you've got me seeing stars (love live!, kotori/maki)
you've got me seeing stars (part one)
group: μ's (love live!)
pairing: kotori/maki
length: ~4400k
notes: rapunzel!au (sort of), insta love (sort of)
part one
Maki still doesn’t find it a good idea.
She can’t wrap her head around why she needs another maid. She has plenty of servants already, doesn’t she? It’s not like she’s unable to take care of herself. She might be a princess, but she’s never been the type to always let others do everything for her. She likes her independence, and not having people run around to please her in every way possible ensued that independence for her so far. But her dad had his five minutes of stupidity and came up with the idea to get her a maid; a personal one at that. Someone who would accompany her almost everywhere and always be there for her if she needed anything - which is the complete opposite of what Maki had been used to and desires. She doesn’t like it. At all.
But no matter how many times she’s tried convincing her dad that she doesn’t need a maid, he wouldn’t listen. He was stubborn as the will of kings. Evidently.
So on the morning of the maid’s arrival (the maid, not her maid, not even by accident, she’s clearly not going to call the girl like that), Princess Maki is saltier than ever. She sits in the hall by the ominous dining table with her arms crossed over her chest, her hair still uncombed and sort of all over the place (she still looks gorgeous; her servants, the cook and her father would tell her) and she keeps her gaze tightly fixated on the empty plate in front of her. She had thought that if she finished her breakfast as soon as possible, she’d have the chance to slip away so she didn’t have to suffer through the boring and unnecessary ritual that is the introduction, but she was wrong. Her father caught her as soon as she was about to run away.
But Maki makes sure that disapproval is written all over her face. It’s a silent but evident as ever revolt against this whole thing. That’s all she can do for now.
“Princess Maki, Your Royal Highness, allow me to introduce you Minami Kotori, your faithful maid,” a voice suddenly calls out near next to her; Maki’s seen them approaching but she refused to look until they actually talked to her.
Slowly, Maki turns her head and makes sure to check out the maid thoroughly: long, ash blonde hair, part of which is styled in a small chignon bun with a perfectly white ribbon wrapped around it (who even wears her hair like that?). Her figure is totally normal for a young girl like her; slender, not too thin, but her curves are just visible, as if she was still going through puberty - which is not the case, as far as Maki is concerned, because they told her that the girl is nineteen years old, a year older than her, actually.
What catches Maki’s attention the most is the maid’s eyes: they’re a pair of amber color, a very rare hue and Maki doesn’t recall having seen anyone with the same color of eyes before. They’re beautiful, to be honest, and Maki finds herself keeping eye contact with the maid far longer than she should.
She looks away as soon as she realizes it, the salty and unamused expression returning to her features.
“It’s the highest pleasure to meet you, Your Highness,” the maid says with endless politeness in her voice, but there’s a very subtle, almost inaudible playfulness to her tone that makes the princess look at her again. “I’ll do my best to become the best maid you could ever wish for. Please treat me well, Your Highness.”
Maki stares at her for a while, subconsciously biting down on her bottom lip before she nods her head. “Nice to meet you, Kotori.”
And with that, Maki stands up and storms out of the big hall without saying another word.
*
Kotori is standing next to her door and it’s quite annoying. Maki hasn’t talked to her since she very un-ladylike (and rudely, let’s be real) left the hall so there’s no way Kotori could be aware that her presence is annoying the hell out of the princess.
She should probably fix that. But Maki has no idea how to tell this girl that the least she desires in this world is a personal maid, now that she’s moved here and been officially hired for her. She also doesn’t really want to hurt her; she seems like such an innocent, cheerful girl she herself will never be and she doesn’t want to ruin it with her selfishness.
But what’s currently going on is not something Maki enjoys and she has to stop it before it would become daily routine.
“So…” she starts, shifting her position in her bean bag chair and crossing one leg over the other. “Before anything happens, I’d like to state that I don’t need you around me twenty-four-seven. I’m a rather private person, and having someone look out for me all the time is just not how I roll.”
Kotori turns her head to the side. “Why did you hire a personal maid then? If you don’t mind my curiosity, Your Highness.”
Maki grimaces. “I didn’t. Dad did.”
The maid just blinks. Her small smile disappears, and she looks at the princess with a sort of worried look. “Am I a bother to you then, Your Highness?”
“Yes,” Maki replies immediately but she regrets right away and shakes her head. “Wait, no. It’s not like it would be your fault. You’re not a bother to me as long as you’re not around me all day. That’s all I ask. You can do whatever you want. I won’t hold it against you. You can go out to the town, hang out with friends, be at the market, have fun, whatever, as long as you spend three thirds of your day not being with me.”
“That sort of destroys my title as a personal maid, Your Highness,” Kotori says but instead of sounding hurt, she sounds… amused.
Maki cocks an eyebrow. “Yes, I know. But this is what I want and you should look out for what I want, right? Also, please stop calling me Your Highness when we’re in private. I hate being called that way. It annoys me.”
Kotori nods. “Got it.” She pauses but then continues. “What should I may call you, then…?”
“Maki,” the princess says and shrugs. “Just Maki is fine. Don’t do that in front of Dad, though. He would probably take your head.”
Kotori flinches. “That would be rather… unpleasant.”
Maki stares at Kotori and she has no idea why, but ends up laughing.
