Fic Challenges #025, #081
Title: Always On Time
Rating/Warnings: PG-13 Cracky OOCness.
Characters/Pairing: Harry: Hermione/Everyone
Summary: Hermione is never late.
Word Count: 566
Author's Notes: Written for Challenge #25 "Lateness". Apologies for utter crack.
Registered purchases?: Both
"Harry, I've got a problem."
"What's wrong, Hermione?"
A pause. "I'm late."
"Late for what?" Harry scratched his head, puzzled. "You don't have to be anywhere until the morning, do you?"
"I'm not late for an appointment," Hermione huffed, flushing red. "I mean I'm late. I'm never late."
"We know, Hermione," Harry patted her on the shoulder comfortingly. "You were always able to get us to pull ourselves together for you, and you always were able to manage your time so well, so-"
"Harry are you completely thick?" she shrieked. "I'm not... ugh, you're worse than Ron!"
"He runs late more than I do," Harry challenged, with a bemused look on his face. "Are you going to tell me what you're late for or not?"
Hermione rolled her eyes. "I'm late for my period."
"...."
Harry gulped.
"Oh."
Another pause.
"So does that mean-"
"Yes, Harry, that's exactly what it means." Hermione was scowling now, and her face wasnt any less red.
Another pause.
"I thought there were potions that you could take to stop this from happening-"
"Harry, I'm not swallowing more of that stuff than I have to."
Resisting the urge to make an innuendo, Harry balled his hands into fists. "It's not nice?"
"It's revolting," Hermione said. "There's also a potion to alleviate the worst symptoms of the time of the month, but it tastes revolting. Did you think there are wizarding Tampons?"
"Ugh, I thought Lupin had it bad," Harry said. "Having to take something every four weeks to stop him turning into a feral carnivore."
Hermione grabbed her wand. "Don't make me curse you, Harry Potter."
"Fine, fine," Harry sat down. "So... is it mine?"
"What?"
"If you're late, was it.... when we...?"
"God, Harry," Hermione clapped her hand to her head. "I take it your aunt and uncle never gave you the talk about the birds and the bees."
"Nope!"
"You and me... we stopped six months ago," Hermione explained, looking at Harry's blank face and vacant features. "If it had been that, we would know by now."
"Oh." Another pause. "Pity."
"Things not good between you and Ginny?"
"Are they ever?" Harry shrugged. "So have you told Ron?"
"No, because I don't know if it's his."
The words escaped Hermione's mouth too easily, and she clasped her hand there hoping that Harry wouldn't pick up on it.
"No?"
Another pause.
"....Wait, what?"
"It's... complicated."
"Go on."
"Well, you know about me and Professor Snape, right?"
"Who doesn't?"
"well, I did some enchantments there involving a Time Turner, and... yeah."
"So, it's him?"
"Maybe."
"...."
"There was Lupin, too. And your father."
"My dad is dead."
"Yes, Harry."
"Anybody else?"
"Percy Weasley."
"Ron's brother?"
"It was a guilt thing, me and him were talking about Fred and being responsible and irresponsible, and it all snowballed from there."
"Right. Are you done?"
A pause. "No, there was Luna, too."
"Eh?"
"Polyjuice potion," Hermione shrugged. "Who knew she was so kinky?"
"So basically, it could be anybody's?"
"Yeah, and I don't know what to do about it," she mumbled.
Harry snapped his fingers. "Do you still have that Time Turner?"
With a bit of magic, Harry and Hermione fast forwarded her pregnancy and dropped the baby on the doorstep of 4 Privet Drive with a note. Petunia Dursley opened the door in the morning and screamed.
"Not again! Vernon! We've got another one!"
Title: Loophole Abuse
Rating/Warnings: T
Characters/Pairing: Marauders, Lily Evans in passing
Summary: James wonders what Lily Evans looks like undressed.
Word Count: 646
Author's Notes: For Challenge #81 "Dungbombs, full moon, invisibility cloak"
Registered purchases?: Both
They expected the Common Room to clear out quickly, but the strategic deployment of Dungbombs had actually evacuated the whole thing in 90 seconds.
James was chuckling to himself because he knew it meant Lily Evans would be more likely to go to her dormitory. And when she got to the dormitory, it meant that she and the other girls were more likely to get undressed.
Unfortunately for James, he wouldn't be going up.
"Why are you sending me up there?"
"Because I need to make a partial alibi for myself," James said simply. "I can't go up there."
"But-"
"But nothing, mate. She's been breathing down my neck enough lately as it is," James shrugged. Sirius grinned:
"I thought you'd like her breathing down your neck."
"Not like that," James scowled, turning his attention away from Sirius and back to Peter. "So in short, you've got to go up there."
"But-"
"I said: But nothing, Wormtail. Go and do it."
"I didn't think boys can go up those stairs," Pettigrew whined. "Remember when Sirius tried at Christmas with the mistletoe?"
"Yeah, but Sirius was a boy then," Sirius said, explaining things to his friend in a suitably patronising third-person manner. "You won't be a boy. You'll be a rat."
