Nobody's answering their phones and my roommates suck and I just need to get this off my chest
From the moment I found out that the fucked up federal aid system was changing my Expected Family Contribution (EFC) from $1,000 to $4,700, I knew it was going to be really hard for me to stay in school. Because of my family's status at the poverty level, our mountain of debt, and the fact that Columbia is ridiculously expensive, it was hard to come at all. Now that all of those problems have just gotten worse and my grants have been taken away and my loans have been lowered, I'm essentially fucked.
I'm eighteen years old, I don't have any credit for a private loan. My mom doesn't even qualify for the federal PLUS loan. Toe's not an American citizen. My grandparents already loaned me money for this year. I don't have anybody else.
From the moment I got that stupid news, I figured out there was only a small chance for me to stay. If and only if I got the full time job as an Orientation Leader, a part-time job that would work around the former, the $4,000 Rubin scholarship, a buyer for our house in Indiana, an apartment with cheap rent, and a roommate, I might be able to stay in Chicago and at Columbia. So long as Mom and Toe could continue to live with his friends until they get married in December, there was a glimmer of hope.
I got the scholarship.
I got the OL job.
I'm thisclose to a job at Best Buy.
I'm thisclose to having a roommate and a moderately priced apartment.
I was actually started to believe that things might work out for once.
Then one of the Burmese bitches that my Mom and Toe are staying with in Wisconsin decides she hates my mom. According to her, Burmese people like Toe shouldn't be with people like her because she's white. Toe's allowed to stay but my mom has to get out immediately.
And all of the dreams I ever had when down the toilet because of a pathetic attempt at racism.
I willing to work 65 hours a week all summer. I'm more than happy to go to school full-time and work 30 hours a week while living in a shithole with someone I don't like. I'm perfectly content having no money to speak of and living off of Ramen. I just want my fucking degree.
I know I'm not the nicest person ever but WHAT THE FUCK DID I EVER DO TO DESERVE THIS CRAP?! Honestly?! What has my family done to warrant all of this? My mom is the strongest person I've ever met and, even though she still carries around the scars (and the FUCKING HERPES) my Dad gave her, she always stays positive. Toe is the hardest worker I've ever seen, he works seven days a week and treats me like I'm his real daughter, never once complaining.
My whole life has been this roller coaster and I just need to get off the ride already. I'm not asking for anything to be easy. I'm just asking for things to work for once.
I hate my biological father. I hate that he has my college fund when he doesn't even need it and it would literally make my life. I hate that he's an alcoholic asshole and that, even though he's the most horrible person I've ever known, he's always the one to get breaks. And most of all, I hate that he's been out of my life for over nine months, but his influence still controls my life.
He didn't want me to live in Chicago or go to Columbia and now he's got his wish. His ex-wife is miserable and his little girl is going to be homeless as of May 16. I hope he's happy.
I'm eighteen years old, I don't have any credit for a private loan. My mom doesn't even qualify for the federal PLUS loan. Toe's not an American citizen. My grandparents already loaned me money for this year. I don't have anybody else.
From the moment I got that stupid news, I figured out there was only a small chance for me to stay. If and only if I got the full time job as an Orientation Leader, a part-time job that would work around the former, the $4,000 Rubin scholarship, a buyer for our house in Indiana, an apartment with cheap rent, and a roommate, I might be able to stay in Chicago and at Columbia. So long as Mom and Toe could continue to live with his friends until they get married in December, there was a glimmer of hope.
I got the scholarship.
I got the OL job.
I'm thisclose to a job at Best Buy.
I'm thisclose to having a roommate and a moderately priced apartment.
I was actually started to believe that things might work out for once.
Then one of the Burmese bitches that my Mom and Toe are staying with in Wisconsin decides she hates my mom. According to her, Burmese people like Toe shouldn't be with people like her because she's white. Toe's allowed to stay but my mom has to get out immediately.
And all of the dreams I ever had when down the toilet because of a pathetic attempt at racism.
I willing to work 65 hours a week all summer. I'm more than happy to go to school full-time and work 30 hours a week while living in a shithole with someone I don't like. I'm perfectly content having no money to speak of and living off of Ramen. I just want my fucking degree.
I know I'm not the nicest person ever but WHAT THE FUCK DID I EVER DO TO DESERVE THIS CRAP?! Honestly?! What has my family done to warrant all of this? My mom is the strongest person I've ever met and, even though she still carries around the scars (and the FUCKING HERPES) my Dad gave her, she always stays positive. Toe is the hardest worker I've ever seen, he works seven days a week and treats me like I'm his real daughter, never once complaining.
My whole life has been this roller coaster and I just need to get off the ride already. I'm not asking for anything to be easy. I'm just asking for things to work for once.
I hate my biological father. I hate that he has my college fund when he doesn't even need it and it would literally make my life. I hate that he's an alcoholic asshole and that, even though he's the most horrible person I've ever known, he's always the one to get breaks. And most of all, I hate that he's been out of my life for over nine months, but his influence still controls my life.
He didn't want me to live in Chicago or go to Columbia and now he's got his wish. His ex-wife is miserable and his little girl is going to be homeless as of May 16. I hope he's happy.