I feel like I'm disappearing

[hijadediablo]

I'm not going to be sending my letter to Paul. There's no need. It wasn't meant for him, it was meant for me. I needed to write down everything that I wanted to give him. I had to put that promise and those feelings down on paper so that I would never forget them, but so that I could let them go. I needed to write it because I needed closure, and

Comments

[sunlitsilence]

I've been feeling like I've been disappearing for the past 9 months. I really admire your ability to move on or at least let go and get to a point where you're not chasing feelings anymore. There are so many days I wish I were like that. I can't wait to see you over break!

[hijadediablo]

Well, I haven't completely let go yet, but I've essentially accepted the fact that, yeah, I'm going to always be in love with him, and really I wouldn't trade that for anything, when I really take the time to think about it. So, that really only leaves me one option: to accept his good-bye and keep living my life. Honestly, the only reason I can do this is because all my life my relationship attempts haven't worked, and I've learned that it hurts so much less to fall in love with no expectations, wishes and dreams, sure, but no plans laid out beyond what's going on at that moment. It took me a long time to get here and I both hate this place and am grateful for it. I truly believe that when you're ready to join me in this state of detachment that I'm in, you will. You're strong enough, you're just ready to embrace that strength, yet. And that's fine. I understand. But when you are, it will make your life so much, well, not easier, there's nothing about detachment that's easy, but it does make life seem a lot less painful. I can't wait