I just know,” Sayaka says so surely Rina can’t retort to that anyhow.
“A-anyway, people don’t only cheat because of sex…” Rina mumbles and Sayaka nods.
“I know. I just said that so I could tease you.”
Rina snorts. “Mean.”
Sayaka just giggles. “Anyway. I was just scared that I would get cheated on again and you seemed like someone who would never do that, not only because you don’t have a lot of admirers but because you’re simply not like that.”
“Do you realize that in the last two minutes you insulted me at least three times?”
Sayaka grins widely and kisses the top of the younger’s head.
“I’m sorry. I’m doing it for the fun only.”
“Well, it’s only fun for you,” Rina pouts for the millionth time again and this time Sayaka decides to kiss it. “Okay, maybe.”
“Good,” the short-haired nods. “Now, if you finally let me finish it… it didn’t really start out as anything else but just a safe bet for me. To have someone to distract me from the pain I felt, for the various occasions of being cheated on and because I still loved her. But then I guess you used some kind of magic because I kinda…” Sayaka frowns. “Yeah I guess I kinda fell for you. Not sure why though, I mean, look at you…”
“Okay, you can really stop now!” Rina sits up and Sayaka giggles, wrapping her arms around the other’s waist and pulling her back down.
“Sorry, sorry. I’ll just stop talking now because I already told you so much it’s embarrassing.”
“I’m glad you did, though,” Rina murmurs and draws random figures on Sayanee’s bare chest with her finger. “You have to open up for someone, right? It’s okay to drop your pride once in a while.”
“Yeah, once in a while,” Sayaka agrees. “So don’t expect me to do so in the next six months whatsoever.”
“Six months?” Rina raises an eyebrow, her voice filled with sarcasm. “Woah, you’re predicting such a long relationship for us! I was actually trying to decide whether you would dump me in two or three weeks.”
Sayaka doesn’t look amused at all. “You still think too low of me, Kawaei. Say more things like that and I will dump you immediately.”
Ricchan giggles. “I’m just still in shock that you like me. I mean, like like me. Please give me some time.”
Sayaka hums contently as she buries her face in the crook of Rina’s neck and kisses it, shooting a shiver down the younger’s spine.
“Just as a warning, though,” Sayaka murmurs quietly against the other’s skin and it causes goosebumps, “if you cheat on me too, I’ll give you hell.”
Rina chuckles, pulling away to look at Sayaka. “We’ll see how you behave. I’ve always thought you would be the first to cheat and not me. I still do.”
Sayaka groans and rises up, rolling over in a hurried motion to settle on top of the other. “You’re starting to really annoy me with your talking, girlfriend.”
Kawaei’s breath is stuck in her throat upon hearing the last word and her lips slowly curves into a happy, sheepish smile.
“I guess I’ll shut up now, girlfriend.”
Sayaka smiles and leans down, pressing her forehead against the other.
“I promise to be the best girlfriend you’ll ever have,” she murmurs before pressing her lips against Rina’s, gently, lovingly, her fingers caressing the side of her cheek.
“You’d better,” Rina breathes quietly before kissing her girlfriend, Sayaka back.
group: akb48/nmb48
pairing: yamamoto/kawaei
length: ~6000w
The wind is blowing so strong that night its sound follows everywhere it goes, into the room through the wide open window, bringing a flow of freezing cold along and filling the space with invisible icicles.
And yet there’s no cold for her to sense as her head jerks back, her blood boiling and her moans multiplying and all she feels are the hot, steamy touch of soft fingertips hurrying up on her thighs and the warm breath of the other washing over her skin.
“Say my name,” the other says as she kisses the corner of her lips, barely touching them.
“Sayanee,” she says obediently but the other pulls away, responding with a frown while she lays her palms on her cheeks.
“Not my nickname,” she growls, pressing her lips hard against the other’s, “my real name. Say my name, Kawaei!”
“Sayaka,” the younger mumbles, her voice coming out raspy as Sayaka’s hand reaches her heated core. “Sayaka!”
