Fufufufu~
Script of the Sungria arc, for roleplaying purposes once again. All other scans can be found here.
For successful handling of a Porvora, the following five points should always be heeded:
[a black page with a tiled negative image of a male and female porvora]
Most importantly:
(5)
Whenever possible...
do not handle a Porvora.
(From the Authoritative Text on
Handling Dangerous Animals, Vol. 1)
[voices are heard from inside a box]
Old Man: You knew there was something special here... didn't you, boy?
Jing: It has been said that I can smell treasure from a mile away...
Old Man: Well, this particular treasure hasn't seen a human for many decades.
Jing: And now it's in this box? [taking the lid off the box]
Kir: [peering in] Nuts! No girl in the box, then?
Old Man: C-come now... no touching... no touching.
Jing: Heyyy... Not as hot as I thought it'd be.
Old Man: W-watch out... it's floating...
Jing: It's as beautiful as they say! A miniature universe!
The Most Dangerous Cargo
If my calculations are correct, that star gem should be able to lead you to an entire galaxy of Solar Systems.
The Goblet Family has a monopoly on the excavation of solar rock. No one but family intimates can even come near Sungria!
Simple-- carrying this family of porvoras to Sungria!!! Exciting, isn't it-- maahh.
Kir: [sitting on Jing's shoulder] Hmm. They cleaned out pretty fast.
Jing: [takes off his hat] Must be a pretty dangerous job... [looks at the grandpa porvora and smiles] ...but they're so chubby and cute!
Goat-man: [looks eager] Yes, yes-- and if you play your ca-a-a-ards right, I just might have a job opening to take these cute widdle guys to Sungria--
Izarra: [cocks her gun and aims it over Jing's shoulder at the grandpa porvora]
[y hlo thar, BIG EXPLOSION]
Townspeople: [being blown off of chairs in front of stores in the street] Hooahh!
Kir: [thrown to the ground] Oof!
Jing: [dirty and panting and has a very much wtf look on his face]
Izarra: [standing in front of the flames] You're new around here, aren't you? Porvoras are living bombs. So much as rub them the wrong way and they'll go off in your hand like a firecracker.
Kir: ! L...lovely woman. Tad violent, but...
Izarra: [looks derisive] There are corporate criminals out there who would use the porvoras' explosive power to excavate jewels and minerals. Didn't your mommy tell you not to play with fire? Now, step aside Bandito and leave the fuzzy dynamite to me.
Jing: [balanced on a broken wagon wheel next to the goat man and clearly not listening] So, can I get an advance payment?
Goat-man: [sitting on the ground where he fell] Eh...? Oh... no. Now, when you reach Sungria... [a gun barrel is pressed to Jing's head]
All right, niño. One more warning, then I'm gonna get upset. Don't make me explode.
[and a family of four porvora are placed in a cage in a wagon -- a mother, a father, and two children, the youngest of which is shaking and hiding behind the mother]
Goat-man: [with a wary expression] Ca-a-a-areful, boy. Even the old, weak ones have explosive power. Don't let their looks deceive you... wa-a-a-atch out. Got it?
Smallest porvora: [huddles behind his mother a bit more]
Jing: [frowns at them]
Kir: [wings folded and with a halo over his head] I'll watch out for you, Jing... From afar. Call me when you get back...?
Jing: Uh-huh. Let's get going before the sun goes down. [grins and snaps the reins] Yaaa! [the horses set off at a gallop]
Goat-man: !? Oh-- oh--!!
Porvora: !!!? [they look more than a little frightened]
Goat-man: [watching the dust cloud fade] Will... will he be all right?
Izarra: [peers out from behind some rubble]
And off they go.
So lemme get this straight-- when we get to Sungria, these puffballs are gonna be used as powder kegs?
You've got pretty eyes, don'tcha? Eat up. Just don't go into sugar shock, okay?
Yo, Jing, what's the hold-up? Cross over already!! Don't leave me in suspense.
Horses: [start very slowly crossing the bridge]
Jing: [wrestling with the reins and the wind] W-well... seems okay... so far.
Black Horse: [hoof breaks through the planks]
Jing: Wooaaah! [falls right off the wagon and through the broken planks, saving himself only by grabbing on to the horse's tail. He looks down at the river far, far below] Phew.
Porvora: [bristling and shaking]
Jing!! The porvoras are on the verge of exploding... they can't take much more of this!!!
Porvora: [still bristling and red-eyed; the older child is holding the bars of the cage and watching Izarra]
Izarra: [walking slowly towards them on the bridge, but a short distance away, her foot breaks through the planks] AAAAAAAH! [flailing for balance] AAAAH-- AAAAAAAH!
Child Porvora: [as the wagon tilts towards Izarra and the broken planks, the cage bars suddenly break and he pitches forward] !?!?
Jing and Kir: [HOSHI--]
Izarra: [ALSO HOSHI--]
Other Porvora: [reach out to try and grab the child, but miss]
Child Porvora: [still reaching out to them as he falls through the planks into the canyon below]
[and the entire canyon lights up with an explosion]
Izarra: [clinging to the rope railing of the bridge as it pitches wildly] KYAAH!!
[one of the anchoring posts at the far end of the bridge rips loose, and the horses desperately try to stay on the planks]
Porvora: [spiky-bristled and spiral-eyed, looking seconds away from explosion]
Kir: [hunkering down in the bottom of the wagon as it starts raining] ! Jing... we can't hold out much longer. One more rail and we're yesterday's mercenaries!!
Jing: May I borrow that smart mouth for a bit, Kir? [suddenly stuffs a globular ball of water in Kir's mouth]
Kir: Gh--
Jing: [climbs up on the edge of the wagon and aims downwards] KIR ROYALE!!!
[the water globe shoots downwards and starts gathering water from the rain. the rest of the bridge planks collapse]
Jing: [watching the globe intently]
Kir: J-J-Jing, we're faalllliing!! [THUD] ? Uhn? [looks down to see a giant water ball that the horses and wagons are standing on. has a holy cow moment] That water ball grew...
Horses: [press their heads together and look relieved]
Izarra: [hanging with both hands from a single creaking rope on the deteriorating bridge, but looks up when she sees a fuzzy hand extended to her]
Father Porvora: [reaching out to Izarra from the wagon]
Kir: [pointing a 'finger' accusingly] Hey-- that's the little lady who killed your kid!!!
Izarra: [takes the hand] You... [and starts crying as she's pulled up] ...you...
Kir: [as the sun starts shining through the rain clouds] Look, I hate to break up this touching moment, but if we don't get up this cliff soon, that ball's gonna be washed away in next spring's rain!
Well... we've come this far. Might as well cross the rest of the Milky Way.
[black divider page with a negative image of the goat man]
Fake is fake, after all...
It's true. I think about my dead daughter too much.
Once, my eyes and hands remembered her so well
I made a life-sized clay statue of her.
Yep... I tried. But...
In the end, it sank...
into the lava rapids...
Melted away just like that.
I guess a cluster of gongs is still just noise after all...
Empty noise... is no substitute for what's real in the world.
Still, it's been hard to tell the difference sometimes.
That's why I've been living here like this...
Now? Now I'm content.
In fact, I'm quite happy. Because no matter what,
I'll be meeting that girl again real soon...
(Recollections of an old Europa man, living in a shack
on the outskirts of Jupiter)
Jing: [pointing to a region called Venus on a map] All right... we've made it this far. See?
