secret [exo]
title: secret {girlsau}
author: himawarixxsandz
rating: pg-13
pairing(s): fanxing
summary: shh, i just want you to know
a/n: what can i say if i can't stop thinking about it and i happen to have time it'll get written. hiatus danie-style works in strange ways. and this is just some background to fanxing in girlsau bc they're alr together in the present storyline. just. no one knows. eue
Once upon a time, before Huang Zitao and Luhan, Wufan came to Korea. His mother didn’t send him-no one sent him-no teacher advised him to go there for high school and then college. He just decided to apply, up and leave on his own because he has enough English to get by where his Korean can’t, and he doesn’t want to go back to Canada for now anyway.
He’s had enough of milling around in Beijing where he doesn’t feel like he really belongs, and he’s had enough of wandering around in Canada where he doesn’t feel like he really belongs either.
So he ups and leaves to Korea and his mother drops him off at the airport with a kiss on his cheek and a squeeze to his shoulder before he gets out of the car. He’s supposed to be meeting the other exchange students at the gate where they’ll all board the same plane so it’ll be easier on their guardians in Korea to pick them up. When he gets there after checking in and going through security, he locates them easily-four of them, two boys on their phones, one boy sleeping, and one girl reading a book.
The introductions are short and awkward and Wufan ends up sitting next to the sleeping boy, prodding him lightly with his arm because he’s the only one Wufan hasn’t introduced himself to. He feels bad for waking the boy, but he’d feel strange if he just sat next to him without saying anything until they board the plane. The boy’s head, tipped back in sleep, comes up at Wufan’s nudge and when his eyes flutter open, Wufan feels his throat dry up.
“Oh, hi,” the boy says, and he blinks and when he does, his eyes are large and brown and warm and his hair is dyed the same dark shade and it falls into his sleepy, blinking eyes and he smiles at Wufan-something short and brisk that goes with all first introductions, but when he smiles, he dimples, and Wufan has to harshly clear his throat to get his voice working again.
And the boy’s name is Yixing and he’s in the same year as Wufan even though he’s younger than Wufan and he’s from Changsha and he can play the guitar and the piano and he really likes music and he sits next to Wufan on the plane ride and he dimples again when he apologizes to Wufan for being such poor company because Yixing pulled an all-nighter last night because he couldn’t sleep from anticipation and thinking about how much he’ll miss his family and Wufan can only barely hold himself together and nod and tell Yixing that no, Wufan doesn’t mind at all that Yixing sleeps on Wufan’s shoulder for the rest of the flight.
And once upon a time, Wufan tells himself that he’s the sort of person who’ll only fall in love with one girl and that’ll be the girl he spends the rest of his life with and she just hasn’t come along-and that’s why he’s never really been with anyone. He tells himself he just doesn’t feel anything for anyone he’s met yet short of simple friendship. Even when his heart beats faster whenever he wakes up at the same time Yixing does in the morning, in the room that they both share in the exchange students’ house, and he pretends to still be asleep while he watches through barely-opened eyes the pull of Yixing’s shirt over his taut body when he stretches.
He tells himself that it’s just friendship that has him showering at the same time as Yixing after they finish their homework late at night even though Wufan has always before taken morning showers. It’s only friendship that has Wufan laughing a little louder than everyone else, smiling a little wider than he should, whenever Yixing is making all the exchange students laugh in the car on their way to school in the mornings. It’s only friendship that has Wufan pushing his homework aside just to go out to the shops with Yixing because the younger boy wanted to get a new pair of sneakers for gym class.
He can’t tell himself it’s just friendship when, one night in the second semester of their first year, Yixing presses their lips together though. It’s not friendship that has Wufan kissing back, hands coming up to cup Yixing’s face, driving him back into the pillows of Wufan’s bed where they were studying for their finals together. And he thinks that if Yixing hadn’t moved first then Wufan never would-would’ve clutched his heart in his fist and hidden this secret under the horrid label of friendship for so long that Wufan would’ve started to bleed from the pain of it.
They kiss until they’re panting and, when Yixing draws away, his lips are swollen and red and his face is flushed and Wufan doesn’t know what to say. Yixing’s hair is mussed and swept all over his face, and Wufan tries to brush the strands out of the younger boy’s face with clumsy fingers. “You like me?” Wufan finally tries, swallowing dryly.