“Good girl,” Sayanee replies with a grin and a thrust of her fingers and Kawaei’s head falls into the crook of the older’s neck with a sigh of lust.
*
“As expected,” Juri sighs and shakes her head, turning away.
“I’m sorry, Juri,” Kawaei flashes an apologetic smile, placing a hand on the other’s arm but she pulls away.
“I don’t need your sorries. Would you at least tell me why you’re never free to spend some free time with me recently?”
Kawaei’s glance shoots in the other side of the classroom but it lasts for less than a second and Juri doesn’t notice it.
Thanks god, she wouldn’t really want to try to explain why upon hearing that question, her eyes unconsciously landed on the short black-haired girl a few desks across them.
And even if she had to, Juri wouldn’t understand anyway.
It’s not like she understands it, after all.
“I’m sorry,” murmurs Kawaei again regardless of what the other said and Juri just shoots her a look before turning away and shaking her head, seeming genuinely hurt.
Rina has to swallow a huge bump of guilt and it hurts, but even if she had to do that once every minute, she still wouldn’t cancel a meeting with Sayaka.
And that thought is rather discomforting.
Or maybe what’s (more) discomforting is the fact that no matter how many times Kawaei stares at Sayaka in school, she never ever looks back.
*
The text comes at the same time again: 6th period, exactly five minutes before the bell. The content is the same as well, just like all the time, every single day for the past two weeks it’s the same “Today?” message and just like always, Rina replies with the same “Yes.” again.
This time, though, is the first that her thumb trembles like a leaf before hitting the “Send” button.
*
Sayaka lifts the strawberry in front of her mouth and Kawaei bites, swallowing it in one bite. Sayaka doesn’t look at her, but she keeps feeding her, the movements being the same every time she takes another piece.
Such monotony.
“Why are you giving me strawberries?” Rina suddenly asks and Sayaka looks up, finally making eye contact. The younger immediately regrets ever asking that question because as soon as her eyes lace into those dark irises, she’s lost.
She rejects the next strawberry because she doesn’t want Sayaka to notice the similarity between the color of the fruit and her cheek.
“Why? Don’t you like it?”
Kawaei almost says “I do and I love it even more since you’re the one feeding them to me”, but she regains her sanity just in time before she would be able to utter anything. She squeezes her lips before there’s another strawberry nudging at her lips and she parts them, eating another one.
That’s when Sayaka puts the bowl of strawberries on the coffee table in front of them and turns to Kawaei, a small, smug smile hiding upon her lips as she presses them against the younger’s, the fingers of her right hand dipping underneath the waistband of the younger’s shorts.
And even though there’s heat pooling low in her belly, Kawaei somehow thinks this isn’t right and doesn’t kiss back. Sayaka notices and pulls away, the smile freezing on her lips.
“What?”
Rina bites into her bottom lip and debates, tasting each word, how should she put it, how should she tell her that this is not enough for her anymore, the fact that their relationship is about nothing but pure sex without any emotions involved, how it hurts her that Sayaka doesn’t even notice her existence, let alone talk to her, how something that had started out as fun has now become painful, but no words covering these are good enough to actually say them.
Or more like, she’s just a coward, a selfish one, because she knows that if she complains, even this will end. And she knows better than to take this away from herself - even if it’s not much and a lot less than what she wants.
But it’s still something, so she just shakes her head and tries to hold back her tears as Sayaka’s hands start rolling up the hem of her shirt.
*
Regardless of everything that happened, Rina goes to school with a wide smile on her face. She’s determined; she’s made a promise that she wouldn’t portray her poor state of her mind - and heart - and she also offers Juri to meet at her place this afternoon.
“Are you kidding?” the girl asks, sarcasm painting her voice and Kawaei rolls her eyes.
“No. I’m serious. Come over!” she pleads and there’s a glance shot in the other part of the classroom and Kawaei almost screams when she finds Sayaka looking back at her.
It shocks her so much that Juri has to repeat what she had said because the world stops for a second that is until she tears her gaze away and murmurs a soft “sorry”.
“So, what time should I arrive?”
