[EXO] It won't be long until I come home (3/3)
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[75430]
“You’re finally getting out of here,” Jongdae laughed quietly, the two of them lying on their adjacent cots. It was indeed Minseok’s last day, and the captain of their platoon had graciously allowed Jongdae to switch with another soldier to spend the last night by Minseok’s side.
“Well, I’m not the one who used all my vacation vouchers as soon as I got them,” Minseok joked back, turning on his side to face Jongdae. He and Jongdae had gotten so much closer. Despite how good of friends they had always been, there was something about the army life that had a bonding effect, the whole hardships of the South Korean military life could really draw people closer together.
“Are you ready to get out of here?” Minseok nodded.
“You?” he replied back. Jongdae let out a noncommittal hum, before falling silent again. Minseok stared up at the ceiling. It felt bittersweet, thinking that he was finally getting out of this place. As much as he was excited to leave, it was kind of sad to think he no longer would be living at the place he had learned to call him home these past two years.
“You know, I never told you the real reason why I’m in the army.” Jongdae started, breaking into Minseok’s thoughts. He stared up at the ceiling as well, a faint smile on his face.
“Do you remember about two years ago, when you came to visit me in my room at the training camp? That ‘joke’ I played on you, about why I kept the picture of us 12… that wasn’t really a joke. It’s why I came to the army, to really reflect on the past seven years, to think about what motivated me to become a singer, and why I continued on with it all this time.”
“That night, when you told me exactly how much you loved Luhan hyung, it got me thinking. I’ve seen how happy the two of you are together all these years, even before you started dating, ever since the beginning. It’s been over seven years that I’ve known the both of you, and here I am, watching as you once again start a new chapter in your lives. Sure… it’s not exactly the convention here in South Korea, or anywhere for that matter, but it didn’t matter anyways, since it was clear you guys found what made you happy the most, and it happened to be each other.
“And well… then I began to wonder if I had found my own happiness. I love EXO, and I love singing, but… I see school friends getting married and having children. They have growing families. Their friends have growing families. My brother just welcomed his second child two days ago, and my mom was squealing over how beautiful it was to see a new addition to our household, and how happy my brother and his wife were over the thought of watching her grow older.”
“And then I look at my life, and it seems like I’ve been stuck in the same position in time all these years. I’m singing the same old love songs to screaming prepubescent teens, all while fending off the criticisms of everyone else. My whole world of interaction is between overemotional and excited fans, rushed and harried staffs or tired and frustrated idols. It’s a repeating cycle, record a new album, promote a new song, hold concerts across the world, and then we’re back to the beginning with another album. I love singing, and I wouldn’t trade my job for anything else in the world, but sometimes… it’s just so tiring to think how much we missed out on by dedicating our lives to singing about wolves and bears and all the other crazy concepts we’ve done. I mean, I’m approaching 26 soon, and it still seems like I’m stuck in the same place I was at 20 years old.”
“When I said I wanted to remember the feeling we had when we were rookies, I wanted to remember why I auditioned for SM, why I accepted that contract, why I still continued on with it even when I wanted to stop. What had motivated me back then to become a singer? I just felt so tired of it all, like I had lost the passion I had seven years ago, and I wanted to know, had the idol life completely drain it all out of me? Or was it possible for me to gain it back?”
“And then I see you. There is little to no relations between your struggles and my internal conflict, but I just see you, see how much you and Luhan have grown together as a couple, yet still remain just as in love as when you first came out, and there’s nothing you guys wouldn’t do for each other. I mean, you came to the freakin’ army to prepare you for the next era of your lives! I’m sure at times you also wondered what you were doing, if it was all right, I mean, even in the army I can’t count how many times you panicked wondering if you and Luhan hyung could actually stay together. Yet you still persevered to find the right answer, and to make sure that it was yes, you could be together, that you guys deserved each other and were right for each other.”
“You really inspired me Minseok hyung, to find the answers to my own questions. I shouldn’t have yelled at you back then, since I myself still have only a few weeks left and I still don’t know how I feel about returning to EXO. I’m just so confused over everything right now, and there seems like there’s no end to the conflict in my head.”
They both laid there, no one saying a word. Minseok was left speechless. Jongdae had always been so happy, or eager and full of radiance over each and every schedule they went on. Learning that even during those times Jongdae had been feeling depressed and a lost of interest, and had been wondering what he was still doing, Minseok felt guilty for not noticing sooner. He was sure all idols felt the same way as Jongdae had at one point in their careers, but knowing that Jongdae had suffered through the negative thoughts alone hurt Minseok, especially since the younger had always been a big encourager to everyone else on their team.