"You want me to-"
"Think of it as a thank-you for helping us hit the knot of the Willow all those times," James said, clasping Peter's shoulder. "You do a lot for us, so... it's your turn now. Go have some fun."
"But-"
"Scared?" Sirius laughed gruffly. "C'mon, you'll be fine. It's better you than one of us anyway."
"Seriously, I don't think Evans would be best pleased if a stag walked into her bedroom."
Sirius doubled up in laughter. "Yeah, imagine a stag getting into the Common Room in the first place! Crawling through the portrait hole!"
Sirius did a great impression of one ramming the Fat Lady aside with its antler; even Peter managed a smile.
"Okay, I'll do it for you guys. But what about you? Isn't it full moon tonight?"
"Yeah, but Lupin's not keen on us coming down considering the Snivellus thing last week," James said coldly. "Instead Sirius will go to bed and I'll do your Defence homework."
Peter sighed. "Okay... but you're sure I'll be able to get up there?"
James was still cupping Peter's shoulder. "I was chatting with Louisa from the Quidditch team earlier. She has a bet rat called Gus. It's a boy. You'll be fine: a rat is a rat. Remember how Moony can't hurt us as animals?"
"Good point, that," Sirius nodded.
"So are you in?" James said.
"Yes sir!" Peter squeaked, going to the bottom of the girls' stairwell before transforming. He scampered up the stairs and out of sight.
Sirius looked up the passageway. "Do you reckon he's gone?"
"Yeah, he won't double back if he knows what's good for him," James muttered quietly. "Not if he wants that homework done. We should plant the two-way mirror in there out of sight."
"Aw, we should have!" Sirius exclaimed. "Maybe some time soon."
"Yeah, I'll just do with the story," James smiled. "Wormtail can always tell a good tale..."
"That's messed up," Sirius laughed, punching his friend on the shoulder. "So c'mon, you want to get to the Shack?"
"Course," James laughed. "Cloak's under the armchair."
The two boys dived out of the portrait hole, feeling smug about abandoning Peter Pettigrew. As Sirius threw the cloak over himself while James checked the map, little did they know that Peter had scampered down the staircase in a futile bid to find them: one of the other girls had gotten suspicious of the unidentified stray rat.
He saw neither boy was in their dormitory, and Peter Pettigrew, feeling a small bit of anger rise within him, wished he had never been their friend at all.
646+566 = 1212 words /30
1212 /30 = 40.4 + 20 bonus
Rob//Gryffindor//40 points +20 bonus GET!!
Rating/Warnings: PG-13 Cracky OOCness.
Characters/Pairing: Harry: Hermione/Everyone
Summary: Hermione is never late.
Word Count: 566
Author's Notes: Written for Challenge #25 "Lateness". Apologies for utter crack.
Registered purchases?: Both
"Harry, I've got a problem."
"What's wrong, Hermione?"
A pause. "I'm late."
"Late for what?" Harry scratched his head, puzzled. "You don't have to be anywhere until the morning, do you?"
"I'm not late for an appointment," Hermione huffed, flushing red. "I mean I'm late. I'm never late."
"We know, Hermione," Harry patted her on the shoulder comfortingly. "You were always able to get us to pull ourselves together for you, and you always were able to manage your time so well, so-"
"Harry are you completely thick?" she shrieked. "I'm not... ugh, you're worse than Ron!"
"He runs late more than I do," Harry challenged, with a bemused look on his face. "Are you going to tell me what you're late for or not?"
Hermione rolled her eyes. "I'm late for my period."
"...."
Harry gulped.
"Oh."
Another pause.
"So does that mean-"
"Yes, Harry, that's exactly what it means." Hermione was scowling now, and her face wasnt any less red.
Another pause.
"I thought there were potions that you could take to stop this from happening-"
"Harry, I'm not swallowing more of that stuff than I have to."
Resisting the urge to make an innuendo, Harry balled his hands into fists. "It's not nice?"
"It's revolting," Hermione said. "There's also a potion to alleviate the worst symptoms of the time of the month, but it tastes revolting. Did you think there are wizarding Tampons?"
"Ugh, I thought Lupin had it bad," Harry said. "Having to take something every four weeks to stop him turning into a feral carnivore."
Hermione grabbed her wand. "Don't make me curse you, Harry Potter."
"Fine, fine," Harry sat down. "So... is it mine?"
"What?"
"If you're late, was it.... when we...?"
"God, Harry," Hermione clapped her hand to her head. "I take it your aunt and uncle never gave you the talk about the birds and the bees."
"Nope!"
"You and me... we stopped six months ago," Hermione explained, looking at Harry's blank face and vacant features. "If it had been that, we would know by now."
"Oh." Another pause. "Pity."
"Things not good between you and Ginny?"
"Are they ever?" Harry shrugged. "So have you told Ron?"
"No, because I don't know if it's his."
The words escaped Hermione's mouth too easily, and she clasped her hand there hoping that Harry wouldn't pick up on it.