She looks at the maid just in time to see her satisfied smile.
*
Kotori keeps her unspoken promise; Maki doesn’t see her again until dinner, even though their rooms are right next to each other. When Dad asks her how they get along, she replies positively with a perfectly fabricated smile on her face and that satisfies him enough not to ask more for the rest of dinner. Kotori and her share a few looks throughout dinner once or twice; but even though they’re sitting next to each other (Father insisted), they don’t talk a word.
An hour later, there’s a knock on Maki’s door.
“Come in.”
The door slides open and Kotori steps in, dressed in some sort of lingerie that still looks like a maid uniform, except it seems a lot more comfortable and loose; it doesn’t show anything inappropriate, yet it still makes Maki’s cheeks turn pink a little bit and she has to tear her gaze away.
“I’ve come to prepare your bath, Maki.”
It’s the first time Kotori actually calls her by her name and it’s such a warm feeling; the servants who never agreed to dropping formalities even when they’re alone, so it’s for a change, and it’s a positive one. Maki might be a typical princess; spoilt, selfish and demanding, but she’s never liked formalities. She never felt joy when people referred to her title every time they talked to her, it became repetitive and annoying after a short time and she grew to hate it.
So after she hears Kotori’s words, Maki actually flashes a small smile. “Alright. All I need is some peppermint and grated ginger in my bath water along with some vanilla aroma. A bit of everything; you can use more of the vanilla. I like my water very hot, just a tiny bit below the temperature one can endure.”
Kotori listens to Maki attentively and when she finishes, she nods. “I assume I find everything in your bathroom?”
Maki nods as well. “Yeah. Feel free to look around, I’m not hiding dead bodies there.”
“Not in the bathroom at least, am I right?” Kotori giggles but it dies out quickly and she clears her throat. “I’m sorry, that was inappropriate.”
Maki chuckles a bit. “That’s fine, Kotori. Please feel comfortable around me, even though I’m not the best company. I most probably won’t skin you alive for saying things that come to your mind.”
“That’s certainly comforting to hear.”
Maki just nods. “Yes, yes. Now go, I want to go to bed early tonight.”
*
“Where were you today?”
It’s just a simple question; it’s not demanding, it’s not nosey. It’s just pure curiosity that colors Maki’s voice when she asks yet she still feels a bit bad about it. Just because Kotori’s a maid, doesn’t mean she can pry like that. She doesn’t think that she has every right to know where she’s been during the day and what she did - yet she can’t help but wonder because Kotori’s certainly been out of the castle for the whole day for almost a week now and Maki can’t even imagine what she could be doing with her free time.
Fortunately, Kotori doesn’t seem disturbed by the question. She folds the last piece of clothing with unquestionable precision before answering.
“I visited the market in the morning and then one of my good friends who lives in the town. Then I went to take a walk in the forest, up the mountains.” Kotori sits down on the floor next to the bed, facing the princess. “No matter how many times I walk the same route, it’s still beautiful every single time. Don’t you think so?”
Maki doesn’t answer. There’s a very bitter and unpleasant tinge in her stomach and her face involuntarily morphs into a displeased grimace. “I’ve never been to the mountains.”
Kotori looks genuinely surprised. “How come?”
“Father wouldn’t let me leave past the castle’s territory.” The words slip out before she realizes it; she presses her lips against each other, regretful. She shouldn’t have said that. Kotori shouldn’t know about this.
But the maid inches closer to the princess and the worry in her eyes confuse Maki.
“So you’ve never left the castle? You’ve never been to the town?”
Maki shakes her head. “That’s not it. I have - with my mother, when I was a small child.” She doesn’t want to say more. She’s said far too much already. But if she already knows half of the story then why couldn’t she actually understand it properly?
The princess snorts. “But since Mum died, Father wouldn’t let me go anywhere. He’s too afraid that he’ll lose me, too, as if it was inevitable that a horse runs over me or someone kidnaps me and stabs me to death if I step outside the castle. It’s ridiculous.”
A minute passes without a word exchanged between them. Two. Three. Maki finally looks up, only to see Kotori biting her bottom lip, seemingly deep in thought and teeny tiny wrinkles decorating her forehead.
“Say something,” Maki breathes after the silence becomes way too uncomfortable and the maid looks up, her gloomy expression turning into a beam in a heartbeat and the change is so unnatural and sudden that Maki can’t help but shoot her a glance.
“I don’t agree with His Majesty, of course,” Kotori says, her small smile becoming wider while she speaks, “but nothing is lost. Allow me to ask princess, but… have you ever tried to sneak out?”
The unexpected shock on Maki’s face makes Kotori giggle.
“I guess that’s a no.”
Maki looks away, trying to hide her slightly flushed cheeks. “O-of course I tried… do you really think I just a-accepted my life like this all this time…”
Kotori keeps giggling.
“Stop it, now,” Maki snaps, her lips slightly pouting. “This is nothing to laugh about. There’s nothing funny about the fact that I’m scared of Fa-” she stops abruptly, cutting herself off with a displeased hum. What on Earth happened to her? She’s always been rather soft-spoken but this is the third time she’s speaking too much.
It must be Kotori’s effect.
“I’m sorry, princess,” the girl says, running through her long, slender fingers through her locks, a lazy and probably subconscious gesture that is somehow very attractive in Maki’s eyes.
