fanfic: crossroad

[hiroya_chan]

something i worked on over about 4 hours. it's d18, one of my favourite pairings. though yamahiba is technically my OTP, i haven't thought of any decent storyline for a 8018 fic yet.

this fic is situated slightly before the future arc, when the milliefore and vongola are fighting.

Title: Crossroad
Author: Hiroya-chan
Rating: PG13 (non-graphic smut)

Comments

[agapetus]

Aw, that was sweet. :D

When I was watching the anime though, I saw a part where Byakuran mentioned Dino... so I was under the impression that Dino changed sides or something...

[hiroya_chan]

Hahax,I myself am not very familiar with the future arc yet so I was kinda worried that I got Dino doing the wrong things, but I figured that if Dino was involved, he'd probably be on Tsuna's side.

I'm glad you liked it. X) My writing is more than albeit rusty. I haven't written a fic in a long, long, long time.

[tosshi]

That... was awesome. I don't know how else to put it. There was a place or two with redundant wording, but it's easily looked past because the fic itself is just plain amazing. ♥ Lovin' the way you characterised both of them-- particularly Hibari, of course.

[hiroya_chan]

If it doesn't trouble you so much, I'd like to hear which parts you think ere redundant wordings. (: It's not that I plan to object, but merely want to improve my writing but knowing what you think was necessary. I appreciate advice and constructive criticism.

Hibari's characterisation is always a pain for me. In the manga, he's always cold and distant, but I always sorta thought that he might just express himself a little more in a relationship. XD

[tosshi]

"He can easily break free from Dino’s grasp and send the other man plummeting to the ground in a matter of seconds, but he decides that he could give the Cavallone about half a minute more before he bites the other man to death anyway."

You used "the other man" twice in there, and it stuck out to me a bit. =3 That's the one I really noticed. Don't be too afraid to drop names or pronouns. It doesn't hurt to substitute but if you're going to, mix it up a bit because substitutions will stand out to epople more than names, when you repeat.

Also, yeah. I think his anime image song lends a bit of insight to the way Hibari thinks, but we don't really get anything else and some people consider the song OOC. I can't wait to get some revelations into his backstory or motivations, myself. @o@ Would make writing/RPing him much easier.

[hiroya_chan]

I'm sorry. This fic was poorly edited. A direct violation of the importing rule, 'A good writer always goes back to edit.' Though of course, sleepiness does not suffice as a good enough reason for the mistakes in this story.

Ohh, that part. :O I'll try to avoid repeated substitutions from now on.

Yesh, it's always frustrating to never get to know what Hibari is really thinking in that little head of his. XD The anime song was nicey~! Yesh, it's albeit OOC 'cause he really sounds albeit...more vulnerable than he is in the anime in the song. At least, to me.

One of the things I'm dying to know about him is his backstory. AHHHHHHHH~!!

[nekokurai]

That was truly intense! I especially enjoyed the last lines coming from Hibari.
Great job! Love it

[hiroya_chan]

Hahahax, thank you very muchies. X)

[dame_batsie]

Love it! I love D18 stories that aren't all sunshine and puppies at the end. :D

[hiroya_chan]

(:

Yesh, I'm a fan of angsty, sad endings, too. Especially when it involves Hibari. >D

[valhibmor]

this was really nice you really know how to write ^^ i specially loved hibari's parts i mean i also think that he would be a least a little more umm vulnerable in a realtionship xD oh and i also loved the ending! xD so sweet and angsty at the same time

[hiroya_chan]

:] I'm happy you found it to your liking. Thanks for commenting!