Intelligence Quota - Part 1
If there is something Jared would love to do more than anything - well, not anything, but it's pretty close to the top of the list - then it would be to blame Chad Michael Murray for it. What it is, is another matter altogether but Jared does want to blame Chad for all his teenage angst.
He couldn't lay the blame on the quiz bowl team itself because he could have quit after the first year and been blissfully ignorant. Well, as ignorant as someone could be when they've sometimes been described as a walking encyclopedia.
Then again, he wouldn't have been on the quiz team if Chad hadn't literally made him sign up, saying things like; 'someone must have liquefied the Encyclopaedia Britannica and filled up the six feet something of you with the goop.'
Also, if he was going to be honest with himself, the quiz team only peripherally contributed to his problems. That is to say, the quiz bowl team itself; as in himself, Danneel and Sandy. The satellites which orbited the team were a whole other story.
The crux of the matter is that when he walked into the first meeting of the quiz team in the new school year, his problems started, and one could say they haven't stopped.
"Aren't you coming to the meeting?" Sandy asks as she skips past him in the hallway. She appears extremely determined and Jared knows why: if anyone is jonesing for them to win this time it's Sandy - she is out for blood this year.
As Sandy sprints ahead, Jared sees Danneel strolling along and he slides up next to her.
"Did you hear? Alexis brought in some new kid to assist with the team, you know, the drills and all the menial grunt work. I think she's getting touchy about her GPA or something." Danneel takes her time with the words and Jared knows from experience that she's trying to play it very cool, which probably means she knows something about the new kid. He wants to press for details but he's going to see for himself in a couple of minutes anyway.
The quiz bowl team has Mr. Rosenbaum's classroom after school, every Tuesday and Thursday, in the few months leading up to and during the regionals. Last year they got pretty close to finals and all of them, not just Sandy and Alexis, want to go all the way.
When Jared and Danneel finally make it through the door of the classroom, Sandy is already sitting. Mr. Rosenbaum has his back to them and so does Alexis; they are talking to someone who Jared suspects is this new kid. He takes a seat next to Sandy, Danneel sitting down on her other side.
"Everyone's here," says Alexis as she turns around, obviously ready to start their training but Jared takes no notice of her. He's too busy staring at the new kid. Well, he can't call him a kid, the guy is obviously older than him but that's not really what Jared notices the most. In fact, he isn't entirely sure what he's noticing the most. Perhaps it's the buzzing in his ears or the sweat on his palms. He doesn't know what to focus on; the guy's eyes, lips, broad shoulders, handsome face, hands, and he ends up looking down at the table.
"So, gang, this is Jensen Ackles who is going to assist us through this season because God knows we need the help. Jensen, this is the team."
Jared is vaguely aware of Sandy introducing herself to Jensen and then Danneel does the same. He manages to do so as well, though it's like he's stuck in a trance. Jensen's grip is firm like he wants to make himself trustworthy and memorable. He shouldn't have to worry about the latter, though, at least not where Jared is concerned. The rest of the meeting goes by in a haze and Jared feels like he's on autopilot through all of it.
It isn't until he's standing the hallway, looming over Danneel who is picking up her chemistry textbook from her locker, that he comes to.
"Still spaced out?" she asks as she closes the door to her locker by slamming it shut and looks up at him.
"Huh? What?" Jared blinks and briefly wonders how come he's at Danneel's locker all of a sudden.
"Oh, you are so gone. So far gone. I've never seen you like this."
"Like what? What are you talking about?" Jared isn't sure why but he feels like he must defend himself against whatever Danneel is talking about.
"Like you've just seen the face of God, doofus. His name isn't Brian Kinney though, is it? It's Jens…"
"Shut the fuck up, Danny."
She stops but keeps smirking at him like she knows something he doesn't. He hates it when she does that, maybe because she does it all the freaking time. They walk out of the school in silence and Jared is grateful for that. He really needs a freaking minute to gather his thoughts because he sure does not know what happened in that meeting. It is like a runaway train hit him full force.
"Hey, Jay! Danny!" Chad comes running up to them in the parking lot, his basketball stuffed under his t-shirt, making him look eight months pregnant. "Your 'Brainiacs Anonymous' meeting over?"
"You done with your ob-gyn appointment? When's your baby due?" says Danneel and pushes down on Chad's basketball so it drops down to the asphalt and bounces away from them. Chad curses and runs after it. Danneel seems to get a secret kick out of tormenting Chad.
"Goddamn, woman," Chad huffs when he returns with his ball. "So did anything exciting happen?"
Jared rolls his eyes and stifles a groan when Danneel's face lights up.
"As a matter of fact, a very exciting thing happened. We have a new coach. Alexis found some guy at a pub quiz and thought he might be able to help but I'm afraid he's going to be too much of a distraction for Jay here."
"Oh? How come?" Of course Chad decides to play all coy like he doesn't know what Danneel's hinting at.
"Remember when Jared had a crush on that friend of yours from the team, James, right? Yeah, this is like hundred times worse. He totally spaced out on us today."