"No?"
Another pause.
"....Wait, what?"
"It's... complicated."
"Go on."
"Well, you know about me and Professor Snape, right?"
"Who doesn't?"
"well, I did some enchantments there involving a Time Turner, and... yeah."
"So, it's him?"
"Maybe."
"...."
"There was Lupin, too. And your father."
"My dad is dead."
"Yes, Harry."
"Anybody else?"
"Percy Weasley."
"Ron's brother?"
"It was a guilt thing, me and him were talking about Fred and being responsible and irresponsible, and it all snowballed from there."
"Right. Are you done?"
A pause. "No, there was Luna, too."
"Eh?"
"Polyjuice potion," Hermione shrugged. "Who knew she was so kinky?"
"So basically, it could be anybody's?"
"Yeah, and I don't know what to do about it," she mumbled.
Harry snapped his fingers. "Do you still have that Time Turner?"
With a bit of magic, Harry and Hermione fast forwarded her pregnancy and dropped the baby on the doorstep of 4 Privet Drive with a note. Petunia Dursley opened the door in the morning and screamed.
"Not again! Vernon! We've got another one!"
Title: Loophole Abuse
Rating/Warnings: T
Characters/Pairing: Marauders, Lily Evans in passing
Summary: James wonders what Lily Evans looks like undressed.
Word Count: 646
Author's Notes: For Challenge #81 "Dungbombs, full moon, invisibility cloak"
Registered purchases?: Both
They expected the Common Room to clear out quickly, but the strategic deployment of Dungbombs had actually evacuated the whole thing in 90 seconds.
James was chuckling to himself because he knew it meant Lily Evans would be more likely to go to her dormitory. And when she got to the dormitory, it meant that she and the other girls were more likely to get undressed.
Unfortunately for James, he wouldn't be going up.
"Why are you sending me up there?"
"Because I need to make a partial alibi for myself," James said simply. "I can't go up there."
"But-"
"But nothing, mate. She's been breathing down my neck enough lately as it is," James shrugged. Sirius grinned:
"I thought you'd like her breathing down your neck."
"Not like that," James scowled, turning his attention away from Sirius and back to Peter. "So in short, you've got to go up there."
"But-"
"I said: But nothing, Wormtail. Go and do it."
"I didn't think boys can go up those stairs," Pettigrew whined. "Remember when Sirius tried at Christmas with the mistletoe?"
"Yeah, but Sirius was a boy then," Sirius said, explaining things to his friend in a suitably patronising third-person manner. "You won't be a boy. You'll be a rat."
"You want me to-"
"Think of it as a thank-you for helping us hit the knot of the Willow all those times," James said, clasping Peter's shoulder. "You do a lot for us, so... it's your turn now. Go have some fun."
"But-"
"Scared?" Sirius laughed gruffly. "C'mon, you'll be fine. It's better you than one of us anyway."
"Seriously, I don't think Evans would be best pleased if a stag walked into her bedroom."
Sirius doubled up in laughter. "Yeah, imagine a stag getting into the Common Room in the first place! Crawling through the portrait hole!"
Sirius did a great impression of one ramming the Fat Lady aside with its antler; even Peter managed a smile.
"Okay, I'll do it for you guys. But what about you? Isn't it full moon tonight?"
"Yeah, but Lupin's not keen on us coming down considering the Snivellus thing last week," James said coldly. "Instead Sirius will go to bed and I'll do your Defence homework."
Peter sighed. "Okay... but you're sure I'll be able to get up there?"
James was still cupping Peter's shoulder. "I was chatting with Louisa from the Quidditch team earlier. She has a bet rat called Gus. It's a boy. You'll be fine: a rat is a rat. Remember how Moony can't hurt us as animals?"
"Good point, that," Sirius nodded.
"So are you in?" James said.
"Yes sir!" Peter squeaked, going to the bottom of the girls' stairwell before transforming. He scampered up the stairs and out of sight.
Sirius looked up the passageway. "Do you reckon he's gone?"
"Yeah, he won't double back if he knows what's good for him," James muttered quietly. "Not if he wants that homework done. We should plant the two-way mirror in there out of sight."
"Aw, we should have!" Sirius exclaimed. "Maybe some time soon."
"Yeah, I'll just do with the story," James smiled. "Wormtail can always tell a good tale..."
"That's messed up," Sirius laughed, punching his friend on the shoulder. "So c'mon, you want to get to the Shack?"
"Course," James laughed. "Cloak's under the armchair."
The two boys dived out of the portrait hole, feeling smug about abandoning Peter Pettigrew. As Sirius threw the cloak over himself while James checked the map, little did they know that Peter had scampered down the staircase in a futile bid to find them: one of the other girls had gotten suspicious of the unidentified stray rat.
He saw neither boy was in their dormitory, and Peter Pettigrew, feeling a small bit of anger rise within him, wished he had never been their friend at all.
646+566 = 1212 words /30
1212 /30 = 40.4 + 20 bonus
Rob//Gryffindor//40 points +20 bonus GET!!