FICTION: Lost and Found (Part 10b)
Title: Lost and Found (Part 10b)
Authors: PerfectlyLexy & DreamtoCreate
Pairing: Scott Barringer/Peter Scarbrow
Rating/Warning etc: Eventually NC-17.
Summary: Despite knowing better, and Scott’s denial, Peter and Scott realize they have feelings for one another that transcend that of student and teacher. Perhaps the lost truly can be found.
Continued from Lost and Found (Part 10a)
Scott slumped in the chair across from Peter, staring anywhere but at his counselor. He'd avoided him in hopes of gathering his confused thoughts together. He'd had no such luck.
Leaning forward, Peter clasped his hands between his knees and leaned his elbows on his knees. "How're you doing, Scott?" he asked softly, forcing himself to look at Scott and try to meet his gaze.
"I'm fine," he answered, a bit flatly.
"Are you? Really? Somehow I doubt that considering the fact you've been avoiding me since the other night." Not that he'd been doing much better than avoiding Scott as well. He'd not wanted to push, to even face what had happened, and it was easier to hide out in his office than anything else.
"Maybe you've been avoiding me," he answered smartly, lips quirking just a little in one of his rare almost-smiles. "I..." he faltered, unsure of how to proceed.
Peter's brows lifted a bit in response to that. Not that he wanted to admit to the truth in the boy's words. "Maybe I have been," he admitted quietly. "But, that isn't the only thing we have to talk about today...so, why don't we focus on the easy and then work our way up to the hard?"
He nodded slowly. "More bad news, huh?" Wasn't it always?
"Shelby's mom wants her back home," he began, watching Scott's face to see if it was a surprise to him or not.
He fought to keep his expression blank, but not of surprise. They'd both known this was coming.
"Oh yeah?"
Peter knew Scott well enough to see the faint stirring of recognition behind the teen's eyes. "Yeah. But, I have a feeling you already knew that. Or knew it was possible. You and Shelby have been getting close lately..."
"So?" There was that defensive tone again.
"So Hannah and I both feel that is the worst thing for Shelby. But we can't figure out why, and we have no proof or way of keeping her here and away from home because she won't talk to us," he answered honestly. God, he hated that defensiveness in Scott! Some days he wished he could reach over and slap it out of him!
Scott snorted softly. "And you think I know what's going on? Even if I did I wouldn't, couldn't tell you. It wouldn't be my fucking place."
He sighed and leaned back on the couch. "Scott, we want to _help_ her. And you know Shelby...she won't admit to anything. She plays it so close to the chest, she's liable to get hurt because of it! Do you want to see that happen?"
He stared down and away, unable to argue that. He didn't want to see Shelby
hurt. Not any more than she already had been. "She'll never trust me again... If you can call what she does now that."
"Sometimes we have to risk the trust of people we care for in order to protect them." The rueful look in Peter's eyes showed he knew that from personal experience. "Sometimes we have to risk our relationships with those we care about in order to save them."
Fuck, Scott thought. He took a deep breath. "She's going to kill me," he muttered softly.
Peter shook his head. "I think that in the long run she'll understand," he answered. "Please tell me, Scott..."
"Ah, fuck," he swore softly. "Her dad...her dad's been forcing her to have sex with him. Even longer than the skank's been doing it with me. No fucking wonder she doesn't want to go home, with that cunt of a mother of hers not seeing a thing or so she says."
"That's why she kept running," Peter murmured, closing his eyes as he thought about the hell both of the kids had to have gone through. Yes, some kids brought on their troubles all on their own, but those who were abused, was it any wonder they made poor choices and did some of the things they did?
"Yeah, no wonder," Scott retorted waspishly. "Is this reason enough not to send her home then?"
He opened his eyes and tried to keep the hurt caused by Scott's tone and words from showing there. "I'm going to do my best, Scott. You know I care about all of you here at Horizon. I will do everything I can for all of you."
He relented. "Yeah, I know. But I think you and I had something else...?" He
trailed off, mind turning in circles once again. It had been doing that a lot lately.
It was that topic that caused Peter's mind to stall out for a moment as he stared at Scott for several, long, quiet moments. "Yeah, there was...I'm just not sure..." He drifted off, leaning back once more into the couch as he tried to gather himself once more.
"About what?" Scott asked evenly.
"I'm not sure about what happened the other night, Scott..." he finally forced himself to say honestly, his gaze sliding over to meet Scott's.
"I kissed you," he said, as if it were that simple. It wasn't - far from it.
Peter smiled weakly at that. "Yeah, you did," he said softly. "And then you ran off..."
"I didn't know what else to do. It's not every day I kiss a guy."
"I've only kissed a few," Peter admitted softly. "But never a student."
"Are you gay?" Scott asked curiously.
That caused Peter to pause and stare down at the carpet between them. He smiled weakly at that. "I'm fairly sure I am, yes. It's taken me years to get to this point; years to admit what I never wanted to see."
After all the fight he'd put up in group a while back, Scott thought it rather ironic. "Oh," was all he managed.
"I suppose the question now is whether or not you are, Scott," Peter said softly, lifting his gaze to the teen's and meeting it steadily.
