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[hilaryann]

this is the second night in a row that i have sobbed myself to something that is near sleep. i am a fuckup and a failure and everything i touch turns to shit. i have been home from michigan for seven hours and i have already become so upset and frustrated that when i actually did fall asleep, i had a nightmare and--i am not shitting you--i fell off

Comments

[meowberry]

sweetie, you're an amazing person, and not a failure at all. you will find another job, and it sucks that your financial aid got fucked up, but it will get worked out! I know you're disappointed that you can't go next semester, but it's just a roadblock, it's not going to permanently prevent you from school. and it's not your fault about what happened to Luke, that's not something that's under your control. you did NOTHING wrong to stress him out, don't blame yourself for that! it's not like you were abusive to him or anything

[aisales]

I second this. Here's lookin' at you kid. If there's anything I can do to help, just let me know.

[hilaryann]

Thank you. It really did help to just talk to you about some of it in person the other day. Like I said to Shawna below, I sometimes don't know what to do with support given to me when I need it, so I hope I don't come across as dismissive or whatever. In an ideal world we could just drink lots of whiskey and listen to Tom Waits records and everything would just sort itself out :/

[hilaryann]

I love you, and I hope you know that I do appreciate all the support you send me. Sometimes I don't know what to do with it, because it's so difficult to reconcile what you are saying with what my head perceives to be reality. So I worry that I come across as ungrateful, but really, I appreciate every word.