“How about going there immediately after school?” Rina suggests and Juri nods happily, throwing her arms around her friend and kissing her cheek. Juri’s wide smile makes it impossible for Kawaei not to return it and they sit down at their desks with the same grin plastered on her faces.
But her smile disappears as soon as she accidentally (she swears it’s not intentional) catches a glimpse of Sayaka and some other girl (no, it cannot be Yokoyama, she rages silently) with their lips connected and although it lasts for two seconds maybe and no more, it’s clearly a kiss and the temperature of Rina’s blood drops down to minuses, causing her entire body to freeze. She watches the two of them share a knowing smile and she wants to look away but her body doesn’t obey. Then her eyes meet Sayaka’s for the second time today, and Rina’s sure she sees the hint of a smile in the corner of her lips.
That’s when the bell rings and also when Kawaei stands up and thunders out of the classroom, letting her tears fall unstoppably as she wonders when the hell she earned all of this.
*
There’s no text message that day and Kawaei’s suddenly extremely happy that she has Juri to keep her company most of the afternoon. Even though it’s a pain to try and keep up a composed appearance, her friend’s presence gradually makes her feel better and by the time it’s time for them to part, she almost forgets what happened back in the classroom.
“Hey, Kawaei...” Juri starts hesitantly when they’re standing in the door and Rina quirks an eyebrow.
“Hm?”
“Do you want to tell anything?”
The question catches Kawaei off guard but she shakes her head almost right away.
“No, no… I’m fine. I’m just not sleeping too well lately, that’s all.” What a lie. She hasn’t had a single day when she didn’t fall asleep immediately ever since the last thing before going to bed is Sayaka’s body against hers.
“I see,” Juri nods. “But if there’s anything after all, you know you can tell me everything, right?”
Kawaei nods, forcing a small smile. “I know, Juri. I know.”
*
“You look horrible today. Did you even sleep?” Juri questions as she plops down on Rina’s desk, startling the girl with swollen eyes and circles underneath darker than any man could ever have and she squints as if trying to get the sudden light out of her vision.
“Oh my god. Are you hangover?” Juri asks in a high-pitched voice as she cups her friend’s face, worry sitting upon her features.
“What? Naaah, no, no, I’m not,” Rina answers but her voice is so hesitant it sounds like she’s trying to convince herself even and Juri would be a fool to believe her.
“Don’t screw around with me. You never drink alcohol. Are you really going to keep feeding me that nothing’s wrong?” Juri shakes the other by her shoulders lightly and Kawaei frowns, brushing her friend’s hands off of her.
“Leave me alone, Juri, my head hurts.”
“Of course it does! God damn it, why would you do something like that…” Juri murmurs, running her slender fingers through her middle-length raven hair, shaking her head, still in high disapproval.
“If you don’t talk to me, I can’t help you, Ricchan,” are the last words she says before turning away from the younger and with that, announcing her unwillingness to pull Rina out of the shit she had managed to get herself into.
And Rina realizes that, she’s right.
What has she been thinking? Stealing bottles of whiskey from their chamber and getting so drunk she basically passed out as soon as the alcohol started to kick in? On a weekday, when there’s school tomorrow? When she doesn’t even like alcohol? Making a complete idiot of herself and provoking out her best friend’s apathy?
All of this because of a girl she’s been fucking for two weeks?
The thought rings so ridiculous even in her head that she bursts into laughter. It’s a silly, high-pitched, almost hysterical laugh and she successfully attracts the attention of almost every classmate of hers.
But as always, she only really cares about one. And that special one is having her eyes on her just like everybody else and Rina feels a bitter joy of accomplishment.
But it only lasts so long and she ends up letting her head fall on her desk, her arms wrapping around it in the vain hope that it would help ease the pain.
But of course, it doesn’t.
*
It’s already been an hour after the volleyball practice has ended but she’s still in the locker room, lying on one of the benches with her legs pulled up, her eyes staring at the ceiling and mentally counting the number of dysfunctional lamps above her. She knows that it’s only a matter of time until someone comes to close the room and then they’ll find her here and kick her out but she doesn’t care and rather, anticipates the arrival of that because there’s a faint desire inside her that this day would be that one day where they forget to check and lock the place and then she could have it all to herself and her immature depression.
