好奇心の川 (curious river) pt. 1 (akb48, yamamoto/kawaei)
好奇心の川 (curious river) part one
group: akb48
pairing: yamamoto/kawaei
length: ~5000w
part one
By the time she snaps back to reality, Neon is already out the door.
“Hey! Come back, you!” Rina cries out and runs immediately after the poodle puppy, a sigh leaving her lips while she does so. There she is at it again! Ever since they’ve moved to the other house on their plot, Neon’s been sneaking out everytime she gets the chance to do so. Even though their new home is only like, two meters away from their old one, Neon seems to have problems getting used to the small change.
Rina is ready to yell at her dog once she’s out in the garden again, but as soon as she steps out, she sees that Neon hasn’t ran away (thank god); on the contrary, she seems to be very keen on sticking here because someone is keeping her company.
The girl is squatting in front of the puppy and Rina has never seen her before but she’s quick to put the puzzle pieces together: she’s probably the new resident in their old house they had given up for rent after her divorced mother realized she’s not able to pay for two houses and she fits the description her mother has given her yesterday. The girl - Sayaka is her name, if Rina remembers correctly - has dark hair the color of coal, the locks reaching down to a bit below her chin, framing her white porcelain features in a slightly tousled way. When she looks up, Rina sees that the color of her eyes suits her hair perfectly; they are just as black and so dark it’s almost like looking into an endless stretch of the midnight sky.
Compared to that, the contrast between her features and her clothes is amazing; Rina blinks as she looks at the bright yellow dress the girl is wearing, not to mention the pink flip-flops on her feet. For a few moments, Rina feels herself blushing a little as she thinks of how she’s currently standing in front of the stranger in her pyjamas, precisely. Pink pyjamas with a funky monkey on her shirt. Talk about being fashionable.
“Hey!” the girl speaks suddenly, standing up and flashing a bright smile at Rina and thus snapping her back to the present. She approaches her, with sudden and quick steps, so much confidence and liveliness radiating from her entire being Rina almost feels like a depressed turtle in comparison. “You’re my new landmate, right?”
Rina frowns, firstly because of the word and secondly because she’s supposed to be new around here, not Rina, considering she’s been living here since she was a newborn. “Landmate?”
The girl chuckles. “Yeah, that’s right. We’re on the same land, aren’t we?”
“I wouldn’t exactly call this small garden a land…” Rina murmurs but soon shuts herself up as she realizes just how dumb she must sound. The girl just shrugs.
“Anyway, I’ve been waiting to meet you. I’m Sayaka!” she waves at Rina and the other returns it, finally letting a small smile grace her lips.
She did remember correctly after all. “Nice to meet you. I’m Rina. Aren’t we supposed to be the same age?” Rina recalls her mother saying that but Sayaka looks way older than fifteen. Okay, not way older but she sure does look at least eighteen. Maybe even nineteen.
“Well, are you fifteen? If so, we are!” Sayaka frowns. “Do I look younger?”
Rina immediately shakes her head. “No, not at all! In fact, you look older.”
Sayaka dramatically sighs, shaking her head. “Dang, and here I am hoping for an immortal life! How can I ever dream of anything like that when I already look much older at such a young and fresh age?”
Rina isn’t sure whether Sayaka’s being serious or she’s just joking, but after the other notices that Rina doesn’t react, she laughs it off.
“I was just kidding, Ricchan. You aren’t a very entertaining pal so far what can I say!”
Rina unintentionally blushes in embarrassment at that comment, but she just swallows and focuses on something else instead. “Ricchan?”
“You don’t like it?” Sayaka tilts her head, frowning a little. “Sorry, I thought it was cute. It suits you.”
The other is just about to reply when Sayaka suddenly bends down to pick up Neon who’s apparently had enough of not being paid attention to.
“Ah, this cute little devil right here. It’s so cute, yours, right?” Sayaka asks and Rina nods.
“Yeah, she’s mine. Sayaka, meet Neon, Neon, meet Sayaka.”
Sayaka glances at the dog, her lips quickly curving into a wide smile. “Ah, Neon. Such a cute name! I wanna borrow her.”
“Well,” Rina says, shrugging a few times, in a somewhat sheepish way, “you can play with her anytime you want. I am often outside doing the same especially now that there’s no school.”
“Ah, yeah, summer holiday is the greatest, isn’t it?” she grins at Rina and for the first time since the encounter, the returned grin is genuine.
“It is.”
*
When she checks her social network accounts in the evening right before sleep, there’s a new friend request. Rina frowns at first upon the notification, wondering who it might be until she sees it’s Sayaka and she rolls her eyes at her own dumbness. Of course it’s Sayaka.
Along with the request she automatically accepts, there’s a message from here too which says:
山本彩:you definitely don’t tell a lot of things about yourself on here, it was a challenge finding you! that’s a good thing tho, don’t get me wrong, ppl nowadays care way too little about respecting and protecting their own privacy~
For some reason, Rina finds the tilde at the end of the sentence funny; it gives the message a sarcastic edge and she believes it was meant like that.
川栄李奈: hello to you, too. nice profile photo.
She means that. The photo Sayaka has set as her profile is of her standing next to the beach in a loose, oversized chiffon shirt and short jeans, with a drink in her hand - a cocktail? (Probably alcohol-free.) Rina doesn’t know for sure but it’s a happy photo, one which totally reflects the first impression she had of Sayaka. A happy, lively, carefree teenager who knows she’s currently living the most enjoyable years of her life (her teenager life, at least) so she tries to make the best out of it. And effortlessly, she succeeds.
山本彩:wow, still up? won’t your mum be mad that you’re still browsing the eighth wonder that is the internet at such a late hour? www
川栄李奈: it’s only 10pm, Sayaka
山本彩:jk~ but anyway i guess you’re sleeping soon?
川栄李奈: yeah. you?
Rina bites her lip after typing that message. She thinks that being so short on words might make her appear rude; which isn’t her intention, but hey, she’s never been too big on talks. Or socializing, anyway, even if chatting usually makes it easier for her to communicate because there isn’t an actual person in front of her she has to look in the eye and stuff while trying to talk. She’s way too awkward to make friends quickly and therefore it’s almost impossible for her to loosen up around anyone she doesn’t know for at least five years already. No wonder high school’s so hard on her; she’s a sophomore already but she still only has only two people in the class she’s comfortable enough to just hang around with. It’s a bad habit or more like, it’s part of all the bad DNA her parents had passed down to her. It’s all their fault, damned parents and their faulty DNAs.
Even if Sayaka thinks the same way as Rina, she doesn’t show it in any way.
山本彩:nah, im a #rebel kid. not even gonna sleep. that’s how i become one of the cool kids!
