Torri Higginson: Making Atrocious Movies Bearable Until Stonehenge Kills Us All
So remember that time I went on hiatus? For important schooly things? Yeah.
Subject: *SPAMS*
Isaaaaaaa. I am so borrrred. I still have 15 more minutes of class. DNW!
How are you? How is your day going? What kinds of pretty things have you made?
I am watching Stonehenge Apocalypse on mute in class, lol. TORRI IS SO FUCKING PRETTY OKAY. I don't care how bad her accent is. I JUST WANT TO JUMP HER BONES RIGHT NOW. RIGHT. NOW. OKAY? OKAY.
So I'm giving you the play by play! Aren't you excited! Right now she's interrogating Misha Collins in a gym, lol. She's giving him her Elizabeth Weir style I'm more badass than you are, but you can probably help me, so shut up and listen to me and then I'll listen to you - speech. OOH! Arms folded with head-tilt! Aww, and she has a little marine keeping her safe! PARALLELLLLLLS SO CUTE.
Arm folding is the same, too! HER HAIR IS SO PRETTY. I WANT IT.
EEE EYE SQUISH! EYEBROW SQUISH! I LUFF IT.
Aww man she just left. Bored now. :(
I'll email you again when she comes back :D
<3!!
--
Subject: She's back!
THANK GOD. THOSE FIVE SECONDS WERE REALLY DULL.
STOP FOCUSING ON OTHER PEOPLE. THEY'RE UGLY AND I DO NOT CARE.
More Elizabeth!style arm folding!
And eye!squishing! I love the eye!squishing. IT IS SO CUTE. Helicopter just esploded. Torri wasn't on it, thereore, don't care. Also, I think she's a civilian on a military base. LAWLS.
When does John show up?
Boring non-Torri people on my screen again *sigh*
--
Subject: hahahahaaaaa
LAWWWLS THEY'RE TRYING TO BLOW UP STONEHENGE.
--
Subject: Dear Torri,
PLEASE TAKE YOUR JACKET OFF. YOU ARE WEARING TOO MANY ITEMS OF CLOTHING. :(
--
Subject: BRITISH ACCENT! BRITISH ACCENT!
EVERYBODY SHUT UP SO I CAN HEAR THE CUTE BAD BRITISH ACCENT!
--
Subject: Why did this movie try to have a plot?
Seriously. I would have watched an hour-and-a-half of Torri with a bad British accent, sans plot. It probably would have been better.
Ooh. Close up of Torri with a map. I think she just got an idea!
...or maybe she has to pee. I'm not really sure which.
THINGS ARE EXPLODING! PEOPLE ARE DYING! Torri is still pretty. AND STILL WEARING TOO MANY CLOTHES.
...okay, actually her British accent isn't half bad! Then again, when you're saying lines like, "If we sit on our hands while Stonehenge destroys the world, none of us live!" it doesn't really matter how good your accent is.
TORRI. GET UNDRESSED. ISA. WHY WON'T SHE GET UNDRESSED.
LOLOL THEY WANT TO NUKE STONEHENGE
BRB I'MMA GO MAKE SOME FOOD.
--
Subject: MY GOD
PEOPLE ARE DYING OH MY GOD! THIS IS GOING TO SOUND SO CRAZY. HAHAHHA THE - OOH TOUCHING. NO. MORE TOUCHING! This movie is so bad, you have to at LEAST give me a ship!
*siiiiiiigh*
GOD DAMNIT TORRI, GET NAKED. OTHERWISE THIS MOVIE HAS NO REDEEMING VALUE WHATSOEVER
HAHAH SHE GASP/SQUEEKED!
UGHHHH. I HATE MOVIES WHERE MEN TELL WOMEN TO HIDE. A) Because 9/10 they get found and B) BECAUSE FUCK YOU, "JUST BECAUSE MY GENITALS ARE ON THE INSIDE" DOESN'T MEAN I CAN'T KICK SOMEONE'S ASS WHEN NECESSARY.
Oh. Oh PLEASE tell me Torri's going to have to save your ass. Because the gender roles here are driving me NUTS.
UHHHHHGGGH OR NOT. GOD DAMNIT.
Awww. Her protector got killed and she was all woe! :(
UGH, THE DUDE'S EVEN DRIVING TOO!
ISA. THIS CRAP FILM IS NOT KOSHER.
They just took out the Pyramids at Giza. Looks like I'm dead. :(
HAHAHA GIGANTIC ANCIENT PHONE.
HAHA THE BORING DUDE'S NAME IS JOHN.
AH! AH! I THINK SHE TOOK HER JACKET OFF!! NO, UGLY MAN, TAKE IT AWAY! WANT PRETTY TORRI CAPS! NO, DAMN IT I DON'T CARE ABOUT ANY OF THIS. UGHHH.