“This will pass, right?” she mumbles the question quietly to herself, as if there would be some higher ground with a ready answer, but it’s only the silence that exists and slowly wraps around the room and Rina herself, making her feel even more devastated.
Perhaps staying here all alone wasn’t such a good idea.
Then suddenly noise comes from the entrance and Rina sighs deeply, preparing herself for the confrontation with one of the staff members when a short black-haired girl steps into her periphery.
Oh.
“So I did find you, after all,” Sayaka speaks and Rina sits up, her features tangled up in a rather confused expression as she stares back at the girl.
“What are you doing here?”
“You’ve been acting weird lately,” the black-haired says and Rina wonders how she can manage such an emotionless voice.
It pisses her off.
“Me? Woah, yeah, I must have been acting weird. Sorry I don’t want your fingers thrust inside me every single night, really, my bad,” she spits the words and feels somewhat accomplished when Sayaka pulls off a surprised face.
“What are you talking about? Is it only about that for you?” she asks, her voice suddenly like hum of a harmonica and Rina closes her eyes.
She knows she’s being manipulated. She knows that Sayaka’s only just pretending as if she cared when in reality, it’s her who’s having a girlfriend that is not Ricchan and not her. She doesn’t even know why Sayaka ever started such a relationship with a girl like her.
It’s always been about sex for Sayaka, nothing more. Otherwise, things would be already different by now.
Right?
“You can stop that. We both know it’s nothing but that. Just tell me why exactly are you here instead,” Kawaei murmurs, trying to maintain a confident voice but she just sounds very quiet and hesitant and the fact how she avoids eye-contact doesn’t help her either. She wants to tell Sayaka that she knows about Yokoyama Yui but she’s scared that if she does so, the other will perhaps have the impression that she’s jealous.
Which she is, obviously. But Sayaka doesn’t have to know that.
“You’re so unbelievable, Ricchan,” Sayaka sighs and the younger finally looks up.
It’s the first time Sayaka calls her like that, and it doesn’t feel like the last time.
She shakes her head. Stop.
Sayaka takes a step closer to her and she doesn’t move. The older repeats it and Ricchan stays in position until their faces are finally so close their noses barely touch. Kawaei feels the warm, mint-scented breath of the other against her skin and ponders on how different it is now than when she’s on top of her, completely naked.
It almost feels… intimate.
Then Sayaka pushes her, hard, and she falls against one of the lockers, a small cry of pain leaving her lips but she’s soon shut up by a pair of soft, but surprisingly cold lips that taste like mint and in just a second, her shirt is being rolled up, exposing her bare, fair stomach. Goosebumps appear all over her skin as the older’s fingertips trail upwards and Rina lets a content sigh slip and her eyes to roll back in pleasure before something clicks in her mind and she pushes Sayaka away.
Sayaka is surprised, but the emotion is soon replaced by anger and Rina doesn’t expect anything good.
“Leave me alone!” she yells nonetheless, mimicking the other’s furious expression and she pants heavily, her chest rising up and back in a quick pace. She wants to leave, but she feels cornered by Sayaka and she knows they’re still too close to each other for her to run away; the other would probably drag her back before she could even take one step.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Sayaka groans and clears the empty space between her and Kawaei, pressing her lips hard against the other’s, leaving absolutely no room for any objection but the girl fights it, fights her and even though Sayaka’s grips are as firm as an iron brace around her wrists, forced to stay against the locker, she bites into the other’s bottom lip as hard as she can, at the same time managing to kick a point somewhere in her leg that makes her loosen up and Rina runs to the side only to collide into someone.
“What the hell?” Juri cries and Ricchan looks up, so shocked to see her friend that both her and Sayaka’s body freezes. When the younger regains the grasp of the situation, she locks her fingers around Juri’s wrist, starting to drag her but her friend doesn’t let her and instead stares at Sayaka, her eyes fixated on the crimson blood dripping from her lower lip.
