ficlet: Wisps
Title: Wisps
Author/pseudonym: NemKess
Fandom: Saiyuki
Pairing: Hakkai/Goku (only mildly)
Theme: #6 the space between dream and reality
Rating: G
Notes: It's horrible... >_> Sorry.
Disclaimers: Saiyuki belong to me? I could only wish. Nope, not mine. No copyright infringement is intended and no money is made. This is purely to silence the voices in my head. ^_^
~*~*~
When Goku sleeps at night, he dreams of simple things. Good food, good fights, Sanzo's fan beating Gojyo's skull in instead of his own...
They're good simple dreams that don't trouble him like the nightmares the others all seem to share.
Most mornings he wakes up far too early at Sanzo's not so gentle prodding. He doesn't like getting up so early, but he likes going hungry even less. And if time has taught him nothing else it's that Sanzo will force them to leave without breakfast if they don't get up fast enough.
So mornings are a rush of waking and eating and swearing and wishing Sanzo would pull the stick out of his ass and lighten up.
Days pass in a blur of fighting, fun, and food so that when bedtime rolls around passing out from sheer exhaustion is more the rule than the exception.
It isn't often that Goku doesn't make the transition from waking to sleeping and back in anything less than a sudden jolt. One moment awake, one moment asleep. It's the life he's come to know and even though he'll bitch about it just as loudly as any of the others, the truth is it's the life he prefers.
He remembers how it was in the long lonely time before Sanzo when each day and night was spent in that hazy nowhere between dreams and reality and there was nothing to distinguish between one and the other. He remembers how much he hated it.
Memories dance along the edge of that sleepy wakeful state and taunt him like the fireflies he can never catch no matter how often Hakkai tries to help him. The echo of childish laughter fades in and out of hearing. The tangy sweet smell of smoke weaves around a patient voice that tells about the art of war and cooking and anything else that can be found in ancient text. Strong hands ghost over his hair in a playful ruffle. And twisting through all of it are the sunbeams, cool and soft to the touch.
He hates that place between dream and waking because it reminds him of the past forever out of his reach. It reminds him that at some time or another, he must have had a life and a family and happiness before he screwed up and threw it all away in an act so heinous that the gods had seen fit to punish him for eternity.
And that, in turn, makes him think of the life and family he has now and worry about how easy it might be to repeat that same mistake all over when he doesn't even know what he did the first time around.
On those rare mornings and evenings when Sanzo is ill or they are simply taking a break and he is allowed to drift in that hated place, he huddles in on himself and tries to wait it out.
He'd never try to explain these thoughts to Sanzo who'd probably hit him over the head and tell him to stop being stupid or to Gojyo who'd tease him endlessly.
Sometimes he considers telling Hakkai, who is unfailingly gentle and kind with him and who might understand even if he makes a hash out of the explaining.
He never does, though.
On those mornings, Hakkai always wakes him with gentle hands and a soft kiss against his forehead and a warm breakfast that he doesn't allow the others to touch. On those evenings, Hakkai tells him stories about far off places and people that he's read about and holds him until dreams of meatbuns and kicking youkai-ass finally claim him fully.
And Goku thinks that maybe he doesn't have to explain anything for Hakkai to understand after all.
Author/pseudonym: NemKess
Fandom: Saiyuki
Pairing: Hakkai/Goku (only mildly)
Theme: #6 the space between dream and reality
Rating: G
Notes: It's horrible... >_> Sorry.
Disclaimers: Saiyuki belong to me? I could only wish. Nope, not mine. No copyright infringement is intended and no money is made. This is purely to silence the voices in my head. ^_^
~*~*~
When Goku sleeps at night, he dreams of simple things. Good food, good fights, Sanzo's fan beating Gojyo's skull in instead of his own...
They're good simple dreams that don't trouble him like the nightmares the others all seem to share.
Most mornings he wakes up far too early at Sanzo's not so gentle prodding. He doesn't like getting up so early, but he likes going hungry even less. And if time has taught him nothing else it's that Sanzo will force them to leave without breakfast if they don't get up fast enough.
So mornings are a rush of waking and eating and swearing and wishing Sanzo would pull the stick out of his ass and lighten up.
Days pass in a blur of fighting, fun, and food so that when bedtime rolls around passing out from sheer exhaustion is more the rule than the exception.
It isn't often that Goku doesn't make the transition from waking to sleeping and back in anything less than a sudden jolt. One moment awake, one moment asleep. It's the life he's come to know and even though he'll bitch about it just as loudly as any of the others, the truth is it's the life he prefers.
He remembers how it was in the long lonely time before Sanzo when each day and night was spent in that hazy nowhere between dreams and reality and there was nothing to distinguish between one and the other. He remembers how much he hated it.
Memories dance along the edge of that sleepy wakeful state and taunt him like the fireflies he can never catch no matter how often Hakkai tries to help him. The echo of childish laughter fades in and out of hearing. The tangy sweet smell of smoke weaves around a patient voice that tells about the art of war and cooking and anything else that can be found in ancient text. Strong hands ghost over his hair in a playful ruffle. And twisting through all of it are the sunbeams, cool and soft to the touch.
He hates that place between dream and waking because it reminds him of the past forever out of his reach. It reminds him that at some time or another, he must have had a life and a family and happiness before he screwed up and threw it all away in an act so heinous that the gods had seen fit to punish him for eternity.
And that, in turn, makes him think of the life and family he has now and worry about how easy it might be to repeat that same mistake all over when he doesn't even know what he did the first time around.
On those rare mornings and evenings when Sanzo is ill or they are simply taking a break and he is allowed to drift in that hated place, he huddles in on himself and tries to wait it out.
He'd never try to explain these thoughts to Sanzo who'd probably hit him over the head and tell him to stop being stupid or to Gojyo who'd tease him endlessly.
Sometimes he considers telling Hakkai, who is unfailingly gentle and kind with him and who might understand even if he makes a hash out of the explaining.
He never does, though.
On those mornings, Hakkai always wakes him with gentle hands and a soft kiss against his forehead and a warm breakfast that he doesn't allow the others to touch. On those evenings, Hakkai tells him stories about far off places and people that he's read about and holds him until dreams of meatbuns and kicking youkai-ass finally claim him fully.
And Goku thinks that maybe he doesn't have to explain anything for Hakkai to understand after all.