“That gives us the solution, though,” Kotori continues and when Maki just stares at her, she goes on. “I could help you sneak out.”
“You’re kidding me, right? They’d catch us before we could even set foot on the border and take your head immediately,” Maki retorts impulsively but her words are welcomed with a curios quirk of Kotori’s eyebrow only.
“What?” the princess asks, huffish.
Kotori just slowly shakes her head. “I just found it sort of cute how worried you are about me.”
“I’m not worried about you,” Maki snaps right away, but she bites her lip. Is she really not? But it’s true that it was her first concern; that if they get caught (they would), Kotori’s fate would be sealed.
She really doesn’t want Kotori to get hurt, she realizes.
Not that it means anything at all. She’s not generally a bad person; of course she doesn’t want her to get hurt, just as much as she doesn’t want anyone at all. Especially not because of her.
Kotori hums.
Maki looks at her, her cherry red locks falling in her vision. Kotori leans in to brush them out - it takes two seconds, and Maki only processes what the girl’s done when she’s already backed away. She blinks at her and without realizing, she inches a bit closer to the other girl.
“Do you think you could sneak me out without anyone noticing?”
Kotori grins.
*
“There’s no way I’m going in there.”
Maki stops abruptly and stares at the maid in front of her, disgust all over her face.
Kotori turns around, sending her a questioning look. “This is the only way. Trust me, princess, there’s no royal guard in the sewers at all and it leads straight to the town.”
Maki, however, is adamant. “No way. It’s nasty.”
Kotori sighs. “Fine. I guess you’ll have to return to your grounded Rapunzel life, then.”
The princess’ eyes go wide in surprise. “Rude, Kotori. That was rude.”
The maid, instead of apologizing, giggles.
But Maki doesn’t feel insulted. In fact, it sort of amuses her. She lets out a deep sigh and pulls her hoodie closer around her face.
“Okay. Okay, I’ll do it. But if I see just one damned rat, I’m out of here.”
Kotori nods, happily and turns around to lead the princess down the stairs into the sewers, mumbling to herself just as quietly so the princess wouldn’t hear her saying just how many rats they’re about to encounter.
*
“Jesus Christ!!! Kotori! Kotori!” Maki squeals and starts running, soon bumping into the maid and they almost fall over - but Maki holds onto Kotori just in time and she hugs the maid’s arm, clinging to it tightly as she stares at the smaller crowd of rats scurrying around them. The princess’ heavy breathing tickles Kotori’s skin where it washes over her bare neck, the feeling of Maki’s body so close to her sending warmth down her spine.
“I want to leave!” Maki cries. “There’s thousands of rats in here, Kotori! Get me out of here!”
The maid turns around, looking for Maki’s hand and holding onto it with both of hers. She lifts it up to her chest between their bodies and shoots the princess an encouraging look.
“It’s fine, Maki. We’re almost out. You should be happy that it took so long for them to find us.”
Maki shivers. “Please lead. I can’t be in here for any longer. This whole place stinks worse than a cow’s arse!”
“Speaking of experience?” Kotori asks but instead of an answer, she only gets a rather strong smack in the shoulder. She chuckles, “Fine, fine. Follow me, princess.”
And Maki does just that, her hand still in Kotori’s as they hurry through the rest of the sewers until a large door of iron bars appears in front of them. Kotori opens it and gestures to the princess to go and she definitely doesn’t need to be prompted to do so.
Before they ever reach the top of the stairs, Maki’s breath gets stuck in her throat. Her feet glued to the ground, she stares in front of herself, mesmerized at the sight of the unfamiliar environment: green meadow that seems endless, decorated by a number of flowers of different colors, a wall of trees (assumingly maple trees) in the far away distance. There’s not much to see in the darkness and there isn’t anyone around at this late hour; there’s just enough light thanks to the growing moon on the dark blue canvas above them but the fact that she’s outside, away from the castle after god knows how much time is so refreshing that tears gather in her eyes.
She quickly blinks them away, soon enough so that Kotori wouldn’t notice. All she shows her is a wide, satisfied smile. “It feels so good.”
Kotori tilts her head, returning the smile. “I bet. So, now that we’re out…” she trails off, her eyes following the silhouette of a rabbit running in the near distance. “Where does the princess want to go first?”
“Is there still anything to see at the market?”
Kotori pouts. “It’s not that late… so I safely assume that yes, there’s probably a few merchants around still. It’s more dangerous at night, however, so please cover yourself properly because if anyone finds out that the princess is out…”
She doesn’t need to finish for Maki to know what exactly would happen.
The market is only about a ten minutes long walk away and Maki finds the noise it generates amazing; it’s past 10 already but there’s still the sounds of hustle and bustle she can perfectly hear, merchants organizing their stuff, some of them packing away, the loud, almost hysterical laughter of the housewives. And the smells! It’s too late for her to smell fresh bread right out of the oven but what she does feel is the rich and unfamiliar scent of different spices, so heavy she could almost taste them in her mouth; or the delicious smell of meat roasting on roasting sticks. She can smell the rancid scent of body odor, but for the first time ever, she’s not disgusted by it, because it means that she’s outside the castle, within people.
It’s amazing.