Kir: [looking at it] Isn't that just about halfway...?
Jing: [putting a hand to his chin] Yeah, but... at this rate, it'll take us three or four more days.
Izarra: Half-full or half-empty... it's still just halfway! [Jing looks over to where she's sitting on a rock, checking her gun] The Venus Source... A scorching hell where the ground eddies magma and hot winds expose men's intestines!! That's the country we have to cross...
Kir: [spazzing, jerks a 'thumb' at the wagon] Uh-- Izarra? Remember, Class-A dangerous cargo we're carrying here.
Izarra: Darn right we are... and by exposing them to the magma's extreme temperatures... [snaps the cartridge into her gun] ...we'll have a front-row view of the world's most spectacular family suicide!
Kir: [spaz spaz spaz. Jing just looks at him] J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-Jing!! Can we go back?? Just this once-- let's go back!! 'Kay?!!!
Izarra: [stands up and puts her hands in her pockets] Probably wise. This is no job for amateurs.
Jing: [looking at some round, padded-looking cacti on thin stalks] These should hold off any explosions for a while! [and ta-da, porvora padded in puffy cactus. Jing squeezes water out of a spare cactus] My own creation... a simple cooling device, made from convenient cacti! [gets stabbed in the hand by a needle] Yow!
Izarra: [hmphs] I didn't come to play dress up!! [shoots the spare cactus]
VENUS - Karate-Kickman's Home Ground
This magma's alive. It was formed long ago when scientists melted down a special metal called shape memory alloy.
Ice bullets-- they're for quelling the magma. Shaved 'em off a glacier in Pluto, not far from here.
[swords, axes, ninja stars, and padlocks of magma start flying towards them]
Izarra: [shoots the ones on her side]
Jing: [slices a spiked mace ball in half]
[but more stuff keeps coming -- bottles, pliers, arrows, pails]
Izarra: [shoots them all then turns and shoots over Jing's head to get the last one]
Jing: [sees a saw coming at Izarra from behind] Oh!!!
Izarra: [shoots backwards over her shoulder without looking and hits it dead on, then spins the gun around her finger]
Jing and Kir: Oooh. [applaud as she flips the gun back into its holster]
Izarra: ! [looks up at the wagon as lava sounds come from inside -- and BLAM BLAM BLAM]
Porvora: [cowering as the magma objects go up in steam above their heads. The cactus padding is starting to wilt]
Izarra: [tosses the gun over her shoulder from behind her back and smiles smugly as it lands in the holster again]
Jing: [sweatdropping now as he claps] Yes, yes, very good...
Kir: [eyes the lava] Wait a sec... [and hey, floating face of a pretty girl in the magma. he predictably lunges forward with hearts in his eyes] WOW!
Girl: [suddenly changes into a demonic-looking hag, complete with fangs as it hisses at him]
Kir: [LKAHFALSKFHALSKFHALSKFH]
N-not... s-scared...
[the horses huddle together in the middle of the path in an attempt to get away from the snakes]
Kir: [has a couple of round paper fans and is desperately fanning the spiral-eyed porvora inside the wagon]
Izarra: [firing continuously at the snakes -- BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM chk chk chk] !!! [ohshi out of bullets]
Jing: Izarra!!!!!!
Izarra: [flinches back and starts sweating as one of the snake heads looms in front of her, and then morphs into a female head with snakes for hair] Ah... uh... oh... [the face leers and starts melting in front of her] !!! [panicked, she jumps past Jing onto the white horse and takes off galloping]
Black Horse: [breaks out of the wagon harness and chases after them] Wait for meee!
Kir: IZAAARA!
Jing: [is desperately trying to shield the porvora in the now topless wagon with his own body]
Father Porvora: [hops out of the wagon]
Jing: !
Mother Porvora: [hops out after him]
Jing: Wait!!
Porvoras: [and they run a fair distance away down the rock path]
Jing: [standing there with the last baby porvora, what are they doing?] ...
Father Porvora: [with the mother porvora clinging to him, lifts a hand to wave good-bye]
Jing: No!! The porvoras!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Father Porvora: [dips his tail in the lava]
[KABOOOOOOOOOOOM]
The aftermath.
Jing: [solemnly holding the baby porvora] Remember this day... as your mother and father's final moments.
Baby Porvora: [just... stares]
Kir: [perched on a rock] Jing!! How're we supposed to cross a sea of magma holding this bomb-child?!! It's not like we have a wagon, or a horse!!
Jing: [smirks and stands] A horse... of course, of course!! [he walks over to the wagon's hitching posts... and makes a couple of high stilts out of them and the other wagon remains, with the baby porvora clinging to his back] Ho! Ho! Ho!
Kir: [flying next to him] No one would call stilts a horse, of course! Just go to the source and ask a horse!! Do you plan on losing your life over a dumb joke?!!
Jing: Cool and refreshing up here... and the view is out of this world!! [starts slowly walking through the magma -- but it starts throwing shapes at him again] !!! [dodges a sword and some ninja stars... and a hammer, mace, cross, boot, axe, daruma... and he has to jerk back as an arrow zings by his face] Hooah! [and that sets him off-balance] whooo... ...Oops.
[luckily, a rock is nearby for him to kick off of, which he does] There. [glances over his shoulder at the porvora, who's spiral-eyed again] Is it just me, or is it hot in here? Fan, Kir! Fan!
Kir: [desperately fans the porvora!]
Jing: [keeps walking... until he slips again] Waah! [the porvora is sweating and spiral-eyed. Jing struggles his way back up and avoids a gauntleted fist] Grrr!! [and keeps going through the magma, which is now throwing blocks at him]
[some time later, a black crescent of moon has risen]
Jing: [struggling on with Kir flying in front of him, tridents and swords and telescopes being thrown at them] My best... Gotta do... my best. Mustn't die... absolutely... must not...
Child Porvora: [still clinging to Jing's back, is watching him with wide eyes]
Kir: ! [looks back at Jing and points ahead] HEY JING!! Land ho!! [flies off ahead] Yess-- There it is! Just a little bit longer!! Ho ho ho!
Jing: ? [looks back over his shoulder at the porvora, who's started shaking. He sweats somewhat nervously as he looks back ahead] Then again... that's where the enemy expects us to go, isn't it?
Kir: [stops and looks at him] Heh??! [and all of the sudden a giant mountain of lava surges up in front of them] AAAIIIEEE!
Come get a piece of this, snake-breath!
Aren't you the hottie. For you... a token of my affection.
EEEEEEK!
Jing: [triumphantly steps up on the back of the frozen hydra, holding the porvora] Well! That wasn't so bad, was it? C'mon... let's get dressed for sunbathing in Sungria!!!!
Kir: [trailing along behind with one foot chained to a giant ball that says 'FOR MODEL PRISONER] H-hey... S-sun-bathing?!
The Goddess of Sungria.
The rest of the porvora family is dead, you say?
(Font is hard to read, so transcribing the page anyway:)
Miner: What?! The rest of the porvora family is dead, you say? [points at the baby porvora] Kiddo, this runt couldn't even blow a corn off your foot!
Jing: Mmm... Corn would be good right about now. And I'll bet combusted corn would be even better... The kernels are nice when they're a bit charred.
Kir: Yeah, let's eat before I get so skinny I floooaaat away. I'm not even flapping my wings, y'know.
Miner: Heh!! Fine. If it's food you want, there's a joint inside the mining facility. Eat whatever kernels ya can find!!