ISA. SHE'S FINALLY WORKED (edit: that should be working) TOWARD NAKEDNESS AND THEY CHANGED SCENES. WTF.
AWWW PRETTY SMILE.
Oh, dude. He's leaning out the window of a black SUV? They totally stole that from Twister! FAIL.
--
Subject: DON'T READ ANY OF MY EMAILS IF...
...you either don't want to be spoiled for Stonehenge ApocaFail, or if you want to watch this with me later so we can flail together and I can repeat myself a lot. :D
--
Subject: HOLY CRAP!
Hahaha I was wondering how long it would take someone to say that.
blah blah blah people who aren't Torri on my screen.
RUN TORRI RUN! YAAAAY SHE TOOK HER JACKET OFF! THERE'S AT LEAST SOME SKIN NOW.
I want to know why her hair isn't messed up yet.
LOL, I don't even understand why the bad guy is bad.
Boring ugly people again.
God, the special effects in this are just HILARIOUS.
--
Subject: :O!
THEY JUST SHOT MY GIRLFRIEND!
ISA. :(((( HOLD ME.
--
Subject: I don't get it.
Why do people always yell "Freeze!" before they shoot somebody? JUST FUCKING SHOOT THEM. That way they won't have time to turn around and duck! WTF.
My girlfriend is still bleeding :(
Oops. She just lost her accent for like, a good ten sentences, lmao. She looks so pretty, though!
TORRI HIGGINSON: SAVING ATROCIOUS MOVIES UNTIL STONEHENGE KILLS US ALL.
--
Subject: Last minute shippiness!
UGH. You know, if the DUDE had gotten shot, of COURSE he would have gone anyway! But noooooo. 'Cause it's a chick and she can't handle it.
LOL, Nuna's gonna hit me in the face. BUT IT'S TRUE. This movie is annoying me. And I don't really care how Misha Collins saves the world if Torri isn't there to help.
--
Subject: HOSPITAL SCRUBS
NOT WHAT I MEANT BY NAKED!
I don't really have time to flist (*glares at tests*), but I would love to hear other people's reactions to this epic cinematic experience! I hope you had as much fun loling as I did. :D
PS: Thank you torrealis! I totally stole this link from you. ♥ x a billion!
[Edits:]
hihoplastic: UGHHH it was driving me nuts! probably only because it's Torri, and i have a theory that if you have an actor like her who's THAT talented, why the FUCK would you put her in such a stupid role makes me go all grrr
hihoplastic: ..and yet, i'm still really disappointed there was no naked. at least if there had been naked, it would have had some redeeming qualities!
anuna_81: ah you can't have all, my dear
hihoplastic: like, where's the near-apocalyptic car shag?? or the we're all gonna die make out session??
hihoplastic: that's just lousy writing!
anuna_81: you are not serious, lol!
hihoplastic: i'm totally serious! the movie was ATROCIOUS. the LEAST they could have done was put some porn in it.
tenacious_err: HOW AWESOME-IN-ITS-BADNESS WAS SA?
hihoplastic: SO FUCKING BAD LMAO
tenacious_err: LOL HER ACCENT. AND HER-CLEARLY-BEING-A-GIRL. BUT HOW PRETTY WAS HER HAIR?
hihoplastic: when she got it, it actually wasn't bad! but she kept losing it, lol. it was so adorable
tenacious_err: lol that was favorite part!
hihoplastic: YES
tenacious_err: it was the sporadicness of it.
hihoplastic: in the car especially! right after she's been shot!
tenacious_err: "Oh, there's Torri's voice. Oh, now she's English."
hihoplastic: traumatic experiences --> lose britishness
tenacious_err: SHE CAN'T HELP IT. Getting shot makes her American!
hihoplastic: HAHA! TRUEFACTS
tenacious_err: I swear the first couple of seconds of the her in the movie I was like, "Oh, I guess she doesn't have an accent - no, nevermind."
hihoplastic: lol. i still haven't watched the first bit with sound
tenacious_err: for a good minute or so she's just all "John, look at the data!" and then she gets an accent.
hihoplastic: I love her so much ♥
tenacious_err: Me tooo. My entire movie experience was 'wow, she just gets prettier with age. Look at that hair! Hee, freckles."
hihoplastic: Same here. Well, I mean. You read. Mine was mostly WHY AREN'T YOU NAKED. but, you know. same thing.
tenacious_err: One day she will be naked, and you can rejoice.
--
[Edit2] Oh! and for limonatafic - pretty much all I could think about for half this film (whenever Torri wasn't on screen) was, Building a henge are we? That's a fabulous idea. It's a marvelous religion the druids have got. and They built Stonhenge, one of the biggest henges in the world! No one's built a henge like it ever since. No one knows what the fuck a henge is. *g*
Subject: *SPAMS*
Isaaaaaaa. I am so borrrred. I still have 15 more minutes of class. DNW!