"Danny!" Jared almost shouts, heat creeping up his cheeks.
"Oh, dude!" Chad slaps him on the back, wearing his shit-eating grin, which tells Jared that Chad's going to pump Danneel for information the first chance he gets. "I've got to know more."
"Not much to tell, except Jay here seems to have developed some taste, finally."
"Guy's actually a chick?" Chad asks and Jared really wants to give in to the urge to leave in a huff but he knows that neither Danneel nor Chad mean any harm. They just love to tease him; even more than they like to tease each other.
"Pretty enough to be a chick, not girly though. Jay always goes for the pretty boys, doesn't he?"
"Never gone for me though, has he?" Chad is obviously trying to sound disappointed but it's ridiculous enough to make Jared stop feeling so embarrassed.
"Dude, in your dreams." Jared can't help but roll his eyes.
"Yeah, I think we need to get at least ten beers into Jared before he'd go for you, Chad. I would totally pay for those beers, though."
"How come I don't get beer? I'm the one who's straight."
"Oh, no one is going spend precious booze on you to have you make out with a guy when you'd totally do it stone-cold sober." Danneel punches Chad's shoulder and he grabs it, feigning a great injury.
"You wound me, woman. But Jay, seriously? You're all, like in love and shit?"
"Whoa, I just met the guy. For one, he's like four years older than me, in college and everything. Secondly, he might be totally straight for all I know and maybe he's a horrible person." Jared is pretty much reciting what the rational part of his brain is trying to tell him. All the other parts of his mind are still incoherent and he has to hang on to the few lucid thoughts he has if he wants to be able to function at all.
Chad doesn't answer him and Danneel doesn't comment either as they all flock to Chad's truck. Their silence is almost foreboding to Jared, like they know more than he does.
Maybe they do.
Jared has known he's gay for a long time. He actually remembers the date he realized it, but he's well aware no one would believe that, not even Chad who was present but kind of too busy eating his own boogers to notice. It was a sunny day and they'd been in second grade. Mrs. Connelly had the class gathered in a discussion about the hydrologic cycle and Jared had been sitting across from Tom, who had known that freshwater can appear above ground as a spring. Mrs. Connelly had complimented Tom, of course: he'd smiled and something in Jared's belly had fluttered like it had been him who had given the right answer. Back then he’d already been falling for guys who were smart, like himself.
The rest of that sunny day he had pondered what the flutter in his belly had meant. He had watched Chad pull Sophia Bush's pigtails since kindergarten and despite Chad's frequent declarations that girls had cooties and Sophia had them in particular, he was pretty sure that Chad was kind of sweet on her. Maybe not as sweet as Dad was on Mom but you know, enough for it to warrant some teasing. But since Chad never really teased him, Jared saw no reason to tease Chad about Sophia, not even when he couldn't find the straw on his juice box with his mouth at lunch because he was too busy staring at her.
Jared had a pretty good idea, even back then, that when they grew older, people paired off, a man and a woman, like Mom and Dad. Then they'd get married and start a family. He knew how babies were made and could name all the anatomical parts involved and explain how a sperm would fertilize an egg which would then turn into a zygote and plant itself inside the womb, turn into a foetus and finally a baby that would be born approximately nine months after conception if everything was as it should be.
But two men couldn't do that, make a family by themselves. None of the books Jared had read about the human body had mentioned anything about that. He did remember a book he'd tried to read but hadn't understood all that much of; about Ancient Greece. There had been chapters on the philosophers and their work, where it had been said that the practice of pederasty was present in their works. He'd gone and looked pederasty up in an encyclopaedia. It hadn't helped much but he was left with the vague sense that once upon time in Ancient Greece and Japan, young men who wanted to be someone in the world got mentors, who would also teach them the ways of love. To a seven year old, even an intelligent and analytical one like Jared, this had, quite frankly, sounded scary.
He'd become frustrated because he wanted answers. Normally books would give him the answers but not this time, and since he wasn't allowed to use the internet without one of his parents present, asking one of them would just be easier. He supposed that since this seemed to be a men-only issue, his dad would be more likely to provide the answers he was looking for.
He approached his father just as he was settling down to watch TV and checked to see whether his older brother was within an earshot. Jeff was pretty cool for an older brother but he would probably laugh at Jared for this.
"Dad, can two guys be together like you and Mom are together… I mean, not married but you know…?" His voice trailed off as his father turned to him, looking a little more serious than Jared would have liked.
"Why do you ask, Jared?"
"I read… that sometimes older men who were teaching boys would also be with them and they would…" Jared gulped, trying to remember the words he had read, "…engage in anal intercourse and…"
His father grabbed his shoulders hard, startling Jared.
"Has anyone been…" His father's voice sounded oddly choked, "…telling you about this and then touching… hurting you? You have to tell me, understand?"
Jared blinked, his heart hammering. Had he done something wrong? Hot tears started to well up in his eyes.