He looked up. There was no guard inside their dorm space, so he quietly slipped off his cot and sat on the floor in front of his closet space.
“Here.” Minseok grasped around until he felt the small slip of paper that had been his greatest source of companionship since the beginning. He handed it over to Jongdae. “You only have a few weeks left, but it helped me a lot these past two years so… hopefully it’ll have the same effect on you.”
Jongdae squinted through the dark at the paper, only for his eyes to widen. “Isn’t this…”
“A picture of us at our debut stage in Beijing?” Minseok nodded. “You better be careful though, don’t want any of our superiors to catch you with it.” Jongdae snickered as he carefully examined the photo.
“Look how young we are…” he murmured, tracing the outline of each persons face. “Where did all that youthfulness go?”
“Hey, you’re speaking to your elder here,” Minseok chimed in. He let out a satisfied sigh. “That picture did help me a lot over the two years, helped me in remembering why I came to the army and what I hoped to accomplish here. I know you only have a few weeks left, but maybe this will help you remember why you became a singer. Because Jongdae, EXO was never a bad choice for any of us. And sure, it sucks sometimes to see how different our lives would have been, but remember the good over the years that we’ve been in EXO.” He could see Jongdae smiling to himself. “Remember when you told me that two Christmases ago? Do you know how much it helped? Remember those good times, and surely, you’ll remember why you chose this path.”
“You only have 12 days, 6 hours, 3 minutes, and…” he peeked over at the digital clock. “…well…something seconds left in the army Jongdae. Make it all count.” The younger only let out a slight chuckle, still staring at the picture.
They both whispered their goodnights, and Minseok closed his eyes, hoping to get some sleep. Joonmyun had tipped him off that their fans knew his release date, so he hoped to look the best before going out.
But there was still one more thing that had to be done.
“Jongdae yah?”
“Yes hyung?”
“Thank you.” He faced Jongdae again. “Thank you for everything.”
Jongdae merely smiled back.
(“Hey Jongdae?”
“Hyung, I need to sleep, I have breakfast duty tomorrow.”
“Jongdae, what if after all this time of me preparing myself to ask Luhan, he says no?” Jongdae shifted in his sleep, facing towards Minseok. He chuckled incredulously.
“Minseok hyung, he’s going to say yes. He’s been ready to say yes since the day you left.”)
[0]
On January 24th, 2021, Minseok walks out of the Seonggoong District Office with his head held up high. Unlike before, hundreds of girls sit there with signs out, cheers erupting in the air as soon as they see him. Half of EXO K is waiting for him this time, along with Tao who - as usual - is crying.
“You’re next!” is the first thing out of his mouth, pointing at the already shorthaired Joonmyun, who smiles serenely back. It reminds Minseok of his sister, all the way about two years ago.
He pulled Minseok into a hug. “Jongdae told me to pick this up for you.” he whispers, away from the rest of the world’s ears. A small box falls into Minseok’s pockets. Joonmyun pulls away.
“Welcome back.”
[Where do we go from now?]
It’s been one year, nine months, and twenty-nine days since Minseok enlisted, on March 22nd, 2019.
It’s been ten years since he met Luhan, and nine years since they found out they would be put in the same band and subgroup. Eight years, four months since they got really close, after a drunken night in a hotel room in Beijing the night of their second appearance at the Mengniu Music Billboards awards, where Minseok confessed how much it had sucked at first to be part of a Chinese subgroup, and how much he had loathed China at first, but in the end, how glad he was put in EXO-M, if only because he had met someone as amazing at Luhan.
[Do we still count down? Count what?]
It’s been six years, four months and two days since Luhan finally confessed that he liked Minseok, maybe a little more then Minseok liked him and in a way that Minseok probably didn’t like him, and five years, four months, eleven days where Minseok - after a year of awkwardly avoiding each other - realized that he might actually like him back in a more then just friendly way.
Five years, two months, nine days since Luhan kissed Minseok for the first time. It was a scary yet thrilling feeling, the idea of another male’s lips on his own. Four years, two months, one day since they had tried to have sex for the first time, and a four awkward months after that before either of them even approached the idea again. Three years, seven months, twenty-nine days since Luhan accidentally introduced himself as Minseok’s boyfriend to Minseok’s parents. His father just made amends two months ago; though Minseok’s thankful his family more or less did support his decision all these years in their own way. (Luhan’s parents won’t even talk to the two.)