Kotori shows her stalls for her, some of her favorites that are still open; they visit a perfume stall, but they don’t buy anything because Father would probably notice the different scent on her daughter; a book stall, where Maki finds at least a dozen of books she would read but in the end, they only buy one. Kotori shows her the inn from outside, too, but she warns the princess not to go inside at this hour because it’s dangerous to be around drunken old men just the two of us and Maki doesn’t object.
They walk an empty, isolated road to the forest after they’re done, mostly in silence. Maki enjoys listening to the sound of nature around her, the chirping of crickets and how the wind lightly fondles the tree’s leaves and branches.
“Want to lie down a little?” Kotori speaks suddenly and Maki looks at her, lightly nodding. The girl smiles and settles down in the grass, the princess following her example and they lie right next to each other, their arms barely touching. Maki stares at the night sky luminous with starlight, the moon almost full and so bright. The wind’s there just barely; it tickles her skin once every minute, but the temperature is pleasant even at this hour.
At some points, her eyes wander off and she doesn’t realize they’re on Kotori’s face until she stares back. Maki’s face flushes and for some reason, her heartbeat speeds up; but she doesn’t break the eye contact for she’s simply mesmerized by the amber pair of irises looking right through her. Kotori rolls on her side to completely face the princess and Maki automatically does the same. She looks for Kotori’s hand with trembling fingers, locking them when she finds it and she lifts it up to her face, eyes closing off for a while that seems like hours.
When she opens them, Kotori’s face is so close that the tips of their nose touch. Maki can hear how heavily she’s breathing and she realizes that hers isn’t much different; her eyes trail down and settle on the other’s rosy lips.
Kotori takes a deep breath.
Acting on impulse, without thinking, Maki leans in and presses her lips against Kotori’s softly, clumsily; it’s just a quick peck on the lips (god, she has no idea how kissing even works), but it causes her face to completely flush and when she pulls away, she can see that Kotori’s no different.
“I’m sorry,” Maki says and sits up, purposefully not looking at the maid. She pulls up her legs to her chest and lays her head on her knees, trying desperately to calm her rapid heartbeat.
But Kotori sits up as well and she lets her forehead fall against Maki’s shoulder. The princess freezes, sucking in air through her clenched teeth and then soon she feels a pair of arms wrapping around her from behind.
“It’s fine,” Kotori murmurs into her neck. “I don’t mind it.”
But it feels wrong. Oh, how wrong it feels. Kotori’s only a maid and she’s a princess. Her father would never approve of this.
Not to mention, she’s a girl. She’s an only child which means that to ensue her family’s rule, she’ll have to give birth to an heir. Which is impossible if she’s with a girl.
Suddenly, she’s upset. She’s so upset that her shoulders start shaking and Kotori pulls away and Maki stands up, locking her arms around herself tightly to calm her body. She’s not crying; it’s anger that slowly builds up inside her. She’s tired of her father dictating every minute of her life. She’s tired of her not even letting her leave the castle and now that there’s Kotori…
How did this even happen? Where are these feelings coming from, so suddenly? She never wanted Kotori in her life. It’s been only a week since she even entered the castle. She hated the thought of her.
Look at her now. Maki turns around, only to see Kotori looking up at her with glowing, curious but careful eyes. She reaches out, her fingers brushing against the girl’s lips before she lets her hand fall.
What if these feelings aren’t even real? She’s been isolated from people for such a long time; although the time has come for her father to look for a husband, he hasn’t yet which means that she hasn’t had any experience at all. If she doesn’t count…
…But that was three years ago. Her servant was simply washing her. And even though it made Maki’s heart beat just as fast, it didn’t mean anything. It was a very short and very silly crush of a teenager girl.
“Maki, say something.”
The princess lifts her gaze again. Dropping to her knees slowly, she leans close to Kotori.
“We can’t be together, you know that.”
Kotori hesitates a little before flashing a small smile. “I know. Officially, we can’t.”
Maki quirks her eyebrow. “Are you really suggesting that we entertain a secret affair? Within the castle’s walls?”
Kotori blushes a little and she bites her lip before shrugging. “I guess?”
The princess sits back and stares at the maid.
“And I thought you were an innocent little flower.”
Kotori laughs. “I am. Is it so bad that I kind of like you?”
Maki frowns and groans. “Kind of?!”
Kotori sticks out her tongue.
The princess sighs, turning her gaze at the night sky above them. “I don’t know, Kotori. What are you going to do when my father finds me a husband?”
“Kings and queens always have concubines,” Kotori shrugs.
Maki grunts. “I don’t know. Would that really be enough for you? I don’t think I could stand needing to be with a man I don’t love especially if the one I have feelings for is around me.”
Kotori presses her lips together. She looks down.
“Then is that it?”
Maki doesn’t want to answer. She doesn’t know what to answer. Everything, every single nerve in her brain tells her that yes, they should end this here. She should fire Kotori and let her go someplace else so they could forget each other.
Of course, even the thought makes her ache so it’s not really a possibility. But that is what she should do, no? If she doesn’t do it now, it’ll be a lot harder later.
Yet…
“Let’s stop,” Maki finally says but her voice cracks at the end of the sentence. She clears her throat and tries again. “Let’s stop while we can. There’s no solution to this and it’ll just end badly.”
Kotori doesn’t react; only after a while does she cock her head into a short nod. “Understood.”
