(no subject)
"Don't move back "home" "
yeah yeah so easy for you all to say that..but i don't have a place of my own...its either live at mom number 1 or mom number 2...i've been moved back home in that way since i gaduated.
"Why do i feel trapped"
hmm well lets see i don't have a car. and here in st. clair shores i only have one real friend of my own, who is busy with working two jobs and all of her other friends most of the time (no offence sarah :( ). i know i have become some what of a hermet and i don't get into the go to the bar thing. i really don't need to have friends around me all the time...i think i just miss be able to go some where with out needing someone to get me there. atleast at my mom's i can walk around the city i grew up in, i can take some quiet time down at the lake with my dog and stuff like that. here in the shadow of the big D, i face cars and highways, and stores. to get to the nearest peaceful places i know around here you need to drive there (and most likely sit in traffic and pay money). i guess i'm just not much of a city slicker
its time i take a stand, i've been with adrian 4 years and over those years i have become so very dependent on him, i feel i've lost some of my self cofidence and independence (and he agrees). i'm proly gonna move home for a bit, i can always come back here and live with adrian if i feel like i need to...i really don't think i can live with chuck's girlfriend when they move in here (and if you've met her you'd completely understand that). besides my family needs me, my neices need a mentor and a buffer between my parents and them, my mom needs someone who can deal with the kids, and get shit done around the house, my dad is well just an emotional roller coaster, and well krystal is krystal sometimes she needs me and sometimes she needs nobody ;).
i'm gonna get a job and in the mean time i can do stuff for my mom so she help me keep my bills under control and take care of my lola...and once i get a job and get some money saved, i will move out and have my own place again. hopfully then adrain can come and live with me.
i just hope that our relationship is strong enough to do this. and i know none of you can help me with that or begin to understand what its like to build a life with someone for four years, never being a part except for our first summer. its like we've been particly married and now we are gonna have to do what we've avoided for so long, doing the long distance thing like everyone else...and from what i've seen the long distance thing breaks everyone else.