DragonBall Z. PART 2
SO TO CONTINUE. First part is here.
Nishi: OOHHH the other link works though
*fastforwards*
Perrito: HAHAHAHA
Nishi: I will mention that Gookoo has amazing eyelashes.
Or very emo
One or the other
Perrito: ... not both?
Nishi: ... It could be both. But probably more emo since he doesn't have purty lips
Obvious Lead Chick looks offended at having been left for a family emergency showing that dickishness is best complimented by vapid self centeredness.
Perrito: HAHAHAHAHA
Nishi: HAVING FUCKOWNED A SMALL CROWD OF BULLIES, USED THE FORCE, AND SHOWN HOW GENERALLY AWESOME HE IS. Gookoo is sent into wracking pain by a board.
We, the audience, now know his weakness.
Wood.
Perrito: ,,, hlkl HAHAHA
Nishi: It's also, apparently genetic, since badass gramps is in Mortal Peril by a small pile of wood.
Perrito: ,,,,, :(
Nishi: I'm having trouble taking seriously a villain named after a really tiny flute
Just putting that out there.
Gramps: IS IT SECRET. IS IT SAFE
SUDDENLY
PREMONITION
Perrito: j,hkHAHAHAHAHA
Nishi: Now, having waited 18 years to tell the kid about having to play scavenger hunt in a matter of DAYS, is a last moment of sadism from gramps, since there really isn't any apparent reason why they couldn't have been getting a start on this shit years ago. Since Booby McFabulous sure has. And of course, dies with a few self-help book lines.
Perrito: .... poor booby
Nishi: Also, that body is totally going to mess up the zen of the rock garden.
Also, the collapse of the house seems to have been rather exaggerated. The boy wanders through the house, and spots the food lovingly prepared for him, a sole survivor of the destruction to lay in the guilt good and properly. Gookoo, being every the trooper, just wanders on with a blank look.
Perrito: ,,,,,
I had forgotten that
Nishi: However, finally, being given an ugly orange shirt. He chokes up. JUST WHAT HE ALWAYS WANTED. Now. NOW he'll finally look gay enough to score chicks!
Perrito: nkjreñ HAHAHAHA
Nishi: Gookoo obviously thinks Picallo's a funny name for a guy too, because Chipmunk Voice Girl is immediately accused of being him and killing his grandfather, despite her not weilding a board.
Landing in a sprawled, suggestive position with Chipmunk Voice Girl, cues the pillow talk in which he insults yet another girl. Obviously, he's on fire with the ladies.
Perrito: ........ hiluo
Nishi: IN AN AMAZING DISPLAY OF STILTED DIALOG wherein they'd obviously been told to 'be snappy.' Gookoo and Chipmunk Voice girl do some cockfensing about what's more awesome, his peen or her brains. It's sort of like the male/female debate for the ages.
Perrito: ....
Nishi: Gookoo realizes that SHIT he has no idea how to find them, and Chipmunk Voice DOES... he does an about face and tries to make himself sound useful. Mostly, he just sounds skeevy.
Perrito: poor GOOKOO
Nishi: Chipmunk Voice, now introduced as Bulma, brings all the l33t toys to the yard, and does the practical thing... checks the phone book, while Gookoo chewes on roasted animal flesh Henry the Eighth style, all manly. Chirping up with helpful suggestions and a surprising ability to spell.
SUDDENLY
PREMONITION
Perrito: PREMONITION
Nishi: In a move that surprising Gookoo, this chick gets off the bike WITHOUT HIS HELP, and runs off without him. Scared and confused by this defiance of his manliness, he runs after her. As she walks through an unlocked door, he comes to realize what the attempt to break into his own house and kill him for his balls didn't.... this chick is a wee bit impulsive.
Perrito: .......... hahahahaha
Nishi: He's a little slow.