The pain that is trying to tear Maki’s chest apart as they walk back to the castle in silence, a meter away from each other is unlike any other she’s ever experienced.
group: μ's (love live!)
pairing: kotori/maki
length: ~4400k
notes: rapunzel!au (sort of), insta love (sort of)
part one
Maki still doesn’t find it a good idea.
She can’t wrap her head around why she needs another maid. She has plenty of servants already, doesn’t she? It’s not like she’s unable to take care of herself. She might be a princess, but she’s never been the type to always let others do everything for her. She likes her independence, and not having people run around to please her in every way possible ensued that independence for her so far. But her dad had his five minutes of stupidity and came up with the idea to get her a maid; a personal one at that. Someone who would accompany her almost everywhere and always be there for her if she needed anything - which is the complete opposite of what Maki had been used to and desires. She doesn’t like it. At all.
But no matter how many times she’s tried convincing her dad that she doesn’t need a maid, he wouldn’t listen. He was stubborn as the will of kings. Evidently.
So on the morning of the maid’s arrival (the maid, not her maid, not even by accident, she’s clearly not going to call the girl like that), Princess Maki is saltier than ever. She sits in the hall by the ominous dining table with her arms crossed over her chest, her hair still uncombed and sort of all over the place (she still looks gorgeous; her servants, the cook and her father would tell her) and she keeps her gaze tightly fixated on the empty plate in front of her. She had thought that if she finished her breakfast as soon as possible, she’d have the chance to slip away so she didn’t have to suffer through the boring and unnecessary ritual that is the introduction, but she was wrong. Her father caught her as soon as she was about to run away.
But Maki makes sure that disapproval is written all over her face. It’s a silent but evident as ever revolt against this whole thing. That’s all she can do for now.
“Princess Maki, Your Royal Highness, allow me to introduce you Minami Kotori, your faithful maid,” a voice suddenly calls out near next to her; Maki’s seen them approaching but she refused to look until they actually talked to her.
Slowly, Maki turns her head and makes sure to check out the maid thoroughly: long, ash blonde hair, part of which is styled in a small chignon bun with a perfectly white ribbon wrapped around it (who even wears her hair like that?). Her figure is totally normal for a young girl like her; slender, not too thin, but her curves are just visible, as if she was still going through puberty - which is not the case, as far as Maki is concerned, because they told her that the girl is nineteen years old, a year older than her, actually.
What catches Maki’s attention the most is the maid’s eyes: they’re a pair of amber color, a very rare hue and Maki doesn’t recall having seen anyone with the same color of eyes before. They’re beautiful, to be honest, and Maki finds herself keeping eye contact with the maid far longer than she should.
She looks away as soon as she realizes it, the salty and unamused expression returning to her features.
“It’s the highest pleasure to meet you, Your Highness,” the maid says with endless politeness in her voice, but there’s a very subtle, almost inaudible playfulness to her tone that makes the princess look at her again. “I’ll do my best to become the best maid you could ever wish for. Please treat me well, Your Highness.”
Maki stares at her for a while, subconsciously biting down on her bottom lip before she nods her head. “Nice to meet you, Kotori.”
And with that, Maki stands up and storms out of the big hall without saying another word.
*
Kotori is standing next to her door and it’s quite annoying. Maki hasn’t talked to her since she very un-ladylike (and rudely, let’s be real) left the hall so there’s no way Kotori could be aware that her presence is annoying the hell out of the princess.
She should probably fix that. But Maki has no idea how to tell this girl that the least she desires in this world is a personal maid, now that she’s moved here and been officially hired for her. She also doesn’t really want to hurt her; she seems like such an innocent, cheerful girl she herself will never be and she doesn’t want to ruin it with her selfishness.
But what’s currently going on is not something Maki enjoys and she has to stop it before it would become daily routine.
“So…” she starts, shifting her position in her bean bag chair and crossing one leg over the other. “Before anything happens, I’d like to state that I don’t need you around me twenty-four-seven. I’m a rather private person, and having someone look out for me all the time is just not how I roll.”
Kotori turns her head to the side. “Why did you hire a personal maid then? If you don’t mind my curiosity, Your Highness.”
Maki grimaces. “I didn’t. Dad did.”
The maid just blinks. Her small smile disappears, and she looks at the princess with a sort of worried look. “Am I a bother to you then, Your Highness?”
“Yes,” Maki replies immediately but she regrets right away and shakes her head. “Wait, no. It’s not like it would be your fault. You’re not a bother to me as long as you’re not around me all day. That’s all I ask. You can do whatever you want. I won’t hold it against you. You can go out to the town, hang out with friends, be at the market, have fun, whatever, as long as you spend three thirds of your day not being with me.”
“That sort of destroys my title as a personal maid, Your Highness,” Kotori says but instead of sounding hurt, she sounds… amused.
Maki cocks an eyebrow. “Yes, I know. But this is what I want and you should look out for what I want, right? Also, please stop calling me Your Highness when we’re in private. I hate being called that way. It annoys me.”
Kotori nods. “Got it.” She pauses but then continues. “What should I may call you, then…?”
“Maki,” the princess says and shrugs. “Just Maki is fine. Don’t do that in front of Dad, though. He would probably take your head.”
Kotori flinches. “That would be rather… unpleasant.”
Maki stares at Kotori and she has no idea why, but ends up laughing.
She looks at the maid just in time to see her satisfied smile.