Rina can’t help but smile. She hasn’t known Sayaka for even a whole day but she already loves her humor. She sort of sounds like a bitter teenager who was born into the wrong decade but in reality, Sayaka’s a true member of the “facebook generation” as people like to call it (even though it’s more about the fact that today’s generations prefer social network sites and internet overall to face-to-face communication; it’s far from it being only about facebook) while Rina is the one who’s kind of just swimming. No, not even swimming; just staying atop of the surface (barely) and letting the waves take her wherever they want to. Sometimes the waves are slow, comforting, not rushing and Rina enjoys the gush and sometimes the tides go high and she almost drowns, not being able to deal with the sudden change and the complications it brings.
But she always manages to survive, anyway. That must mean she’s not completely a hopeless case, no?
She tells Sayaka goodbye and without even waiting for a response, she turns off her laptop and goes to sleep.
In her dream, she’s in the ocean and the waves are intense, but in the water there’s Sayaka with her. And right before she would drown, Sayaka takes her hand and they swim.
*
“Ice cream?” a familiar voice calls out and Rina looks up, Neon in her lap doing exactly the same thing before jumping down and running straight towards Sayaka.
“That’s nice of you,” Rina says as she takes the ice cream handed out to her and watches Sayaka sit down next to her on the stairs.
“It’s cheesecake and lemon flavor. I hope you like it. If not, you can come inside the house and choose something else.” Before Rina could tell her that the flavors are perfectly alright, Sayaka continues. “My mum is a confectioner. Though she’s kind of on a break right now because her dessert shop is in the capital and now that we moved here, the shop is a two hours train ride away. But she and dad planning on moving the shop here, once they find the perfect place.”
Rina just nods, tasting the ice cream and letting out a soft, contented hum. “The lemon tastes very nice.”
“Just wait until you get to cheesecake,” Sayaka winks at the other, “it’s my favorite. What is yours?”
“Lemon,” Rina says without hesitation and Sayaka lets out a soft chuckle.
“Wow, I am too great! I knew since the first time I saw you that ‘man, this girl is a lemon girl’. I knew it.”
“I don’t even know what you’re talking about,” Rina says honestly and there’s a brief pause before Sayaka bursts into laughter and Rina joins her.
“Sorry about that. I talk kind of a lot. Most of the time I don’t even know myself what I’m talking about. But it feels good, y’know?”
No, she doesn’t exactly know, Rina thinks, but she doesn’t want to say that. So instead, she just nods while continuing to nom on the ice cream and watching Sayaka lazily play with Neon who keeps trying to get a bite or two from the raven’s treat.
“She likes you,” Rina says before realizing that she’s said those words out loud and when she does, she frowns. Sayaka on the other hand, doesn’t even flinch; she shoots a grin at her and raises an eyebrow.
“You think so? Well, that’s good because I like her too!” she chirps and places a quick peck on the top of the dog’s head.
For the next few minutes, they don’t really talk. Sayaka sometimes asks a question, as if wanting to get to know Rina better and Rina answers, mostly with the shortest replies possible. What school does she go to, what’s her favorite color or subject, what is it she doesn’t like about each season, and all sorts of questions that don’t really make sense. But even so, Rina doesn’t mind them. In fact, she enjoys it; she enjoys that she’s being asked questions, that someone is interested, and genuinely at that. Rina’s not used to being paid as much attention as Sayaka gives her; she’s usually the listener, the one who either asks the questions or just does only that, listen. To others’ problems or nags or whining, without ever complaining about it.
“If you could have one superpower, what would you choose?”
Rina hesitates. “The ability to become invisible.”
“You aren’t too much of a people person, now, are you?”
Rina feels the blood rushing to her cheeks and Sayaka probably notices because she quickly puts a hand on her thigh.
“I was just kidding! Invisibility would be super cool. You could go stalk people! Or steal things! Imagine that you wouldn’t have to pay for anything, you could just go invisible and get something from the store without anyone noticing it. You could also see everyone naked!”
“Sayaka!” Rina groans and the raven giggles.
“Just kidding, again. I’m not really interested in naked people. Ew. Especially not in boys. As for the girls, we all have the same things, yeah? Just in different shapes and sizes. But same things.”
The topic is getting way too private for Rina not to blush and she forgets to answer. Sayaka takes it as a sign of her prudeness, which is pretty close to the reality. Rina’s always thought herself way too young for these kind of topics. Like, she’s not too young for them at all; especially not considering today’s kids, but she doesn’t feel comfortable anyway.
“Hey, don’t be so prude! We’re not talking about sex or anything like that. I’m not going to force you to watch porn next time,” Sayaka rolls her eyes, but she’s smiling in the most adorable way ever and Rina can’t be mad at her for picking on her so much.
It must be funny to see someone becoming so shy at such topics anyway, after all.
In the end, Sayaka ends up giving the rest of her ice cream to Neon, much to the puppy’s pleasure and then she tells Rina she has to go and help her mum but that she needs to be online in an hour or two so they could chat.
Rina promises that she will indeed do so, hoping she wouldn’t forget.
But she doesn’t forget. She sits at her laptop, barely doing anything for the entire hour, only waiting for Sayaka to come online. And when she finally does and Rina feels her heart starting to beat a bit faster, she knows that she’s just claimed a new friend and that she’s determined not to screw things up so she could keep her.
*
In the following days, one of the most surprising and unexpected of things happen: Rina loosens up. It takes only a few days and not years like it usually does and although it shocks her, she certainly doesn’t mind. Sayaka’s bubbly and bright personality makes it impossible for Rina to remain cold and unresponsive and awkward like her usual self and it feels wonderful. They begin to spend almost every hour of the day together: sitting outside, playing with Neon, watching Z category movies (also re-watching High School Musical after Rina, somewhat embarrassed, admits that she loved it when she was younger and still does), dancing… or well, mostly Sayaka dancing while Rina watches her or cheers for her because she can’t dance to save her life and even though she and Sayaka like the same music (cheap Japanese and Korean pop, both members of the girl groups protection squad, as embarrassing as that sounds). Dancing is one of the few things Sayaka hasn’t convinced her to do yet, but Rina feels it’s just a matter of time.
But besides all the happiness and fun she’s getting from this friendship, there’s always that tiny spark of jealousy lingering. Everytime Rina looks at Sayaka, she wonders why she can’t be like her. Lively, careless. Living for the present. Like a real teenager, not like her, who stresses about every single small thing day by day when she’s only a fifteen-year-old teenager who’s supposed to have no problems whatsoever but school.
And right now, it’s summer holiday, so there isn’t even school to worry about.
One time, Sayaka asks her about boys and that’s the time when Rina’s entire body shivers.
“Nothing.”
“Nothing? As in, ‘screw boys they are disgusting’ or ‘no, currently I don’t like anyone’?”
Rina frowns, not quite sure how to reply to that. “Uh, the first, probably?”
“Probably?!” Sayaka stares at her as if she was stupid.