Perrito: he is, yes
Nishi: So. This is Roshi's house by the fact it is a filled out set dripping with testosterone. BATTLE SCENE. And. No one really cares when gookoo Force slaps Bulma across the room. Not even Bulma. Apparently.
Perrito: HAHAHAHAHAHA
Nishi: Roshi actually attempts to bring color and humor back into the show and is promptly destroyed by Gookoo's dickishness
... by bring back, I actually mean, introduce.
But, hey, technicalities
Perrito: .... I love you so much
Nishi: ANOTHER DRAGONBALL
SUDDENLY
PREMONITION
Perrito: PREMONITION IS THE BEST PART
Nishi: ... Roshi, who was supposedly the one who was going to know how to stop this, couldn't figure out a really obvious rhyme about the dragonball that he had in his own possession. My faith in their ability to save the world is so high right now.
Perrito: ,,,,
Nishi: No really, it is. It's like this part in a Pratchett book where the characters deliberately handicap themselves in order to make a one-in-a-million chance. EXACTLY one in a million chance. Because everyone knows that if someone says "It's a one in a million chance, but it just might work." IT ALWAYS WILL. So by this estimation, they've got one hand tied behind their back, standing on their head, and both eyes closed. It's getting close to that impossibility threshold.
Perrito: ...
Nishi: ... So now, we take another break from our plot to watch some special effects which we later learn was a body of water being displaced. By the fact we had no idea what the fuck the action lines were and had to wait for appropriate dialog, I'm assuming that part was true to manga.
In yet another break from our plot, we're now going to take over the plot of Avatar because fuck, that shit sold well.
Perrito: HAHAHAHAHAHA
Nishi: Gookoo is demoted from Main Character to Luggage boy in what would be a magoo like training session if it actually looked like he had to work for it at all. It's a good thing his superpowers can be countered with wood.
Perrito: ,,,,
Nishi: So, we arrive at a tournament setup, where Obvious Lead Chick is kicking ass in a cleavage emphasizing outfit. She quickly draws Gookoo aside and says she heard about his grandfather... and was sorry. Apparently, she's apologizing for not listening to HIM when he mentioned it.
Perrito: .... hahahahaha
Nishi: ... you know, I kind of don't think they proofread this script
Perrito: ... no they probably didn't
Nishi: "Oh this tournament, was was I wanted to tell you about at the party." (Two minutes later) "Oh hey! What did you want to tell me about?" "That I was a fighter too!!!!"
Perrito: ,,,
Nishi: I swear that dialog just happened.
Perrito: I can't remember
but I'm not shocked
Nishi: Again. Bulma is abused. No one cares. Not even Bulma.
Perrito: ... you're almost done
I think
Nishi: I HOPE SO, I have this interesting sensation of feeling my ability to think and reason slowly dissolving under the onslaught
Perrito: jvhlk HAHAHAHAHAHA
Nishi: Now we learn that for no reason at all, the boys can fly. Or rather one can sort of jump and the other can fly. Bartering with a desert rat commenses and Gookoo seems to have lost all of his awkward under the Edward Cullen clipped, broody and poorly delivered school of theater. I'm not sure if it's an improvement, but it DOES make me laugh in ways it probably shouldn't.
Picallo, in the mean time, demonstrates that while he can destroy the world, own airships and boss around Booby McFabulous, he can't seem to hire a decent laboratory worker to draw four vials of blood for him the painless way. Instead, we get the S & M chair and the crybaby approach
Perrito: jknl HAHAHAHAHA
Nishi: The desert rat, whom I shall now name Chet. Due to Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire, spots the dragonball at the sore loss of his own.
As if LAVA wasn't enough of a barrier, Picallo's bastard blood children, whom I will now name Picklettes, cut in for a dramatic fight scene sensing that the viewers might be bored. Unfortunately, they're about 40 minutes too late.