Now wouldn't *that* be ironic. In fact, Scott mused vaguely, that might just top the charts for ironic. Outwardly, he shrugged and muttered, "I don't know."
A crooked smile lifted Peter's lips. "You don't have to know, Scott. Not now anyway. Just be open to the possibility."
"You know the other Cliffhangers would laugh their asses off if I was." He was trying to make light of a possibility he'd only unconsciously entertained until now.
"Whether or not you even tell them is up to you," Peter retorted. "Not many people are even aware of my preferences, Scott...a lot of people prefer it that way."
"That your way of telling me to keep my mouth shut?"
Peter shook his head, meeting Scott's gaze openly and honestly. "I'm not telling you to stay quiet or not, Scott. I can't make that choice for you. Some people go for years without letting anyone know what they are. Others are open from the moment they realize. Some live two lives...it's not easy..." Peter smoothed an almost imaginary wrinkle out of his slacks and licked his lips nervously.
"How did you know?" Scott asked softly.
"About whether or not I was gay?"
He nodded.
"I was...curious...back in high school. I even tested out both men and women in college." He swallowed hard as the memories washed through his mind. “However, most of my friends in college thought that being gay made a guy a freak, or worth nothing but their ridicule. I was an athlete, being gay in that sort of atmosphere isn't conducive to one's health."
When Scott stayed silent, somehow realizing there was more to the story, Peter swallowed hard and closed his eyes. "I met Chloe in college and got carried away...and stifled every urge I'd ever had. When I was in rehab the last time...it all came out...and I finally realized who I was. I finally realized what I was...and I began exploring..."
Scott picked at the leg of his jeans, considering that. "That it?" he asked, just to be sure.
"Not unless you truly want to hear about the year I spent trying to find myself after I got out of rehab trying to determine just who I was and what I was," retorted Peter ruefully. "It wasn't easy, Scott, because I wanted to deny it so desperately so that I could be just like all of my friends where. But, after rehab, I'd cut a lot of those ties and was a bit freer to explore who I truly was."
"Sounds nice. Nice to know who you are."
He smiled crookedly at that. "It's...like being liberated from a lifetime of slavery. I can't even explain how wonderful it is."
Scott looked at him in silence for several moments. "I hope I get to know some time. Preferably sooner than later; I'm not a patient person."
Leaning forward, Peter reached out and squeezed Scott's hand reassuringly. "Stay open to the possibilities, and it will, Scott. I promise you that."
"Yeah," he agreed softly, squeezing back, but not letting go. Not quickly at any rate. "I will." He had to. He needed some kind of hope to hang on to.
Continued in Lost and Found (Part 11a)
Authors: PerfectlyLexy & DreamtoCreate
Pairing: Scott Barringer/Peter Scarbrow
Rating/Warning etc: Eventually NC-17.
Summary: Despite knowing better, and Scott’s denial, Peter and Scott realize they have feelings for one another that transcend that of student and teacher. Perhaps the lost truly can be found.
Continued from Lost and Found (Part 10a)
Scott slumped in the chair across from Peter, staring anywhere but at his counselor. He'd avoided him in hopes of gathering his confused thoughts together. He'd had no such luck.
Leaning forward, Peter clasped his hands between his knees and leaned his elbows on his knees. "How're you doing, Scott?" he asked softly, forcing himself to look at Scott and try to meet his gaze.
"I'm fine," he answered, a bit flatly.
"Are you? Really? Somehow I doubt that considering the fact you've been avoiding me since the other night." Not that he'd been doing much better than avoiding Scott as well. He'd not wanted to push, to even face what had happened, and it was easier to hide out in his office than anything else.
"Maybe you've been avoiding me," he answered smartly, lips quirking just a little in one of his rare almost-smiles. "I..." he faltered, unsure of how to proceed.
Peter's brows lifted a bit in response to that. Not that he wanted to admit to the truth in the boy's words. "Maybe I have been," he admitted quietly. "But, that isn't the only thing we have to talk about today...so, why don't we focus on the easy and then work our way up to the hard?"
He nodded slowly. "More bad news, huh?" Wasn't it always?
"Shelby's mom wants her back home," he began, watching Scott's face to see if it was a surprise to him or not.
He fought to keep his expression blank, but not of surprise. They'd both known this was coming.
"Oh yeah?"
Peter knew Scott well enough to see the faint stirring of recognition behind the teen's eyes. "Yeah. But, I have a feeling you already knew that. Or knew it was possible. You and Shelby have been getting close lately..."
"So?" There was that defensive tone again.
"So Hannah and I both feel that is the worst thing for Shelby. But we can't figure out why, and we have no proof or way of keeping her here and away from home because she won't talk to us," he answered honestly. God, he hated that defensiveness in Scott! Some days he wished he could reach over and slap it out of him!
Scott snorted softly. "And you think I know what's going on? Even if I did I wouldn't, couldn't tell you. It wouldn't be my fucking place."
He sighed and leaned back on the couch. "Scott, we want to _help_ her. And you know Shelby...she won't admit to anything. She plays it so close to the chest, she's liable to get hurt because of it! Do you want to see that happen?"