Two years, one month, three days. First time Luhan said ‘I love you’. Two years, one month, three days since Minseok said it back, even if he wasn’t sure how true a statement it was.
[Does time even matter anymore?]
It’s been one year and eleven months since Minseok realized how much Luhan meant to him. It’s been 703 days since he sat in that bar with Jongdae and drunkenly shared his future plans with the Chinese male. 16872 hours, or 1012320 minutes since he realized the hesitant ‘I love you’ had much more meaning to it then Minseok thought it did.
[Can we just be timeless instead?]
60739200 seconds since Minseok realized how much he loved Luhan, how much he couldn’t live without him.
How much he was willing to give up for Luhan, if only it meant being able to spend the rest of eternity together.
[Yes. Timeless.]
*************************
He hardly wastes another second in Korea before he’s getting on the first plane to Shenzhen China, where the filming set of Tiny Times 6.0 is taking place. Luhan had shown him the first so many years ago, the two cuddling up on a small couch in their dorm in Korea, where Minseok desperately tried to follow the dialogue to the best of his abilities, Luhan laughing by his side whenever he couldn’t understand a word. Movie nights were a common thing when they had gotten time alone, since going out on dates was much harder then going out as friends (which already was almost impossible).
It’s nearly midnight when he finally arrives at the Shenzhen hotel. It takes a few minutes of broken Chinese (it’s gotten worse since he stopped promoting) before the receptionist finally rings Luhan’s room, yet only two seconds after for Luhan to accept Minseok up, as if he were waiting for his call. The elevator ride takes another minute, and the dark hallway stalls him from finding the room for another five seconds.
He knocks. “Come in.” The door opens and he steps in.
It’s been one year, eleven months, and two days since he’d last seen Luhan, but the male hasn’t changed at all, still as baby faced as two years ago, in fact, still as beautiful as ten years ago, when Minseok first walked into the practice room to welcome the new trainees. The same bright-eyed, gentle-faced boy he had first laid eyes on that day, and never looked away since.
Luhan smiles. “You’re back?” he asks softly. Minseok chuckles disbelievingly. The question sounds so ridiculous to ask when Minseok was standing right in front of him, almost as if it were taken straight out of his latest script, but then again, their whole story was practically lifted from a Korean drama.
“Yeah, it was on page 342.” Realizing he said that all out loud, Minseok blushed, while Luhan bursts out laughing. All the dramatic buildup to this moment is immediately dissipated, as Luhan enveloped Minseok in a giant hug.
“I missed you baobei.” He pulled back, giving a slow glance over Minseok. “You don’t look any different, just as perfect as I sent you off as.”
You’re still as perfect as when I first saw you, Minseok wanted to reply, but thankfully this time he kept his mouth shut. Luhan gave another warm smile.
“So did you decide if I was worth it?”
“You always were worth it Luhan.” The Chinese chuckled, before leading Minseok over to his couch. He didn't separate their hands still, playing with one of them while running a hand through Minseok’s hair.
“Hearing that from your mouth makes me so happy,” he whispered softly. “Because there is no way on earth I would have ever deserved someone like you.”
Minseok’s heart swelled. At that moment, he knew that what he was about to do was the right choice. Despite all he said before, everything he went through in the army that had made him come to this decision, it wasn’t until now, when he sees the pain and tiredness, yet happiness and contentment in Luhan’s eyes, that Minseok knew for sure that everything he had gone through the army was entirely for Luhan, to prove that it wasn’t because of Luhan that Minseok enlisted because of, but it was himself and his need to discover if he himself was good enough for their relationship.
He fingers the small box in his pocket. Just yesterday he had opened it, seen what Jongdae had made for him. There was a reason he trusted Jongdae with this task, as the ring was beautiful, a simple yet elegant band that had a small engraved ‘Lu Han’ on it. It spoke measures about their relationship, how everything remained simple in a world that only wished them the worst.
But it was the inside, and the words engraved on the inner circle, that Minseok cared about the most. 我想我爱你比更多的恋人啊. A small phrase from Baby Don’t Cry, which remained one of Minseok’s favorite songs from EXO, despite his own minuscule parts in it. In a lot of ways, their story was like what the song portrayed. A forbidden love, where most others would have expected to end in heartbreak and separation. And yet, the line that Minseok chose - I think I love you more then lovers do - which spoke of another story, of a love that transcends them all. There was no need for separation or break ups, no need for pain in order to protect the one that he loves. Instead, they would fight through it together as one; overcome all the obstacles that threatened to uncouple them, and remain victorious against what everyone else says is wrong.