"I… Dad… I just read it in the encyclopaedia because… I wanted to know… I'm sorry, Daddy…"
"Jared Tristan Padalecki, you must tell me. If there's someone hurting you and telling you that you can't tell anyone, I need to know. It's illegal and you must tell me."
The tears were running down his cheeks and the burn of shame grew with each sob.
"I just… Daddy, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to… don't be angry. I… Tom, he's is in my class, he was smiling and I thought… it made me feel nice, a lot more than when Chad smiles and Chad is my best friend in the world and I don't want Tom to become my friend instead of Chad… and I thought maybe I liked Tom like Chad likes Sophia even though he says she has cooties. I'm sorry…"
His father's eyes widened and he lifted his hands off Jared's shoulders to hug the boy to him. Jared tried to take deep breaths to stop his sobbing.
"Oh, Jared. I misunderstood, I'm sorry if I frightened you. Please calm down." His father stroked his hair and Jared stopped crying but his question still remained unanswered.
"Dad," he said as he wiped his nose with his sleeve. "Can you like boys like that? Can a boy have a boyfriend?"
"Yes, that's possible. People can have same-sex relationships. Two men can be in a relationship with each other and so can two women. It's called being gay or homosexual. Women who like other women like that are also called lesbians. A lot of people have problem with them, for religious and other reasons. You are still so young, people don't really know for sure who they like until they are teenagers but if you think you like boys when you are older, you know you can always talk to me or your mother. We just want to you to be happy."
Jared listened solemnly to his father and nodded. He was relieved that his father wasn't mad about him liking Tom but he kind of didn't want to tell anyone else now. He still felt confused and frightened, frightened of making a mistake and cause someone to hurt him in the way his father was talking about. And what if he still liked other boys when he grew older and people would hate him for it? He smiled weakly at his dad and went to his room to look at his world atlas. His atlas was never confusing but he always learned something new when he looked at it.
It's not until his early adolescence that Jared fully realizes that he's really gay. His self-revelation brews as he grows up and watches Chad develop a crush after crush on girls. He doesn't voice how he himself is also developing crushes; on boys, that is.
He feels the need to tell someone but every time he starts visualizing telling Chad he imagines fear and disappointment. He also remembers the discussion he once had with his father and the mere thought has his insides writhing, even if he knows intellectually that his father hadn't been angry with him. Still, the thought alone of telling his family that he will probably never marry a girl and have the American apple pie life when he grows up has him hyperventilating.
At twelve, Chad finally decides that girls are definitely cootie-free and that he would very much like to kiss one of them, preferably as soon as possible. Everything starts to revolve around kissing a girl - or at least finding ways to kiss a girl.
Jared knows that he can't use the same strategies in order to find boys to kiss so he kind of follows Chad on his quest - until the kissing becomes a real possibility, when Chad has convinced their friends to play 'Spin the Bottle' at Tessa's birthday party.
After contemplating faking the flu, Jared decides to tell Chad. He asks Chad over, and with clammy palms and his heart lodged somewhere in his throat, tries to nerve himself into saying the words. After having paced in front of Chad for few minutes, Chad watching him with his eyebrows raised, Jared stops in front of his friend and literally drops to his knees. Chad's eyes grow wide but he doesn't move.
"Chad, I just want you to know that you are my best friend and now maybe you'll stop being my friend so I just want you to know that. What I want to tell you, no matter what you think or feel about it, I know you'll keep it a secret."
As Jared inhales and readies himself, Chad starts to chuckle.
"Jay, you're my buddy and even if you're going to tell me that you like deep-frying live kittens, you're still going to be my buddy."
Jared twists his lips at Chad's suggestion.
"Chad! Please listen to me. I'm trying to tell you that I'm gay."
Chad's chuckle changes into full-blown laughter, a laughter that reminds Jared of every moment him and Chad have done something - of happy days, of kites, paddle pools and corn dogs. All the pent-up tension leaves Jared and he feels lighter, like someone has relieved him of some heavy shopping bags.
"For all your talk of me being your best friend, you don't seem to think I know you. Dude, I know. And I don't give a damn whether you're gay or not. You are still Jared Padalecki and Jared Padalecki is my buddy. Now and forever and don't forget that."
Jared can't help it - he smiles wide and bright.
"And dude, you don't have to mack on girls at Tessa's if that's the reason why you are telling me this now."
Nodding, Jared chews on his lips.
"More for me, then. It's just too bad that there probably aren't any boys ready to make out with you. I have my suspicions about Todd but I'm not sure if he's realized that about himself yet."
"I really don't want to kiss Todd. Ever."
Chad giggles.
"I'm glad that you at least have taste, though you are totally crazy for not liking boobies," Chad snorts, which makes Jared laugh and call him a pervert and wonder why he was ever worried that Chad wouldn't understand.
Normally, Jared loves Thursdays. There's AP History with Mr. Rosenbaum and they've been doing an in-depth project about the life of a soldier in the First World War. It's both fascinating and sad to think of all the young men, boys his age really, in damp dug-outs and trenches. They must have been so scared, fighting and being so far away from home. He also has Physics with Mr. Lindberg, who is really interested in electronics and Jared is sometimes worried that someone will get electrocuted during the experiments.