*
Kotori keeps her unspoken promise; Maki doesn’t see her again until dinner, even though their rooms are right next to each other. When Dad asks her how they get along, she replies positively with a perfectly fabricated smile on her face and that satisfies him enough not to ask more for the rest of dinner. Kotori and her share a few looks throughout dinner once or twice; but even though they’re sitting next to each other (Father insisted), they don’t talk a word.
An hour later, there’s a knock on Maki’s door.
“Come in.”
The door slides open and Kotori steps in, dressed in some sort of lingerie that still looks like a maid uniform, except it seems a lot more comfortable and loose; it doesn’t show anything inappropriate, yet it still makes Maki’s cheeks turn pink a little bit and she has to tear her gaze away.
“I’ve come to prepare your bath, Maki.”
It’s the first time Kotori actually calls her by her name and it’s such a warm feeling; the servants who never agreed to dropping formalities even when they’re alone, so it’s for a change, and it’s a positive one. Maki might be a typical princess; spoilt, selfish and demanding, but she’s never liked formalities. She never felt joy when people referred to her title every time they talked to her, it became repetitive and annoying after a short time and she grew to hate it.
So after she hears Kotori’s words, Maki actually flashes a small smile. “Alright. All I need is some peppermint and grated ginger in my bath water along with some vanilla aroma. A bit of everything; you can use more of the vanilla. I like my water very hot, just a tiny bit below the temperature one can endure.”
Kotori listens to Maki attentively and when she finishes, she nods. “I assume I find everything in your bathroom?”
Maki nods as well. “Yeah. Feel free to look around, I’m not hiding dead bodies there.”
“Not in the bathroom at least, am I right?” Kotori giggles but it dies out quickly and she clears her throat. “I’m sorry, that was inappropriate.”
Maki chuckles a bit. “That’s fine, Kotori. Please feel comfortable around me, even though I’m not the best company. I most probably won’t skin you alive for saying things that come to your mind.”
“That’s certainly comforting to hear.”
Maki just nods. “Yes, yes. Now go, I want to go to bed early tonight.”
*
“Where were you today?”
It’s just a simple question; it’s not demanding, it’s not nosey. It’s just pure curiosity that colors Maki’s voice when she asks yet she still feels a bit bad about it. Just because Kotori’s a maid, doesn’t mean she can pry like that. She doesn’t think that she has every right to know where she’s been during the day and what she did - yet she can’t help but wonder because Kotori’s certainly been out of the castle for the whole day for almost a week now and Maki can’t even imagine what she could be doing with her free time.
Fortunately, Kotori doesn’t seem disturbed by the question. She folds the last piece of clothing with unquestionable precision before answering.
“I visited the market in the morning and then one of my good friends who lives in the town. Then I went to take a walk in the forest, up the mountains.” Kotori sits down on the floor next to the bed, facing the princess. “No matter how many times I walk the same route, it’s still beautiful every single time. Don’t you think so?”
Maki doesn’t answer. There’s a very bitter and unpleasant tinge in her stomach and her face involuntarily morphs into a displeased grimace. “I’ve never been to the mountains.”
Kotori looks genuinely surprised. “How come?”
“Father wouldn’t let me leave past the castle’s territory.” The words slip out before she realizes it; she presses her lips against each other, regretful. She shouldn’t have said that. Kotori shouldn’t know about this.
But the maid inches closer to the princess and the worry in her eyes confuse Maki.
“So you’ve never left the castle? You’ve never been to the town?”
Maki shakes her head. “That’s not it. I have - with my mother, when I was a small child.” She doesn’t want to say more. She’s said far too much already. But if she already knows half of the story then why couldn’t she actually understand it properly?
The princess snorts. “But since Mum died, Father wouldn’t let me go anywhere. He’s too afraid that he’ll lose me, too, as if it was inevitable that a horse runs over me or someone kidnaps me and stabs me to death if I step outside the castle. It’s ridiculous.”
A minute passes without a word exchanged between them. Two. Three. Maki finally looks up, only to see Kotori biting her bottom lip, seemingly deep in thought and teeny tiny wrinkles decorating her forehead.
“Say something,” Maki breathes after the silence becomes way too uncomfortable and the maid looks up, her gloomy expression turning into a beam in a heartbeat and the change is so unnatural and sudden that Maki can’t help but shoot her a glance.
“I don’t agree with His Majesty, of course,” Kotori says, her small smile becoming wider while she speaks, “but nothing is lost. Allow me to ask princess, but… have you ever tried to sneak out?”
The unexpected shock on Maki’s face makes Kotori giggle.
“I guess that’s a no.”
Maki looks away, trying to hide her slightly flushed cheeks. “O-of course I tried… do you really think I just a-accepted my life like this all this time…”
Kotori keeps giggling.
“Stop it, now,” Maki snaps, her lips slightly pouting. “This is nothing to laugh about. There’s nothing funny about the fact that I’m scared of Fa-” she stops abruptly, cutting herself off with a displeased hum. What on Earth happened to her? She’s always been rather soft-spoken but this is the third time she’s speaking too much.
It must be Kotori’s effect.
“I’m sorry, princess,” the girl says, running through her long, slender fingers through her locks, a lazy and probably subconscious gesture that is somehow very attractive in Maki’s eyes.
