[ fic: Dirty Mouth (badfic) ]
So I wrote something that borders on badfic and/or should be in capslock (but isn't). UGGGHHH I am so dumb it hurts sometimes. But I haven't finished anything in forever so I'm posting it.
Dirty Mouth
supernatural. gen, adult for language/innuendo. 388 words.
warning: This is gen and NOT Sam/Dean, but if Sam/Dean really bothers you, you probably shouldn't read it. unbeta'd.
Summary: So there's this curse, Dean says, and it's not one that he's familiar with but everything coming out of Sam's mouth sounds like a sound-byte from a bad porno and it's becoming really fucking inconvenient.
Dean tells Bobby that the witch they found in Guernville, she had nothing to do with the job. Really, that little run-in was just bad luck.
In the background, Sam says, "Cocksucking motherfucker."
Dean kind of sighs into the phone while he explains how Sam may have overstepped common courtesy when dealing with this particular individual and well...witches can be downright unfriendly sometimes.
In the background, Sam is saying, "Choke on my dick."
So there's this curse, Dean says, and it's not one that he's familiar with but everything coming out of Sam's mouth sounds like a sound-byte from a bad porno and it's becoming really fucking inconvenient.
"Well, don't cuss at me, kid," says Bobby. "Can't you just tell him to shut up for a while?"
"He thinks he's fine!" Dean says. "We got thrown out of a restaurant this morning because he told the waitress to-"
"I don't need to know the details," Bobby says quickly. "I'm going to look into it and call you back, all right? Just keep him out of trouble. Okay?"
"Fine," says Dean.
Bobby can just make out Sam saying, exasperated, "Dean, you blow goats and swallow."
* * *
"I titty-fucked your grandmother," Sam's voice says cheerily, when Bobby calls back.
Bobby tries to shake that mental image from his head. "Sam. Mind putting your brother on the phone?"
"You see?" says Dean when he picks up. "You see what I've been dealing with?"
"Good news, then," says Bobby, "There's a way to reverse it."
* * *
Sam looks warily at the red Lifeboy soap in Dean's right hand.
"I'm gonna cockslap your whore-ass into the next century?"
"Well," says Dean, "That's a new one at least. Come on, Sammy, let's get this over with."
Dean holds out the soap, but Sam ducks and dodges, like this kind of humiliation is against his very nature. After some half-hearted grappling, Dean finally manages to get him down on the bed, his knee pinning down Sam's sternum.
"Bitch," Dean pants.
"Cocksucker."
Dean rolls his eyes. "Whatever. Open up."
"My dick up your ass," says Sam.
"You're welcome," says Dean, shoving the soap into Sam's open mouth.
"MRRGRBBBBLLE." Sam makes a face, but he doesn't spit it out.
Dean can't help but laugh with relief.
"That's the nicest thing you've said to me all day."
* * *
I BELIEVE THIS IS WHAT FANDOM CALLS "CRACK."
Thanks for reading my craziness :)
Dirty Mouth
supernatural. gen, adult for language/innuendo. 388 words.
warning: This is gen and NOT Sam/Dean, but if Sam/Dean really bothers you, you probably shouldn't read it. unbeta'd.
Summary: So there's this curse, Dean says, and it's not one that he's familiar with but everything coming out of Sam's mouth sounds like a sound-byte from a bad porno and it's becoming really fucking inconvenient.
Dean tells Bobby that the witch they found in Guernville, she had nothing to do with the job. Really, that little run-in was just bad luck.
In the background, Sam says, "Cocksucking motherfucker."
Dean kind of sighs into the phone while he explains how Sam may have overstepped common courtesy when dealing with this particular individual and well...witches can be downright unfriendly sometimes.
In the background, Sam is saying, "Choke on my dick."
So there's this curse, Dean says, and it's not one that he's familiar with but everything coming out of Sam's mouth sounds like a sound-byte from a bad porno and it's becoming really fucking inconvenient.
"Well, don't cuss at me, kid," says Bobby. "Can't you just tell him to shut up for a while?"
"He thinks he's fine!" Dean says. "We got thrown out of a restaurant this morning because he told the waitress to-"
"I don't need to know the details," Bobby says quickly. "I'm going to look into it and call you back, all right? Just keep him out of trouble. Okay?"
"Fine," says Dean.
Bobby can just make out Sam saying, exasperated, "Dean, you blow goats and swallow."
* * *
"I titty-fucked your grandmother," Sam's voice says cheerily, when Bobby calls back.
Bobby tries to shake that mental image from his head. "Sam. Mind putting your brother on the phone?"
"You see?" says Dean when he picks up. "You see what I've been dealing with?"
"Good news, then," says Bobby, "There's a way to reverse it."
* * *
Sam looks warily at the red Lifeboy soap in Dean's right hand.
"I'm gonna cockslap your whore-ass into the next century?"
"Well," says Dean, "That's a new one at least. Come on, Sammy, let's get this over with."
Dean holds out the soap, but Sam ducks and dodges, like this kind of humiliation is against his very nature. After some half-hearted grappling, Dean finally manages to get him down on the bed, his knee pinning down Sam's sternum.
"Bitch," Dean pants.
"Cocksucker."
Dean rolls his eyes. "Whatever. Open up."
"My dick up your ass," says Sam.
"You're welcome," says Dean, shoving the soap into Sam's open mouth.
"MRRGRBBBBLLE." Sam makes a face, but he doesn't spit it out.
Dean can't help but laugh with relief.
"That's the nicest thing you've said to me all day."
* * *
I BELIEVE THIS IS WHAT FANDOM CALLS "CRACK."
Thanks for reading my craziness :)