My Favourite Toy 13
Junsu had a favourite toy.
It was red, tiny and shiny. With a sharp silver blade that was ready to nick and prick your skin if you dared to touch it.
CHAPTER 13
What was the rational thing to do when you find your husband holding a razor near his wrist after being convicted as a severe suicidal case patient?
You ran to him and slapped the razor as far away as possible of course. And maybe even give the person a good slap for betraying his promise too.
That was Yoochun did when he was greeted with the sight of the razor being too close for comfort to Junsu’s wrist. Well, except the slapping part. He did his share of yelling instead.
“What the hell Junsu!” He was seething with anger and frustration and he was doing all his might not to let his fist do the talking instead. “You promised! You promised not to do this ever again! Shit!” He ran his hand through his hair, messing it up in exasperation. “What am I going to do with you…”
And that was when he realized that Junsu was crying. On his knees and crying for the first time in the 5 years they had been together. Feeling so guilty for losing his temper like that, Yoochun immediately sank to his knees and pulled the other man into his arms.
“Junsu… I’m sorry baby… I don’t mean to snap at you… Please don’t cry…”
The man inside his embrace tried so hard to stifle his sobs, but apparently the pent up emotion was simply too hard to bottle up once it was let loose. Choking in his tears, Junsu tried to open his mouth to say something… anything…
“I… I can’t do it, Chunnie-yah… I can’t even do it anymore… I lost the only thing I am able to do the best… I…”
It took several moments for Yoochun to understand what was ‘it’ that his husband trying to refer. But when he did, it just confused him even more that his husband was despairing about not being able to cut himself… Reminding him that his husband was truly an acute emotional disorder case.
It really caught him by surprise when Junsu suddenly grabbed his arms and looked at him with those tearing eyes. He was totally not prepared when Junsu begged him instead…
“Please Yoochun-ah… allow me to have it back… okay? I promise I will not trouble you anymore… I will not bother you with my requests… Please? “
When he watched the firm negative shook from his husband, Junsu’s sobs became louder.
“Please Chunnie… you don’t know how much this is killing me… I cannot even go back to the smiling Junsu that everyone expects without it… Please… Allow me to have it back… I beg you… I need to be smiling again… I beg you…”
Those pleading words, those tears, those begging eyes just cut into Yoochun’s heart deeply. To realize that he was one of the people who had reduced Junsu into such a state where he thought so poorly about himself that he need a constant mask to hide. That he would find a need to always be smiling, be happy, be accommodating…
“No Junsu-yah… I don’t want you to be the ever-smiling Junsu again… not anymore,” It was his trun to choke on his tears as he gathered Junsu to be even closer to his body, practically trapping him on his chest. “I want to see your tears, I want to see your anger, I want to see your passion, hatred, disgusts… I want to see YOU… “He touched his forehead on Junsu’s and whispered against his lips.
“Please don’t hide your real self from me ever again, Su-ah. I love you… and I want to love you for who you really are…”
~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:
Millions of thoughts spun inside Junsu’s head outside his control. ‘This couldn’t be happening…’ He whispered to himself. Yoochun wouldn’t want the real him… the useless, good for nothing him… the ‘murderer’ him…
Nobody ever did.
It was the real him who caused so much pain in his mother’s eyes, who sparked worries in those old eyes whenever Junsu skipped school and went on his merry ways to spend his days playing soccer instead.
It was the real him who put such anger in his father’s face, that made him to nearly have a heart attack when he scolded him one day and he had rebelled.
It was the real him who ignored Junho’s warning that his attitude would cause him trouble one day… and killing Junho in the end.
Why would Yoochun want the real him?
Apparently he had voiced his thought out loud as Yoochun just squashed him even tighter into his hold and showered him with soft kisses and promises. “I want you, Su-ah. The real you. I promise… nothing can make me leave you… not even yourself,”
Junsu looked at the deep black pool of Yoochun’s eyes and saw his reflection there. Would he be strong enough to become the real him again? Would the ‘real him’ still be there? What if the real him was all he was right now, a mere empty shell?
But Yoochun wanted the real him… ‘and for him’, Junsu buried himself again in the comfort of his husband’s body, ‘I will try to do anything…’
~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~
A/N Oh God.... the hell week is finally over!!! hahaha it was truly a hell week where I trained everyday from 6 to 11 and I didn't even sleep on Friday before the competition! But it was worth it! hahaha. although I didn't win anything ( to shimvv I think KR won... I'm not really sure though!) but the competition itself was super duper fun! It reminded me why I love cheerleading in the first place! hahaha.
And so, since I finally caught up with my sleep and have cleaned my room and finished my homework for tomorrow and have some spare time before going to my friend's bday party, I present you... the update! yaaaaay!!
Please do enjoy it! and if you haven't done so, check our beloved boys' newest MV, Toki Wo Tomete. I don't know how, but Joongie managed to convince me that he rocked the blonde hair despite me hating it so much in the first place.
And lastly, sorry for the no-reply for all of ur comments on the prev chapter. I simply got no time to do it! Take this chapter as an apology ne? Please continue commenting! Love ya!
