Waiting For You Prologue
Prologue:
Yoochun stared, glared, gazed… closed his eyes for a few seconds and back to stare and stare and stare…
At the piece of white paper on his hands, willing for the black neat handwriting to change… to say anything but this.
But another pained glance at the stylishly decorated wedding invitation crushed his empty hope.
‘Why Junsu? Why? 3 years of your disappearance and suddenly… this?’ He wanted to scream the words, rip the piece of paper, burn the wedding invitation… maybe run to find the person who sent this to him and hit him until he’s blue and black for stomping over his heart like this…
‘You are cordially invited to the joyful union of Jung Yunho and Kim Junsu’
Why wasn’t his name the one printed on that white sheet instead?
And no other explanation but a short letter… which was crumpled and creased from being roughly handled by the hands of Park Yoochun.
‘Dear Yoochun,’ The letter started mockingly, like a letter written to an old friend, a lover, someone that you held close to your heart…
Only to be crushed by the next paragraph.
‘I'm writing to leave you. I cannot love you that much. I praised you, defended you, carried you, inhabited you and adored you. I fought to keep you free. I lied to keep you pretty. I defended your choices. And when you betrayed me, I looked away…I thought my love was enough… to love you, to defend you, to wait for you…But now I realized that it isn’t anymore… and it’s not even enough for me to love myself… that’s why I’ve found someone who can love me enough… and he does.
Please, forget and forgive me
Kim Junsu’
Crushed was an appropriate word to describe Yoochun’s feeling right now… no, maybe even that was an understatement. He certainly felt like his whole world had descended on top of him.
‘3 years, Junsu… I’ve been looking for you for 3 years… without any contact from you… and I didn’t give up for even a second… Don’t I deserve at least a little chance to apologize to you? To make everything better? To gain you back?’
Another stare at the letter…
‘And only now you wrote to me… while you have left me for years and years and years… and now you’re leaving even further away… into the embrace of this… man…’
Yoochun was an optimistic man… he never gave up… not even when he felt everything in this world was against him… not even when he woke up one day to find his lover had disappeared… not even when there was not even a clue of Junsu’s whereabouts for the past 3 years…
But now, he finally learnt how to despair…
Because what else could you feel when you realized that you have lost all of your hope?
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A/N gaaaah... should I apologize for posting an angsty song amidst this kind of situation? hahaha... I seriously lost my will to do anything after reading the news... really... I found it hard to write, to post, to study... gaaaah... but my real life must still go on T_T
It's really hard to stay in keeping our faith and the fact that I seriously dreaded the boys' statement doesn't help either. I couldn't even read any OT5 or Yunjae fics coz there's this niggling feeling in my heart....
But well, I will try... at least until they ask us to stop waiting for them... but maybe when that day come, I might leave the fandom altogether... even KPOP altogether. Coz it will just hurt too much to watch them acting solo, alone... defying all the promises that they had given us of always staying together, always being such good friends, brothers, to each other...
For now, I'll keep trying