“Well, I don’t really… I’m not really interested… eh, you know I’m not a people person.”
“I did notice that,” Sayaka shoots her a playful look, “but hey, there must be someone you like or who likes you. You’re extremely cute after all.”
“I am?” Rina cocks an eyebrow, genuinely surprised and Sayaka rolls her eyes as if it was obvious.
“Duh. Now, are you really going to tell me that there’s nobody?”
Rina chews on her lower lip. There was someone; a boy, in the beginning of her freshman years who approached her several times, trying to ask her out on movie dates and such. But Rina always said no. Recalling how cold she must’ve rejected him all those times, no wonder the boy had given up after a few fruitless tries. “Not really. Besides, it’s not like my mum would like that. She always tells me to only focus on getting good grades and nothing else.”
“Pfft, yeah, sure, parents. They always kill the fun,” Sayaka rolls her eyes. “Not that I would find boys part of the fun, though. You can join in me in the ‘not interested in disgusting boys’ club then, if you wanna.”
Rina smiles a little. “Are you the president?”
Sayaka winks. “Duh. President and honorary member. You can be my secretary.”
“Secretary?!” Rina grimaces which makes Sayaka laugh. She loves making the raven laugh.
“Hey, anyway…” Sayaka starts, her eyes focused on Rina. “Wanna come with me somewhere tomorrow?”
“Where?”
The raven sends her a smirk. “It’s a surprise.”
*
It turns out that the big surprise is actually the small forest in the other end of the town. When Rina tells Sayaka that she’s never been there before, she’s definitely shocked; (“You’ve been living here, for what, now, ten years and you’ve never ever ever ever been to the forest?”) but this just makes her even more eager to drag Rina along with her, who’s not exactly that into the idea but she realizes that as long as she can spend time with her friend, Sayaka could take her to the end of the world, even.
That thought is comforting and unsettling at the same time and Rina has no idea how that’s even possible.
“So,” Sayaka claps her hands excitedly, her tongue running across her lower lip in the same manner, “let’s climb up!”
Rina’s eyes snap wide open. “What? Up there?” she looks up, pointing at the huge ass chestnut tree in front of them. “You can’t be serious. Can we even do that? What if we fall off? What if a branch breaks?”
Sayaka rolls her eyes. “Come on, it will be fun! You know how much cooler things up are from up there? Who knows, we might find a treehouse!”
“I highly doubt that,” Rina frowns and shakes her head, clearly not too thrilled by the idea. “Do you even know how to climb a tree?”
The raven suddenly seems laid-back. “Uh well, it can’t be that hard.”
Rina crosses her arms, cocking an eyebrow at her. Sayaka keeps the eye contact up for a while before letting out a long sigh.
“Okay, I’ve never climbed a tree before but hey, my point is the same. It must be fun.”
Rina doesn’t answer.
“Please?” Sayaka looks at her and bats her eyelashes a few times, a gesture that causes Rina blush for some unknown reason. She looks away, chewing on her lip before sighing.
“Fine.”
“You go first.”
Rina looks astonished. “Are you serious?”
“Dead serious.”
“No way.”
“Why not?” Sayaka whines.
Rina shoots her a questioning look. “Why do you want me to go first, even? Are you afraid?”
Sayaka’s short, but obvious hesitation is her answer and Rina automatically grins. “Dang, you are!”
The raven crosses her arms and pouts her lips, shaking her head. “Not true!”
“Oh my god, I never thought I would once see Yamamoto Sayaka afraid of something.”
“You think of me like that?” Sayaka tilts her head, looking at the other curiously. “Completely fearless?”
“Well, aren’t you?” Rina asks, not really wanting an answer. “I mean, except for this, you’re up for pretty much everything in a second. It’s totally cool.”
“Mhm. You think I’m cool.”
“You sound as if this would be something unexpected.”
Sayaka smirks. “Nah, it’s the standard. I’m always the cool kid.”
Rina rolls her eyes but doesn’t react to that and a minute passes in silence before she nods, more to herself than to Sayaka.
“Alright, I’m gonna go.”
“Awesome!” Sayaka cheers and claps her hands, standing a bit aside to give enough room for Rina.
The only problem is, she doesn’t really know how to start. She looks up, staring at the branches closest to her (and the ground), searching for one that she could grab to pull herself up. She’s not exactly a sports man but she’s always been relatively good at P.E. so she has faith that she would be able to pull herself up. Once she finds a branch that seems good enough, she takes a deep breath and then reaches out for it.
Her first efforts go to waste. She can hear Sayaka chuckling behind her but it doesn’t discourage her; and on the fourth try, she manages to pull herself up and throw her legs around a branch across to keep herself up there. In a few seconds, she successfully finds a good spot on the tree and she looks down at Sayaka with a smug grin across her face, waving in the way princesses wave at their people.
“Your turn!”
Sayaka waves a hand carelessly and then heads for the tree.
Then the funniest moments ever in Rina’s life happen. The thing is, Sayaka can’t climb a tree; she’s been trying for long minutes now, and she simply can’t pull herself up, no matter how hard she tries. Or once she does, she can’t position her legs in a way that would keep her from falling back and all the fruitless attempts she makes are just so funny that Rina is laughing through the whole thing.
After a while, Sayaka gives up.
“Ugh, I can’t believe this is happening to me! How am I able to keep my cool status if I can’t even climb a tree?”
Rina just laughs. She’s watching as tiny drops of sweat roll down Sayaka’s forehead and she feels an immense urge to lean down and wipe them off - something that makes her frown. She shakes her head and peeks down from between two branches, hanging lazily with the same satisfied grin planted on her face.
“So you not coming up?”
Sayaka stays silent for a few seconds before she lets out a puff of air in frustration. “Give me a hand?”
Rina’s smile widens even more and she nods, reaching down to help Sayaka up.
Then in just a second, Sayaka’s body presses against hers and Rina catches her breath. There isn’t enough space in the same spot Rina’s standing and pressing against the branches - and Sayaka - is the only way of keeping the both of them up there. There’s a strange warmth flowing through Rina’s body and at first she thinks it’s coming from Sayaka; but when she looks her in the eye (which is too close, every part of Sayaka is way too close), the warmth becomes heat and she has to tear her gaze away.
It doesn’t last long before Sayaka takes care of the problem (is it really a problem?) and moves onto another couple of branches, but she stays near; there’s a happy smile drawn upon her lips as she looks at Rina, seeming completely unaware of the inner struggles of the other and that comforts her. She doesn’t know what just happened, but the feeling was more unsettling than it was nice so she’s sort of glad it disappeared. (Although, she can’t deny the excitement she felt, no matter how much she attempts to.)
“Wanna go up?” Sayaka suddenly speaks, her finger pointing up and before she even decides, Rina already nods and they go up.
