It's a long way down from your voice
especially in the humid dark
where I can't see the beautiful parts
that tremble as my face passes them
But either way it's worth it
A crasser man would say I get mine
and you get yours in this scenario
Like there's some kind of money shot
that made the effort
rather than the means being what we were after all along
For us ( Read more... )

HEY! HEEEEEY! YOOOOOOO!
WITH TAKEN ME ARE YOU!?
SO HOPE I! REALLY! YESSSS!
INTO MY, THIS HEART, THERE IS A HARPOON! FROM YOU!
ARRRRGGGHHH!
LOVE! WHAT HURTS IT IS - LOVE!
DELICIOUS! WE ARE THERE!
YUMMY! MORESO THAN PROVOLONE!
ON A CHEESESTEAK! TRUTH! HARD!
IS IT ME!?
NO, I AM NOT BACKING AWAY!
NO! NO!
IT IS YOU! BUT DON’T!
YOU EMBRACE! HUG MY BRAIN! YOU WORK! ( Read more... )

While digging through three year-old hurricane wreckage in the backyard of his newly-purchased house, Randy was surprised to discover the bones of a human arm. He had purchased the place just a week prior and joked with his friends that when he eventually cleared away the collapsed shed and miscellaneous tree limbs that choked the lawn he wouldn’t ( Read more... )

Yes, Del Monte has written me back! Here it is, the moment of truth, the help I've been begging for!

---

January 18, 2008
Dear Paul,

Thank you for your e-mail about Del Monte Savory Sides.

We're sincerely sorry to disappoint you, but this product is no longer available. Unfortunately, due to changing market conditions and a lack of consumer demand, ( Read more... )

I just shot off a letter to Del Monte pleading for some assistance in locating that tastiest of secret ingredients for my homemade burritos. Here's how it went. If I get a reply I'll let you know.

--

Okay guys, you gotta help me. Several years ago I developed a kickass recipe for burritos, mostly because I was tired of using bland powder mixes and ( Read more... )

So... I don't know why this came to mind. Sorry that with my post from half a year ago this whole blog has turned so scatologtical. I promise to fix that soon. Or do I?

---

Situation: You are male, driving alone on the highway, and hit a traffic jam that stops you cold. You have to pee. There is no bathroom and there is no cover by the side of the ( Read more... )

I IM'd this to my buddy Cayce, who agrees the emotion is spot on. Sure, not the most pleasant thing, but I imagine it's a familiar situation.

Paul: You know the feeling when you're sitting all alone in your cubicle and you pass a particularly noxious fart? You sit there, not really embarrassed, but still thinking "Jesus Christ, that came out of me? ( Read more... )

Just came up with this little ditty this morning. Eh, not too terrible.

---

That One Trashy Night

I met this girl once who invited me to her house to play poker.
Just me and her while her preteen daughter watched TV in her bedroom.
We sipped some wine while we tossed cards back and forth
and chatted about every nothing that clogged our heads.
This was the ( Read more... )

I started this little story over a year ago and then left it to fester when I got all lazy and disinterested. Now that I'm making a conscious effort to write again (hm, have I said that before?) I decided to finish it. So here it is, in next-to-final draft form. What do you think?

---

Wilkie’s Pub on Rural Route 2 was tended by a toothless one ( Read more... )

Wrote this one too late to put it up last night, but I still feel like sharing it today.

---

In time I hope that just once
there will come a moment
when no matter how warm you are
and how comfortable the sheets feel
and when the wind sings you lullabies
and the week's plans are set
along with your glowing alarm clock
scaring the monsters away
making the ( Read more... )