Perrito: HAHAHAHAHAHA
Nishi: CONVENIENTLY, lava is the only thing that not only doesn't kill them, but they float conveniently for our heroes to merrily skip over the Picklettes bodies in toasty, yet generally safe, style
Perrito: ..... hahahahahahahaha
Nishi: SUDDENLY
WAIT FOR ITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
PREMONITION
Perrito: KHJLKLWE AHAHAHAAHAHA
Nishi: JUST IN LUCK, all of that abuse of Bulma has helped Gookoo easily fuckown Booby McFabulous. He ambles back to have a heartfelt, man to man conversation with Roshi about how his balls talk to him. Nothing to worry about, that's common for his age.
Perrito: ....
I scared my poor cat
Nishi: ... It's okay, Akitty will just kill you in your sleep
Or make a good attempt at your eye
Perrito: SHE'S TRIED
Nishi: I KNOW >D
Perrito: Your commentary makes everything better
Nishi: THIS IS HOW I WAS RAISED TO HANDLE BAD MOVIES
Next, we have a temple scene, where Roshi is serious, and finally, someone makes an attempt at exposition. It doesn't help a whole lot except for setting up the Honorable Death trope, which because it's obvious, we can rest assured doesn't happen.
BACK TO THE CHICKFIGHT
Perrito: ..... YOU ARE SO GOOD AT THIS
Nishi: The chickfight doesn't last long, as the opponent is Booby McFabulous who walks off doing something unexplained but nefarious... Obvious Lead Chick and Obvious Lead Dude go do their mushy stuff, while Bulma confesses to Chet that she's always wanted to be famous. I'm sure this is a heartfelt, secret confession, because she's said it during every significant piece of dialog she's had the entire movie.
Perrito: HAHAHAHAHA
Nishi: And because Lead Chick and Dude are off being mushy, the Bulma and Chet have a random moment in which it is obvious that they were fated to be.
Perrito: Naturally
Nishi: The moment is broken by the forever memorable line "HEY! We still have our dragonballs."
Perrito: ,,,,, god IS IT?
Nishi: Yes. Yes it is.
Perrito: Oh god, this movie is so much worse when it is narrated to me
Nishi: That really says something.
Considering it's pretty bad as it is.
Perrito: ... I laughed a lot during it
Nishi: ... air bending, we really ARE borrowing from Avatar
So, at this point, I'm not entirely sure how the ultimate in air bending leads to fire, but that vaguely follows Avatar too. So we're just going to roll with this one too.
It's worthy to note that the Kama Hama Ha involves dance moves somewhat like the macarena
I'm not entirely sure what that says, but I'm sure it's a zen koan.
Perrito: njk.odwp ahahahaha+
Nishi: After miserable attempts to master this dance move ultimate power thing, and going off to cheat with his tail between his legs. Obvious Lead Chick uses Charm on Gookoo, and FINALLY. FINALLY, he gets to flex his peen the way he's always wanted. WITHOUT EVEN DOING A FLASHY WRIST WRIGGLE, he gets his fire going!
Perrito: NISHI WHY
WHY
AUGGH
Nishi: I'M JUST CALLING IT LIKE I SEE IT
Fortunately for all of us, Gookoo goes limp early.
Again, nothing to worry about at his age.
Perrito: ..... nishi
Nishi: You love me.
Perrito: yes
but
Nishi: WELL. T-THEY ARE MAKING THE 'SYMBOLISM' A LITTLE OBVIOUS
Of course, he's back up as soon as he gets his wrist technique back down.
Nishi: Sucking faces, fade to black, and we can safely assume that Gookoo's finally going to get some. Temple preparations continue to unintelligible chanting and a slow mo version of the macerena, reinforcing, yet again, that if you want a world saving, world destroying power, line dancing is the way to go.
Perrito: ..... line dancing
Nishi: Now, we have an obvious doppleganger in a frilly nighty. Who meets the real one in a frilly nighty. Which leads one to wonder if Booby McFabulous simply has the same taste in nighttime romps or if she was watching Gookoo getting his Kama Hama Ha on.