This Thursday is completely different. First of all, Jared makes Chad wait for him in the driveway for something like ten minutes because apparently, Jared had planned to go to school without his school bag. Even though tardiness isn't something that worries Chad a lot, he isn't very happy when they barely make it before the second bell.
Then there's the buzzing that fills Jared's head all day, like his head is a fuzzy TV screen. Mr. Rosenbaum could just as well have been speaking about Paris Hilton's shoe collection than the battle of Verdun. And he's clearly missed a joke from Mr. Lindberg when he manages to notice Sandy doubling over in her seat next to him, muttering something about electrons and their smelly feet between wheezing gales of laughter. He doesn't even notice Danneel's smirk at lunch when he stares at his lunch tray like he's never seen chicken nuggets before in his life.
After the bell rings out the last period he just sits at his desk and stares straight ahead, like he's forgotten that when the period ends, you're supposed to get your ass out of the class room.
"Padalecki, gather your things." Mrs. Ferris, his English teacher, isn't a particularly patient woman and she's usually keen on getting rid of her students when the bell has rung out the last class. Jared barely hears her but he scrambles to put away his notebook and his battered copy of A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man.
"Is something wrong?" she asks as he is about to exit the classroom. "You seemed distracted in class."
Jared can only give her a smile and a tiny shake of his head. He's pretty sure that Mrs. Ferris isn't interested at all in the reason he wasn't enraptured while she pointed out the various ways James Joyce criticized the Catholic Church in his works.
The buzzing that has been filling his mind hasn't lessened but the thoughts he'd been trying to keep at bay were starting to seep through. The bi-weekly quiz bowl team meeting would commence in about twenty minutes and he wasn't ready. What if the same thing would happen this time? What if he'd zone out again and not come to his senses until the meeting was over? That is no way to train. He isn't necessarily a person who deals well with things as they happen: he prefers to have a strategy. If Jensen Ackles's continued presence keeps being a distraction, the obvious and sensible solution would be to ask Alexis not to bring him to any more meetings, but the mere thought of asking her to do that felt so wrong that it was like his stomach cramped in pain, like someone had wrapped a rubber band tightly around it.
The best way he has to deal with it would be to try to drown it out in his mind: to not think about it, or at least try his very best not to. Ignoring his troubles isn't something he's used to doing but at the moment it is the only way.
Mr. Rosenbaum, or Rosey, like they call him at quiz bowl meetings, is the only one present when Jared walks into the classroom, his book bag slung over his shoulder like it's a terrible burden.
"Hey, Jared." Rosey is putting away some papers and looks up to smile at him.
"Hey," Jared mumbles as he sinks down in the next chair he sees. He looks out the window and right at the asphalted parking lot where he spies Chad, seemingly talking to Alexis and Jensen. Even though he's looking at them from some distance, the mere sight of Jensen is enough for his heart to fling itself against his ribcage. He looks away and sees Rosey looking at him with concern evident on his face.
"Everything okay, Jay? You seemed out of spirits this morning and to be honest, you still look like that."
Jared has no desire to discuss what's on his mind, so he mutters something noncommittal and then becomes very interested in the content of his book bag, though he knows he won't find the solution to his problems in his physics report, his history text book and not even in James Joyce. Still, he doesn't have to face other people's concern looking at the physics report and frowning at the only mistake he made in the calculations.
The others start to filter in. Sandy comes in and starts a discussion with Rosey about whether she should concentrate harder on birds common in America or insects. Jared has always been glad he isn't in charge of zoology on the team. He loves animals but he's crap with all the Latin names. Sandy seems to have a very easy time remembering them and Jared knows she sometimes calms herself down in times of crisis by reciting the Latin names of the cat family.
He's still looking at the physics report when Danneel slides into the chair next to him.
"You on planet Earth, Jay, or are you still a space cadet?"
"What are you on about?"
"Still orbiting Planet Jensen, I see." Danneel leans on the table with her hand under her chin.
"Shut up. Danny, no, I'm just preoccupied with school, that's all."
"Jay, honey. I would actually love to get through regionals and we can't get there without you, so please snap out of it for the meeting. Afterwards, you can head back into space if you want."
"I am focused," he snaps back.
"De Nile, not only a river in Egypt," she says in a sing-song voice just as Alexis and Jensen arrive. Maybe Danneel has irritated him just enough for him to snap out of it for the rest of the meeting.
They do quite well with the questions Alexis has obviously made Jensen write, especially since a good part of them relate to Jared's expertise on history and literature.
At the end of the day both Alexis and Rosey seem to be happy with them. Sandy is cursing herself but it's pretty rare that a team meeting ends without her being angry at herself. Danneel seems to be pretty pleased as well. Jared mostly feels relieved. He does wonder if he'll need Danneel to bitch him out at every meeting but that might end up being a price he's willing to pay. He follows Danneel out of the classroom, planning to hitch a ride with her.