Jing: Do they allow porvoras too? He'll be more valuable if we fatten him up a little.
Miner: Suit yourselves!!! Sheesh.
The Sungrian mines on the inside.
Jing: [watches solemnly as more explosions go off further in the mines. The baby porvora is shaking on his back and Kir looks a little incensed]
Miner: [digs through the rock slag and triumphantly holds up a glowing stone]
Kir: [looks back at the mining pits as they reach the food joint] I don't like seeing my kin overworked like this. [grits his teeth]
Jing: [looks over his shoulder at him] Yeah? Stick around and you might get to join 'em.
[next panel, they're at a table piled high with bones and dirty dishes. The porvora tries to get some last food out of a bowl with a spoon, covered in food himself, and Kir's pretty much a huge round, black ball reclining on the table]
Kir: Wheeeeeeeeeew.
Bulky miner: [playing a chess game with a friend at the table next to Jing] So Goblet's woman is pretty fine, eh?
Skinny miner: So I've heard. As I understand it, she fixed up the place that collapsed by the roadside... [picks up a piece] ...so Padre Goblet fell in love with her and brought her back to his mansion. [makes his move. Jing's reclined in the background, apparently not listening] Now it's like she's the queen of Baobab Manor or somethin'.
Goblet's mansion: Baobob Manor.
Izarra: [standing under a tall, glass, inverted dome that's filled with steam, acting as a shower. She steps out and wraps a towel around herself, then goes over to a night table that holds some tea items, cartridges, and her gun. She picks the gun up] Long time ago, Papa gave me a good scolding for scribbling on this gun. [she looks at the handle where it reads 'I LoVe DADdY XxX' in a childish script. She smiles] But now, I can do whatever I want with it.
[her smile fades into a serious look] Finally, the time has come. I'm gonna kill him, Papa. [she sits down on the bed, looking at the gun]
Kir: [peeping through a ceiling tile with eyes wide as dinner plates]
Jing: [further back inside the ceiling, hand to his chin in a thoughtful expression while the baby porvora plays with a spider that's hanging down] So... the gun's a keepsake, eh? It did seem too big for a lady like her.
Kir: [still looking] Violent yet beautiful, like I said.
Jing: [turns to leave, the porvora on his back holding the spider] Well... shall we, Kir?! Kir...?
Kir: [tail wagging, still looking]
Jing: [grabs him by the bandanna] C'mon, peeping tom-- hungry eyes won't pay the bills!
Kir: [holding on with his toes] Ezaaraaahhh-- [tries to make his way back to the opening] Zzhhh-- [and slam, there goes the tile back in place]
Izarra: [looks up confused at the noise] ?
Kir: [dragged off down the ceiling, a mallet left behind in the spot where they were]
[Jing's shadow and hand is seen pressing on a sign that reads 'GOBLET LIBRARYs: don't touch the exhibits']
Goblet's library.
Jing... I like humans. Especially human females, don't get me wrong. But some of your human nonsense I'll never get. For example... what're we doing in a room full of books?!
Guard: [grinning evilly at them from behind] Couldn't agree more, mate.
Jing: [well crap. Kir's freaking out as well]
Guard: [lifts the upside-down man around his neck to his mouth; a tag attached to it reads 'whistle'] Now donnn't move. I'm gonna call my comrades, orright?
Jing: [smirking] Fine by us... but I'm afraid you'll have to call a mortician too. [and it's revealed he's got Kir fused to his arm... and the bird has quite the manic grin on his face] Oh, you'll have to forgive my colleague. He's starving for blood today.
Kir: Ho! Ho! Hum!
Guard: [drops his mace and puts his hands up]
Jing: In fact, he's been pretty excitable ever since he saw that luscious young woman a few minutes ago.
Kir: [wide-eyed, grinning, and now drooling a bit]
Jing: So I can't guarantee he won't... go off... without my say-so.
Kir: [...yeah, just a big zoom-in of his Scary Face]
Guard: UWAAH! [without really looking, he grabs a nearby pole of some sort and comes at Jing, ready to swing it at his head] YAAAAHHHH!!
Jing: [just points up at a spot behind the guard]
Guard: ? [looks up... and oh, looks like that pole was holding up a precariously balancing pile of books. Which promptly collapse on him]
Jing: [walks over the pile, arms folded] Start readin' now, chief. There will be a quiz.
Kir: [still making the crazy face; he feels it with his wings] Uh, Jing? You know how they warn you not to make faces or it'll stay that way?
Jing: !! [turns as the door of the library opens and a shadow looms in the doorway] Oh, great. We've got more company, Kir. Guess we'll have to start from scratch!!
Kid: But what about my face?
[elsewhere in the mansion, a dinner of eel and wine sits on a table]
Why is this eel full of bones?!!
[the doors to the room slam open]
Old Man: Señor Goblet! There's an intruder in the library stacks!! [gets a face full of wine]
Goblet: [still holding his empty wine glass] What?! Have they stolen anything-- anything?!?!
Old Man: [kneeling on one knee, wine dripping from his face] N... Nothing... s-so far!!
Goblet: [stands and points, yelling at him] Arrest them!! And then throw yourself into the nearest crater, you miserable worm!!!
Izarra: [watches as Goblet shakes a fist, livid with rage. she discreetly replaces her gun in the garter on her leg and grits her teeth]
[back at the grub house]
Kir: Uh, Jing? Aside from causing a commotion, did we accomplish anything back there? Like, y'know, bringing back clues? [points to his face, which is still frozen in the maniacal grin] I accomplished a brand new face, at least.
Jing: [playing chess with the porvora] Now, now, Kir. Don't worry. I think we might catch the information bug sometime during this game. [the porvora moves a piece] Oh. Nice mooooove.
Kir: Uh--whaaat?
Bulky Miner: [comes in with the skinny miner, and starts talking to the bookish miner who's sitting at a table with his book] HEY! Didja hear?! A thief broke into Baobab Manor!
Jing: [stares at the porvora, who fell face-first onto the chess board in surprise]
Bulky Miner: [still yelling] Doesn't look like anything was stolen, but apparently that bastard Goblet's panicking like nobody's bidness!!!!! Hey, you!! Didja hear!?!
Bookish Miner: [twitches and his eyes bug out] Shut up, will ya? I'm much more interested in the master criminal of this book than some amateur thief who can't even steal!!!
Jing: [smiling cheerfully] Ah! Well, if you're really interested in that book, the criminal in question is actually the hero's father...
Bookish Miner: [grits his teeth, a small tear appears in the spine of the book... and then he rips the entire thing in half] NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Jing: [leaves the joint with the porvora on his back, grinning as the bookish miner swears and throws around pages inside]
Bulky Miner: Calm down... Hey... it's gonna be okay!
Bookish Miner: [sitting down and staring teary-eyed at the tabletop, when a single page of paper floats down and lands between the three of them. It reads:]
I'm gonna steal the
sun by dawn.
- The King of Bandits
Kir: [following Jing across the rocky desert at night; his face is finally back to normal] Jing... How'd you know what was in that book without ever reading it?
Jing: Oh... A little bug told me. [holds up one finger with a large bee sitting on it] This spelling bee, to be exact.
Kir: ! [stares at it]
Queen Bee: ♥ ♥ ♥ [has a little crown on, and the stripes on her abdomen are comprised of words]
Jing: Information is her favorite meal... especially the kind in books and newspapers. And she's about to put on a bit of weight.
Kir: Well, I guess that answers my question... Waaait a minute...