*
It’s already close to 1am but she’s still unable to sleep. She can’t take her mind off of Sayaka and today and how much fun they had. She also can’t stop thinking about that weird feeling that rushed her when she was standing so close to Sayaka, that lovely warmth, that tiny desire to be even closer; but the more Rina thinks about it the more unsettling it gets.
So she tries to stop; but Sayaka keeps crawling back into her thoughts and as she prepares for another attempt to sleep, her phone suddenly buzzes.
It’s a text from Sayaka.
from sayaka: I can’t sleep. do you think it’s weird that I’d rather spend time with you than sleep?
Rina’s heart is beating so fast she can feel it in her throat. She knows she’s blushing; she doesn’t know, why, but for some reason the text feels a lot more than just a simple compliment. It’s almost like a confession, but that word sounds so ridiculous she almost laughs out loud.
Except it’s not funny at all, and Rina hopelessly searches for a perfect answer to that.
to sayaka: no. I feel the same way.
She doesn’t get a reply before she finally falls asleep.
*
The next day, Sayaka isn’t in the garden. Actually, later Rina finds out she’s not even at home; no one answers even after the third bell and the girl can’t help the intense disappointment that overwhelms her. It’s a really unpleasant feeling and it makes her uneasy and she decides to spend the entire day doing nothing but lying in bed and watching cartoon movies she used to love a lot when she was younger. Truthfully, Rina still enjoys them; she doesn’t think that just because she’s growing up, she shouldn’t be watching kid stuff anymore. It somewhat helps her stay a child, too, and boy does she not want to grow up. She’s never been tempted by the promises and privileges of adulthood - what good is in it besides being able to get alcohol without the fear of the police taking her in? She’s never cared about that and adulthood, in her eyes, offers nothing but a bunch of responsibilities she’s better off without.
After a few hours, she’s officially tired. Not physically; tired of the boredom the absence of Sayaka generates and she knows that there’s something else, too. Something like longing but it’s not the actual feeling that scares her but its intensity. Rina wonders why anything she starts doing just ends up boring her to death and she knows that if she were doing all those things with Sayaka, things would be so different.
When has she grown so attached to Sayaka? They’ve known each other for two weeks. Tops.
Evening comes without a single sign of Sayaka’s existence. No messages, no chats, no phone calls, nothing and Rina is so irritated by the time it gets dark that once again, she’s unable to sleep. Instead, she restlessly throws herself around in bed for long minutes that seem like hours until she decides that this can’t go on.
That’s also the same exact minute she hears a familiar voice calling from outside.
“Psst, Ricchan? Are you still up?”
Rina shivers from the surprise and fear but that soon turns into a pleasant surprise as she sees Sayaka’s head pop up in the window. She gets off the bed and waddles to open it, the chill summer air causing her to shiver again.
Sayaka’s wearing a dark blue dress resembling those cocktail dresses grown-ups wear to parties and Rina frowns at the sight.
“What are you wearing?” is what she asks even though this is so far from all the ‘I missed you’s she wants to say.
“Can I come in?”
Rina blinks dumbly for a few seconds before nodding. “Um, yeah, sure.” She steps aside so Sayaka could jump in and then closes the window behind her.
Sayaka has her arms around her and her body shivers a lot more than it should and Rina quickly runs to grab her blanket and throw it around her. Sayaka shoots her a grateful look and then lets her eyes roam around, probably because this is the first time she’s seeing Rina’s room.
Rina blushes a little. She should’ve kept a bit less of a mess in here.
Then Sayaka looks at the other again, but instead of a happy smile Rina was expecting, she gets a puzzled glance from her.
“Something’s wrong?” Rina asks, genuinely concerned and Sayaka bites her lower lip.
“No, no… not exactly.”
“I missed you.” It comes out before Rina even realizes and it causes both of them to stare at each other in surprise.
Rina doesn’t get why saying that feels like such a big deal. They’re friends. Really good friends. Isn’t it normal to say stuff like that?
Why does it feel a lot more important than that, then?
“I missed you, too,” Sayaka says and a small smile finally appears on her face. “Actually, that’s sort of part of the reason I’m here.”
Rina doesn’t understand.
“I need to tell you something.” Sayaka bites her lower lip.
Rina waits.
Then Sayaka starts speaking really fast.
“I like you,” she jabbers, not looking Rina in the eye, “it all feels so weird, but man, I like you a lot. I think I do at least. You know what I mean, right? I like like you. I can’t stop thinking about you and remember today on that tree? Well it felt really good to be that close to you. Against you. Or whatever. You get me, right?”
Rina just blinks. She doesn’t understand a word. What the hell is she talking about?
“What?”
Sayaka whines. “Did you not listen?”
“I did,” Rina says slowly. “I… I just don’t understand.”
“What do you not understand?” Sayaka rolls her eyes, tiny bit irritated. “I like you. That way.”
“But you’re a girl.”
And then Rina realizes.
It’s not the good kind of realization; it hits her so hard it hurts and she immediately denies. No. They’re both girls. This isn’t normal.
She doesn’t like her back. Sayaka is probably just confused because they’re getting along so well.
She doesn’t like her back.
“Say something!” Sayaka pleads and her voice is so desperate that Rina’s eyes turn blurry.
“What do you want me to say? I don’t get what you’re getting at. You know that’s not possible.”
“What isn’t? Look, I know this is all so weird and I know we’re both girls, but hey, it’s the 21st century, surely that shouldn’t be that much a problem… Unless you don’t like me back?”
Rina doesn’t reply.
She realizes too late that her silence was actually an answer and that Sayaka also notices that.
“See? You do! What’s the problem then?”
“You’re a girl,” Rina says again, her forehead wrinkled and her inner self asking her if that really is a problem at all.
But she knows it is.
Girls can’t like each other.
But if she truly believes that, why is every single part of her rebelling against that thought?
Sayaka takes a step closer to which Rina reacts by taking a step backwards and that causes the raven to flinch.
“Okay,” she says, her head lowering. “Okay. I understand. I’m sorry. I just thought…”
“It’s fine,” Rina says quickly. She doesn’t want her to finish. She’s afraid that the longer she talks, the more chance she admits to something she doesn’t want to.
Like the fact that she likes her back.
Sayaka just nods. “I guess I’m gonna go now, then.”
“I guess.”
The raven stares at the other for a while, as if expecting something. As if she’s just waiting for Rina to ask her to stay. But she’s not going to. She wants her to leave. She doesn’t want to see her ever again because at the moment, she feels like she’s going to break out in a sob.
Sayaka’s almost out the window when she suddenly runs to Rina and kisses her.
It’s not even a proper kiss; just a peck on the lips, but it makes Rina freeze in her stand, her eyes go wide and she’s staring at Sayaka in disbelief when she pulls away. The raven looks hurt; Rina doesn’t know why. But she has a few guesses.