“What’s happening?” Juri tries to look for answer again, but none of the girls say a thing. Rina turns to Juri and lightly shakes her arm.
“Don’t question it, just let’s go, please,” she pleads the other but her friend seems reluctant to leave without an answer she most likely won’t get. At least definitely not from Sayaka who just lets out a rather loud and dissatisfied groan before shooting Ricchan a look and thundering past them, leaving the locker room and the two girls behind.
Right when Juri would ask just one more time, Rina loses it and collapses to the ground, her shoulders shaking vehemently as she sobs into her palms and Juri immediately crouches next to her, arms wrapping around her friend’s body which seems to have gotten smaller in just mere seconds. And Rina cries, her tears not stopping for a time that seems like an eternity for Juri and when she finally does, she really doesn’t look like one that would do the talking right now.
So Juri slips an arm under the other’s and helps her get up, murmuring a soft “Come on” as she helps her get out of the locker room and the school, guilt slowly eating her up for leaving her friend behind as they walk home together.
*
“I can’t believe you two had that kind of relationship and you never told me about it,” Juri shakes her head disapprovingly, her fingers tangled in Ricchan’s hair who’s half-awake in her lap and she sighs. “Then again, it’s not like it’s any of my business. Or was, because I became involved when she tried to rape you.”
“Please do not use that word,” Rina mumbles quietly, choking on the words. “It wasn’t like that. She was being forceful, but it was far from that.”
“Okay. I’m sorry,” Juri says in a gentle voice. “I just wish I had appeared earlier. I knew something was up when I came here and didn’t find you at home.”
“It’s okay, now, I’m fine, really,” Ricchan lifts her head up and looks at her friend. “No more worries, okay? I was just surprised and shocked. I’m fine.”
“You’re saying that too much. Are you trying to convince yourself, too?” Juri quirks an eyebrow and Ricchan rolls her eyes, pulling away and lying down on her bed, her back facing the other.
“I want to sleep,” she says, hoping that it gives her the opportunity to refuse answering that question.
Is she trying to convince herself?
It’s not like it matters. It was just a slip. A mistake. Sayaka probably didn’t want to hurt her.
Yeah, right.
She still can’t ignore the hostile voice in the back of her head telling her to avoid Sayaka from now on. To stop meeting her altogether.
To stop loving her.
And if she had the courage, she would tell that irritating voice that despite everything, she can’t do that.
But she just stays quiet and lets the voice feed her all the negativity it preaches about.
*
She skips the remaining two days of school and spends it with watching dumb variety shows and her favorite anime shows and for some reason, she feels content. She doesn’t even think of Sayaka for hours before there’s something that makes a memory about her pop up in her mind and for those few seconds, she’s devastated and she starts putting on clothes to go to school.
But it’s just that; a few seconds and then she slaps her forehead, how silly of her to ever think that and curls under a blanket again to continue enjoying her free time. Her parents don’t ask anything; she doesn’t even think they notice any difference in her behavior and she struggles to believe it’s because there isn’t anything different about her, but she thinks it’s more likely to be because they just don’t pay attention.
And that are those times when she misses her like crazy, the tender touches that were always so unlikely of someone like her, her cold fingertips travelling along the line of her spine, her warm lips against her own. The way she whispered “scream for me” into her ear, her voice raspy from heated pleasure, something which she probably won’t ever experience again.
She closes her eyes, the sigh that leaves her lips being the only proof how unsatisfying these thoughts are and she turns on the tv, hoping for a great distraction.
Just in half an hour, Juri storms into the house (she has keys now), with a wide smile plastered on her face and yet her eyes are still so worried and Rina’s filled with contradicting emotions; while she loves how Juri visits her every single day, she’s highly bothered by how worried she still is about her, as if there had been something more than just an unrequited love and seeing her friend’s doubts regarding her mental health really does not boost her mood. Juri drops the bentos on her bed (she makes them herself and just upon looking, she invests huge efforts in preparing them which always makes Rina’s heart flutter, even though she’s sad she can’t reciprocate the favor anyhow) and starts talking about what happened in school, how their Geography professor was tripped in class and he hit his head so hard he had to be taken by the ambulance or how someone brought a goldfish to class in a very small plastic bag filled with water and they were sent home to put the poor animal back where it belongs. When Rina asks about the volleyball match she was supposed to participate in, Juri looks hesitant to answer and the other thinks it’s probably because her friend correlates what had happened in the locker room to everything that just slightly correlates to it; but she finally announces that the school’s team has won and that makes Rina smile, a bitter one, because she regrets skipping it.