Jing: [smirks] That's right, Kir. You're gonna plant one of these babies' eggs in those library stacks!!
[next panel shows a number of thick books with little larva chewing holes through them... then bigger holes... then cocoons... ]
And suddenly we have spelling bees!
[the bees explode out of the library window, shattering the glass. Goblet stares in shock from his wide balcony windows a few floors above]
Goblet: Wha--! What's this?! I-it can't be! Termites?! What a foooool I've beeeen!
Jing: [standing a distance away when the bees come to swarm around him; the porvora is in his arms and pawing at the bees] Aaalll right!
Bees: [start talking in all kinds of languages while Jing stands and listens]
Narrator: Afterwards, the queen bee's daughters recounted to Jing the fantastic tale of their library adventure. Its moral?
Jing: [lifts the porvora up and smiles at it] You, too, will live to do what you were born to do! [the Queen Bee kisses Jing on the cheek from her perch on his shoulder]
"Gonna steal the Sun", is he?
Goblet: [stands over a large ball] But, my greatest, final desire... is the solar rock! [he tosses it up into the air with one hand, then bounces it off his head] It's eluded me for countless decades... the hardest nut to crack... [bounces it off his butt] ...so once we sneak up beside that pilfering punk... we'll... [kicks it up into the air with one foot, then jumps on his desk and grabs the ball in both hands] Kuuuuuuh! [squeezes] Grrr... [and it pops] King of Bandits-- hah!!! [kicks the heist note off his desk]
Izarra: [watches the paper as it flutters down, then catches it and gives it a read] That child fugitive again... he kicked up such a fuss when I left him splashing in that magma bath... but I won't let him stand in the way of my revenge. [crumples the paper in her fist] I don't know how many countries you've wormed your way into, kid... [adds silently to herself] ...but I've passed through countless countries of tears.
[next we see the brush end of a broom bobbing through the air -- which is being carried by Jing, who's jogging along while pulling a little wheeled cart behind him. A barrel of water is strapped into it, which the porvora is floating in with a ladybug sitting on its tummy]
Jing: [screeches to a halt] This is the place.
Kir: Uh, Jing... there's nothing here!!
Jing: [lowers the broom] The most precious things aren't always visible to the naked eye, Kir!!
Kir: [rolls eyes] So now he's a philosopher?
Jing: [starts digging with his bare hands while the porvora watches from the rim of the barrel. The hole gets bigger, and things start flying out -- a robot, a watch, a miniature blimp...]
All right! Here we are... this is it.
Goblet: [walks to the edge of the hole] Ho! I'm placing you under citizen's arrest for the destruction of the environment, boy! Putting such a big hole in the surface of our precious earth.
Jing: [still hanging from the giant's hand] Then they should take you away for air pollution with your stinky alcohol breath.
Goblet: [annoyed smile] Harrumph. Mutter any insults you want, as long as you're willing to repeat them before your Mother Earth!!
Voice: GOBLET!!!
[and there's Izarra, standing in black pants and a jacket, pointing her gun at Goblet and looking deadly serious]
Goblet: [looks confused and wary] Oh... Izarra! Play-acting in a cowboy movie, are we? Huh...?
Izarra: [doesn't lower her gun] Señor Goblet... I've never told you my full name. I am Izarra Tumbler!!! The daughter of Chartreuse Tumbler. You remember him, don't you? The old business rival you had killed!!
Goblet: Oh... [starts sweating] Then, that was you... [flashback of a younger Goblet holding a gun and smirking at the bloody, fallen form of wealthy-looking old businessman... and a little blonde girl with curly hair crying her eyes out over the body. Present-time Goblet looks appropriately terrified] ...
Izarra: See what a wild rose I am?!! Now feel my thorns!! [fires the gun]
Goblet: [flinches]
Izarra: [stands in the clearing cloud of gunsmoke as Goblet falls, then sees something that shocks her]
Jing: [standing in front of a spiral-eyed Goblet, teeth grit, one fist clenched around something smoking -- it looks like he caught the bullet]
Izarra: J... Jing! Y...you...
Jing: A man like this... [frowns at looks at Goblet] ...I don't care if he dies. But I can't let the porvora die. [the porvora is watching wide-eyed from behind Goblet's arms] I never got a formal request from its mother and father... [Jing's arms are shaking now, as if he's having trouble standing] ...but I'm gonna protect this child. I'm gonna make sure it gets the nice, long life... [drops to his knees] ...they wanted it to have!!
Izarra: [starts forward] Jing!!
Jing: [sits up] Juuuuust kidding!! [holds up a rock that he'd kept hidden in his hand -- one with a bullet embedded in it]
Kir: [smirking] As if Jing would take some petty bullet from an old-fashioned gun!! He could've seen that sucker coming from a mile away!!
Goblet: [still pretty out of it] Da da da da da dah--
Izarra: [wide-eyed, drops to the ground as her legs give out from shock] Haah! Aaaah-hhhh--!!
Kir: [takes the gun from Izarra and holds it up to Goblet's head, his bandanna over his beak like an old-fashioned bandit] Awright, Jing, let's finish this quickly!! If you don't shoot him, I will!
Jing: [approaches the stone funnel with a serious look on his face, then reaches into the glowing interior]
I don't care, I don't care! Take that puny thing, if you like!
He said it was big.
[the solar rock lifts into the sky, rock and sand showering down behind it, and... Baobab Manor broken up into pieces. The shadows of Goblet's sons can be seen making a run for it. Goblet just stares, pale and mouth hanging open]
Goblet: Th... that...
Jing: [holding the smaller stone in two fingers and grinning] Oh yes, that. This puny solar rock, as you call it, was merely a switch to awaken the giant.
Giant: [grins suddenly and swings around to aim one massive gun-barreled finger at Jing]
Jing: [quickly fuses with Kir and spins to meet it, Kir's head right up the barrel of the finger] Hey, you wanna try me? Little game of paper, scissors, rock... to the death?
Giant: WOOOOOOOOO!
[BAOOM]
Giant: [reels back, the barrel of his finger split and peeled back from the explosion] AAAAARGHHH..
Jing: [smirks]
Kir: [covered in smoke but making his scary face again] Ho! Ho! Hum!
Goblet: [is still sitting there stunned out of his senses, and has finally dropped the porvora, who's crawling away]
Giant: [something loops around him from behind] !! [has a harness of rope around his shoulders, and is now getting pulled backwards by Jing] Aahhh...
Jing: [has the giant's massive bow and arrow and yanks on the rope, tying it to the arrow. Kir grabs the arrow fletching in his teeth so Jing can draw the bow] One more shot please, Kir!! [--and they shoot the arrow at the solar rock. It hits, anchors, and the rope starts running taut]
Peh. Idiot.
Jing: [grins] Izarra... will you be his mommy?
Izarra: But... I...
Jing: I know. But someone's gotta do it. [wry smile. Izarra looks down at the porvora with a sad expression] You understand, dontcha?
Izarra: Oh... [looks up again] Jing!!!
Jing: [standing on the giant's stomach as he lifts off the ground, with Kir next to him] Please take care of him!! I'm countin' on you! [smirks as they lift higher and holds onto the rope with one hand, flashing the peace sign with the other]
Izarra: [watches them leave] I won't forget this. I'm not going to forget... you, Jing. [tears are streaming down her face] Why...? I shouldn't be sad, but... This is... the first time... I've ever... cried like this.
