Half Down
Tittle: Half Down
Pairing: Nishikido Ryo/Kato Shigeaki
Rating: G
No matter how many times i try to fix it No matter how many times I try to dress it up as something else
The me who cannot change is here and you are also there
the ideal that we cannot stop holding on to the doubt that we cannot stop hiding
that time that was blamed on somebody
the times we misunderstood each other through the worn out streets
what do I look like through your eyes?
I tried everything. Did you notice it? Every approach, every comment, every single gesture I tried to change it. Over and over again. Every time being a complete new person towards you. I tried to change the me that you see. And call it ironic but even though I tried to change so hard for your sake, you were the only one piercing right through it all. Seeing the real me hiding behind it.
I tried to blame it on others, that you wouldn't notice my efforts. I tried to blame Koyama for taking your time, time in which you could have looked at me instead. I blamed Tegoshi for always snapping away your attention, just when it was focused on me, even if it was for only a little bit. I blamed Pi for always being the better senpai, the more trusted one. And in the end I even blamed it on Massu, simply because you happily agreed to go shopping with him while we barely met up after work.
Now thinking back, I think I misunderstood so many things. Blinded by pretending I think I missed what was real. And what was real was your image of me. Do you still have that image? I'd like to know Shige, what do you see when you look at me?
the days that only you and i spent together are still shining now
the thoughts that were shut in are sometimes spinning in my heart
the small lies and the egos and the wounds if we could forgive them all
even now I wonder if you would still be smiling by my side
Still, every little moment that you were beside me will keep on burning in my memory. Like that one time when we went out together for example. It was only the two of us, and at first you were surprisingly hesitant. Big words, small acts they say. Because as big as you talk when the camera's are focused on you, so shy and small you looked sitting in the chair across mine. Hesitant to speak, because in your mind you were still out with a senpai.
I laughed and told you to drop the shy act, it didn't fit you. Right away you muttered back a witty response. We both laughed and I can't recall an evening I had as much fun as I did with you that night. Often I recall it, wondering that if I had spoken up sooner we could have repeated that more often.
no matter how much we try to regret we cannot rewind yesterday
and in that same way the world is waiting for tomorrow
and if only in the calendar that seems to repeat its self over and over
things like the faint hope we seem to be able to find are there
Sometimes I hit myself on the head for being so absolutely blunt and jealous at the same time. It's not a good combination since you are so easily amused and engrossed by other people. I wish I could take back all my remarks about you and Koyama being like a married couple. Or how I would always say that if you wanted him so much, you just should have said so to Tegoshi. You must have asked yourself why I did that, and maybe that's why you seemed to be annoyed every time it happened. I'm sorry about that, making you break your head over something I myself didn't even understood.
You were never mine, but I considered you as if you were. Needless to say, I still have hope that one day, you really will be.
if we were able to meet with an excited expression
would we be able to laugh at it
and say, after all this time
After all this time, would you still allow me to say my confession? And would we laugh about the stupid misunderstandings together afterwards?
I'm always lining up only ideals on the shelves
You're always dreaming of great circumstances
but we probably will approve of the past and the now and the future so
that is what I believe in and pray for only
You always wanted more. Next to being a singer and actor, you also wanted to write. I never told you I did, but every article that you ever produced, I read it. It told me so much about what was going on in your mind. Things you wouldn't speak out to me, but did your readers. It even made me feel a little but jealous of them.
You studied and became a lawyer, and you even managed to keep your photography hobby next to all this. You were going so fast, while even though I wanted to grow, I had settled for what I already was.
But that's in the past. Now and in the future I want to grow. Together with you.
If I put this into words I feel that it will all become misty later
so now I'm singing about it it's kind of ironic, isn't it
the time there was nothing and the time there was everything has
become like the gentle wind
I don't want my words to you fade away into nothingness. Because nothing is already all I have and I don't want it anymore. I have found my resolve and my resolve, dear Shige, are you.
It's kind of ironic, saying such things after all this time, isn't it? When it's on the verge of being too late, and I already have let the nothingness play big parts. But now I know that time hasn't put a hold on my feelings that are boiled up for so long side, I feel like I still need to tell you. Because I still believe in 'come what may..'
the days that only you and i spent together are still shining now
the thoughts that were shut in are sometimes spinning in my heart
the small hopes and courage and pain if we both pay tribute to them
even now I wonder if you would still be smiling by my side
If you are willing to lend me this chance, it which I promise I won't let it slip away ever again. We could go out again, creating new memories that make my head spin and my heart dance in my chest. I know you feel it too, but are you ready for something that you already for something which you already thought that would never happen? Because I am. With you I am.
Every time you look at me, touch me accidentally or even say the smallest thing it gives me hope that it's not over at all. Because we never really started it and the spark is still there. With you by my side I am willing to smile and let it all happen.
As always I am lining up only ideals on my shelves
as always you are dreaming of great circumstances
someday if I think dearly of the past and the now and the future
I can go anywhere just as I am
You are going so fast, but are you willing to take me with you in all the big things that are happening inside your head? So we can step into the future together and laugh off the past in which we made so many mistakes by not speaking out what we wanted and how we felt. How I annoyed you, and you allowed yourself getting annoyed by me. How I kept remembering that one time, while in the mean time it didn't had to stop at one. And in which you went so fast I couldn't keep up.
You always saw the me hiding behind it. So what do you say Shige? Will you take my hand and step into the future with the me you see today? Because it's the real one. The one you always saw. And the one I'm willing to show to the world.
Because with you by my side, I can go anywhere. Just as I am.