Then Sayaka opens the window, jumps out and disappears just a second before Rina breaks down and starts crying.
group: akb48
pairing: yamamoto/kawaei
length: ~5000w
part one
By the time she snaps back to reality, Neon is already out the door.
“Hey! Come back, you!” Rina cries out and runs immediately after the poodle puppy, a sigh leaving her lips while she does so. There she is at it again! Ever since they’ve moved to the other house on their plot, Neon’s been sneaking out everytime she gets the chance to do so. Even though their new home is only like, two meters away from their old one, Neon seems to have problems getting used to the small change.
Rina is ready to yell at her dog once she’s out in the garden again, but as soon as she steps out, she sees that Neon hasn’t ran away (thank god); on the contrary, she seems to be very keen on sticking here because someone is keeping her company.
The girl is squatting in front of the puppy and Rina has never seen her before but she’s quick to put the puzzle pieces together: she’s probably the new resident in their old house they had given up for rent after her divorced mother realized she’s not able to pay for two houses and she fits the description her mother has given her yesterday. The girl - Sayaka is her name, if Rina remembers correctly - has dark hair the color of coal, the locks reaching down to a bit below her chin, framing her white porcelain features in a slightly tousled way. When she looks up, Rina sees that the color of her eyes suits her hair perfectly; they are just as black and so dark it’s almost like looking into an endless stretch of the midnight sky.
Compared to that, the contrast between her features and her clothes is amazing; Rina blinks as she looks at the bright yellow dress the girl is wearing, not to mention the pink flip-flops on her feet. For a few moments, Rina feels herself blushing a little as she thinks of how she’s currently standing in front of the stranger in her pyjamas, precisely. Pink pyjamas with a funky monkey on her shirt. Talk about being fashionable.
“Hey!” the girl speaks suddenly, standing up and flashing a bright smile at Rina and thus snapping her back to the present. She approaches her, with sudden and quick steps, so much confidence and liveliness radiating from her entire being Rina almost feels like a depressed turtle in comparison. “You’re my new landmate, right?”
Rina frowns, firstly because of the word and secondly because she’s supposed to be new around here, not Rina, considering she’s been living here since she was a newborn. “Landmate?”
The girl chuckles. “Yeah, that’s right. We’re on the same land, aren’t we?”
“I wouldn’t exactly call this small garden a land…” Rina murmurs but soon shuts herself up as she realizes just how dumb she must sound. The girl just shrugs.
“Anyway, I’ve been waiting to meet you. I’m Sayaka!” she waves at Rina and the other returns it, finally letting a small smile grace her lips.
She did remember correctly after all. “Nice to meet you. I’m Rina. Aren’t we supposed to be the same age?” Rina recalls her mother saying that but Sayaka looks way older than fifteen. Okay, not way older but she sure does look at least eighteen. Maybe even nineteen.
“Well, are you fifteen? If so, we are!” Sayaka frowns. “Do I look younger?”
Rina immediately shakes her head. “No, not at all! In fact, you look older.”
Sayaka dramatically sighs, shaking her head. “Dang, and here I am hoping for an immortal life! How can I ever dream of anything like that when I already look much older at such a young and fresh age?”
Rina isn’t sure whether Sayaka’s being serious or she’s just joking, but after the other notices that Rina doesn’t react, she laughs it off.
“I was just kidding, Ricchan. You aren’t a very entertaining pal so far what can I say!”
Rina unintentionally blushes in embarrassment at that comment, but she just swallows and focuses on something else instead. “Ricchan?”
“You don’t like it?” Sayaka tilts her head, frowning a little. “Sorry, I thought it was cute. It suits you.”
The other is just about to reply when Sayaka suddenly bends down to pick up Neon who’s apparently had enough of not being paid attention to.
“Ah, this cute little devil right here. It’s so cute, yours, right?” Sayaka asks and Rina nods.
“Yeah, she’s mine. Sayaka, meet Neon, Neon, meet Sayaka.”
Sayaka glances at the dog, her lips quickly curving into a wide smile. “Ah, Neon. Such a cute name! I wanna borrow her.”
“Well,” Rina says, shrugging a few times, in a somewhat sheepish way, “you can play with her anytime you want. I am often outside doing the same especially now that there’s no school.”
“Ah, yeah, summer holiday is the greatest, isn’t it?” she grins at Rina and for the first time since the encounter, the returned grin is genuine.
“It is.”
*
When she checks her social network accounts in the evening right before sleep, there’s a new friend request. Rina frowns at first upon the notification, wondering who it might be until she sees it’s Sayaka and she rolls her eyes at her own dumbness. Of course it’s Sayaka.
Along with the request she automatically accepts, there’s a message from here too which says:
山本彩:you definitely don’t tell a lot of things about yourself on here, it was a challenge finding you! that’s a good thing tho, don’t get me wrong, ppl nowadays care way too little about respecting and protecting their own privacy~
For some reason, Rina finds the tilde at the end of the sentence funny; it gives the message a sarcastic edge and she believes it was meant like that.
川栄李奈: hello to you, too. nice profile photo.
She means that. The photo Sayaka has set as her profile is of her standing next to the beach in a loose, oversized chiffon shirt and short jeans, with a drink in her hand - a cocktail? (Probably alcohol-free.) Rina doesn’t know for sure but it’s a happy photo, one which totally reflects the first impression she had of Sayaka. A happy, lively, carefree teenager who knows she’s currently living the most enjoyable years of her life (her teenager life, at least) so she tries to make the best out of it. And effortlessly, she succeeds.
山本彩:wow, still up? won’t your mum be mad that you’re still browsing the eighth wonder that is the internet at such a late hour? www
川栄李奈: it’s only 10pm, Sayaka
山本彩:jk~ but anyway i guess you’re sleeping soon?
川栄李奈: yeah. you?
Rina bites her lip after typing that message. She thinks that being so short on words might make her appear rude; which isn’t her intention, but hey, she’s never been too big on talks. Or socializing, anyway, even if chatting usually makes it easier for her to communicate because there isn’t an actual person in front of her she has to look in the eye and stuff while trying to talk. She’s way too awkward to make friends quickly and therefore it’s almost impossible for her to loosen up around anyone she doesn’t know for at least five years already. No wonder high school’s so hard on her; she’s a sophomore already but she still only has only two people in the class she’s comfortable enough to just hang around with. It’s a bad habit or more like, it’s part of all the bad DNA her parents had passed down to her. It’s all their fault, damned parents and their faulty DNAs.
Even if Sayaka thinks the same way as Rina, she doesn’t show it in any way.
山本彩:nah, im a #rebel kid. not even gonna sleep. that’s how i become one of the cool kids!