CATFIGHT TWO: LACY VERSION
Perrito: .....
Nishi: Gookoo immediately senses this girl on girl action and dives through the fire for a better view.
Perrito: .... oh man
HAHAHAHA
Nishi: True to his now-almost-impressively diskish ways, Gookoo rushes in to help, immediatley picking one to beat the fuck out of, and notices too late, that he kicked the crap out of the wrong chick. Luckily, no one cared, not even Bulma.
Perrito: .....bjlhñop{
Nishi: In a surprising turn in the movie's generally failtastic attempts at heterosexuality, Roshi gets his Kama Hama Ha on in Gookoo, who holds the Jizz in my Pants pose for a bit longer than necessary for agonizing pain.
Perrito: ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
yes
I. yes
Nishi: Now possessing all the balls in the world, Picallo transforms the budget from high animation to the clay animation and blue screening from the mid ninties.
Perrito: ..... yes
yes he does
Nishi: ... ... So after all this build up. Picallo somehow just... has a ball roll off during a ritual because of one power blast.
Now, mind you, he could break a mans arms with the force
Could collapse a house
Displace what I assume was a large body of water
But not... catch a ball.
Obviously, Picallo is good at big problems, but could use some of Gookoo's high school for pratical sports skills.
In a SHOCKING turn of events, Picallo tells Gookoo that he IS the destroyer of worlds, Ozai, Zuko's father. The natural reaction to this is to fall to his knees, stunned, and completely forgetting the self help book advise of his dying grandfather.
Amazingly it works, turning Gookoo into a rabid monkey thing. Unsurprisingly, the acting skill has just gone up a notch.
Perrito: HAHAHAHAHAHA
Nishi: There are many manly sacrifices for chicks going down here, and an attempt to put Pickles inna jar just didn't happen. I'm a little sad to see Gookoo back.
He overcomes his monkey side, and immediately, instead of quoting the thing that made sense that his grandfather said "To believe in himself" he says "First rule. There are no rules." ... Winning the out of context award of the day.
Perrito: .... hahahahahaha
ACTUALLY
Nishi: The chickfight continues inside, while outside, Gookoo and Pickles duel with their Kama Hama Has
Perrito: THAT'S THE FIRST LINE IN THE MOVIE, I THINK
GOHAN TELLS HIM THAT
Nishi: IT IS.
BUT IT MAKES NO SENSE IN WHAT ... ANYONE WAS SAYING
Perrito: Well no, of course it doesn't
this move isn't supposed to make sense
Nishi: ... well. I hope not.
PICKLES IS PEIRCED BY GOOKOO'S BIGGEST KAMA HAMA HA YET. Hits the ground and we're back to checking on the other dead guy.
Perrito: .... oh, roshi
Nishi: ... See, now I'm kind of disappointed, I was expecting Gookoo to make Roshi take his Kama Hama Ha in a swap of positions.
Apparently, Roshi can't be penetrated so easily and needs a dragon to finish the job
Perrito: ......
Nishi: So, lo, the dragonballs bugger off, as mystical all powerful relics do, and our intrepid party get ready to go find them again. However, Gookoo needs to go get mushy again, with Obvious Lead Chick, who by the bright smile seeing him again, doesn't remember he just BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF HER. HOWEVER, HE BRINGS IT UP. And can't be satisfied by the fact that she let him win. His rightful dickishness threatened, he goes to beat the shit out of her again
And on this uplifting note?
The credits roll
And this.
Is DragonBall Z
As interpreted by DragonBall E
Perrito: ... no, it's missing something
YOU SHOULD WAIT FOR IT
Nishi: IT STOPPED
Perrito: DAMN
IT MISSED RANDOM SCENE WITH RANDOM ORIENTAL LADY TENDING TO SOMEONE
AND THEN THAT SOMEONE BEING PICCOLO
THEN the credits roll
Nishi: ... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Perrito: IT'S ALL TRUE I SWEAR
DONE.
