I fucking hate my life

[hin_chung_11]

I figure that title might draw some attention. But I really don't care, cuz I really do hate my life right now. Nothing ever goes right when it has to. So horrible. So FUCKING GAY. (sorry - that word is just a derogatory term that I will use throughout this piece, because I'm too pissed to find a better word - yes, i'm a loser, i already know

Comments

there's more to life than OYO...

[ailimebkwds3]

well my first comment is that you'll honestly be ok if you lose to a junior. you're making me think competitively lol. for one thing, you're as old as a junior, you're just in the senior class. so technically, you've had the same amount of years to be gaining skill with those your age. and the fact that you're not ahead of someone your own age could mean 1) he practiced the music more or has played it before, 2) the judge was nicer to him for whatever reason, 3)he didn't have to play as difficult excerpts as you did, or 4) you had an off day like bryan said. off days, bad chair placement, and people who practice 6 hours a day will not ruin your life, they're just stuff you have to take into account in the middle of it. and obviously, plenty of people think you have something when you play the cello. you made it into mendocino, and they were definitely picking and choosing. also, when you hear other people playing sections of stuff all perfectly and stuff and it makes you depressed, you don't always know what's coming out in your

[vqtpai]

i kinda feel the same way. except for me, i was fourth chair for two years in a row and then all of a sudden i get bumped back to 10th because of one bad audition. just don't worry about it too much. for once i'm actually glad we will be having auditions again cause i REALLY need them. its kind of like our last chance to get as far up as we can. i don't kno about me, but i'm sure you can move up.

[koremix88]

.......(reading your post).....

....hmmmmm
...
...

ehhhh[[[[[[[[[[[[

i like bananas.

...
did you laugh?

[safelyanonymous]

dude, auditions are all about one day--reading the above comments i can tell you're super-respected in so many aspects. keep on truckin' man. it's kinda inspiring to hear you rant.

[vqtpai]

in reponse to the above comment: it is so NOT inspiring to hear you rant. it makes me depressed first of all because you have or pretend to have such low confidence, second because you expect way to much of yourself and then are disappointed when you don't meet your standards, and third because you REALLY DO NOT SUCK, YOU ACTUALLY DON'T WANT TO QUIT and IT'S ONE AUDITION. give it a rest.

wow...and i was actually trying not to be bitchy.

[hin_chung_11]

hey now, u should be nice to amy. she's cool.

and ummm - wut's wrong with expecting a lot from yourself? is that considered a crime? does that offend you? cuz i mean, if it does, i will, by all means, make sure that I have no more expectations of myself in order to make you feel happier. my standards are high, and they remain high, and I won't let them drop to something that I can just sit on my ass and be satisfied with, because that's me and my personal philosophy.

okay, i'm NOT quitting. Fuck - i'm gonna go practice now so i can NOT SUCK as much.

lol - ur comment above was all remorseful and self-demeaning, and then here u turn into psychobitch. wtf, mate?

oh, but i still love ya, :-D lol.

[vqtpai]

there's nothing wrong with expecting a lot from yourself....it's just that if at times you don't live up to your expectations, then just accept it and move on. i'm not saying should be satisfied, but you shouldn't go on crazy 'my life sucks, i suck' rants and expect pity.

[hin_chung_11]

i don't want anyone's fucking pity. that's....pitiful, lols. it's your choice you read what i write. i just write cuz it's what i do. don't read it next time if you don't want to.

and it's not as easy as people say - just accept your past and move on. Jean Valjean (les miserables) couldn't do it till he DIED. lol - i'm such a nerd. Anyway, the past is a motivator to improve. That's how i do it - i dwell on the past long enough to say...write this entry...but then i keep turning back to it so that I can get mad enough to play better.

take it easy, vidya.