Rina can’t help but smile. She hasn’t known Sayaka for even a whole day but she already loves her humor. She sort of sounds like a bitter teenager who was born into the wrong decade but in reality, Sayaka’s a true member of the “facebook generation” as people like to call it (even though it’s more about the fact that today’s generations prefer social network sites and internet overall to face-to-face communication; it’s far from it being only about facebook) while Rina is the one who’s kind of just swimming. No, not even swimming; just staying atop of the surface (barely) and letting the waves take her wherever they want to. Sometimes the waves are slow, comforting, not rushing and Rina enjoys the gush and sometimes the tides go high and she almost drowns, not being able to deal with the sudden change and the complications it brings.
But she always manages to survive, anyway. That must mean she’s not completely a hopeless case, no?
She tells Sayaka goodbye and without even waiting for a response, she turns off her laptop and goes to sleep.
In her dream, she’s in the ocean and the waves are intense, but in the water there’s Sayaka with her. And right before she would drown, Sayaka takes her hand and they swim.
*
“Ice cream?” a familiar voice calls out and Rina looks up, Neon in her lap doing exactly the same thing before jumping down and running straight towards Sayaka.
“That’s nice of you,” Rina says as she takes the ice cream handed out to her and watches Sayaka sit down next to her on the stairs.
“It’s cheesecake and lemon flavor. I hope you like it. If not, you can come inside the house and choose something else.” Before Rina could tell her that the flavors are perfectly alright, Sayaka continues. “My mum is a confectioner. Though she’s kind of on a break right now because her dessert shop is in the capital and now that we moved here, the shop is a two hours train ride away. But she and dad planning on moving the shop here, once they find the perfect place.”
Rina just nods, tasting the ice cream and letting out a soft, contented hum. “The lemon tastes very nice.”
“Just wait until you get to cheesecake,” Sayaka winks at the other, “it’s my favorite. What is yours?”
“Lemon,” Rina says without hesitation and Sayaka lets out a soft chuckle.
“Wow, I am too great! I knew since the first time I saw you that ‘man, this girl is a lemon girl’. I knew it.”
“I don’t even know what you’re talking about,” Rina says honestly and there’s a brief pause before Sayaka bursts into laughter and Rina joins her.
“Sorry about that. I talk kind of a lot. Most of the time I don’t even know myself what I’m talking about. But it feels good, y’know?”
No, she doesn’t exactly know, Rina thinks, but she doesn’t want to say that. So instead, she just nods while continuing to nom on the ice cream and watching Sayaka lazily play with Neon who keeps trying to get a bite or two from the raven’s treat.
“She likes you,” Rina says before realizing that she’s said those words out loud and when she does, she frowns. Sayaka on the other hand, doesn’t even flinch; she shoots a grin at her and raises an eyebrow.
“You think so? Well, that’s good because I like her too!” she chirps and places a quick peck on the top of the dog’s head.
For the next few minutes, they don’t really talk. Sayaka sometimes asks a question, as if wanting to get to know Rina better and Rina answers, mostly with the shortest replies possible. What school does she go to, what’s her favorite color or subject, what is it she doesn’t like about each season, and all sorts of questions that don’t really make sense. But even so, Rina doesn’t mind them. In fact, she enjoys it; she enjoys that she’s being asked questions, that someone is interested, and genuinely at that. Rina’s not used to being paid as much attention as Sayaka gives her; she’s usually the listener, the one who either asks the questions or just does only that, listen. To others’ problems or nags or whining, without ever complaining about it.
“If you could have one superpower, what would you choose?”
Rina hesitates. “The ability to become invisible.”
“You aren’t too much of a people person, now, are you?”
Rina feels the blood rushing to her cheeks and Sayaka probably notices because she quickly puts a hand on her thigh.
“I was just kidding! Invisibility would be super cool. You could go stalk people! Or steal things! Imagine that you wouldn’t have to pay for anything, you could just go invisible and get something from the store without anyone noticing it. You could also see everyone naked!”
“Sayaka!” Rina groans and the raven giggles.
“Just kidding, again. I’m not really interested in naked people. Ew. Especially not in boys. As for the girls, we all have the same things, yeah? Just in different shapes and sizes. But same things.”
The topic is getting way too private for Rina not to blush and she forgets to answer. Sayaka takes it as a sign of her prudeness, which is pretty close to the reality. Rina’s always thought herself way too young for these kind of topics. Like, she’s not too young for them at all; especially not considering today’s kids, but she doesn’t feel comfortable anyway.
“Hey, don’t be so prude! We’re not talking about sex or anything like that. I’m not going to force you to watch porn next time,” Sayaka rolls her eyes, but she’s smiling in the most adorable way ever and Rina can’t be mad at her for picking on her so much.
It must be funny to see someone becoming so shy at such topics anyway, after all.
In the end, Sayaka ends up giving the rest of her ice cream to Neon, much to the puppy’s pleasure and then she tells Rina she has to go and help her mum but that she needs to be online in an hour or two so they could chat.
Rina promises that she will indeed do so, hoping she wouldn’t forget.
But she doesn’t forget. She sits at her laptop, barely doing anything for the entire hour, only waiting for Sayaka to come online. And when she finally does and Rina feels her heart starting to beat a bit faster, she knows that she’s just claimed a new friend and that she’s determined not to screw things up so she could keep her.
*
In the following days, one of the most surprising and unexpected of things happen: Rina loosens up. It takes only a few days and not years like it usually does and although it shocks her, she certainly doesn’t mind. Sayaka’s bubbly and bright personality makes it impossible for Rina to remain cold and unresponsive and awkward like her usual self and it feels wonderful. They begin to spend almost every hour of the day together: sitting outside, playing with Neon, watching Z category movies (also re-watching High School Musical after Rina, somewhat embarrassed, admits that she loved it when she was younger and still does), dancing… or well, mostly Sayaka dancing while Rina watches her or cheers for her because she can’t dance to save her life and even though she and Sayaka like the same music (cheap Japanese and Korean pop, both members of the girl groups protection squad, as embarrassing as that sounds). Dancing is one of the few things Sayaka hasn’t convinced her to do yet, but Rina feels it’s just a matter of time.
But besides all the happiness and fun she’s getting from this friendship, there’s always that tiny spark of jealousy lingering. Everytime Rina looks at Sayaka, she wonders why she can’t be like her. Lively, careless. Living for the present. Like a real teenager, not like her, who stresses about every single small thing day by day when she’s only a fifteen-year-old teenager who’s supposed to have no problems whatsoever but school.
And right now, it’s summer holiday, so there isn’t even school to worry about.
One time, Sayaka asks her about boys and that’s the time when Rina’s entire body shivers.
“Nothing.”
“Nothing? As in, ‘screw boys they are disgusting’ or ‘no, currently I don’t like anyone’?”
Rina frowns, not quite sure how to reply to that. “Uh, the first, probably?”
“Probably?!” Sayaka stares at her as if she was stupid.
“Well, I don’t really… I’m not really interested… eh, you know I’m not a people person.”