Nishi: OOHHH the other link works though
*fastforwards*
Perrito: HAHAHAHA
Nishi: I will mention that Gookoo has amazing eyelashes.
Or very emo
One or the other
Perrito: ... not both?
Nishi: ... It could be both. But probably more emo since he doesn't have purty lips
Obvious Lead Chick looks offended at having been left for a family emergency showing that dickishness is best complimented by vapid self centeredness.
Perrito: HAHAHAHAHA
Nishi: HAVING FUCKOWNED A SMALL CROWD OF BULLIES, USED THE FORCE, AND SHOWN HOW GENERALLY AWESOME HE IS. Gookoo is sent into wracking pain by a board.
We, the audience, now know his weakness.
Wood.
Perrito: ,,, hlkl HAHAHA
Nishi: It's also, apparently genetic, since badass gramps is in Mortal Peril by a small pile of wood.
Perrito: ,,,,, :(
Nishi: I'm having trouble taking seriously a villain named after a really tiny flute
Just putting that out there.
Gramps: IS IT SECRET. IS IT SAFE
SUDDENLY
PREMONITION
Perrito: j,hkHAHAHAHAHA
Nishi: Now, having waited 18 years to tell the kid about having to play scavenger hunt in a matter of DAYS, is a last moment of sadism from gramps, since there really isn't any apparent reason why they couldn't have been getting a start on this shit years ago. Since Booby McFabulous sure has. And of course, dies with a few self-help book lines.
Perrito: .... poor booby
Nishi: Also, that body is totally going to mess up the zen of the rock garden.
Also, the collapse of the house seems to have been rather exaggerated. The boy wanders through the house, and spots the food lovingly prepared for him, a sole survivor of the destruction to lay in the guilt good and properly. Gookoo, being every the trooper, just wanders on with a blank look.
Perrito: ,,,,,
I had forgotten that
Nishi: However, finally, being given an ugly orange shirt. He chokes up. JUST WHAT HE ALWAYS WANTED. Now. NOW he'll finally look gay enough to score chicks!
Perrito: nkjreñ HAHAHAHA
Nishi: Gookoo obviously thinks Picallo's a funny name for a guy too, because Chipmunk Voice Girl is immediately accused of being him and killing his grandfather, despite her not weilding a board.
Landing in a sprawled, suggestive position with Chipmunk Voice Girl, cues the pillow talk in which he insults yet another girl. Obviously, he's on fire with the ladies.
Perrito: ........ hiluo
Nishi: IN AN AMAZING DISPLAY OF STILTED DIALOG wherein they'd obviously been told to 'be snappy.' Gookoo and Chipmunk Voice girl do some cockfensing about what's more awesome, his peen or her brains. It's sort of like the male/female debate for the ages.
Perrito: ....
Nishi: Gookoo realizes that SHIT he has no idea how to find them, and Chipmunk Voice DOES... he does an about face and tries to make himself sound useful. Mostly, he just sounds skeevy.
Perrito: poor GOOKOO
Nishi: Chipmunk Voice, now introduced as Bulma, brings all the l33t toys to the yard, and does the practical thing... checks the phone book, while Gookoo chewes on roasted animal flesh Henry the Eighth style, all manly. Chirping up with helpful suggestions and a surprising ability to spell.
SUDDENLY
PREMONITION
Perrito: PREMONITION
Nishi: In a move that surprising Gookoo, this chick gets off the bike WITHOUT HIS HELP, and runs off without him. Scared and confused by this defiance of his manliness, he runs after her. As she walks through an unlocked door, he comes to realize what the attempt to break into his own house and kill him for his balls didn't.... this chick is a wee bit impulsive.
Perrito: .......... hahahahaha
Nishi: He's a little slow.
Perrito: he is, yes
Nishi: So. This is Roshi's house by the fact it is a filled out set dripping with testosterone. BATTLE SCENE. And. No one really cares when gookoo Force slaps Bulma across the room. Not even Bulma. Apparently.