"Hey, Jared. Wait up." Jensen comes running after him. Jared stops and Danneel does as well. There's a look in her eyes he doesn't appreciate so he shoots her a glare before turning to Jensen.
"I was thinking, since Alexis put me in charge of monitoring your knowledge of current events and recent history, we should talk. Have you got time right now?"
Jared is sure his heart has stopped beating.
"I… I was going to get a ride with Danneel," he stammers.
"Oh, I can give you a ride," says Jensen.
"That's great," Danneel says before Jared can even open his mouth to protest. "I have to go visit my grandmother and Jared's place would be a little bit out of the way for me. See you tomorrow, Jay."
With that, she strides away and Jared is left gaping, like he's forgotten how to work the muscles in his jaws.
"So," Jensen says tentatively, "I was thinking that we should take a bit of time every week, either before a session or after it, to discuss current events and such. I think that's the best way to keep up and have the names and quotes and happenings fresh in your mind. I'm not talking about more than ten, maybe fifteen minutes."
Jared hears what Jensen is saying and he nods. This would actually sound like a pretty good plan - that is, if his heart wasn't doing a drum solo inside his chest.
"So yeah, cool," Jared gets out. "How about that ride?"
Jensen's car is pretty much the ride one would expect from a poor college student: a rusty sedan hanging together out of old habit.
During the short ride from school to Jared's house Jensen manages to tell him that he's a junior in college and majoring in history with a minor in journalism. It isn't so much this exact information that does it, but when Jared stands in the driveway to his house, watching Jensen drive away, he realizes that Jensen is dangerously close to the image Jared holds of the perfect guy: handsome, intelligent and a nice person.
He better turn out to be straight so that Jared can stamp out that flame of stubborn hope in his heart. If not, Jared is afraid that no one else will ever compare.
They get down to the grind quickly after that and Jared is able to concentrate most of the time. He takes extra care to be up to date on current events because he earns Jensen's smile when he knows all about what was said on the official visit of the Prime Minister of Pakistan to the US, or any other event that is making the headlines.
Sandy becomes more serious about the competition every day and somehow manages to get herself out of half her homework. There are speculations as to whether she threatened Mr. Beaver the Spanish teacher bodily harm in order to do so because Mr. B is notorious for making people cry over Spanish verbs.
Thankfully, they can depend on Danneel to hold it together. She breezes into the classroom at every team meeting, winks at Jared and then tells a filthy joke or two in order to lighten the atmosphere.
She even succeeds in making Alexis crack a smile and that's a huge feat since Alexis is on the edge of a nervous breakdown most of the time. Not being on the team and therefore not being able to control the answers directly has her tearing at her cuticles so they bleed at every meeting and added to that is the pressure of her college workload.
So there's no surprise when Jensen shows up with a paper bag for the first match of the quiz bowl regionals. Alexis, fortunately, ends up not needing it because Jared, Danneel and Sandy end up wiping the floor with the other team.
Their streak of luck doesn't break after that and they find themselves in the semi-finals. It's one of those intense matches. The other team is ahead only by ten points in the middle of the game and if Jared wasn't as focused as he is, he'd realize that even Danneel has started to feel the pressure. The other team is manned by the types everyone expects to see on a quiz bowl team, three boys who are probably nicknamed Squint Prime, Squint Squared and Squint Cubed at their school. Though Jared has never been one to take notice of stereotypes, he clearly feels that the other team is judging them for not conforming to tradition, what with having the girls on the team and all. It makes him more determined to kick their collective asses.
Still, the bastards get yet another ten points ahead and the look on Sandy's face suggests that she wants to make doilies out of their innards. Danneel is very still and stiff beside him and he knows that means she's be down with the doily making. Maybe that's why they ended up nailing the next couple of questions.
So it all boils down to the last question as the two teams are tied.
"This European politician served almost continuously for twenty years in his country's government, holding the position of Prime Minister twice. He was the leader of the Christian Democratic party. He's most famous, though, for the circumstances surrounding his death but he was kidnapped by the Red Brigades on March 16th, 1978 and found murdered on May 9th, same year. For ten points, who was this Italian politician?"
Jared's hearts hammers. He knows this; him and Jensen had been discussing it just the other day. He hits the buzzer.
"Aldo Moro," he gasps and he sees the other team looking daggers at him. Danneel is grabbing his forearm tightly and through a deafening roar in his ears he hears someone shout that they have received ten points for this answer.
They are through to the finals.
There's no cause for celebration yet but there's a bit of breathing room before the finals. Three weeks of breathing room and time to prepare. Alexis decides that this means daily meetings though thankfully, she adds in a carrot.
"So it's my birthday next Friday," Alexis says, a couple of days after the semi-finals. "I'm throwing a party and you guys are all invited."
The way she says it is like she's a nine year old who stands up in homeroom, inviting her whole class and knowing that no one will show up.
"Cool," says Danneel, obviously aiming to calm Alexis down. "I'll come."