“I did notice that,” Sayaka shoots her a playful look, “but hey, there must be someone you like or who likes you. You’re extremely cute after all.”
“I am?” Rina cocks an eyebrow, genuinely surprised and Sayaka rolls her eyes as if it was obvious.
“Duh. Now, are you really going to tell me that there’s nobody?”
Rina chews on her lower lip. There was someone; a boy, in the beginning of her freshman years who approached her several times, trying to ask her out on movie dates and such. But Rina always said no. Recalling how cold she must’ve rejected him all those times, no wonder the boy had given up after a few fruitless tries. “Not really. Besides, it’s not like my mum would like that. She always tells me to only focus on getting good grades and nothing else.”
“Pfft, yeah, sure, parents. They always kill the fun,” Sayaka rolls her eyes. “Not that I would find boys part of the fun, though. You can join in me in the ‘not interested in disgusting boys’ club then, if you wanna.”
Rina smiles a little. “Are you the president?”
Sayaka winks. “Duh. President and honorary member. You can be my secretary.”
“Secretary?!” Rina grimaces which makes Sayaka laugh. She loves making the raven laugh.
“Hey, anyway…” Sayaka starts, her eyes focused on Rina. “Wanna come with me somewhere tomorrow?”
“Where?”
The raven sends her a smirk. “It’s a surprise.”
*
It turns out that the big surprise is actually the small forest in the other end of the town. When Rina tells Sayaka that she’s never been there before, she’s definitely shocked; (“You’ve been living here, for what, now, ten years and you’ve never ever ever ever been to the forest?”) but this just makes her even more eager to drag Rina along with her, who’s not exactly that into the idea but she realizes that as long as she can spend time with her friend, Sayaka could take her to the end of the world, even.
That thought is comforting and unsettling at the same time and Rina has no idea how that’s even possible.
“So,” Sayaka claps her hands excitedly, her tongue running across her lower lip in the same manner, “let’s climb up!”
Rina’s eyes snap wide open. “What? Up there?” she looks up, pointing at the huge ass chestnut tree in front of them. “You can’t be serious. Can we even do that? What if we fall off? What if a branch breaks?”
Sayaka rolls her eyes. “Come on, it will be fun! You know how much cooler things up are from up there? Who knows, we might find a treehouse!”
“I highly doubt that,” Rina frowns and shakes her head, clearly not too thrilled by the idea. “Do you even know how to climb a tree?”
The raven suddenly seems laid-back. “Uh well, it can’t be that hard.”
Rina crosses her arms, cocking an eyebrow at her. Sayaka keeps the eye contact up for a while before letting out a long sigh.
“Okay, I’ve never climbed a tree before but hey, my point is the same. It must be fun.”
Rina doesn’t answer.
“Please?” Sayaka looks at her and bats her eyelashes a few times, a gesture that causes Rina blush for some unknown reason. She looks away, chewing on her lip before sighing.
“Fine.”
“You go first.”
Rina looks astonished. “Are you serious?”
“Dead serious.”
“No way.”
“Why not?” Sayaka whines.
Rina shoots her a questioning look. “Why do you want me to go first, even? Are you afraid?”
Sayaka’s short, but obvious hesitation is her answer and Rina automatically grins. “Dang, you are!”
The raven crosses her arms and pouts her lips, shaking her head. “Not true!”
“Oh my god, I never thought I would once see Yamamoto Sayaka afraid of something.”
“You think of me like that?” Sayaka tilts her head, looking at the other curiously. “Completely fearless?”
“Well, aren’t you?” Rina asks, not really wanting an answer. “I mean, except for this, you’re up for pretty much everything in a second. It’s totally cool.”
“Mhm. You think I’m cool.”
“You sound as if this would be something unexpected.”
Sayaka smirks. “Nah, it’s the standard. I’m always the cool kid.”
Rina rolls her eyes but doesn’t react to that and a minute passes in silence before she nods, more to herself than to Sayaka.
“Alright, I’m gonna go.”
“Awesome!” Sayaka cheers and claps her hands, standing a bit aside to give enough room for Rina.
The only problem is, she doesn’t really know how to start. She looks up, staring at the branches closest to her (and the ground), searching for one that she could grab to pull herself up. She’s not exactly a sports man but she’s always been relatively good at P.E. so she has faith that she would be able to pull herself up. Once she finds a branch that seems good enough, she takes a deep breath and then reaches out for it.
Her first efforts go to waste. She can hear Sayaka chuckling behind her but it doesn’t discourage her; and on the fourth try, she manages to pull herself up and throw her legs around a branch across to keep herself up there. In a few seconds, she successfully finds a good spot on the tree and she looks down at Sayaka with a smug grin across her face, waving in the way princesses wave at their people.
“Your turn!”
Sayaka waves a hand carelessly and then heads for the tree.
Then the funniest moments ever in Rina’s life happen. The thing is, Sayaka can’t climb a tree; she’s been trying for long minutes now, and she simply can’t pull herself up, no matter how hard she tries. Or once she does, she can’t position her legs in a way that would keep her from falling back and all the fruitless attempts she makes are just so funny that Rina is laughing through the whole thing.
After a while, Sayaka gives up.
“Ugh, I can’t believe this is happening to me! How am I able to keep my cool status if I can’t even climb a tree?”
Rina just laughs. She’s watching as tiny drops of sweat roll down Sayaka’s forehead and she feels an immense urge to lean down and wipe them off - something that makes her frown. She shakes her head and peeks down from between two branches, hanging lazily with the same satisfied grin planted on her face.
“So you not coming up?”
Sayaka stays silent for a few seconds before she lets out a puff of air in frustration. “Give me a hand?”
Rina’s smile widens even more and she nods, reaching down to help Sayaka up.
Then in just a second, Sayaka’s body presses against hers and Rina catches her breath. There isn’t enough space in the same spot Rina’s standing and pressing against the branches - and Sayaka - is the only way of keeping the both of them up there. There’s a strange warmth flowing through Rina’s body and at first she thinks it’s coming from Sayaka; but when she looks her in the eye (which is too close, every part of Sayaka is way too close), the warmth becomes heat and she has to tear her gaze away.
It doesn’t last long before Sayaka takes care of the problem (is it really a problem?) and moves onto another couple of branches, but she stays near; there’s a happy smile drawn upon her lips as she looks at Rina, seeming completely unaware of the inner struggles of the other and that comforts her. She doesn’t know what just happened, but the feeling was more unsettling than it was nice so she’s sort of glad it disappeared. (Although, she can’t deny the excitement she felt, no matter how much she attempts to.)
“Wanna go up?” Sayaka suddenly speaks, her finger pointing up and before she even decides, Rina already nods and they go up.