Perrito: HAHAHAHAHAHA
Nishi: Roshi actually attempts to bring color and humor back into the show and is promptly destroyed by Gookoo's dickishness
... by bring back, I actually mean, introduce.
But, hey, technicalities
Perrito: .... I love you so much
Nishi: ANOTHER DRAGONBALL
SUDDENLY
PREMONITION
Perrito: PREMONITION IS THE BEST PART
Nishi: ... Roshi, who was supposedly the one who was going to know how to stop this, couldn't figure out a really obvious rhyme about the dragonball that he had in his own possession. My faith in their ability to save the world is so high right now.
Perrito: ,,,,
Nishi: No really, it is. It's like this part in a Pratchett book where the characters deliberately handicap themselves in order to make a one-in-a-million chance. EXACTLY one in a million chance. Because everyone knows that if someone says "It's a one in a million chance, but it just might work." IT ALWAYS WILL. So by this estimation, they've got one hand tied behind their back, standing on their head, and both eyes closed. It's getting close to that impossibility threshold.
Perrito: ...
Nishi: ... So now, we take another break from our plot to watch some special effects which we later learn was a body of water being displaced. By the fact we had no idea what the fuck the action lines were and had to wait for appropriate dialog, I'm assuming that part was true to manga.
In yet another break from our plot, we're now going to take over the plot of Avatar because fuck, that shit sold well.
Perrito: HAHAHAHAHAHA
Nishi: Gookoo is demoted from Main Character to Luggage boy in what would be a magoo like training session if it actually looked like he had to work for it at all. It's a good thing his superpowers can be countered with wood.
Perrito: ,,,,
Nishi: So, we arrive at a tournament setup, where Obvious Lead Chick is kicking ass in a cleavage emphasizing outfit. She quickly draws Gookoo aside and says she heard about his grandfather... and was sorry. Apparently, she's apologizing for not listening to HIM when he mentioned it.
Perrito: .... hahahahaha
Nishi: ... you know, I kind of don't think they proofread this script
Perrito: ... no they probably didn't
Nishi: "Oh this tournament, was was I wanted to tell you about at the party." (Two minutes later) "Oh hey! What did you want to tell me about?" "That I was a fighter too!!!!"
Perrito: ,,,
Nishi: I swear that dialog just happened.
Perrito: I can't remember
but I'm not shocked
Nishi: Again. Bulma is abused. No one cares. Not even Bulma.
Perrito: ... you're almost done
I think
Nishi: I HOPE SO, I have this interesting sensation of feeling my ability to think and reason slowly dissolving under the onslaught
Perrito: jvhlk HAHAHAHAHAHA
Nishi: Now we learn that for no reason at all, the boys can fly. Or rather one can sort of jump and the other can fly. Bartering with a desert rat commenses and Gookoo seems to have lost all of his awkward under the Edward Cullen clipped, broody and poorly delivered school of theater. I'm not sure if it's an improvement, but it DOES make me laugh in ways it probably shouldn't.
Picallo, in the mean time, demonstrates that while he can destroy the world, own airships and boss around Booby McFabulous, he can't seem to hire a decent laboratory worker to draw four vials of blood for him the painless way. Instead, we get the S & M chair and the crybaby approach
Perrito: jknl HAHAHAHAHA
Nishi: The desert rat, whom I shall now name Chet. Due to Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire, spots the dragonball at the sore loss of his own.
As if LAVA wasn't enough of a barrier, Picallo's bastard blood children, whom I will now name Picklettes, cut in for a dramatic fight scene sensing that the viewers might be bored. Unfortunately, they're about 40 minutes too late.