Yixing laughs shakily. “I like you,” he says, still a little breathless-and Wufan’s ears warm because Yixing had kissed him chastely, hesitantly, and he was sure the younger boy hadn’t expected their first kiss to be like that but Wufan didn’t know how to do it gentler. Wufan doesn’t know how to do a lot of things the way Yixing probably deserves them.
“I like you, too, but-” and he swallows again, throat even drier, and he looks into Yixing’s eyes and Yixing seems to understand.
At school, Wufan is the perfect student-all the upperclassmen know him, all the teachers know him, all their peers know him-he’s prime student council member material and Kim Junmyeon, whose parents more or less own the school, likes Wufan and that’s such a good thing and everyone at school either knows or suspects by now that Yixing is gay and it’s not horrible but Yixing will never be as well-liked as Wufan because of it. School just doesn’t work like that and both of them know it.
“I couldn’t tell you were,” Yixing says, no longer looking into Wufan’s eyes now. He stares down at his hands. “I just like you a lot so,” he clears his throat, “but anyway-no one else has to know.”
Wufan licks his lips slowly, maybe he can still taste Yixing on himself if he does. “No one?”
“No one,” Yixing echoes, meeting Wufan’s eyes now and the younger boy smiles but it doesn’t reach his gaze-there’s no dimple in his cheek. Wufan’s chest clenches guiltily but there’s nothing else he can do. If Yixing wants him as much as Wufan wants Yixing, this is the only way they can be together for now. “We’ll be a secret,” he says, and once again, the smile that used to make Wufan’s heart beat fast now just makes Wufan’s stomach churn.
The first time Yixing tells Wufan he loves him is at the beginning of their second year. Yixing says, “I love you,” to the older boy backstage after Wufan is announced the vice-president for the coming school year.
There are still other newly-inducted student council members as well as upperclassmen milling about though, so all Wufan can reply with is a finger to his lips and a shake of his head (and a million apologies in his eyes).
He kisses Yixing later that night in their shared room to make up for it, pins Yixing against Wufan’s bed and fucks him into the mattress hard enough in hopes that maybe Yixing will never notice that Wufan is too scared to say those three words back the same way that he’s too scared for the rest of the world to know that he’ll never fall in love with a girl.
author: himawarixxsandz
rating: pg-13
pairing(s): fanxing
summary: shh, i just want you to know
a/n: what can i say if i can't stop thinking about it and i happen to have time it'll get written. hiatus danie-style works in strange ways. and this is just some background to fanxing in girlsau bc they're alr together in the present storyline. just. no one knows. eue
Once upon a time, before Huang Zitao and Luhan, Wufan came to Korea. His mother didn’t send him-no one sent him-no teacher advised him to go there for high school and then college. He just decided to apply, up and leave on his own because he has enough English to get by where his Korean can’t, and he doesn’t want to go back to Canada for now anyway.
He’s had enough of milling around in Beijing where he doesn’t feel like he really belongs, and he’s had enough of wandering around in Canada where he doesn’t feel like he really belongs either.
So he ups and leaves to Korea and his mother drops him off at the airport with a kiss on his cheek and a squeeze to his shoulder before he gets out of the car. He’s supposed to be meeting the other exchange students at the gate where they’ll all board the same plane so it’ll be easier on their guardians in Korea to pick them up. When he gets there after checking in and going through security, he locates them easily-four of them, two boys on their phones, one boy sleeping, and one girl reading a book.
The introductions are short and awkward and Wufan ends up sitting next to the sleeping boy, prodding him lightly with his arm because he’s the only one Wufan hasn’t introduced himself to. He feels bad for waking the boy, but he’d feel strange if he just sat next to him without saying anything until they board the plane. The boy’s head, tipped back in sleep, comes up at Wufan’s nudge and when his eyes flutter open, Wufan feels his throat dry up.
“Oh, hi,” the boy says, and he blinks and when he does, his eyes are large and brown and warm and his hair is dyed the same dark shade and it falls into his sleepy, blinking eyes and he smiles at Wufan-something short and brisk that goes with all first introductions, but when he smiles, he dimples, and Wufan has to harshly clear his throat to get his voice working again.