How are you? How is your day going? What kinds of pretty things have you made?
I am watching Stonehenge Apocalypse on mute in class, lol. TORRI IS SO FUCKING PRETTY OKAY. I don't care how bad her accent is. I JUST WANT TO JUMP HER BONES RIGHT NOW. RIGHT. NOW. OKAY? OKAY.
So I'm giving you the play by play! Aren't you excited! Right now she's interrogating Misha Collins in a gym, lol. She's giving him her Elizabeth Weir style I'm more badass than you are, but you can probably help me, so shut up and listen to me and then I'll listen to you - speech. OOH! Arms folded with head-tilt! Aww, and she has a little marine keeping her safe! PARALLELLLLLLS SO CUTE.
Arm folding is the same, too! HER HAIR IS SO PRETTY. I WANT IT.
EEE EYE SQUISH! EYEBROW SQUISH! I LUFF IT.
Aww man she just left. Bored now. :(
I'll email you again when she comes back :D
<3!!
--
Subject: She's back!
THANK GOD. THOSE FIVE SECONDS WERE REALLY DULL.
STOP FOCUSING ON OTHER PEOPLE. THEY'RE UGLY AND I DO NOT CARE.
More Elizabeth!style arm folding!
And eye!squishing! I love the eye!squishing. IT IS SO CUTE. Helicopter just esploded. Torri wasn't on it, thereore, don't care. Also, I think she's a civilian on a military base. LAWLS.
When does John show up?
Boring non-Torri people on my screen again *sigh*
--
Subject: hahahahaaaaa
LAWWWLS THEY'RE TRYING TO BLOW UP STONEHENGE.
--
Subject: Dear Torri,
PLEASE TAKE YOUR JACKET OFF. YOU ARE WEARING TOO MANY ITEMS OF CLOTHING. :(
--
Subject: BRITISH ACCENT! BRITISH ACCENT!
EVERYBODY SHUT UP SO I CAN HEAR THE CUTE BAD BRITISH ACCENT!
--
Subject: Why did this movie try to have a plot?
Seriously. I would have watched an hour-and-a-half of Torri with a bad British accent, sans plot. It probably would have been better.
Ooh. Close up of Torri with a map. I think she just got an idea!
...or maybe she has to pee. I'm not really sure which.
THINGS ARE EXPLODING! PEOPLE ARE DYING! Torri is still pretty. AND STILL WEARING TOO MANY CLOTHES.
...okay, actually her British accent isn't half bad! Then again, when you're saying lines like, "If we sit on our hands while Stonehenge destroys the world, none of us live!" it doesn't really matter how good your accent is.
TORRI. GET UNDRESSED. ISA. WHY WON'T SHE GET UNDRESSED.
LOLOL THEY WANT TO NUKE STONEHENGE
BRB I'MMA GO MAKE SOME FOOD.
--
Subject: MY GOD
PEOPLE ARE DYING OH MY GOD! THIS IS GOING TO SOUND SO CRAZY. HAHAHHA THE - OOH TOUCHING. NO. MORE TOUCHING! This movie is so bad, you have to at LEAST give me a ship!
*siiiiiiigh*
GOD DAMNIT TORRI, GET NAKED. OTHERWISE THIS MOVIE HAS NO REDEEMING VALUE WHATSOEVER
HAHAH SHE GASP/SQUEEKED!
UGHHHH. I HATE MOVIES WHERE MEN TELL WOMEN TO HIDE. A) Because 9/10 they get found and B) BECAUSE FUCK YOU, "JUST BECAUSE MY GENITALS ARE ON THE INSIDE" DOESN'T MEAN I CAN'T KICK SOMEONE'S ASS WHEN NECESSARY.
Oh. Oh PLEASE tell me Torri's going to have to save your ass. Because the gender roles here are driving me NUTS.
UHHHHHGGGH OR NOT. GOD DAMNIT.
Awww. Her protector got killed and she was all woe! :(
UGH, THE DUDE'S EVEN DRIVING TOO!
ISA. THIS CRAP FILM IS NOT KOSHER.
They just took out the Pyramids at Giza. Looks like I'm dead. :(
HAHAHA GIGANTIC ANCIENT PHONE.
HAHA THE BORING DUDE'S NAME IS JOHN.
AH! AH! I THINK SHE TOOK HER JACKET OFF!! NO, UGLY MAN, TAKE IT AWAY! WANT PRETTY TORRI CAPS! NO, DAMN IT I DON'T CARE ABOUT ANY OF THIS. UGHHH.