Perrito: HAHAHAHAHAHA
Nishi: CONVENIENTLY, lava is the only thing that not only doesn't kill them, but they float conveniently for our heroes to merrily skip over the Picklettes bodies in toasty, yet generally safe, style
Perrito: ..... hahahahahahahaha
Nishi: SUDDENLY
WAIT FOR ITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
PREMONITION
Perrito: KHJLKLWE AHAHAHAAHAHA
Nishi: JUST IN LUCK, all of that abuse of Bulma has helped Gookoo easily fuckown Booby McFabulous. He ambles back to have a heartfelt, man to man conversation with Roshi about how his balls talk to him. Nothing to worry about, that's common for his age.
Perrito: ....
I scared my poor cat
Nishi: ... It's okay, Akitty will just kill you in your sleep
Or make a good attempt at your eye
Perrito: SHE'S TRIED
Nishi: I KNOW >D
Perrito: Your commentary makes everything better
Nishi: THIS IS HOW I WAS RAISED TO HANDLE BAD MOVIES
Next, we have a temple scene, where Roshi is serious, and finally, someone makes an attempt at exposition. It doesn't help a whole lot except for setting up the Honorable Death trope, which because it's obvious, we can rest assured doesn't happen.
BACK TO THE CHICKFIGHT
Perrito: ..... YOU ARE SO GOOD AT THIS
Nishi: The chickfight doesn't last long, as the opponent is Booby McFabulous who walks off doing something unexplained but nefarious... Obvious Lead Chick and Obvious Lead Dude go do their mushy stuff, while Bulma confesses to Chet that she's always wanted to be famous. I'm sure this is a heartfelt, secret confession, because she's said it during every significant piece of dialog she's had the entire movie.
Perrito: HAHAHAHAHA
Nishi: And because Lead Chick and Dude are off being mushy, the Bulma and Chet have a random moment in which it is obvious that they were fated to be.
Perrito: Naturally
Nishi: The moment is broken by the forever memorable line "HEY! We still have our dragonballs."
Perrito: ,,,,, god IS IT?
Nishi: Yes. Yes it is.
Perrito: Oh god, this movie is so much worse when it is narrated to me
Nishi: That really says something.
Considering it's pretty bad as it is.
Perrito: ... I laughed a lot during it
Nishi: ... air bending, we really ARE borrowing from Avatar
So, at this point, I'm not entirely sure how the ultimate in air bending leads to fire, but that vaguely follows Avatar too. So we're just going to roll with this one too.
It's worthy to note that the Kama Hama Ha involves dance moves somewhat like the macarena
I'm not entirely sure what that says, but I'm sure it's a zen koan.
Perrito: njk.odwp ahahahaha+
Nishi: After miserable attempts to master this dance move ultimate power thing, and going off to cheat with his tail between his legs. Obvious Lead Chick uses Charm on Gookoo, and FINALLY. FINALLY, he gets to flex his peen the way he's always wanted. WITHOUT EVEN DOING A FLASHY WRIST WRIGGLE, he gets his fire going!
Perrito: NISHI WHY
WHY
AUGGH
Nishi: I'M JUST CALLING IT LIKE I SEE IT
Fortunately for all of us, Gookoo goes limp early.
Again, nothing to worry about at his age.
Perrito: ..... nishi
Nishi: You love me.
Perrito: yes
but
Nishi: WELL. T-THEY ARE MAKING THE 'SYMBOLISM' A LITTLE OBVIOUS
Of course, he's back up as soon as he gets his wrist technique back down.
Nishi: Sucking faces, fade to black, and we can safely assume that Gookoo's finally going to get some. Temple preparations continue to unintelligible chanting and a slow mo version of the macerena, reinforcing, yet again, that if you want a world saving, world destroying power, line dancing is the way to go.
Perrito: ..... line dancing
Nishi: Now, we have an obvious doppleganger in a frilly nighty. Who meets the real one in a frilly nighty. Which leads one to wonder if Booby McFabulous simply has the same taste in nighttime romps or if she was watching Gookoo getting his Kama Hama Ha on.