Then the doorbell rings and Rina furrows her eyebrows in confusion, “who the hell could that be” comes from Juri as well and her friend stands up to go and open the door for whoever intentioned to visit. Rina doesn’t expect anybody in particular, she has quite some friends at school but she’s already told the more important ones that she’s fine, she’s just taking a break because of personal matters so she doesn’t think they would come for a visit.
She hears Juri’s loud words that sound like objection to something, and various noises and her frown grows more evident as she gets up from the bed, waddling to the door of her room and that’s when she hears a familiar voice that makes shiver crawl on her skin in both a positive and a negative way and the next second she knows, Sayaka is already face to face with her, Juri desperately trying to drag her away before the short-haired shakes off her hands.
“We need to talk,” Sayaka states and Rina frowns.
“We don’t need to talk,” she replies and crosses one arm in front of her chest, as if she could protect herself from whatever that’s coming.
“Ricchan, please go back, I’ll take care of this…” Juri murmurs but Rina shakes her head.
“Leave it, Juri. I can handle this. I’m not afraid of her or anything, after all,” she says the latest words by looking Sayaka straight in the eye and she feels a sudden burst of courage that makes her think she’s capable of doing absolutely anything.
And wow, does she love that feeling.
Sayaka squints her eyes only a little, as if slightly surprised by the change in Rina’s attitude and turns around to look at Juri. “Would you leave us?”
“Hell no,” comes the immediate answer and Sayaka sighs.
“Please?”
That one word almost cracks a smile for Rina. Almost.
“Whatever you want to say, you can do it while I’m here, too,” Juri crosses her arms over her chest and leans against the wall. Sayaka sighs again, turning back to Kawaei.
“Fine.”
Sayaka takes a step closer and Rina doesn’t back away, even though there’s a shiver sent down her spine and she almost trembles by its intensity.
“I’m sorry for what I did to you the other day,” she speaks, her lips squeezing against each other and Rina has a hard time deciding whether to pay attention to her words or what they slip past. She raises an eyebrow.
Sayaka bites her bottom lip. She takes a quick side-glance at Juri and sighs. “And for everything else.”
“Everything else?” Rina asks, purposefully pushing the topic further, Sayaka’s struggle to keep her pride giving her some sort of morbid entertainment.
Sayaka nods after a few seconds without reaction and takes another step. Rina’s heart races faster as they stand so close, only a little bit of space between them that’s completely filled by tension so sensible Rina believes even Juri feels it.
But it’s a good sort of tension, Rina realizes it and that makes her feel good.
Then something suddenly changes in Sayaka’s expression and in the next moment her hands are on Rina’s cheeks. Rina blinks in confusion, looking up at the other girl and she sees Juri’s body twitch upon the threat but the girl waves a hand, barely visibly just for her to see.
“Ricchan…” Sayaka mumbles, the mention of her nickname having the same effect as last time, but now the warmth that spreads in Rina’s chest is much greater.
It wasn’t really that much of a hard thing to seduce her back then if only such a little thing causes her to almost faint after all, Rina thinks bitterly.
Then Sayaka kisses her and she lets her, her body as stiff as a tree while the older’s lips caress her own slowly, lightly, and she soon notices how different this kiss is compared to all the others - seriously, all the others - and that realization completely destroys Ricchan’s diligently built up self-control, making her kiss back, her arms wrapping around Sayaka’s neck just to pull her even closer, their bodies pressing against each other. She feels the warmth coming from the other’s body and she thinks how different everything feels right now, in that moment, and she’s too hesitant to determine whether it’s the good kind of different or not.