There isn't really a reason for Alexis to worry. They are all vying for a party, though Rosey does decline the invitation.
"It's hard enough for me to know that my high school students are going to be at a college party. I just pray you behave and don't forget that you have a quiz bowl final in less than three weeks. And now I'm going to act like you are all going to gather at Alexis' place and color in your coloring books."
"Aww, Rosey. Why must you disappoint us so?" Danneel pretends to cry a fake tear and they all break out laughing.
Jared and Danneel are still laughing when they get outside.
"Hey, guys. What's so funny?" Chad is obviously waiting for them by his truck.
"Just Mr. Rosenbaum." Danneel says, like it's a joke Chad will never understand.
"Oh." Chad looks a bit deflated and Jared isn't a big fan of Chad being disappointed. Chad may not have a crush on Danneel but he definitely thinks she's the coolest cat in town. Danneel unfortunately doesn't have the patience that Jared has for Chad.
"Good news though, Alexis is throwing a party on Friday. You coming with me?"
"Oh, Jay. You're finally asking me out on a date?" Chad flutters his eyelashes at him.
"Yeah, baby. What do you say?"
"Well, my social calendar is getting really full. Dude, there's a game on Friday and I did hear about another party and I was going to ask you…" Chad trails off and looks at Jared. "Is Jensen going to be at Alexis'?"
"I don't know." Jared's answer is hurried. Very hurried. Danneel and Chad both smirk.
"I think I need to meet this guy properly. Give him the best friend seal of approval and all. I'll be your chaperone." There's nothing much that Jared can do but sigh.
They drop Danneel off and then Chad takes a detour.
"Where the fuck are you going?" Jared had been hoping to get home to do his Calculus homework and finish his essay on Joyce's use of epiphany in A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man. It's turning into one of those essays that refuse to be over and done with.
"Just… wanted to chat. I mean, I know you really like that Jensen guy and you know, I wanted to help out."
"Chad, what the hell are you talking about?"
"I could be your wingman or ask him if he's gay, Jared, I know you like him. More than you probably realize yourself."
Jared blinks. Chad is his best friend but he's never been this concerned about Jared's love life.
"I don't think…"
"Jay. Sometimes you have to learn to go for things. You can't sit around forever and just pine away. Don't start assuming that everyone is straight and thank you'll never have a chance to date someone you like."
"Okay, has your basketball coach made you read The Secret fifty times or something? Why are you preaching this go-get-'em attitude to me?"
"Hey, no need to get bitchy. I'm trying to be helpful."
Chad does have a point. Jared knows very well that Chad will never be less than one hundred percent supportive of him and even though Chad sometimes doesn't seem to be able to tie his own shoelaces, it doesn't mean that whatever he has to say about Jared's life isn't true. Maybe he has to take charge and stop being so cautious.
"So you honestly think I should make a move at the party?"
Chad nods and then adds, "Not like a full come on or anything but test the ground. You still have to do the quiz bowl thing after the party so you can't do anything too embarrassing, like jumping on him and kissing him or something."
"God, Chad," mutters Jared. He's never kissed another boy before and he's definitely not going to start by jumping the guy he really likes and kissing him straight away.
"I've seen you drunk. You kind of say goodbye to your inhibitions when you get a drop of alcohol in you."
"I'm not going to get drunk at the party. I mean, maybe a glass of punch to get tipsy but not really drunk. Not with the quiz bowl finals coming up. And I can't go home after the party dead drunk."
"Hey dude, stay at my place. We could go to that other party as well. Some guy Charlie knows is throwing it. I think they work together at KFC. Only if you want to though, or if all of Alexis' college buddies are like super-lame and talk about politics and the best way to cook ramen."
He can't help but snort. It would be rather typical of Alexis to have a bunch of friends who are even more serious than she is. Then again, he has known her for years and knows that she acts that way because more than anything she wants to be taken seriously, as if being a pretty girl somehow makes people think she's a frivolous person. That is one of the reasons why he and Alexis never clicked like he's done with his current teammates, or at least with Danneel. He and Sandy complement each other very well on the team and sometimes it's like they can read each other's minds but Sandy is an unbelievably single-minded person. Outside of the quiz bowl team she doesn't have much time to socialize. If Jared sees her in the hallway, she's normally either running to class or to the library. She has her own spot there and woe to anyone else who dares to sit there.
"So you think Alexis' party will be the poor college student's version of a fine wine and cheese soirée?"
"You know it's going to be like that. You're going to get stuck in a conversation with some kids who are going backpacking in Europe and all they'll talk about are the cathedrals they are going to look at."
"I actually like that sort of thing, you know."
"I know, you huge nerd."
At the Thursday meeting of the quiz bowl team Jensen and Jared have another one-on-one session. After having gone through all the world leaders present at a recent G8 meeting, Jensen stops questioning Jared to look at some papers.
"So you know a lot of Alexis' friends at the college. Do you all hang out or something?"
Jensen looks up at Jared like he doesn't understand how some college kids might have anything to do with Angela Merkel and Dmitry Medvedev.