CATFIGHT TWO: LACY VERSION
Perrito: .....
Nishi: Gookoo immediately senses this girl on girl action and dives through the fire for a better view.
Perrito: .... oh man
HAHAHAHA
Nishi: True to his now-almost-impressively diskish ways, Gookoo rushes in to help, immediatley picking one to beat the fuck out of, and notices too late, that he kicked the crap out of the wrong chick. Luckily, no one cared, not even Bulma.
Perrito: .....bjlhñop{
Nishi: In a surprising turn in the movie's generally failtastic attempts at heterosexuality, Roshi gets his Kama Hama Ha on in Gookoo, who holds the Jizz in my Pants pose for a bit longer than necessary for agonizing pain.
Perrito: ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
yes
I. yes
Nishi: Now possessing all the balls in the world, Picallo transforms the budget from high animation to the clay animation and blue screening from the mid ninties.
Perrito: ..... yes
yes he does
Nishi: ... ... So after all this build up. Picallo somehow just... has a ball roll off during a ritual because of one power blast.
Now, mind you, he could break a mans arms with the force
Could collapse a house
Displace what I assume was a large body of water
But not... catch a ball.
Obviously, Picallo is good at big problems, but could use some of Gookoo's high school for pratical sports skills.
In a SHOCKING turn of events, Picallo tells Gookoo that he IS the destroyer of worlds, Ozai, Zuko's father. The natural reaction to this is to fall to his knees, stunned, and completely forgetting the self help book advise of his dying grandfather.
Amazingly it works, turning Gookoo into a rabid monkey thing. Unsurprisingly, the acting skill has just gone up a notch.
Perrito: HAHAHAHAHAHA
Nishi: There are many manly sacrifices for chicks going down here, and an attempt to put Pickles inna jar just didn't happen. I'm a little sad to see Gookoo back.
He overcomes his monkey side, and immediately, instead of quoting the thing that made sense that his grandfather said "To believe in himself" he says "First rule. There are no rules." ... Winning the out of context award of the day.
Perrito: .... hahahahahaha
ACTUALLY
Nishi: The chickfight continues inside, while outside, Gookoo and Pickles duel with their Kama Hama Has
Perrito: THAT'S THE FIRST LINE IN THE MOVIE, I THINK
GOHAN TELLS HIM THAT
Nishi: IT IS.
BUT IT MAKES NO SENSE IN WHAT ... ANYONE WAS SAYING
Perrito: Well no, of course it doesn't
this move isn't supposed to make sense
Nishi: ... well. I hope not.
PICKLES IS PEIRCED BY GOOKOO'S BIGGEST KAMA HAMA HA YET. Hits the ground and we're back to checking on the other dead guy.
Perrito: .... oh, roshi
Nishi: ... See, now I'm kind of disappointed, I was expecting Gookoo to make Roshi take his Kama Hama Ha in a swap of positions.
Apparently, Roshi can't be penetrated so easily and needs a dragon to finish the job
Perrito: ......
Nishi: So, lo, the dragonballs bugger off, as mystical all powerful relics do, and our intrepid party get ready to go find them again. However, Gookoo needs to go get mushy again, with Obvious Lead Chick, who by the bright smile seeing him again, doesn't remember he just BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF HER. HOWEVER, HE BRINGS IT UP. And can't be satisfied by the fact that she let him win. His rightful dickishness threatened, he goes to beat the shit out of her again
And on this uplifting note?
The credits roll
And this.
Is DragonBall Z
As interpreted by DragonBall E
Perrito: ... no, it's missing something
YOU SHOULD WAIT FOR IT
Nishi: IT STOPPED
Perrito: DAMN
IT MISSED RANDOM SCENE WITH RANDOM ORIENTAL LADY TENDING TO SOMEONE
AND THEN THAT SOMEONE BEING PICCOLO
THEN the credits roll
Nishi: ... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Perrito: IT'S ALL TRUE I SWEAR
DONE.