But every thought is soon washed away by the lust filling her entire mind and they’re still kissing, even though she’s very close to being out of breath and in the end, it’s her who pulls away first. She doesn’t dare to open her eyes for a few seconds, relishing the moment as if it would disappear as soon as she looked at Sayaka but it doesn’t, if anything, she wears probably the gentlest expression, something she’s never seen before and she should be confused, but all that Rina’s feeling is happiness.
Happiness that only grows when she smiles at Sayaka and Sayaka smiles back.
“Okay, are you done? Because I’m still here,” Juri suddenly speaks and the two girls turn to her as one person, slightly startling her.
“I’m sorry,” Rina says, waddling over to Juri and giving her a hug. “I think you should leave us alone,” she whispers into her ear, squeezing her body a little.
Juri’s soft groan sounds obviously displeased but she seems to have gotten the idea when she waves goodbye and leaves without a word.
As soon as her friend steps out of the house, Rina’s confidence and courage suddenly evaporates and she turns to face Sayaka with a worried expression, fearing that now her supporter is no longer around, she would drop the loving demeanor and transform back into the Sayaka that first kissed her on that party with no emotions included whatsoever.
But apart from a painful sound Rina boldly identifies as “there goes my pride”, Sayaka doesn’t show any change in both appearance and behavior so she ends up laughing. She laughs so hard, so joyfully that Sayaka soon gives her a weird look but Rina just waves a hand, the other one covering her paining tummy caused by the sudden cheerfulness.
“You somewhat looked like a wounded puppy for a second,” Rina finally reasons and Sayaka squints.
“Very funny ,” she says, crossing her arms over her chest. Rina catches herself staring upon the bare spot above her joined arms Sayaka’s rather low-cut black tank top allows her to see but she averts her gaze quickly before the other would notice. “I hope you’re happy.”
“Actually, I am,” Rina smiles widely, dropping herself on the bed. “But don’t think you can get away with only that. I’m still pretty confused so I would love to hear an explanation.”
Sayaka flicks up an eyebrow. “Explanation for what?”
“Well, we could start with Yui,” Rina pouts, reaching out to grab Sayaka’s wrist and she pulls her down to sit next to her. “I thought you were dating.”
Sayaka suddenly turns her head away but she’s not quick enough for Rina not to see that pink tint on her cheeks.
Did she just see Sayaka blush?
“I’m waiting,” Rina says when Sayaka stays quiet even after a minute and the other sighs deeply, looking up again.
“We weren’t dating.”
“That took you so much to answer? Why were you kissing then?”
“I was trying to make you jealous,” Sayaka bursts out and Rina blinks.
“What?”
“Please don’t make me repeat it, I feel embarrassed enough already.”
Rina’s words suddenly arrive at an obstacle and she can’t manage to utter anything other than a “wow”.
“So like…” she starts after regaining her ability to speak, “why would you do that?”
“Why do people try to make others jealous?” Sayaka shoots her a tired look.
“I mean, I know, but like you could have had some other reasons…” Rina furrowed her brows. “Like just being possessive and didn’t want me to get closer to Juri because you only wanted me for yourself…”
“Well, that is actually the case,” Sayaka spreads her arms, seemingly not getting where Rina is going with her words.
“But that doesn’t always mean that you like me or anything, just… you know… being possessive,” Rina tries again, mentally slapping herself in the face at least six times for being such a loser.
“I never said I like you,” Sayaka says in a serious tone but Rina sees the half-smirk upon her lips that betrays her real intentions so she just smacks the other in the shoulder.
“Please. I’m just trying to figure out how you ended up liking me or why you decided to pursue our sexual relationship to begin with…”
“Well you’re pretty good in bed,” the short-haired shrugs, causing Rina to flush heavily. “I’ve always loved submissive girls but there are only a handful of them who are good at being that. You are one of them.”
“I guess that’s a compliment,” Rina nods and Sayaka laughs. Their eyes meet and they stare for a split second before Sayaka leans in and pecks the younger’s lips.
“Yeah, it was,” she mumbles against Rina’s lips, lingering there for a while because she kisses her again.