"What do you mean?"
"I was just wondering about the people who might be coming to the party."
"I know Alexis mostly from quiz nights at the student union. We never even shared a class. So I don't know who her friends are. I mean, the people I'll know at the party are you and the girls."
Jared feels like he has a warm blanket wrapped around him. The way Jensen emphasizes you has that effect.
"I've known Alexis for a couple of years and she's always been really serious, you know what I mean?" Jared says as Jensen nods. "I always wondered how she'd do socially at college. The quiz bowl team was all she really had when she went here."
"I do know that the engineering majors stick closely together so we might be in for a night full of jokes about bridge building and robots or something."
"Are there many history jokes at parties with history majors?"
"I actually have never been to a party with the other history majors. I stick to the few friends I've made in classes and such but I don't like these forced social gatherings. You know, just because you study the same thing or work at the same place doesn't mean you have much in common with those people."
"But you must have partied some in high school?"
"No, I can't say I did. I really hated my high school and everyone there. Totally different from yours or the little I know about your high school. Mine was smaller, where everyone had their place in the social pyramid, whether they liked their place or not. I was dying to rebel against it but I also didn't want people to get some presumptions about me. I was never going to be someone who was an open book with everything laid bare, I kind of just closed off instead. It wasn't until I came here that I even opened up to myself - like, admitting that I was gay."
And with that, Jared is sure his heart has just stopped beating. The shock must read on his face because Jensen raises his eyebrows.
"You have a problem with that?" he asks, his voice full of surprise, like Jared has just told him that he's an avid collector of rusty nails.
"I…" Jared's mouth is all dry, his brain has probably turned to molasses and the words simply tumble out of his mouth without him even pausing for thought. "I don't have a problem with that. I'm gay too."
As he says it, it's like he's a kid in the playground who is claiming his dad is a cop too. Pathetic, even if it's true.
"Okay…" Jensen says, clearly unsure whether Jared's joking or not.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean… it's true though." Jared looks at his book bag on the floor and wonders how embarrassing it would be to face Jensen again after bolting out of the classroom they are in compared to staying put and feeling so mortified that he'd almost prefer to stand naked in front of the entire student assembly.
"Seriously, it's okay." Jensen's voice sounds odd, like his throat suddenly got a number too small. "You told your friends and your parents yet?"
"Chad and Danneel know and my parents kind of do too. I haven't come out to my parents but I'm pretty sure they know. They get all up in arms about anything that is even slightly homophobic. They gave a lecture to a friend of my little sister who was complaining about her math homework and said it was so gay. But I'm definitely not out to people in school. I'm pretty sure though that most of them don't care but you never know. And maybe it's just me but I'm not sure I want to spend my time at high school wearing some huge label." He actually has to take a deep breath after that speech and Jensen is looking at him with amusement.
"I get it, with not wanting the label." Jensen's smile is bright and Jared feels a lot better. "I've got to get going but I'll see you at Alexis' party, right?"
Jared nods, smiling so wide that he knows his dimples have to be highly visible.
There is literally no one there that Jared knows except for the hostess herself. It's a party full of college kids making him feel stupidly young and inadequate as he hangs out in a corner and watches the party. He hides behind his cup of punch, glancing over the brim every time he takes a sip. The rest of his friends who had also been invited to the party were all at the basketball game but he had opted out because he had hoped that Jensen would be at the party early and they could maybe hang out and talk.
Instead there is this obnoxious guy who Jared is sure is making fun of him.
"Gotta thank Alexis for inviting some high-school grade tender meat like your ass here," the guy leers.
Jared doesn't dignify him with an answer and tries to shirk away, hoping that his friends are going to show up soon. He knows that Chad wouldn't be there right away because he has a game but where are Danneel and Sandy? They usually show up early at parties. Most of all he wants Jensen to be there. Logically he knows that Jensen isn't like the creeper who is still staring at him, not into guys much younger than he is. Maybe Jensen will make an exception though. That is, if he likes Jared.
So he goes for another cup of punch, fidgeting around the house and spending a long time examining the grand bookcase in the hallway. Jared likes looking at bookcases and the books in them but he's seen this particular bookcase many times before. Mostly he feels it's the safest part of the house.
He's on his third cup of punch when his phone vibrates.
'WON THE GAME. CU IN 10' the text reads.
So at least Chad was going to show up and save him from his lonely misery.
"Hey, high school kid." The creepy guy is back. Jared discreetly tries to look for some way to escape him but either he has to push past him or go hide in the master bedroom. Perhaps Jared had been brought up too well, because both options feel so rude that he can't even contemplate them.
"So are we going to go in there?" The guy asks and points at the door to the bedroom. Pressing against the bookshelf, Jared shakes his head and wishes hard that the guy would leave him alone.
"But I really want you," the guys says and moves closer to Jared. There's nothing that Jared wants more than to push the guy away but he literally can't. He can't put his arms up to push the guy away and he can't tell him to fuck off. And the guy seems to take Jared's inaction as some sort of incentive to lean forward and breathe into his ear, or pant, actually. Jared closes his eyes, hoping that the guy will just get bored and go away.