The Land of Tears is a strange country indeed... isn't it, Izarra?
For successful handling of a Porvora, the following five points should always be heeded:
[a black page with a tiled negative image of a male and female porvora]
Most importantly:
(5)
Whenever possible...
do not handle a Porvora.
(From the Authoritative Text on
Handling Dangerous Animals, Vol. 1)
[voices are heard from inside a box]
Old Man: You knew there was something special here... didn't you, boy?
Jing: It has been said that I can smell treasure from a mile away...
Old Man: Well, this particular treasure hasn't seen a human for many decades.
Jing: And now it's in this box? [taking the lid off the box]
Kir: [peering in] Nuts! No girl in the box, then?
Old Man: C-come now... no touching... no touching.
Jing: Heyyy... Not as hot as I thought it'd be.
Old Man: W-watch out... it's floating...
Jing: It's as beautiful as they say! A miniature universe!
The Most Dangerous Cargo
If my calculations are correct, that star gem should be able to lead you to an entire galaxy of Solar Systems.
The Goblet Family has a monopoly on the excavation of solar rock. No one but family intimates can even come near Sungria!
Simple-- carrying this family of porvoras to Sungria!!! Exciting, isn't it-- maahh.
Kir: [sitting on Jing's shoulder] Hmm. They cleaned out pretty fast.
Jing: [takes off his hat] Must be a pretty dangerous job... [looks at the grandpa porvora and smiles] ...but they're so chubby and cute!
Goat-man: [looks eager] Yes, yes-- and if you play your ca-a-a-ards right, I just might have a job opening to take these cute widdle guys to Sungria--
Izarra: [cocks her gun and aims it over Jing's shoulder at the grandpa porvora]
[y hlo thar, BIG EXPLOSION]
Townspeople: [being blown off of chairs in front of stores in the street] Hooahh!
Kir: [thrown to the ground] Oof!
Jing: [dirty and panting and has a very much wtf look on his face]
Izarra: [standing in front of the flames] You're new around here, aren't you? Porvoras are living bombs. So much as rub them the wrong way and they'll go off in your hand like a firecracker.
Kir: ! L...lovely woman. Tad violent, but...
Izarra: [looks derisive] There are corporate criminals out there who would use the porvoras' explosive power to excavate jewels and minerals. Didn't your mommy tell you not to play with fire? Now, step aside Bandito and leave the fuzzy dynamite to me.
Jing: [balanced on a broken wagon wheel next to the goat man and clearly not listening] So, can I get an advance payment?
Goat-man: [sitting on the ground where he fell] Eh...? Oh... no. Now, when you reach Sungria... [a gun barrel is pressed to Jing's head]
All right, niño. One more warning, then I'm gonna get upset. Don't make me explode.
[and a family of four porvora are placed in a cage in a wagon -- a mother, a father, and two children, the youngest of which is shaking and hiding behind the mother]
Goat-man: [with a wary expression] Ca-a-a-areful, boy. Even the old, weak ones have explosive power. Don't let their looks deceive you... wa-a-a-atch out. Got it?
Smallest porvora: [huddles behind his mother a bit more]
Jing: [frowns at them]
Kir: [wings folded and with a halo over his head] I'll watch out for you, Jing... From afar. Call me when you get back...?
Jing: Uh-huh. Let's get going before the sun goes down. [grins and snaps the reins] Yaaa! [the horses set off at a gallop]
Goat-man: !? Oh-- oh--!!
Porvora: !!!? [they look more than a little frightened]
Goat-man: [watching the dust cloud fade] Will... will he be all right?
Izarra: [peers out from behind some rubble]
And off they go.
So lemme get this straight-- when we get to Sungria, these puffballs are gonna be used as powder kegs?
You've got pretty eyes, don'tcha? Eat up. Just don't go into sugar shock, okay?
Yo, Jing, what's the hold-up? Cross over already!! Don't leave me in suspense.
Horses: [start very slowly crossing the bridge]
Jing: [wrestling with the reins and the wind] W-well... seems okay... so far.
Black Horse: [hoof breaks through the planks]
Jing: Wooaaah! [falls right off the wagon and through the broken planks, saving himself only by grabbing on to the horse's tail. He looks down at the river far, far below] Phew.
Porvora: [bristling and shaking]
Jing!! The porvoras are on the verge of exploding... they can't take much more of this!!!
Porvora: [still bristling and red-eyed; the older child is holding the bars of the cage and watching Izarra]
Izarra: [walking slowly towards them on the bridge, but a short distance away, her foot breaks through the planks] AAAAAAAH! [flailing for balance] AAAAH-- AAAAAAAH!
Child Porvora: [as the wagon tilts towards Izarra and the broken planks, the cage bars suddenly break and he pitches forward] !?!?
Jing and Kir: [HOSHI--]
Izarra: [ALSO HOSHI--]
Other Porvora: [reach out to try and grab the child, but miss]
Child Porvora: [still reaching out to them as he falls through the planks into the canyon below]
[and the entire canyon lights up with an explosion]
Izarra: [clinging to the rope railing of the bridge as it pitches wildly] KYAAH!!
[one of the anchoring posts at the far end of the bridge rips loose, and the horses desperately try to stay on the planks]
Porvora: [spiky-bristled and spiral-eyed, looking seconds away from explosion]
Kir: [hunkering down in the bottom of the wagon as it starts raining] ! Jing... we can't hold out much longer. One more rail and we're yesterday's mercenaries!!
Jing: May I borrow that smart mouth for a bit, Kir? [suddenly stuffs a globular ball of water in Kir's mouth]
Kir: Gh--
Jing: [climbs up on the edge of the wagon and aims downwards] KIR ROYALE!!!
[the water globe shoots downwards and starts gathering water from the rain. the rest of the bridge planks collapse]
Jing: [watching the globe intently]
Kir: J-J-Jing, we're faalllliing!! [THUD] ? Uhn? [looks down to see a giant water ball that the horses and wagons are standing on. has a holy cow moment] That water ball grew...
Horses: [press their heads together and look relieved]
Izarra: [hanging with both hands from a single creaking rope on the deteriorating bridge, but looks up when she sees a fuzzy hand extended to her]
Father Porvora: [reaching out to Izarra from the wagon]
Kir: [pointing a 'finger' accusingly] Hey-- that's the little lady who killed your kid!!!
Izarra: [takes the hand] You... [and starts crying as she's pulled up] ...you...
Kir: [as the sun starts shining through the rain clouds] Look, I hate to break up this touching moment, but if we don't get up this cliff soon, that ball's gonna be washed away in next spring's rain!
Well... we've come this far. Might as well cross the rest of the Milky Way.
[black divider page with a negative image of the goat man]
Fake is fake, after all...
It's true. I think about my dead daughter too much.
Once, my eyes and hands remembered her so well
I made a life-sized clay statue of her.
Yep... I tried. But...
In the end, it sank...
into the lava rapids...
Melted away just like that.
I guess a cluster of gongs is still just noise after all...
Empty noise... is no substitute for what's real in the world.
Still, it's been hard to tell the difference sometimes.
That's why I've been living here like this...
Now? Now I'm content.
In fact, I'm quite happy. Because no matter what,
I'll be meeting that girl again real soon...
(Recollections of an old Europa man, living in a shack
on the outskirts of Jupiter)
Jing: [pointing to a region called Venus on a map] All right... we've made it this far. See?
Kir: [looking at it] Isn't that just about halfway...?