There’s a lot that’s going to happen, a lot of hardships the two of them will face that will make Minseok’s time in the army look like a joke. Regardless of if they go public or still continue to stay a secret, it’ll all become a thousand times harder to conceal their relationship. He’s taking it to the next level, and it scares him what might happen next. The future is full of uncertainties, and from this moment on, Minseok knows that it’ll the two of them against the world.
But for now, he just lets go of Luhan, gets down on one knee, and says,
“Luhan, I… I have something to ask you.”
[extended ending]
[-187892]
“Luhan… it’s been one year, ten months and about thirty days since I last saw you. That’s 100 weeks, 703 days ago, approximately 16870 hours and… I don’t know, more then a million minutes. But most importantly, it’s been 60927092 seconds since you wished me goodbye on that couch, wished me good luck in the army.”
“Me going was never about you. It was never about how I perceived you as my boyfriend. Instead, it’s been about how I was doing as your boyfriend, if I had the right thoughts pertaining to our relationship, if I was going about our lives with the right attitude. It’s my first time with a male, and I was afraid that maybe I wasn’t doing it correctly. But you proved me wrong, that it doesn’t matter about our genders, that as long as we were with each other and following our true emotions, it would all work out.”
“I know that you know where this is going. We don’t have to go public; in fact, it’ll probably be better if we don’t. Nothing has to change in the way we are as a couple right now. All that I want is confirmation that you’ll be with me forever, that - for as long as we live - I’ll have you by my side. It’s also a promise that I’ll always be by yours. Because - and as cheesy as all this is - I don’t think I can live without you, and I really hope you feel the same way.”
“There’s a lot we’re going to have to face. The possibility that we could get found out, the hardships of getting proper certification, even facing your parents, because that's one thing I want to do. But like I said, as long as we love each other, I believe it’ll all work out.”
“So Luhan, I have to ask… will… will you marry me?”
The Chinese stayed silent, as Minseok held his breath.
“3…2…1.”
Blinking upwards, Minseok gave Luhan a confused glance at the random response. The other merely smiled back down, before getting on his knees as well.
“Did you know, I added an extra 2 days, 4 hours, 10 minutes, and 32 seconds to my countdown? 60927092 seconds isn’t really one year, ten months and thirty days.” Minseok scoffed incredulously.
“Luhan, it’s just a poetic metaphor, you don’t have to be all technical-”
“Ask me why.”
“What the hell does that have to do with anything-“
“Just ask.”
“Uhh… okay, why.”
Luhan smiled brightly, and Minseok unconsciously did the same. He had missed seeing Luhan’s smile so much.
“Because it’s only right you see your parents first, and a plane ride to Shenzhen is approximately 3 hours, and the hotel is an hour from the airport, plus factoring in your really bad Chinese and how easily you get lost and-”
Minseok pressed their lips together, effectively shutting Luhan up. When he finally lets go, Luhan breathes a small smile against their lips.
“I just wanted to count down the exact 60927092 seconds it took before I could finally say yes.”
[end a/n: some comments...]My main source of research is from this blog and whatever clips I could find of this show. Please note that this fic is not a real reflection of the Korean military. (You all should watch 'Real Men' by the way, it is highly interesting and actually really informative.) The chances of Jongdae being with Minseok in the same base, troop, etc etc is actually highly unlikely, but enlisting at the same time does increase chances. Idols - especially those who know alot of female idols - do get recognition for that in the army (just look at Mir). The PX is basically a shop on the army that has things they could usually get outside the army. The seconds countdown and time references is based on Hyun bin's service. And yes, those seconds/time references were all done by me.
As for the relationships between EXO, Luhan was originally also suppose to leave EXO, but then I thought, if he's with Minseok, he probably won't want too. That's his 'sacrifice.' And well, since Tao is a heavy EXO supporter, the next logical choice was Yixing. And if you ask why someone else "left"? I'm just keeping it real. (same with the BaekChen "fight".) Minseok's talk with Yifan was based on an interesting comment I read about TVXQ's relationship, where someone said the chances of Changmin letting go his anger and actually attempting to "reconcile" will probably have to wait until after he enlists.
This fic is a reflection of all the hurt, pain, anger, and happiness I felt as an EXO stan. I don't really stan them anymore, but hopefully they will find as much success and happiness (in whatever ways suits them) as I have overlined in this fic. Thanks for reading!