He stared down and away, unable to argue that. He didn't want to see Shelby
hurt. Not any more than she already had been. "She'll never trust me again... If you can call what she does now that."
"Sometimes we have to risk the trust of people we care for in order to protect them." The rueful look in Peter's eyes showed he knew that from personal experience. "Sometimes we have to risk our relationships with those we care about in order to save them."
Fuck, Scott thought. He took a deep breath. "She's going to kill me," he muttered softly.
Peter shook his head. "I think that in the long run she'll understand," he answered. "Please tell me, Scott..."
"Ah, fuck," he swore softly. "Her dad...her dad's been forcing her to have sex with him. Even longer than the skank's been doing it with me. No fucking wonder she doesn't want to go home, with that cunt of a mother of hers not seeing a thing or so she says."
"That's why she kept running," Peter murmured, closing his eyes as he thought about the hell both of the kids had to have gone through. Yes, some kids brought on their troubles all on their own, but those who were abused, was it any wonder they made poor choices and did some of the things they did?
"Yeah, no wonder," Scott retorted waspishly. "Is this reason enough not to send her home then?"
He opened his eyes and tried to keep the hurt caused by Scott's tone and words from showing there. "I'm going to do my best, Scott. You know I care about all of you here at Horizon. I will do everything I can for all of you."
He relented. "Yeah, I know. But I think you and I had something else...?" He
trailed off, mind turning in circles once again. It had been doing that a lot lately.
It was that topic that caused Peter's mind to stall out for a moment as he stared at Scott for several, long, quiet moments. "Yeah, there was...I'm just not sure..." He drifted off, leaning back once more into the couch as he tried to gather himself once more.
"About what?" Scott asked evenly.
"I'm not sure about what happened the other night, Scott..." he finally forced himself to say honestly, his gaze sliding over to meet Scott's.
"I kissed you," he said, as if it were that simple. It wasn't - far from it.
Peter smiled weakly at that. "Yeah, you did," he said softly. "And then you ran off..."
"I didn't know what else to do. It's not every day I kiss a guy."
"I've only kissed a few," Peter admitted softly. "But never a student."
"Are you gay?" Scott asked curiously.
That caused Peter to pause and stare down at the carpet between them. He smiled weakly at that. "I'm fairly sure I am, yes. It's taken me years to get to this point; years to admit what I never wanted to see."
After all the fight he'd put up in group a while back, Scott thought it rather ironic. "Oh," was all he managed.
"I suppose the question now is whether or not you are, Scott," Peter said softly, lifting his gaze to the teen's and meeting it steadily.
Now wouldn't *that* be ironic. In fact, Scott mused vaguely, that might just top the charts for ironic. Outwardly, he shrugged and muttered, "I don't know."
A crooked smile lifted Peter's lips. "You don't have to know, Scott. Not now anyway. Just be open to the possibility."
"You know the other Cliffhangers would laugh their asses off if I was." He was trying to make light of a possibility he'd only unconsciously entertained until now.
"Whether or not you even tell them is up to you," Peter retorted. "Not many people are even aware of my preferences, Scott...a lot of people prefer it that way."
"That your way of telling me to keep my mouth shut?"
Peter shook his head, meeting Scott's gaze openly and honestly. "I'm not telling you to stay quiet or not, Scott. I can't make that choice for you. Some people go for years without letting anyone know what they are. Others are open from the moment they realize. Some live two lives...it's not easy..." Peter smoothed an almost imaginary wrinkle out of his slacks and licked his lips nervously.
"How did you know?" Scott asked softly.
"About whether or not I was gay?"
He nodded.
"I was...curious...back in high school. I even tested out both men and women in college." He swallowed hard as the memories washed through his mind. “However, most of my friends in college thought that being gay made a guy a freak, or worth nothing but their ridicule. I was an athlete, being gay in that sort of atmosphere isn't conducive to one's health."
When Scott stayed silent, somehow realizing there was more to the story, Peter swallowed hard and closed his eyes. "I met Chloe in college and got carried away...and stifled every urge I'd ever had. When I was in rehab the last time...it all came out...and I finally realized who I was. I finally realized what I was...and I began exploring..."
Scott picked at the leg of his jeans, considering that. "That it?" he asked, just to be sure.
"Not unless you truly want to hear about the year I spent trying to find myself after I got out of rehab trying to determine just who I was and what I was," retorted Peter ruefully. "It wasn't easy, Scott, because I wanted to deny it so desperately so that I could be just like all of my friends where. But, after rehab, I'd cut a lot of those ties and was a bit freer to explore who I truly was."
"Sounds nice. Nice to know who you are."
He smiled crookedly at that. "It's...like being liberated from a lifetime of slavery. I can't even explain how wonderful it is."
Scott looked at him in silence for several moments. "I hope I get to know some time. Preferably sooner than later; I'm not a patient person."
Leaning forward, Peter reached out and squeezed Scott's hand reassuringly. "Stay open to the possibilities, and it will, Scott. I promise you that."
"Yeah," he agreed softly, squeezing back, but not letting go. Not quickly at any rate. "I will." He had to. He needed some kind of hope to hang on to.
Continued in Lost and Found (Part 11a)