ISA. SHE'S FINALLY WORKED (edit: that should be working) TOWARD NAKEDNESS AND THEY CHANGED SCENES. WTF.
AWWW PRETTY SMILE.
Oh, dude. He's leaning out the window of a black SUV? They totally stole that from Twister! FAIL.
--
Subject: DON'T READ ANY OF MY EMAILS IF...
...you either don't want to be spoiled for Stonehenge ApocaFail, or if you want to watch this with me later so we can flail together and I can repeat myself a lot. :D
--
Subject: HOLY CRAP!
Hahaha I was wondering how long it would take someone to say that.
blah blah blah people who aren't Torri on my screen.
RUN TORRI RUN! YAAAAY SHE TOOK HER JACKET OFF! THERE'S AT LEAST SOME SKIN NOW.
I want to know why her hair isn't messed up yet.
LOL, I don't even understand why the bad guy is bad.
Boring ugly people again.
God, the special effects in this are just HILARIOUS.
--
Subject: :O!
THEY JUST SHOT MY GIRLFRIEND!
ISA. :(((( HOLD ME.
--
Subject: I don't get it.
Why do people always yell "Freeze!" before they shoot somebody? JUST FUCKING SHOOT THEM. That way they won't have time to turn around and duck! WTF.
My girlfriend is still bleeding :(
Oops. She just lost her accent for like, a good ten sentences, lmao. She looks so pretty, though!
TORRI HIGGINSON: SAVING ATROCIOUS MOVIES UNTIL STONEHENGE KILLS US ALL.
--
Subject: Last minute shippiness!
UGH. You know, if the DUDE had gotten shot, of COURSE he would have gone anyway! But noooooo. 'Cause it's a chick and she can't handle it.
LOL, Nuna's gonna hit me in the face. BUT IT'S TRUE. This movie is annoying me. And I don't really care how Misha Collins saves the world if Torri isn't there to help.
--
Subject: HOSPITAL SCRUBS
NOT WHAT I MEANT BY NAKED!
I don't really have time to flist (*glares at tests*), but I would love to hear other people's reactions to this epic cinematic experience! I hope you had as much fun loling as I did. :D
PS: Thank you torrealis! I totally stole this link from you. ♥ x a billion!
[Edits:]
hihoplastic: UGHHH it was driving me nuts! probably only because it's Torri, and i have a theory that if you have an actor like her who's THAT talented, why the FUCK would you put her in such a stupid role makes me go all grrr
hihoplastic: ..and yet, i'm still really disappointed there was no naked. at least if there had been naked, it would have had some redeeming qualities!
anuna_81: ah you can't have all, my dear
hihoplastic: like, where's the near-apocalyptic car shag?? or the we're all gonna die make out session??
hihoplastic: that's just lousy writing!
anuna_81: you are not serious, lol!
hihoplastic: i'm totally serious! the movie was ATROCIOUS. the LEAST they could have done was put some porn in it.
tenacious_err: HOW AWESOME-IN-ITS-BADNESS WAS SA?
hihoplastic: SO FUCKING BAD LMAO
tenacious_err: LOL HER ACCENT. AND HER-CLEARLY-BEING-A-GIRL. BUT HOW PRETTY WAS HER HAIR?
hihoplastic: when she got it, it actually wasn't bad! but she kept losing it, lol. it was so adorable
tenacious_err: lol that was favorite part!
hihoplastic: YES
tenacious_err: it was the sporadicness of it.
hihoplastic: in the car especially! right after she's been shot!
tenacious_err: "Oh, there's Torri's voice. Oh, now she's English."
hihoplastic: traumatic experiences --> lose britishness
tenacious_err: SHE CAN'T HELP IT. Getting shot makes her American!
hihoplastic: HAHA! TRUEFACTS
tenacious_err: I swear the first couple of seconds of the her in the movie I was like, "Oh, I guess she doesn't have an accent - no, nevermind."
hihoplastic: lol. i still haven't watched the first bit with sound
tenacious_err: for a good minute or so she's just all "John, look at the data!" and then she gets an accent.
hihoplastic: I love her so much ♥
tenacious_err: Me tooo. My entire movie experience was 'wow, she just gets prettier with age. Look at that hair! Hee, freckles."
hihoplastic: Same here. Well, I mean. You read. Mine was mostly WHY AREN'T YOU NAKED. but, you know. same thing.
tenacious_err: One day she will be naked, and you can rejoice.
--
[Edit2] Oh! and for limonatafic - pretty much all I could think about for half this film (whenever Torri wasn't on screen) was, Building a henge are we? That's a fabulous idea. It's a marvelous religion the druids have got. and They built Stonhenge, one of the biggest henges in the world! No one's built a henge like it ever since. No one knows what the fuck a henge is. *g*