It was red, tiny and shiny. With a sharp silver blade that was ready to nick and prick your skin if you dared to touch it.
CHAPTER 13
What was the rational thing to do when you find your husband holding a razor near his wrist after being convicted as a severe suicidal case patient?
You ran to him and slapped the razor as far away as possible of course. And maybe even give the person a good slap for betraying his promise too.
That was Yoochun did when he was greeted with the sight of the razor being too close for comfort to Junsu’s wrist. Well, except the slapping part. He did his share of yelling instead.
“What the hell Junsu!” He was seething with anger and frustration and he was doing all his might not to let his fist do the talking instead. “You promised! You promised not to do this ever again! Shit!” He ran his hand through his hair, messing it up in exasperation. “What am I going to do with you…”
And that was when he realized that Junsu was crying. On his knees and crying for the first time in the 5 years they had been together. Feeling so guilty for losing his temper like that, Yoochun immediately sank to his knees and pulled the other man into his arms.
“Junsu… I’m sorry baby… I don’t mean to snap at you… Please don’t cry…”
The man inside his embrace tried so hard to stifle his sobs, but apparently the pent up emotion was simply too hard to bottle up once it was let loose. Choking in his tears, Junsu tried to open his mouth to say something… anything…
“I… I can’t do it, Chunnie-yah… I can’t even do it anymore… I lost the only thing I am able to do the best… I…”
It took several moments for Yoochun to understand what was ‘it’ that his husband trying to refer. But when he did, it just confused him even more that his husband was despairing about not being able to cut himself… Reminding him that his husband was truly an acute emotional disorder case.
It really caught him by surprise when Junsu suddenly grabbed his arms and looked at him with those tearing eyes. He was totally not prepared when Junsu begged him instead…
“Please Yoochun-ah… allow me to have it back… okay? I promise I will not trouble you anymore… I will not bother you with my requests… Please? “
When he watched the firm negative shook from his husband, Junsu’s sobs became louder.
“Please Chunnie… you don’t know how much this is killing me… I cannot even go back to the smiling Junsu that everyone expects without it… Please… Allow me to have it back… I beg you… I need to be smiling again… I beg you…”
Those pleading words, those tears, those begging eyes just cut into Yoochun’s heart deeply. To realize that he was one of the people who had reduced Junsu into such a state where he thought so poorly about himself that he need a constant mask to hide. That he would find a need to always be smiling, be happy, be accommodating…
“No Junsu-yah… I don’t want you to be the ever-smiling Junsu again… not anymore,” It was his trun to choke on his tears as he gathered Junsu to be even closer to his body, practically trapping him on his chest. “I want to see your tears, I want to see your anger, I want to see your passion, hatred, disgusts… I want to see YOU… “He touched his forehead on Junsu’s and whispered against his lips.
“Please don’t hide your real self from me ever again, Su-ah. I love you… and I want to love you for who you really are…”
~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:
Millions of thoughts spun inside Junsu’s head outside his control. ‘This couldn’t be happening…’ He whispered to himself. Yoochun wouldn’t want the real him… the useless, good for nothing him… the ‘murderer’ him…
Nobody ever did.
It was the real him who caused so much pain in his mother’s eyes, who sparked worries in those old eyes whenever Junsu skipped school and went on his merry ways to spend his days playing soccer instead.
It was the real him who put such anger in his father’s face, that made him to nearly have a heart attack when he scolded him one day and he had rebelled.
It was the real him who ignored Junho’s warning that his attitude would cause him trouble one day… and killing Junho in the end.
Why would Yoochun want the real him?
Apparently he had voiced his thought out loud as Yoochun just squashed him even tighter into his hold and showered him with soft kisses and promises. “I want you, Su-ah. The real you. I promise… nothing can make me leave you… not even yourself,”
Junsu looked at the deep black pool of Yoochun’s eyes and saw his reflection there. Would he be strong enough to become the real him again? Would the ‘real him’ still be there? What if the real him was all he was right now, a mere empty shell?
But Yoochun wanted the real him… ‘and for him’, Junsu buried himself again in the comfort of his husband’s body, ‘I will try to do anything…’
~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~
A/N Oh God.... the hell week is finally over!!! hahaha it was truly a hell week where I trained everyday from 6 to 11 and I didn't even sleep on Friday before the competition! But it was worth it! hahaha. although I didn't win anything ( to shimvv I think KR won... I'm not really sure though!) but the competition itself was super duper fun! It reminded me why I love cheerleading in the first place! hahaha.
And so, since I finally caught up with my sleep and have cleaned my room and finished my homework for tomorrow and have some spare time before going to my friend's bday party, I present you... the update! yaaaaay!!
Please do enjoy it! and if you haven't done so, check our beloved boys' newest MV, Toki Wo Tomete. I don't know how, but Joongie managed to convince me that he rocked the blonde hair despite me hating it so much in the first place.
And lastly, sorry for the no-reply for all of ur comments on the prev chapter. I simply got no time to do it! Take this chapter as an apology ne? Please continue commenting! Love ya!