“That gives us the solution, though,” Kotori continues and when Maki just stares at her, she goes on. “I could help you sneak out.”
“You’re kidding me, right? They’d catch us before we could even set foot on the border and take your head immediately,” Maki retorts impulsively but her words are welcomed with a curios quirk of Kotori’s eyebrow only.
“What?” the princess asks, huffish.
Kotori just slowly shakes her head. “I just found it sort of cute how worried you are about me.”
“I’m not worried about you,” Maki snaps right away, but she bites her lip. Is she really not? But it’s true that it was her first concern; that if they get caught (they would), Kotori’s fate would be sealed.
She really doesn’t want Kotori to get hurt, she realizes.
Not that it means anything at all. She’s not generally a bad person; of course she doesn’t want her to get hurt, just as much as she doesn’t want anyone at all. Especially not because of her.
Kotori hums.
Maki looks at her, her cherry red locks falling in her vision. Kotori leans in to brush them out - it takes two seconds, and Maki only processes what the girl’s done when she’s already backed away. She blinks at her and without realizing, she inches a bit closer to the other girl.
“Do you think you could sneak me out without anyone noticing?”
Kotori grins.
*
“There’s no way I’m going in there.”
Maki stops abruptly and stares at the maid in front of her, disgust all over her face.
Kotori turns around, sending her a questioning look. “This is the only way. Trust me, princess, there’s no royal guard in the sewers at all and it leads straight to the town.”
Maki, however, is adamant. “No way. It’s nasty.”
Kotori sighs. “Fine. I guess you’ll have to return to your grounded Rapunzel life, then.”
The princess’ eyes go wide in surprise. “Rude, Kotori. That was rude.”
The maid, instead of apologizing, giggles.
But Maki doesn’t feel insulted. In fact, it sort of amuses her. She lets out a deep sigh and pulls her hoodie closer around her face.
“Okay. Okay, I’ll do it. But if I see just one damned rat, I’m out of here.”
Kotori nods, happily and turns around to lead the princess down the stairs into the sewers, mumbling to herself just as quietly so the princess wouldn’t hear her saying just how many rats they’re about to encounter.
*
“Jesus Christ!!! Kotori! Kotori!” Maki squeals and starts running, soon bumping into the maid and they almost fall over - but Maki holds onto Kotori just in time and she hugs the maid’s arm, clinging to it tightly as she stares at the smaller crowd of rats scurrying around them. The princess’ heavy breathing tickles Kotori’s skin where it washes over her bare neck, the feeling of Maki’s body so close to her sending warmth down her spine.
“I want to leave!” Maki cries. “There’s thousands of rats in here, Kotori! Get me out of here!”
The maid turns around, looking for Maki’s hand and holding onto it with both of hers. She lifts it up to her chest between their bodies and shoots the princess an encouraging look.
“It’s fine, Maki. We’re almost out. You should be happy that it took so long for them to find us.”
Maki shivers. “Please lead. I can’t be in here for any longer. This whole place stinks worse than a cow’s arse!”
“Speaking of experience?” Kotori asks but instead of an answer, she only gets a rather strong smack in the shoulder. She chuckles, “Fine, fine. Follow me, princess.”
And Maki does just that, her hand still in Kotori’s as they hurry through the rest of the sewers until a large door of iron bars appears in front of them. Kotori opens it and gestures to the princess to go and she definitely doesn’t need to be prompted to do so.
Before they ever reach the top of the stairs, Maki’s breath gets stuck in her throat. Her feet glued to the ground, she stares in front of herself, mesmerized at the sight of the unfamiliar environment: green meadow that seems endless, decorated by a number of flowers of different colors, a wall of trees (assumingly maple trees) in the far away distance. There’s not much to see in the darkness and there isn’t anyone around at this late hour; there’s just enough light thanks to the growing moon on the dark blue canvas above them but the fact that she’s outside, away from the castle after god knows how much time is so refreshing that tears gather in her eyes.
She quickly blinks them away, soon enough so that Kotori wouldn’t notice. All she shows her is a wide, satisfied smile. “It feels so good.”
Kotori tilts her head, returning the smile. “I bet. So, now that we’re out…” she trails off, her eyes following the silhouette of a rabbit running in the near distance. “Where does the princess want to go first?”
“Is there still anything to see at the market?”
Kotori pouts. “It’s not that late… so I safely assume that yes, there’s probably a few merchants around still. It’s more dangerous at night, however, so please cover yourself properly because if anyone finds out that the princess is out…”
She doesn’t need to finish for Maki to know what exactly would happen.
The market is only about a ten minutes long walk away and Maki finds the noise it generates amazing; it’s past 10 already but there’s still the sounds of hustle and bustle she can perfectly hear, merchants organizing their stuff, some of them packing away, the loud, almost hysterical laughter of the housewives. And the smells! It’s too late for her to smell fresh bread right out of the oven but what she does feel is the rich and unfamiliar scent of different spices, so heavy she could almost taste them in her mouth; or the delicious smell of meat roasting on roasting sticks. She can smell the rancid scent of body odor, but for the first time ever, she’s not disgusted by it, because it means that she’s outside the castle, within people.
It’s amazing.