*
It’s already close to 1am but she’s still unable to sleep. She can’t take her mind off of Sayaka and today and how much fun they had. She also can’t stop thinking about that weird feeling that rushed her when she was standing so close to Sayaka, that lovely warmth, that tiny desire to be even closer; but the more Rina thinks about it the more unsettling it gets.
So she tries to stop; but Sayaka keeps crawling back into her thoughts and as she prepares for another attempt to sleep, her phone suddenly buzzes.
It’s a text from Sayaka.
from sayaka: I can’t sleep. do you think it’s weird that I’d rather spend time with you than sleep?
Rina’s heart is beating so fast she can feel it in her throat. She knows she’s blushing; she doesn’t know, why, but for some reason the text feels a lot more than just a simple compliment. It’s almost like a confession, but that word sounds so ridiculous she almost laughs out loud.
Except it’s not funny at all, and Rina hopelessly searches for a perfect answer to that.
to sayaka: no. I feel the same way.
She doesn’t get a reply before she finally falls asleep.
*
The next day, Sayaka isn’t in the garden. Actually, later Rina finds out she’s not even at home; no one answers even after the third bell and the girl can’t help the intense disappointment that overwhelms her. It’s a really unpleasant feeling and it makes her uneasy and she decides to spend the entire day doing nothing but lying in bed and watching cartoon movies she used to love a lot when she was younger. Truthfully, Rina still enjoys them; she doesn’t think that just because she’s growing up, she shouldn’t be watching kid stuff anymore. It somewhat helps her stay a child, too, and boy does she not want to grow up. She’s never been tempted by the promises and privileges of adulthood - what good is in it besides being able to get alcohol without the fear of the police taking her in? She’s never cared about that and adulthood, in her eyes, offers nothing but a bunch of responsibilities she’s better off without.
After a few hours, she’s officially tired. Not physically; tired of the boredom the absence of Sayaka generates and she knows that there’s something else, too. Something like longing but it’s not the actual feeling that scares her but its intensity. Rina wonders why anything she starts doing just ends up boring her to death and she knows that if she were doing all those things with Sayaka, things would be so different.
When has she grown so attached to Sayaka? They’ve known each other for two weeks. Tops.
Evening comes without a single sign of Sayaka’s existence. No messages, no chats, no phone calls, nothing and Rina is so irritated by the time it gets dark that once again, she’s unable to sleep. Instead, she restlessly throws herself around in bed for long minutes that seem like hours until she decides that this can’t go on.
That’s also the same exact minute she hears a familiar voice calling from outside.
“Psst, Ricchan? Are you still up?”
Rina shivers from the surprise and fear but that soon turns into a pleasant surprise as she sees Sayaka’s head pop up in the window. She gets off the bed and waddles to open it, the chill summer air causing her to shiver again.
Sayaka’s wearing a dark blue dress resembling those cocktail dresses grown-ups wear to parties and Rina frowns at the sight.
“What are you wearing?” is what she asks even though this is so far from all the ‘I missed you’s she wants to say.
“Can I come in?”
Rina blinks dumbly for a few seconds before nodding. “Um, yeah, sure.” She steps aside so Sayaka could jump in and then closes the window behind her.
Sayaka has her arms around her and her body shivers a lot more than it should and Rina quickly runs to grab her blanket and throw it around her. Sayaka shoots her a grateful look and then lets her eyes roam around, probably because this is the first time she’s seeing Rina’s room.
Rina blushes a little. She should’ve kept a bit less of a mess in here.
Then Sayaka looks at the other again, but instead of a happy smile Rina was expecting, she gets a puzzled glance from her.
“Something’s wrong?” Rina asks, genuinely concerned and Sayaka bites her lower lip.
“No, no… not exactly.”
“I missed you.” It comes out before Rina even realizes and it causes both of them to stare at each other in surprise.
Rina doesn’t get why saying that feels like such a big deal. They’re friends. Really good friends. Isn’t it normal to say stuff like that?
Why does it feel a lot more important than that, then?
“I missed you, too,” Sayaka says and a small smile finally appears on her face. “Actually, that’s sort of part of the reason I’m here.”
Rina doesn’t understand.
“I need to tell you something.” Sayaka bites her lower lip.
Rina waits.
Then Sayaka starts speaking really fast.
“I like you,” she jabbers, not looking Rina in the eye, “it all feels so weird, but man, I like you a lot. I think I do at least. You know what I mean, right? I like like you. I can’t stop thinking about you and remember today on that tree? Well it felt really good to be that close to you. Against you. Or whatever. You get me, right?”
Rina just blinks. She doesn’t understand a word. What the hell is she talking about?
“What?”
Sayaka whines. “Did you not listen?”
“I did,” Rina says slowly. “I… I just don’t understand.”
“What do you not understand?” Sayaka rolls her eyes, tiny bit irritated. “I like you. That way.”
“But you’re a girl.”
And then Rina realizes.
It’s not the good kind of realization; it hits her so hard it hurts and she immediately denies. No. They’re both girls. This isn’t normal.
She doesn’t like her back. Sayaka is probably just confused because they’re getting along so well.
She doesn’t like her back.
“Say something!” Sayaka pleads and her voice is so desperate that Rina’s eyes turn blurry.
“What do you want me to say? I don’t get what you’re getting at. You know that’s not possible.”
“What isn’t? Look, I know this is all so weird and I know we’re both girls, but hey, it’s the 21st century, surely that shouldn’t be that much a problem… Unless you don’t like me back?”
Rina doesn’t reply.
She realizes too late that her silence was actually an answer and that Sayaka also notices that.
“See? You do! What’s the problem then?”
“You’re a girl,” Rina says again, her forehead wrinkled and her inner self asking her if that really is a problem at all.
But she knows it is.
Girls can’t like each other.
But if she truly believes that, why is every single part of her rebelling against that thought?
Sayaka takes a step closer to which Rina reacts by taking a step backwards and that causes the raven to flinch.
“Okay,” she says, her head lowering. “Okay. I understand. I’m sorry. I just thought…”
“It’s fine,” Rina says quickly. She doesn’t want her to finish. She’s afraid that the longer she talks, the more chance she admits to something she doesn’t want to.
Like the fact that she likes her back.
Sayaka just nods. “I guess I’m gonna go now, then.”
“I guess.”
The raven stares at the other for a while, as if expecting something. As if she’s just waiting for Rina to ask her to stay. But she’s not going to. She wants her to leave. She doesn’t want to see her ever again because at the moment, she feels like she’s going to break out in a sob.
Sayaka’s almost out the window when she suddenly runs to Rina and kisses her.
It’s not even a proper kiss; just a peck on the lips, but it makes Rina freeze in her stand, her eyes go wide and she’s staring at Sayaka in disbelief when she pulls away. The raven looks hurt; Rina doesn’t know why. But she has a few guesses.
Then Sayaka opens the window, jumps out and disappears just a second before Rina breaks down and starts crying.