“Mhm, I guess I should stop with the questions now…” Kawaei murmurs and Sayaka giggles as she pulls her back on the bed and rolls on top of her the same way she did for the past two weeks.
But yes, it’s somewhat different this time. And Rina now knows that it’s a good type of different.
*
“It was because of someone,” Sayaka suddenly mumbles, her fingers tangled in Ricchan’s hair.
“What?” Ricchan lifts her head up from the other’s chest.
“That night at the party, where I kissed you and seduced you with my irresistible charms,” the other smirks and Ricchan rolls her eyes. “I was just dumped by someone or well, more like I dumped her because she cheated on me. She was the third girl to do so,” Sayanee says, her eyes fixated on the ceiling and Rina watches her carefully, not too sure what to say.
“How would anyone cheat on you?”
Sayaka smiles a bit. “Just because I’m the only girl you ever had sex with and you think I’m good doesn’t verify it.”
“H-hey!” Ricchan pouts. “Why do you think you’re the only one?”
“I just know,” Sayaka says so surely Rina can’t retort to that anyhow.
“A-anyway, people don’t only cheat because of sex…” Rina mumbles and Sayaka nods.
“I know. I just said that so I could tease you.”
Rina snorts. “Mean.”
Sayaka just giggles. “Anyway. I was just scared that I would get cheated on again and you seemed like someone who would never do that, not only because you don’t have a lot of admirers but because you’re simply not like that.”
“Do you realize that in the last two minutes you insulted me at least three times?”
Sayaka grins widely and kisses the top of the younger’s head.
“I’m sorry. I’m doing it for the fun only.”
“Well, it’s only fun for you,” Rina pouts for the millionth time again and this time Sayaka decides to kiss it. “Okay, maybe.”
“Good,” the short-haired nods. “Now, if you finally let me finish it… it didn’t really start out as anything else but just a safe bet for me. To have someone to distract me from the pain I felt, for the various occasions of being cheated on and because I still loved her. But then I guess you used some kind of magic because I kinda…” Sayaka frowns. “Yeah I guess I kinda fell for you. Not sure why though, I mean, look at you…”
“Okay, you can really stop now!” Rina sits up and Sayaka giggles, wrapping her arms around the other’s waist and pulling her back down.
“Sorry, sorry. I’ll just stop talking now because I already told you so much it’s embarrassing.”
“I’m glad you did, though,” Rina murmurs and draws random figures on Sayanee’s bare chest with her finger. “You have to open up for someone, right? It’s okay to drop your pride once in a while.”
“Yeah, once in a while,” Sayaka agrees. “So don’t expect me to do so in the next six months whatsoever.”
“Six months?” Rina raises an eyebrow, her voice filled with sarcasm. “Woah, you’re predicting such a long relationship for us! I was actually trying to decide whether you would dump me in two or three weeks.”
Sayaka doesn’t look amused at all. “You still think too low of me, Kawaei. Say more things like that and I will dump you immediately.”
Ricchan giggles. “I’m just still in shock that you like me. I mean, like like me. Please give me some time.”
Sayaka hums contently as she buries her face in the crook of Rina’s neck and kisses it, shooting a shiver down the younger’s spine.
“Just as a warning, though,” Sayaka murmurs quietly against the other’s skin and it causes goosebumps, “if you cheat on me too, I’ll give you hell.”
Rina chuckles, pulling away to look at Sayaka. “We’ll see how you behave. I’ve always thought you would be the first to cheat and not me. I still do.”
Sayaka groans and rises up, rolling over in a hurried motion to settle on top of the other. “You’re starting to really annoy me with your talking, girlfriend.”
Kawaei’s breath is stuck in her throat upon hearing the last word and her lips slowly curves into a happy, sheepish smile.
“I guess I’ll shut up now, girlfriend.”
Sayaka smiles and leans down, pressing her forehead against the other.
“I promise to be the best girlfriend you’ll ever have,” she murmurs before pressing her lips against Rina’s, gently, lovingly, her fingers caressing the side of her cheek.
“You’d better,” Rina breathes quietly before kissing her girlfriend, Sayaka back.