Lies and fun times. Would a more poetic style suit me? Thousand words a day.

[hiljainen]

I keep catching myself updating in the morning, which is, to say the least, quite an unnatural time of the day even to be awake, let alone doing something remotely productive. The nighttime thought, seemingly brilliant and often bizarre, is what I would like to record, but by the time of dawn it's often faded and grand heurecas of the midnight feel

Comments

Social behaviour? But... it's... normal...!

[worldsong]

As a disciple of incomprehensible trash and the stereotypical tactless nutcase, I would like to point you to the post I made a few days a go and then add that I've never felt completely at ease among people. There are always gaps you must fill when you have doubts about how far friends may trust you and like you - it takes time to get rid and frequent exposure to people to develop the sort of intimacy where you can be at ease almost completely. (I have a relationship of this kind with few people. I believe I was a lot truer to people when I wasn't constantly making bad puns, but on the other hand, that's what was. It may just be the time for another rediscovery of my self than actually getting lost from it

[hiljainen]

Oh, since I'm not (yet!) a telepath and have therefore only limited ways of knowing whether or not other people see me as irritating, funny, stupid or godlike or altogether intolerable I suppose not being completely at ease should be and is the norm, as long as their opinions of me seems like even a marginally relevant things. I'm guessing that were I ever to converse with someone who is, to me, completely irrelevant, things could be otherwise, but as this is unlike to happen if I don't completely lose my mind, I'll leave it out of consideration

Oi. Vagueness is _my_ job.

[worldsong]

Another point of view: we are what we become. Self might be nothing else but a bunch of different behaviours. I just fear I might be becoming such a joker I have always found hard to approach seriously and impossible to get out a not-cynical/sarcastic/comic opinion. I do need this annoyingly 'witty' side of myself, but balancing it with deep, intellectual guruism (if I would use smileys, there would be one) may get tricky. I don't know about being true to other people; all I care is I really enjoy complex and intimate conversations and sharing of thoughts.You caught on there, so no worries about not actually answering anything. How do you answer a question that wasn't asked in the first place? Maybe I'm just talking. I know we used to play a game like this in the olden days. ("When I was young

[hiljainen]

I decided to answer this yesterday, but since the modem hated me, it proved impractical. So:

Habit is a strong reinforcer. After you have shown certain part of yourself to some people long enough, changing the routine is unimaginably hard. I know for sure that were I to attend a class meeting with my 'mates' from junior high, I would fall back to an old, but still quite familiar behavioural pattern. (Now, I wonder why I'm not attending...)

I have no problems sharing most of my past, most of my private thoughts and whatnot. Secrets, however, I will likely never reveal.

"When I was young..." is a good line. "But now that I'm old and cynical..." is even better.