Kotori shows her stalls for her, some of her favorites that are still open; they visit a perfume stall, but they don’t buy anything because Father would probably notice the different scent on her daughter; a book stall, where Maki finds at least a dozen of books she would read but in the end, they only buy one. Kotori shows her the inn from outside, too, but she warns the princess not to go inside at this hour because it’s dangerous to be around drunken old men just the two of us and Maki doesn’t object.
They walk an empty, isolated road to the forest after they’re done, mostly in silence. Maki enjoys listening to the sound of nature around her, the chirping of crickets and how the wind lightly fondles the tree’s leaves and branches.
“Want to lie down a little?” Kotori speaks suddenly and Maki looks at her, lightly nodding. The girl smiles and settles down in the grass, the princess following her example and they lie right next to each other, their arms barely touching. Maki stares at the night sky luminous with starlight, the moon almost full and so bright. The wind’s there just barely; it tickles her skin once every minute, but the temperature is pleasant even at this hour.
At some points, her eyes wander off and she doesn’t realize they’re on Kotori’s face until she stares back. Maki’s face flushes and for some reason, her heartbeat speeds up; but she doesn’t break the eye contact for she’s simply mesmerized by the amber pair of irises looking right through her. Kotori rolls on her side to completely face the princess and Maki automatically does the same. She looks for Kotori’s hand with trembling fingers, locking them when she finds it and she lifts it up to her face, eyes closing off for a while that seems like hours.
When she opens them, Kotori’s face is so close that the tips of their nose touch. Maki can hear how heavily she’s breathing and she realizes that hers isn’t much different; her eyes trail down and settle on the other’s rosy lips.
Kotori takes a deep breath.
Acting on impulse, without thinking, Maki leans in and presses her lips against Kotori’s softly, clumsily; it’s just a quick peck on the lips (god, she has no idea how kissing even works), but it causes her face to completely flush and when she pulls away, she can see that Kotori’s no different.
“I’m sorry,” Maki says and sits up, purposefully not looking at the maid. She pulls up her legs to her chest and lays her head on her knees, trying desperately to calm her rapid heartbeat.
But Kotori sits up as well and she lets her forehead fall against Maki’s shoulder. The princess freezes, sucking in air through her clenched teeth and then soon she feels a pair of arms wrapping around her from behind.
“It’s fine,” Kotori murmurs into her neck. “I don’t mind it.”
But it feels wrong. Oh, how wrong it feels. Kotori’s only a maid and she’s a princess. Her father would never approve of this.
Not to mention, she’s a girl. She’s an only child which means that to ensue her family’s rule, she’ll have to give birth to an heir. Which is impossible if she’s with a girl.
Suddenly, she’s upset. She’s so upset that her shoulders start shaking and Kotori pulls away and Maki stands up, locking her arms around herself tightly to calm her body. She’s not crying; it’s anger that slowly builds up inside her. She’s tired of her father dictating every minute of her life. She’s tired of her not even letting her leave the castle and now that there’s Kotori…
How did this even happen? Where are these feelings coming from, so suddenly? She never wanted Kotori in her life. It’s been only a week since she even entered the castle. She hated the thought of her.
Look at her now. Maki turns around, only to see Kotori looking up at her with glowing, curious but careful eyes. She reaches out, her fingers brushing against the girl’s lips before she lets her hand fall.
What if these feelings aren’t even real? She’s been isolated from people for such a long time; although the time has come for her father to look for a husband, he hasn’t yet which means that she hasn’t had any experience at all. If she doesn’t count…
…But that was three years ago. Her servant was simply washing her. And even though it made Maki’s heart beat just as fast, it didn’t mean anything. It was a very short and very silly crush of a teenager girl.
“Maki, say something.”
The princess lifts her gaze again. Dropping to her knees slowly, she leans close to Kotori.
“We can’t be together, you know that.”
Kotori hesitates a little before flashing a small smile. “I know. Officially, we can’t.”
Maki quirks her eyebrow. “Are you really suggesting that we entertain a secret affair? Within the castle’s walls?”
Kotori blushes a little and she bites her lip before shrugging. “I guess?”
The princess sits back and stares at the maid.
“And I thought you were an innocent little flower.”
Kotori laughs. “I am. Is it so bad that I kind of like you?”
Maki frowns and groans. “Kind of?!”
Kotori sticks out her tongue.
The princess sighs, turning her gaze at the night sky above them. “I don’t know, Kotori. What are you going to do when my father finds me a husband?”
“Kings and queens always have concubines,” Kotori shrugs.
Maki grunts. “I don’t know. Would that really be enough for you? I don’t think I could stand needing to be with a man I don’t love especially if the one I have feelings for is around me.”
Kotori presses her lips together. She looks down.
“Then is that it?”
Maki doesn’t want to answer. She doesn’t know what to answer. Everything, every single nerve in her brain tells her that yes, they should end this here. She should fire Kotori and let her go someplace else so they could forget each other.
Of course, even the thought makes her ache so it’s not really a possibility. But that is what she should do, no? If she doesn’t do it now, it’ll be a lot harder later.
Yet…
“Let’s stop,” Maki finally says but her voice cracks at the end of the sentence. She clears her throat and tries again. “Let’s stop while we can. There’s no solution to this and it’ll just end badly.”
Kotori doesn’t react; only after a while does she cock her head into a short nod. “Understood.”
The pain that is trying to tear Maki’s chest apart as they walk back to the castle in silence, a meter away from each other is unlike any other she’s ever experienced.