Jing: [putting a hand to his chin] Yeah, but... at this rate, it'll take us three or four more days.
Izarra: Half-full or half-empty... it's still just halfway! [Jing looks over to where she's sitting on a rock, checking her gun] The Venus Source... A scorching hell where the ground eddies magma and hot winds expose men's intestines!! That's the country we have to cross...
Kir: [spazzing, jerks a 'thumb' at the wagon] Uh-- Izarra? Remember, Class-A dangerous cargo we're carrying here.
Izarra: Darn right we are... and by exposing them to the magma's extreme temperatures... [snaps the cartridge into her gun] ...we'll have a front-row view of the world's most spectacular family suicide!
Kir: [spaz spaz spaz. Jing just looks at him] J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-Jing!! Can we go back?? Just this once-- let's go back!! 'Kay?!!!
Izarra: [stands up and puts her hands in her pockets] Probably wise. This is no job for amateurs.
Jing: [looking at some round, padded-looking cacti on thin stalks] These should hold off any explosions for a while! [and ta-da, porvora padded in puffy cactus. Jing squeezes water out of a spare cactus] My own creation... a simple cooling device, made from convenient cacti! [gets stabbed in the hand by a needle] Yow!
Izarra: [hmphs] I didn't come to play dress up!! [shoots the spare cactus]
VENUS - Karate-Kickman's Home Ground
This magma's alive. It was formed long ago when scientists melted down a special metal called shape memory alloy.
Ice bullets-- they're for quelling the magma. Shaved 'em off a glacier in Pluto, not far from here.
[swords, axes, ninja stars, and padlocks of magma start flying towards them]
Izarra: [shoots the ones on her side]
Jing: [slices a spiked mace ball in half]
[but more stuff keeps coming -- bottles, pliers, arrows, pails]
Izarra: [shoots them all then turns and shoots over Jing's head to get the last one]
Jing: [sees a saw coming at Izarra from behind] Oh!!!
Izarra: [shoots backwards over her shoulder without looking and hits it dead on, then spins the gun around her finger]
Jing and Kir: Oooh. [applaud as she flips the gun back into its holster]
Izarra: ! [looks up at the wagon as lava sounds come from inside -- and BLAM BLAM BLAM]
Porvora: [cowering as the magma objects go up in steam above their heads. The cactus padding is starting to wilt]
Izarra: [tosses the gun over her shoulder from behind her back and smiles smugly as it lands in the holster again]
Jing: [sweatdropping now as he claps] Yes, yes, very good...
Kir: [eyes the lava] Wait a sec... [and hey, floating face of a pretty girl in the magma. he predictably lunges forward with hearts in his eyes] WOW!
Girl: [suddenly changes into a demonic-looking hag, complete with fangs as it hisses at him]
Kir: [LKAHFALSKFHALSKFHALSKFH]
N-not... s-scared...
[the horses huddle together in the middle of the path in an attempt to get away from the snakes]
Kir: [has a couple of round paper fans and is desperately fanning the spiral-eyed porvora inside the wagon]
Izarra: [firing continuously at the snakes -- BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM chk chk chk] !!! [ohshi out of bullets]
Jing: Izarra!!!!!!
Izarra: [flinches back and starts sweating as one of the snake heads looms in front of her, and then morphs into a female head with snakes for hair] Ah... uh... oh... [the face leers and starts melting in front of her] !!! [panicked, she jumps past Jing onto the white horse and takes off galloping]
Black Horse: [breaks out of the wagon harness and chases after them] Wait for meee!
Kir: IZAAARA!
Jing: [is desperately trying to shield the porvora in the now topless wagon with his own body]
Father Porvora: [hops out of the wagon]
Jing: !
Mother Porvora: [hops out after him]
Jing: Wait!!
Porvoras: [and they run a fair distance away down the rock path]
Jing: [standing there with the last baby porvora, what are they doing?] ...
Father Porvora: [with the mother porvora clinging to him, lifts a hand to wave good-bye]
Jing: No!! The porvoras!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Father Porvora: [dips his tail in the lava]
[KABOOOOOOOOOOOM]
The aftermath.
Jing: [solemnly holding the baby porvora] Remember this day... as your mother and father's final moments.
Baby Porvora: [just... stares]
Kir: [perched on a rock] Jing!! How're we supposed to cross a sea of magma holding this bomb-child?!! It's not like we have a wagon, or a horse!!
Jing: [smirks and stands] A horse... of course, of course!! [he walks over to the wagon's hitching posts... and makes a couple of high stilts out of them and the other wagon remains, with the baby porvora clinging to his back] Ho! Ho! Ho!
Kir: [flying next to him] No one would call stilts a horse, of course! Just go to the source and ask a horse!! Do you plan on losing your life over a dumb joke?!!
Jing: Cool and refreshing up here... and the view is out of this world!! [starts slowly walking through the magma -- but it starts throwing shapes at him again] !!! [dodges a sword and some ninja stars... and a hammer, mace, cross, boot, axe, daruma... and he has to jerk back as an arrow zings by his face] Hooah! [and that sets him off-balance] whooo... ...Oops.
[luckily, a rock is nearby for him to kick off of, which he does] There. [glances over his shoulder at the porvora, who's spiral-eyed again] Is it just me, or is it hot in here? Fan, Kir! Fan!
Kir: [desperately fans the porvora!]
Jing: [keeps walking... until he slips again] Waah! [the porvora is sweating and spiral-eyed. Jing struggles his way back up and avoids a gauntleted fist] Grrr!! [and keeps going through the magma, which is now throwing blocks at him]
[some time later, a black crescent of moon has risen]
Jing: [struggling on with Kir flying in front of him, tridents and swords and telescopes being thrown at them] My best... Gotta do... my best. Mustn't die... absolutely... must not...
Child Porvora: [still clinging to Jing's back, is watching him with wide eyes]
Kir: ! [looks back at Jing and points ahead] HEY JING!! Land ho!! [flies off ahead] Yess-- There it is! Just a little bit longer!! Ho ho ho!
Jing: ? [looks back over his shoulder at the porvora, who's started shaking. He sweats somewhat nervously as he looks back ahead] Then again... that's where the enemy expects us to go, isn't it?
Kir: [stops and looks at him] Heh??! [and all of the sudden a giant mountain of lava surges up in front of them] AAAIIIEEE!
Come get a piece of this, snake-breath!
Aren't you the hottie. For you... a token of my affection.
EEEEEEK!
Jing: [triumphantly steps up on the back of the frozen hydra, holding the porvora] Well! That wasn't so bad, was it? C'mon... let's get dressed for sunbathing in Sungria!!!!
Kir: [trailing along behind with one foot chained to a giant ball that says 'FOR MODEL PRISONER] H-hey... S-sun-bathing?!
The Goddess of Sungria.
The rest of the porvora family is dead, you say?
(Font is hard to read, so transcribing the page anyway:)
Miner: What?! The rest of the porvora family is dead, you say? [points at the baby porvora] Kiddo, this runt couldn't even blow a corn off your foot!
Jing: Mmm... Corn would be good right about now. And I'll bet combusted corn would be even better... The kernels are nice when they're a bit charred.
Kir: Yeah, let's eat before I get so skinny I floooaaat away. I'm not even flapping my wings, y'know.
Miner: Heh!! Fine. If it's food you want, there's a joint inside the mining facility. Eat whatever kernels ya can find!!
Jing: Do they allow porvoras too? He'll be more valuable if we fatten him up a little.