"Hey, Jay!"
Looking up, Jared sees Chad down the hall and with him Danneel, Jensen and some guy Jared has never seen before. He tries to get a better look at the newcomers but the guy's mouth is on his ear and he can't help but shirk away just a little.
"Hey, I thought we were going to have fun?"
"No," Jared whispers and looks back down the hallway for his friends. Chad is the only one left, looking at him funny, like his mother did when he was little and begged to play with the neighbor's big dog; a gray Neapolitan Mastiff named Albert.
"Come on." The guy leans up against him more.
"Hey, dude, leave him alone. Jesus, didn't you hear him say no?" Chad pulls the guy away, frowns at Jared and pushes the guy from him.
"Whoa, sorry that I touched your girlfriend, man." And with that he was gone.
"Jared, what the hell? Why were you allowing that dude to lick your ear or whatever? You that drunk already?"
Jared blinks. The world has gotten slightly fuzzy around the edges but he's probably not as drunk as Chad thinks he is.
"No," he says defensively.
"God, Jay." Chad throws up his hands in a mock surrender and Jared uses the chance to change the subject.
"Did Jensen come with you and Danneel?"
"Yeah, he and his friend showed up at the game. Me and Danneel actually hitched a ride with them 'cause I'm not planning on staying sober. Actually Jensen asked about you, thought you would be at the game."
Wasn't that just typical? While he'd spent a very awkward time at the party, the people he had wanted to hang out with and talk to had all been together at Chad's basketball game.
"Hey, cheer up. We are here now. Let's get you some more punch and party."
Chad drags him to the living room. Jensen is there, standing in a corner with this friend of his and they are whispering together, looking like they don't want to be bothered. Jared sighs. His absence at the basketball game must have made Jensen think he was avoiding him or thought he was above attending his best friend's game.
"Here, have more punch and stop looking like I stole all your toys." Chad obviously isn't in the mood to put up with Jared feeling sorry for himself. "And go and talk to Jensen."
Jared takes the cup from Chad and looks back at Jensen who is still very cozy with his friend in the corner. Maybe that's his boyfriend. Jensen never said anything about being single. He doesn't want to walk up to Jensen right now and be introduced to 'so-and-so, my boyfriend.'
"You missed a fucking exciting game," Danneel says, coming up to Jared and swinging her arm around his shoulders. "Mr. Murray here scored ten points all by himself."
Chad looks pretty smug with Danneel's compliment.
"Yeah, instead I hung around here with no one to talk to."
"Except that dude who was hitting on you when we came. He was kind of scuzzy. Why didn't you tell him to go fuck himself?" Danneel clearly feels the same way as Chad.
"I don't know. I mean, I did tell him no." It is uncomfortable talking about this with Danneel and Chad. They have always been less concerned with other people's feelings than Jared. He's always been very careful never to hurt anyone else's feelings if he can help it.
"Oh, Jared." Danneel slaps him on the face and lets him go.
"Hey." Alexis slides up next to Chad. "What are you talking about? Chad, how did your game go?"
Of course. Now is the time Alexis finally dignifies them with her presence, rather than when Jared was alone, not knowing anyone else.
"We won," Chad says grinning. Alexis beams at him.
"Awesome. I wish I could have been there."
Jared suppresses the urge to snort. Alexis never went to games when she actually attended the school.
"You'll just have to come to the next game. That's the one that determines whether we are on our way to the state championships or not."
"Totally." The fake tone in Alexis' voice is jarring and Jared can only hope that Chad hears it as well.
"I'd pay to see that," Danneel murmurs but so only Jared hears her.
The subject changes and Alexis drifts away to talk to some of her other guests. Jared glances back at Jensen who is still deep in conversation with his friend, boyfriend, whatever. He's finished the cup of punch he had and he needs another one, even though it's either his fifth or his sixth. Who is counting anyway? It's making everything fuzzy and his tongue has become numb and that is just fine, just like it should be.
"So, is it time for me to be your wingman?" Chad looks up at him and then nods in the direction of Jensen.
"I don't know. I mean, who is this guy with him?"
"Just his friend, I think. He just introduced him as Jason, didn't say whether he was his friend, his cousin, his great-grandmother or his personal astrologer."
"Very funny, Chad. But I don't know…"
"Suit yourself. I mean, I'd even take one for the team and distract that Jason dude for you."
Jared smiles. Chad definitely has his heart in the right place, though his mind might have lost its direction along the way.
"But dude, if you aren't going to even talk to Jensen, then what the hell are we hanging here for? The only cute girls here are Danneel and Alexis and they are Danneel and Alexis…"
"Right now?"
"Dude, it's almost midnight."
Jared has been there for four hours and he still feels awkward and strange, even if his friends are there.
"I suppose we can go," Jared says reluctantly to Chad, taking one last look at Jensen in the corner with Jason who is probably not his cousin and not his personal astrologer.
Part 2 - Master Post