And the boy’s name is Yixing and he’s in the same year as Wufan even though he’s younger than Wufan and he’s from Changsha and he can play the guitar and the piano and he really likes music and he sits next to Wufan on the plane ride and he dimples again when he apologizes to Wufan for being such poor company because Yixing pulled an all-nighter last night because he couldn’t sleep from anticipation and thinking about how much he’ll miss his family and Wufan can only barely hold himself together and nod and tell Yixing that no, Wufan doesn’t mind at all that Yixing sleeps on Wufan’s shoulder for the rest of the flight.
And once upon a time, Wufan tells himself that he’s the sort of person who’ll only fall in love with one girl and that’ll be the girl he spends the rest of his life with and she just hasn’t come along-and that’s why he’s never really been with anyone. He tells himself he just doesn’t feel anything for anyone he’s met yet short of simple friendship. Even when his heart beats faster whenever he wakes up at the same time Yixing does in the morning, in the room that they both share in the exchange students’ house, and he pretends to still be asleep while he watches through barely-opened eyes the pull of Yixing’s shirt over his taut body when he stretches.
He tells himself that it’s just friendship that has him showering at the same time as Yixing after they finish their homework late at night even though Wufan has always before taken morning showers. It’s only friendship that has Wufan laughing a little louder than everyone else, smiling a little wider than he should, whenever Yixing is making all the exchange students laugh in the car on their way to school in the mornings. It’s only friendship that has Wufan pushing his homework aside just to go out to the shops with Yixing because the younger boy wanted to get a new pair of sneakers for gym class.
He can’t tell himself it’s just friendship when, one night in the second semester of their first year, Yixing presses their lips together though. It’s not friendship that has Wufan kissing back, hands coming up to cup Yixing’s face, driving him back into the pillows of Wufan’s bed where they were studying for their finals together. And he thinks that if Yixing hadn’t moved first then Wufan never would-would’ve clutched his heart in his fist and hidden this secret under the horrid label of friendship for so long that Wufan would’ve started to bleed from the pain of it.
They kiss until they’re panting and, when Yixing draws away, his lips are swollen and red and his face is flushed and Wufan doesn’t know what to say. Yixing’s hair is mussed and swept all over his face, and Wufan tries to brush the strands out of the younger boy’s face with clumsy fingers. “You like me?” Wufan finally tries, swallowing dryly.
Yixing laughs shakily. “I like you,” he says, still a little breathless-and Wufan’s ears warm because Yixing had kissed him chastely, hesitantly, and he was sure the younger boy hadn’t expected their first kiss to be like that but Wufan didn’t know how to do it gentler. Wufan doesn’t know how to do a lot of things the way Yixing probably deserves them.
“I like you, too, but-” and he swallows again, throat even drier, and he looks into Yixing’s eyes and Yixing seems to understand.
At school, Wufan is the perfect student-all the upperclassmen know him, all the teachers know him, all their peers know him-he’s prime student council member material and Kim Junmyeon, whose parents more or less own the school, likes Wufan and that’s such a good thing and everyone at school either knows or suspects by now that Yixing is gay and it’s not horrible but Yixing will never be as well-liked as Wufan because of it. School just doesn’t work like that and both of them know it.
“I couldn’t tell you were,” Yixing says, no longer looking into Wufan’s eyes now. He stares down at his hands. “I just like you a lot so,” he clears his throat, “but anyway-no one else has to know.”
Wufan licks his lips slowly, maybe he can still taste Yixing on himself if he does. “No one?”
“No one,” Yixing echoes, meeting Wufan’s eyes now and the younger boy smiles but it doesn’t reach his gaze-there’s no dimple in his cheek. Wufan’s chest clenches guiltily but there’s nothing else he can do. If Yixing wants him as much as Wufan wants Yixing, this is the only way they can be together for now. “We’ll be a secret,” he says, and once again, the smile that used to make Wufan’s heart beat fast now just makes Wufan’s stomach churn.
The first time Yixing tells Wufan he loves him is at the beginning of their second year. Yixing says, “I love you,” to the older boy backstage after Wufan is announced the vice-president for the coming school year.
There are still other newly-inducted student council members as well as upperclassmen milling about though, so all Wufan can reply with is a finger to his lips and a shake of his head (and a million apologies in his eyes).
He kisses Yixing later that night in their shared room to make up for it, pins Yixing against Wufan’s bed and fucks him into the mattress hard enough in hopes that maybe Yixing will never notice that Wufan is too scared to say those three words back the same way that he’s too scared for the rest of the world to know that he’ll never fall in love with a girl.