Miner: Suit yourselves!!! Sheesh.
The Sungrian mines on the inside.
Jing: [watches solemnly as more explosions go off further in the mines. The baby porvora is shaking on his back and Kir looks a little incensed]
Miner: [digs through the rock slag and triumphantly holds up a glowing stone]
Kir: [looks back at the mining pits as they reach the food joint] I don't like seeing my kin overworked like this. [grits his teeth]
Jing: [looks over his shoulder at him] Yeah? Stick around and you might get to join 'em.
[next panel, they're at a table piled high with bones and dirty dishes. The porvora tries to get some last food out of a bowl with a spoon, covered in food himself, and Kir's pretty much a huge round, black ball reclining on the table]
Kir: Wheeeeeeeeeew.
Bulky miner: [playing a chess game with a friend at the table next to Jing] So Goblet's woman is pretty fine, eh?
Skinny miner: So I've heard. As I understand it, she fixed up the place that collapsed by the roadside... [picks up a piece] ...so Padre Goblet fell in love with her and brought her back to his mansion. [makes his move. Jing's reclined in the background, apparently not listening] Now it's like she's the queen of Baobab Manor or somethin'.
Goblet's mansion: Baobob Manor.
Izarra: [standing under a tall, glass, inverted dome that's filled with steam, acting as a shower. She steps out and wraps a towel around herself, then goes over to a night table that holds some tea items, cartridges, and her gun. She picks the gun up] Long time ago, Papa gave me a good scolding for scribbling on this gun. [she looks at the handle where it reads 'I LoVe DADdY XxX' in a childish script. She smiles] But now, I can do whatever I want with it.
[her smile fades into a serious look] Finally, the time has come. I'm gonna kill him, Papa. [she sits down on the bed, looking at the gun]
Kir: [peeping through a ceiling tile with eyes wide as dinner plates]
Jing: [further back inside the ceiling, hand to his chin in a thoughtful expression while the baby porvora plays with a spider that's hanging down] So... the gun's a keepsake, eh? It did seem too big for a lady like her.
Kir: [still looking] Violent yet beautiful, like I said.
Jing: [turns to leave, the porvora on his back holding the spider] Well... shall we, Kir?! Kir...?
Kir: [tail wagging, still looking]
Jing: [grabs him by the bandanna] C'mon, peeping tom-- hungry eyes won't pay the bills!
Kir: [holding on with his toes] Ezaaraaahhh-- [tries to make his way back to the opening] Zzhhh-- [and slam, there goes the tile back in place]
Izarra: [looks up confused at the noise] ?
Kir: [dragged off down the ceiling, a mallet left behind in the spot where they were]
[Jing's shadow and hand is seen pressing on a sign that reads 'GOBLET LIBRARYs: don't touch the exhibits']
Goblet's library.
Jing... I like humans. Especially human females, don't get me wrong. But some of your human nonsense I'll never get. For example... what're we doing in a room full of books?!
Guard: [grinning evilly at them from behind] Couldn't agree more, mate.
Jing: [well crap. Kir's freaking out as well]
Guard: [lifts the upside-down man around his neck to his mouth; a tag attached to it reads 'whistle'] Now donnn't move. I'm gonna call my comrades, orright?
Jing: [smirking] Fine by us... but I'm afraid you'll have to call a mortician too. [and it's revealed he's got Kir fused to his arm... and the bird has quite the manic grin on his face] Oh, you'll have to forgive my colleague. He's starving for blood today.
Kir: Ho! Ho! Hum!
Guard: [drops his mace and puts his hands up]
Jing: In fact, he's been pretty excitable ever since he saw that luscious young woman a few minutes ago.
Kir: [wide-eyed, grinning, and now drooling a bit]
Jing: So I can't guarantee he won't... go off... without my say-so.
Kir: [...yeah, just a big zoom-in of his Scary Face]
Guard: UWAAH! [without really looking, he grabs a nearby pole of some sort and comes at Jing, ready to swing it at his head] YAAAAHHHH!!
Jing: [just points up at a spot behind the guard]
Guard: ? [looks up... and oh, looks like that pole was holding up a precariously balancing pile of books. Which promptly collapse on him]
Jing: [walks over the pile, arms folded] Start readin' now, chief. There will be a quiz.
Kir: [still making the crazy face; he feels it with his wings] Uh, Jing? You know how they warn you not to make faces or it'll stay that way?
Jing: !! [turns as the door of the library opens and a shadow looms in the doorway] Oh, great. We've got more company, Kir. Guess we'll have to start from scratch!!
Kid: But what about my face?
[elsewhere in the mansion, a dinner of eel and wine sits on a table]
Why is this eel full of bones?!!
[the doors to the room slam open]
Old Man: Señor Goblet! There's an intruder in the library stacks!! [gets a face full of wine]
Goblet: [still holding his empty wine glass] What?! Have they stolen anything-- anything?!?!
Old Man: [kneeling on one knee, wine dripping from his face] N... Nothing... s-so far!!
Goblet: [stands and points, yelling at him] Arrest them!! And then throw yourself into the nearest crater, you miserable worm!!!
Izarra: [watches as Goblet shakes a fist, livid with rage. she discreetly replaces her gun in the garter on her leg and grits her teeth]
[back at the grub house]
Kir: Uh, Jing? Aside from causing a commotion, did we accomplish anything back there? Like, y'know, bringing back clues? [points to his face, which is still frozen in the maniacal grin] I accomplished a brand new face, at least.
Jing: [playing chess with the porvora] Now, now, Kir. Don't worry. I think we might catch the information bug sometime during this game. [the porvora moves a piece] Oh. Nice mooooove.
Kir: Uh--whaaat?
Bulky Miner: [comes in with the skinny miner, and starts talking to the bookish miner who's sitting at a table with his book] HEY! Didja hear?! A thief broke into Baobab Manor!
Jing: [stares at the porvora, who fell face-first onto the chess board in surprise]
Bulky Miner: [still yelling] Doesn't look like anything was stolen, but apparently that bastard Goblet's panicking like nobody's bidness!!!!! Hey, you!! Didja hear!?!
Bookish Miner: [twitches and his eyes bug out] Shut up, will ya? I'm much more interested in the master criminal of this book than some amateur thief who can't even steal!!!
Jing: [smiling cheerfully] Ah! Well, if you're really interested in that book, the criminal in question is actually the hero's father...
Bookish Miner: [grits his teeth, a small tear appears in the spine of the book... and then he rips the entire thing in half] NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Jing: [leaves the joint with the porvora on his back, grinning as the bookish miner swears and throws around pages inside]
Bulky Miner: Calm down... Hey... it's gonna be okay!
Bookish Miner: [sitting down and staring teary-eyed at the tabletop, when a single page of paper floats down and lands between the three of them. It reads:]
I'm gonna steal the
sun by dawn.
- The King of Bandits
Kir: [following Jing across the rocky desert at night; his face is finally back to normal] Jing... How'd you know what was in that book without ever reading it?
Jing: Oh... A little bug told me. [holds up one finger with a large bee sitting on it] This spelling bee, to be exact.
Kir: ! [stares at it]
Queen Bee: ♥ ♥ ♥ [has a little crown on, and the stripes on her abdomen are comprised of words]
Jing: Information is her favorite meal... especially the kind in books and newspapers. And she's about to put on a bit of weight.
Kir: Well, I guess that answers my question... Waaait a minute...
Jing: [smirks] That's right, Kir. You're gonna plant one of these babies' eggs in those library stacks!!
[next panel shows a number of thick books with little larva chewing holes through them... then bigger holes... then cocoons... ]
And suddenly we have spelling bees!
[the bees explode out of the library window, shattering the glass. Goblet stares in shock from his wide balcony windows a few floors above]
Goblet: Wha--! What's this?! I-it can't be! Termites?! What a foooool I've beeeen!
Jing: [standing a distance away when the bees come to swarm around him; the porvora is in his arms and pawing at the bees] Aaalll right!
Bees: [start talking in all kinds of languages while Jing stands and listens]
Narrator: Afterwards, the queen bee's daughters recounted to Jing the fantastic tale of their library adventure. Its moral?
Jing: [lifts the porvora up and smiles at it] You, too, will live to do what you were born to do! [the Queen Bee kisses Jing on the cheek from her perch on his shoulder]
"Gonna steal the Sun", is he?
Goblet: [stands over a large ball] But, my greatest, final desire... is the solar rock! [he tosses it up into the air with one hand, then bounces it off his head] It's eluded me for countless decades... the hardest nut to crack... [bounces it off his butt] ...so once we sneak up beside that pilfering punk... we'll... [kicks it up into the air with one foot, then jumps on his desk and grabs the ball in both hands] Kuuuuuuh! [squeezes] Grrr... [and it pops] King of Bandits-- hah!!! [kicks the heist note off his desk]
Izarra: [watches the paper as it flutters down, then catches it and gives it a read] That child fugitive again... he kicked up such a fuss when I left him splashing in that magma bath... but I won't let him stand in the way of my revenge. [crumples the paper in her fist] I don't know how many countries you've wormed your way into, kid... [adds silently to herself] ...but I've passed through countless countries of tears.
[next we see the brush end of a broom bobbing through the air -- which is being carried by Jing, who's jogging along while pulling a little wheeled cart behind him. A barrel of water is strapped into it, which the porvora is floating in with a ladybug sitting on its tummy]
Jing: [screeches to a halt] This is the place.
Kir: Uh, Jing... there's nothing here!!
Jing: [lowers the broom] The most precious things aren't always visible to the naked eye, Kir!!
Kir: [rolls eyes] So now he's a philosopher?
Jing: [starts digging with his bare hands while the porvora watches from the rim of the barrel. The hole gets bigger, and things start flying out -- a robot, a watch, a miniature blimp...]
All right! Here we are... this is it.
Goblet: [walks to the edge of the hole] Ho! I'm placing you under citizen's arrest for the destruction of the environment, boy! Putting such a big hole in the surface of our precious earth.
Jing: [still hanging from the giant's hand] Then they should take you away for air pollution with your stinky alcohol breath.
Goblet: [annoyed smile] Harrumph. Mutter any insults you want, as long as you're willing to repeat them before your Mother Earth!!
Voice: GOBLET!!!
[and there's Izarra, standing in black pants and a jacket, pointing her gun at Goblet and looking deadly serious]
Goblet: [looks confused and wary] Oh... Izarra! Play-acting in a cowboy movie, are we? Huh...?
Izarra: [doesn't lower her gun] Señor Goblet... I've never told you my full name. I am Izarra Tumbler!!! The daughter of Chartreuse Tumbler. You remember him, don't you? The old business rival you had killed!!
Goblet: Oh... [starts sweating] Then, that was you... [flashback of a younger Goblet holding a gun and smirking at the bloody, fallen form of wealthy-looking old businessman... and a little blonde girl with curly hair crying her eyes out over the body. Present-time Goblet looks appropriately terrified] ...
Izarra: See what a wild rose I am?!! Now feel my thorns!! [fires the gun]
Goblet: [flinches]
Izarra: [stands in the clearing cloud of gunsmoke as Goblet falls, then sees something that shocks her]
Jing: [standing in front of a spiral-eyed Goblet, teeth grit, one fist clenched around something smoking -- it looks like he caught the bullet]
Izarra: J... Jing! Y...you...
Jing: A man like this... [frowns at looks at Goblet] ...I don't care if he dies. But I can't let the porvora die. [the porvora is watching wide-eyed from behind Goblet's arms] I never got a formal request from its mother and father... [Jing's arms are shaking now, as if he's having trouble standing] ...but I'm gonna protect this child. I'm gonna make sure it gets the nice, long life... [drops to his knees] ...they wanted it to have!!
Izarra: [starts forward] Jing!!
Jing: [sits up] Juuuuust kidding!! [holds up a rock that he'd kept hidden in his hand -- one with a bullet embedded in it]
Kir: [smirking] As if Jing would take some petty bullet from an old-fashioned gun!! He could've seen that sucker coming from a mile away!!
Goblet: [still pretty out of it] Da da da da da dah--
Izarra: [wide-eyed, drops to the ground as her legs give out from shock] Haah! Aaaah-hhhh--!!
Kir: [takes the gun from Izarra and holds it up to Goblet's head, his bandanna over his beak like an old-fashioned bandit] Awright, Jing, let's finish this quickly!! If you don't shoot him, I will!
Jing: [approaches the stone funnel with a serious look on his face, then reaches into the glowing interior]
I don't care, I don't care! Take that puny thing, if you like!
He said it was big.
[the solar rock lifts into the sky, rock and sand showering down behind it, and... Baobab Manor broken up into pieces. The shadows of Goblet's sons can be seen making a run for it. Goblet just stares, pale and mouth hanging open]
Goblet: Th... that...
Jing: [holding the smaller stone in two fingers and grinning] Oh yes, that. This puny solar rock, as you call it, was merely a switch to awaken the giant.
Giant: [grins suddenly and swings around to aim one massive gun-barreled finger at Jing]
Jing: [quickly fuses with Kir and spins to meet it, Kir's head right up the barrel of the finger] Hey, you wanna try me? Little game of paper, scissors, rock... to the death?
Giant: WOOOOOOOOO!
[BAOOM]
Giant: [reels back, the barrel of his finger split and peeled back from the explosion] AAAAARGHHH..
Jing: [smirks]
Kir: [covered in smoke but making his scary face again] Ho! Ho! Hum!
Goblet: [is still sitting there stunned out of his senses, and has finally dropped the porvora, who's crawling away]
Giant: [something loops around him from behind] !! [has a harness of rope around his shoulders, and is now getting pulled backwards by Jing] Aahhh...
Jing: [has the giant's massive bow and arrow and yanks on the rope, tying it to the arrow. Kir grabs the arrow fletching in his teeth so Jing can draw the bow] One more shot please, Kir!! [--and they shoot the arrow at the solar rock. It hits, anchors, and the rope starts running taut]
Peh. Idiot.
Jing: [grins] Izarra... will you be his mommy?
Izarra: But... I...
Jing: I know. But someone's gotta do it. [wry smile. Izarra looks down at the porvora with a sad expression] You understand, dontcha?
Izarra: Oh... [looks up again] Jing!!!
Jing: [standing on the giant's stomach as he lifts off the ground, with Kir next to him] Please take care of him!! I'm countin' on you! [smirks as they lift higher and holds onto the rope with one hand, flashing the peace sign with the other]
Izarra: [watches them leave] I won't forget this. I'm not going to forget... you, Jing. [tears are streaming down her face] Why...? I shouldn't be sad, but... This is... the first time... I've ever... cried like this.
The Land of Tears is a strange country indeed... isn't it, Izarra?
